by Sia Wales
“Great,” he mumbles and takes a hit from his cigarette. He speaks in such a low tone than the noise of the engine covers his voice. I move closer to him.
“Can I give you a ride? A movie, the couch, rest…remember?”
He thinks about it and lets go of the handle.
“I’m sorry, I can’t.”
“Why?” I frown.
“Drake has discovered fresh tracks this morning. He’s sure that Adam has taken refuge at the border in the Vermont mountains to spy on our movements. He knows we’re hunting and looking for him and believes that he’ll be back. Noah and Jeremy have gone to help him.”
He hesitates for a moment and I think he’s hiding something. There must be another reason why he wants to be away.
“I’ll stay with you in the parking lot then I’ll get in the pickup and I’ll go back to Wolfeboro. Did I spoil your afternoon?” He asks with a sideway smile, still bitter. He goes around the car to the passenger’s side to get in.
“No, I had no plans. Anyway, I’m not a fan of modern zombies.” I say as he jumps in. “Did you go t the library?”
He puts his hand on his knee and holds it tight. He looks out the window.
“Yes, I’m just coming back from Boylston Street.” He sighs as he reaches over to hug me. I nestle against him as I ask him to tell me about it.
“I went to protect what is mine. Nothing else.” He says in a nervous and gloomy tone. He tightens his fist.
We keep staring at each other for a long time, silently. I rest back in my seat. If looks could speak. I turn on the engine and drive off.
“Was it just you and Donn?” He turns and leans out the open window letting the wind run through his hair.
“I think Graham from his family was also there,” he says, staring at me. His trepidation is reflected in my eyes. It is the hundredth time I hear people talking about the Council, and I still shiver.
“What did you talk about with them?” My words are unclear, my jaw is clenched. “I don’t want you to have anything to do with that family. I don’t understand how Donn could affect you in this way. You’re acting strange…”
“He was…open-minded,” Vuk interrupts. His arms are tense, his shoulder stiff. “He appeared to be very understanding about something I care a lot about. That I can’t do without. So we have arrived to an agreement.”
His tone is stern and leaves room for no further questions. He can’t relax for the rest of the drive. I am able to see the fist on his leg, the tense muscles under the pale skin, the tendons on the back of the hand. He can’t even relax those.
We approach our destination almost silently, when I hear a song on the radio, the same one he dedicated to me the night of Jamie’s party. Angel by Aerosmith. I want to change the station. It reminds me of things I can’t bear to remember at this moment. The memories envelope me and affect me dangerously, in an irreparable way. Turning the radio off would allow me to interact with Vuk in an easier way.
“May I?” I ask clumsily, leaning over the display.
He looks at me, notices my unease, and smiles.
“Sure, go ahead.”
I fuss with the buttons until I find a station that is playing something harmless. Vuk senses my anxiety as a new rock song fills the inside of the car. My head bops a little, out of sync with the music.
We’re back near the main entrance of the parking lot. In the near distance, I can see the first few buildings of campus. Then everything fades away, I can’t drive anymore and I let the car slowly drift to the side of the road. I fall back on the car seat, sick to the weakness I have been fighting since the history lecture. It’s worst than I thought and it strikes me with surprising intensity. I was right to keep it hidden from my classmates. No human can see me in this state.
Vuk says nothing while I cry and complain and I begin mumbling his name and crouch down in the seat. He reaches me within moments. The car door opens suddenly and he takes me in his arms.
At first I feel even worse. Every moment that goes by, there is a small part of me getting bigger and louder, that wishes to be in someone else’s arms. The guilt I feel intensifies the pain, but even this feeling runs its course and dies down.
Vuk takes me home in my car. He can barely keep his eyes on the road but the wheels stay firm and steady, about an inch away from the double line that divides the two-lane road. He holds the wheel with one hand, and my leg with the other. I curl up against his firm chest as he holds me tight. He doesn’t even try to get my old car to go over the speed limit. He is a good driver while he stays under it. He makes it seem effortless. One of his many good qualities.
At times he glances at the clouds along the horizon line and looks over to me, at my face full of tears, my messy hair flowing in the wind coming through the window. I can’t stop crying despite his presence. It is because of me that he feels he has to keep the agreement. What if someone gets hurt because of my weakness? I can’t even think about it. What if I were courageous and let him… No, not even. I can’t let him take chances. He parks on the driveway and takes my face in his hands.
“Stella, what’s wrong?”
The mask of a heartless werewolf has fallen away to reveal my Vuk, as I have always known him.
“If I said something I should not have earlier, please know that I was talking nonsense. Are you ok? Don’t cry, Stella,” he begs.
I try to keep my composure.
“I’ll stop now, not gonna cry anymore.”
“What did I say?”
“It’s not your fault. It’s just that, well, it’s me. And you did something you shouldn’t have.” He keeps staring at me, wide-eyed and confused.
“Please, don’t fight at the ceremony.”
“Stella, I mean… are we still talking about the cage?”
“I will never consent to it.”
“No one asked you to.”
“How can I convince you to stay away from it, to withdraw?”
“Do you know something I don’t?”
“I don’t think so. I thought you would think about it.”
“Do you think something is going to go wrong?”
“I can’t let you go, Vuk. If you didn’t come back…” I shiver at the thought. “If anyone hurt you, it would just be my fault, even if you tried to convince me otherwise. I would feel so guilty.”
“I can’t believe you would think you can convince me. I’d love to see you win that battle.”
Vuk remains silent for a moment. I see the mask reappear.
“I’m sure you would.”
Before I can apologize for this last dig, he continues.
“Even Donn could not convince me,” he continues, on the defensive. “For one reason only. You know how much I care about you, how important you are to me. If anything happened to you in my absence I would go crazy. The guilt would kill me.”
“No, why would it?” I ask.
“Don’t try it. You know you mean too much to me. The feelings I have for you have not changed and every day they get stronger.”
“Would you give this feeling up if I begged you to?”
“Careful what you ask for!” He says jokingly, but he means it. “Nothing is more important than your safety, Stella.”
I shrug without giving any emotion away.
“Are you sure? I’m asking because if there is something at stake here, it’s your life. I thought you were the one who’s feeling guilty, and I the one who forgives. Give it up.”
Vuk gets my subtle hint to the full moon and frowns. I can’t hold back a melancholic laugh and shake my head, disapproving.
“Is it really hard to withdraw? What if I begged you? If I freed you from the bond that binds you to me?”
“No!” He barks at me. “You can’t do anything about it, even if I’m tempted to have what I want most.” He stares ahead at the gray clouds in front of him.
“What would that be, freedom?”
“No. You.”
His eyes are staring
intensely at mine. I bite my lip, looking for something to say. He sees it and smiles. He stares at me for a little while his breath slows down.
“Don’t be a smart ass, Vuk.” The anxious tone of my voice lights up his smile. We look at each other.
“Ah, I make you nervous, little girl.” His lips reveal a triumphant smile.
“Nervousness and irritation are two different things.” The sudden wave of embarrassment distorts my face.
“You’re in a bad mood today.” He’s no longer having fun. He’s looking at me in a surly way. I return the grim look.
“I wonder why. One has to evaluate every consequence of one’s decisions.”
“I have,” he sighs, bitterly. “And you? Are you not tired of lying to yourself?”
“Don’t expect me to be,” I frown. “I know exactly what I want.”
“But you realize that you mean something to me. That’s a fact.”
I know exactly what he means. After all, I cannot mark clear boundaries. I like being with him. We have a great time.
“How could I possibly not mean anything to you? You’re a cumbersome and worrisome werewolf.”
“Don’t worry, little girl,” Vuk laughs. “Everything will turn out ok.”
“Ok, but I’m afraid that you are willing to do anything just to continue lying to yourself. I will die of anxiety during the ceremony. You’re my best friend, Vuk. At least when you lower your guard.”
“When it gets down to it, I am the same guy I always was. Even when I don’t behave like I should, it’s still me.” He curls his soft lips. The truth is clear to both of us, crystal clear in his green eyes. He laughs with me but his look betrays sadness.
“I know. Why do you think I keep listening to this nonsense?” I open the car door to leave. He bursts into laughing, pleasantly surprised. He jumps out of the car and reaches out to me. In front of the stairs, he turns to me.
“Since we’re on schedule, can I invite myself to lunch?”
“For sure! There are two hamburgers ready to be warmed up in the microwave.”
“Perfect.” He caresses my cheek with his pale fingers, as I stare at the purple circles around his emerald eyes. We cross the veranda and go in the house. We eat lunch at the table, sitting next to each other as usual, like we do at the cafeteria at school. In a way it feels like we’re back in time, when Vuk used to sleep in the back of the bar and would come see me at Jeff’s.
“Are you sure you don’t want to see The Call of the Wild? He asks during lunch, after devouring the hamburger and half a dozen scrambled eggs. It’s the movie we used to watch together the most.
“Let’s watch something else,” I suggest.
“What would you like to see?” He smiles.
“The Tale of the Walking Dead…I’m in the mood for action.”
“You just want to see blood and guts, rather.” Vuk gets up and I notice he’s probably thinking I must be crazy. I put the dishes in the sink.
“Is there anything else you’d like to see?” I ask. I did promise a wide variety of choices in movies. “Do you want to see Dances with Wolves?”
“Nah, same ol’ story,” he frowns.
He takes a bag of popcorn from the cupboard above the stove and hands it to me. I take a handful as I curl up with him on the couch. The movie is exactly what I expected. The opening credits are not even over, and already corpses are chasing after the few living left on earth.
Vuk is stiff and appears to be absent. He’s staring at the screen without looking at it, deep in thought. I observe him carefully, full of questions. Before I can tap him on the shoulder to ask, he’s back. I sense that something is bothering him, and I can imagine what.
“Is this movie too dumb for you? You haven’t even watched a minute of it.”
His green eyes glisten.
“I’m just waiting for the zombies to eat someone. I thought you wanted to watch an action movie”.
“This is it.”
“So far it seems like a comedy.”
“You’re right. It’s fictitious. But sooner or later something is going to happen.”
The rest of the movie is a succession of bloody zombie attacks framed by the screams of the few human survivors, who are diminishing quickly by the dozen. Vuk doesn’t seem to be interested in the movie anyway.
While I suffer through it, staring at the action on the screen, he studies the outlines of the characters and the set props they use. After the last victim loses its head, Vuk sits up and starts laughing. He lets out another laugh when a couple of zombies get blown up, spurting blood everywhere against a wall of trees in the distance. From this moment on he seems to enjoy the show, continuing to laugh with me at every fake scene. I also became a zombie a few weeks ago. I make an effort not to think about the irony of it. When I was little I would dream about becoming a creature of myth or of fairytales, but certainly never a walking zombie.
“Movie is over, already.” I complain disappointed, when I see the final credits scroll. I’m sitting on the floor, a couple of yards away from the screen. The ending was exciting enough, but my complaint was addressed to Vuk. I don’t want him to go. I turn around and turn off the TV. I didn’t realize he has fallen asleep.
With the sound off, I can hear him snoring. He wakes up immediately for the sudden silence that fills the room, interrupting the rhythmic sound of his snoring that seemed like a lullaby. He slowly opens his eyes, and I let him meet mine. I see a strange glance emerge.
“I think I really have to go,” he says, absently. He raises his head from the armrest and stands up. He yawns sleepily.
“You’re leaving, already?” I assess the situation with care, while I continue sitting on the floor to gain some time. Maybe he wants to be alone.
“Yes, I’d better go,” he says though that familiar smile that has already faded by the time it reaches his cheekbones and emerald eyes.
“Are you sure?” I ask, frowning.
“It’s time to get home.” He sighs. I walk him to the door. Who knows how long it’s been since he slept. He seems exhausted.
I offer to let him take my car or to take him back to the parking lot where he left his pickup, but he won’t hear of it. Sometimes, he’s the hardest to convince. I walk out to the veranda.
“Will you call me, as soon as you get home?” I ask, anxiously. Vuk just smiles at me and turns to leave. As I look upon him, he crosses the yard taking long and fast steps.
“See you tomorrow!” I yell behind him as soon as he runs into the woods toward Boston. “Rest!” I add loudly after the darkness that outlines the woods has already swallowed him.
I stare at the nightfall and the empty street, with my stomach upside down and a vague nausea that has nothing to do with my physical condition. I go back in the house and sit next to the stove to study, ready to start biting my nails while I read. I also need to prepare something to eat for Jeff, and wish I would have insisted on keeping Vuk here.
I lean against the kitchen counter, my fingers a few inches away from the phone. I think back at Vuk’s strange look as I tap my fingers on the counter. I want to be patient, and will wait until I see him tomorrow in class. Despite my commitment to not calling him, I end up doing so before he starts his work shift, just to make sure he’s ok. Restless, I put my jacket on and leave the house, slamming the door. I go to work a little earlier than usual, I’m too restless to stay home.
I get to The Pats, say hello to Scott, and go to work in the storage room. I look at the wall clock as the minutes tick by.
Five. Ten. Fifteen. Twenty.
Even if I drove, it would take an hour and forty-five minutes to reach Wolfeboro. But Vuk is faster than me. Since we said goodbye, two hours have passed. Finally, I call the Wolf residence at noon.
I dial the number from Scott’s office. I let it ring for a while. Maybe the guys are out hunting or guarding the border. Maybe I got the wrong number. I try again. At what seems like the hundredth ring, as I am about to hang up, D
rake answers the phone.
“Hello?” He seems cautious, as if expecting bad news.
“Hello, it’s me, Stella. Is Vuk home already? He left my house a couple of hours ago and I’m worried, he hasn’t called me back.”
He greets me without enthusiasm.
“He’s here,” he says, almost rudely.
“I asked him to call me. When he left he seemed a little strange. Can he not come to the phone?”
“No, not exactly. Do you want to leave a message?” he asks, now politely.
“Yes. If he needs anything please call me, and I can be there quickly.”
“No, no. Everything is all right here. Stay there,” replies Drake.
“Ok.”
“Goodbye, Stella.” He hangs up.
Click. A sound so abrupt. Icy.
“Goodbye.” I say to nobody.
For a few moments, I stand still with the phone in my hand, while a car’s light floods the narrow street behind the bar. It’s the Siberians rangers’ Jeep.
If Vuk does not come to school tomorrow, I’ll go find him and bring him some cheer. I know that somewhere I must have some to give to my friend. I sure hope that my plan can be carried out because of Drake’s abrupt and repeated no and his words, his tone. He sounded like he was threatening me to stay away from Wolfeboro or worse, from Vuk.
At least he got home. But I’m still worried.
I’m forced to continue acting with Scott, who sometimes can read me even better than Jeff. Only when he turns to his papers am I free to let my true mood surface and get rid of my fake smile.
I go back to the floor and find myself in the middle of a heated discussion between Tyler and a tall guy wearing a blue and red Patriots cap. I stop on the door and look at him. Seeing him from behind, he’s too hefty to be Locke. I look again from the side and see that it is him. He’s gotten bigger since I last saw him.
“I’m coming, too!” Locke spurts out. His voice is booming.
“No, stop it.” says Tyler. “You can’t. You’re not ready yet, I told you.”
“Please,” he says impatiently. “Let me be a part of the expedition. I want to come with you all to the border!”
