“Oh, sod off, you bloody beef curtain. I want nothing to do with you,” she bit out, shoving his arm so she could dart away, taking pleasure in his grimace of pain when she pushed on a sore spot.
Smiling, she turned to head back into the main fight area, pausing when she saw Seth coming to a stop at beginning of the hallway leading to the stalls.
“What the hell is going on here?” Seth boomed out.
“Absolutely nothing,” she replied with a smile as she went to him. “Zane was just admitting his defeat to you and leaving. You were amazing out there.”
“Thanks,” he replied absently, eyes narrowed and glaring at Zane.
“I’m talking to Amelia here,” Zane said stiffly. “You can go now.”
“Do you seriously not get it? You lost, Zane, and she doesn’t want you here. We all know who the better sh—man is here. You’re the one who needs to leave.”
Wide eyed, Amelia glanced between the two men who looked like they were on the verge of fighting again. A weird noise came from Zane, and her eyes narrowed on him, wondering what the hell that was. It kind of sounded like a hiss.
“You will never be better than me. You got lucky tonight, but you won’t be in the future.”
Seth rolled his eyes. “Oh, please. Accept your defeat. I know you’re butt hurt right now, but you’ll get over it. Go lick your wounds, literally. I’m sure it’s a taste you know well.”
Slapping a hand to her mouth, Amelia tried to stifle her giggle. Really, this wasn’t funny. They looked like they were about to go for another round. Zane stiffened further and took a step toward Seth, pausing when another voice intruded.
“Zane! Over here, now,” a man snapped out.
Glancing over, she saw another fighter, Kian, waiting at the mouth of a stall, glaring Zane’s way. Zane turned and marched to the stall without another word, leaving them in silence.
Seth walked forward and took her in his arms, leaning down and kissing her softly, then pulled back with a puzzled expression. “What the hell did you mean when you said beef curtain?”
Blushing, Amelia glanced down. “It’s a British phrase. I basically called him a pussy.”
Throwing his head back, Seth laughed, loud and long. When his laughter finally died down, his eyes were watery, and he reached up to wipe them. “That’s fucking brilliant, Amelia. I’ll have to remember that,” he said, still chuckling. “I’m sorry for that little scene. Zane doesn’t seem to know when to quit.”
“It’s okay. I think he got the hint after that,” she replied with a smile.
The other Rocky River fighters came in then, congratulating him on his win. Leaving them to it, she went to find Greg to collect the money they’d earned tonight, intent on giving the winners their purses. She found him in the entrance booth, counting their take for the night.
“Hey, Greg. How’d we do tonight?”
“Pretty good. Zane and Seth fighting each other drew a large crowd.”
“That’s great. More for the winners. I was coming to get the cash so I could pay the them.”
“I thought you’d say that. I divided it all up already. You sure you don’t want to keep any of it?” he asked, putting the money in a bag and handing it to her.
“I’m sure. Thanks, Greg.”
He nodded, and she turned to go find the first two winners of the night. He probably thought she was crazy for not keeping a take. But she didn’t need the money, especially after they found her uncle’s stash, so she saw no need to keep a cut like Jerry had. Besides, the fighters were the ones who truly earned it.
Walking back to the Rocky River fighters with Seth and Jax’s earnings, she tripped over a beer bottle and dropped the bag. Muttering, she leaned down to pick it up, pausing when the noise from the barn died down as more people left and she could hear what the fighters were talking about. She never intended to eavesdrop, but she couldn’t seem get her feet to move.
“You were in beast mode tonight,” Ian said.
“I did okay,” Seth replied humbly.
“You did fucking amazing,” Cammie insisted. “I heard what that dickhead was saying, and you didn’t let it get into your head. You kept your cool, and controlled your animal. I don’t know if he was taunting you during this fight, but I know he had to want to end Zane for talking about your mate like that. But you didn’t let the urge overpower you. You were so precise, so focused. I’m so damn proud of you, Seth.”
Seth cleared his throat, and just from that sound, she could tell he was uncomfortable with the praise. “I only did what any of you would have done. I couldn’t shift and tear him apart in front of humans, but I’ll admit, it was hard not to. My animal still wants to.”
Amelia was frozen, unable to move even a muscle as a dull roar in her ears drowned out anything else that was said. So it was true. Her uncle hadn’t been delirious. The Rocky River fighters really did have animals inside them. This was unbelievable, and the moment felt surreal. Testing it, she reached a hand up and pinched her arm hard, wincing at the resulting pain. Okay, so this was real. But despite almost expecting to learn eventually that it was true, it was still hard to take in.
She waited for her scientific mind to burst with questions, but it didn’t happen. All she could think about was how Seth could turn into an animal. The man she had so many strong feelings for wasn’t human. The man she thought she was falling in love with—
Falling in love with? Shit. Uncomfortable with the direction her thoughts were going in, and hating that she’d eavesdropped, Amelia shuffled her feet loudly in the dirt, and though Greg already left, she raised her voice and said, “Thanks, Greg. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”
The fighters went silent and, forcing a smile, she walked into view like she didn’t have a care in the world. “Hey guys! Seth and Jax, I have your winnings.”
Opening the bag, she reached in and withdrew each fighter’s cut, handed it over. Thanking her, Jax headed back to his stall to change, Ian following to do the same.
“We’d better get going,” Alex said, watching as Cammie stifled a yawn. “Cammie gets tired easily these days.”
Cammie began to protest, but a huge yawn broke free, stopping her. “I hate to admit it, but he’s right. We’ll see you guys later. Congratulations again, Seth. I really am proud of you,” she said, leaning up to kiss Seth on the cheek.
They watched in silence as Alex and Cammie left, Alex’s arm around her as she rested her head on his shoulder.
“Is Cammie sick or something?” Amelia asked in concern.
“She’ll be just fine in about seven months, give or take,” he replied, turning to face her. He took in the confusion on her face and smiled as he closed the distance between them, taking her hands in his. “She’s pregnant.”
“Ohhhhh,” she drawled. “I haven’t been around any pregnant women before, so I don’t recognize the signs. Wait, she was in the bar the other night. Should pregnant women be in bars?”
Reeling her in with a chuckle, he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her tight to his chest. “She wasn’t drinking, and smoking isn’t allowed in Cocky Pete’s anymore. It was no different than being at someone’s house while they had a few drinks.”
“Ahhh, I got it,” she replied, snuggling deeper into his arms.
They stood like that for a long moment, finally pulling apart when Ian and Jax approached, though Seth didn’t let go of her completely.
“We’re heading out now. You coming or staying?” Ian asked.
Seth looked at her, hesitating, so she said, “I can take you home later, if you’d like to stay with me. I have leftover lasagna, and we never did get to those cookies.”
“I ate earlier, but there’s no way I can pass up those cookies another night,” Seth replied with a twinkle in his eye. The fighters said their goodbyes, and Seth hesitated. “There’s something I need to do, but I shouldn’t take long. Why don’t you head to the house? I’ll join you soon.”
“Okay,” she said soft
ly. “Be careful. I wouldn’t put it past Zane to jump you when you’re not looking,” she said jokingly, but really, from the look in Zane’s eyes after the fight, she wouldn’t be surprised if he did it.
“I’ll keep an eye out,” he assured her, leaning down to give her a long kiss before pulling back.
“See you soon,” she said breathlessly, smiling when he winked at her.
Turning, she made her way out of the barn, her smile slowly fading, the guilt from eavesdropping swamping her and warring with her shock over finding out the truth. She felt confused and jumbled up inside, especially since learning that he was a shifter didn’t inspire what she thought it would. She decided last night that she was going to let her research go, even if they never slept together. The scientist in her had still longed to know, but the woman in her said this was wrong, all wrong.
And now that part of her, the scientist she’d spent so long cultivating, was shockingly quiet, leaving just the woman in her to react. But she didn’t know how. She was a scientist first and foremost, and a human with emotions second. A very distant second. But the emotional side of her became stronger with every passing moment since meeting Seth, and with it, came the awareness that by trying to get close to him just so she could learn their secrets, she was doing something very wrong.
She’d felt guilt for a couple days, but she hadn’t felt it strongly, or truly recognized it for what it was until last night. The bond she was developing with Seth, and the time spent with the other fighters, made her realize that shifters or not, regardless of whether they shared their bodies with animals, they were still also just humans. They weren’t research subjects, and shame filled her as she realized that’s just how she viewed and treated them in the beginning.
Letting herself in the house, she sighed as she kicked out of her boots and turned on the oven so she could warm the cookies. She had a feeling that even if her and Seth’s relationship went no further, if she never saw him again after tonight, the changes in her would stick. And she honestly wasn’t sure how she felt about that. She knew how to be a scientist, how to think logically and analytically. She didn’t know how to be a human who felt things.
Putting the cookies in the oven, she thought about how that’s what Seth needed. He deserved a woman who could give him her whole attention, not one whose sole focus was on her career. He deserved a woman who could love him, with her whole heart, not one who had never known love, and wouldn’t know how to show it, even if she felt it.
She shut the oven and then froze as she went over that last thought. Blowing out a breath, she plopped down on a stool at the island, slumping over with her head in her hands. Never had she thought about love and a man in the same sentence until tonight, but everything in her felt like the thought, combined with Seth’s name, was perfectly right.
This wasn’t love, not yet anyway, but she knew down to her bones it would be soon. And it scared her because she didn’t know how to love. She’d never received it, not from her father or anyone else, and she’d never felt it for someone else, either. And this wasn’t something she could learn from a textbook. It was something she could only learn by experiencing it, which was scary in itself. She didn’t embark on anything without the proper research first, but there was no researching this.
Going to her room, she took the letter out of the beside table and stared at it before going back to the kitchen. Her fingers trembled as she traced them over her name on the envelope. This letter gave her all the feels, and she thought that was really why she hadn’t opened it yet. She didn’t want to feel. But Seth was bringing out the emotions in her anyway, so she might as well rip herself wide open, and read the letter.
But maybe not until Seth was here. He was right about her needing some support while she read it. Something else she wasn’t used to. She was normally self-sufficient, and never needed help. But she needed him to brace her up when she read this. And she couldn’t help wondering what the hell was wrong with her, even as she knew the answer. Seth. Seth and love and feeling things. She’d never be the same.
A soft knock sounded on the door before it opened and Seth walked in. Amelia stood up as he closed it behind him, her breath catching as she took him in. He was so damned handsome. She thought maybe he spent the time since she left him running as his animal, because his dark brown hair was more tousled than it was when she left him, and as she walked closer, she saw a blade of grass stuck in it. His chocolate eyes warmed as he took her in, and he brought her in for a kiss before leaning back.
“It smells amazing in here.”
“Oh!” she replied, pulling away and hurrying to the oven to take the cookies out. “I put these in the oven to warm. Want one?”
He walked over and picked one up. Popping it into his mouth, he closed his eyes as he chewed, savoring it. “So good,” he mumbled around the bite.
Smiling in amusement, she asked, “Do you want something to wash it down with?”
“Do you have any milk?” he replied, opening his eyes. She cocked an eyebrow and he laughed. “What? A grown man can’t appreciate a cold glass of milk with his cookies?”
Smiling, she poured him a glass, watching in silence as he ate a few more cookies and drank the milk. When he was finished, he looked at the table where the letter sat, before turning back to her. “Did you read it?”
“Not yet. I was thinking about what you said, and I thought maybe you wouldn’t mind if I read it while you were here.”
“Of course not,” he said, eyes gentle. “Are you ready to do it now?”
Nodding, she took a deep breath and picked up the letter, willing her hands to stop trembling. She fumbled for a moment trying to get it open, but she finally managed. Pulling it out, she ran her eyes down the letter to the signature.
“It’s from my mum,” she said, glancing up into Seth’s soft brown eyes. He gave her a nod of encouragement, and she took another deep breath and looked at the letter again.
My Dearest Amelia,
If you’re reading this, the cancer won. I fought it as hard as I could, but I’ve known for a while that I would lose. I wish with all my heart that I could be there to watch you grow into the beautiful woman I know you’ll be one day. I wish I could see you go to prom, fall in love, get married. All the things we take for granted, I wish I could be there for. I wish I could be there to give you all the bits of wisdom that my own mother passed down to me. But since I can’t be, I’m giving them to you here.
Live, Mellie. I want you to live every day like it’s your last. We’re never guaranteed tomorrow, and you have to live your life like you’re not. Give this life hell. You’re only two years old now, but I can see the fire you hold inside you. Don’t diminish it or try to put it out. Fan that flame and live.
Don’t take things for granted. Be kind. Be humble. Be brave and fearless. Be you. I worry over this. The world is hard enough to be in, but you, sweet Mellie, have so much of your father in you. He loves fiercely, but he doesn’t allow himself to show it. And I worry how he will act once I’m gone. I worry he’ll sink into himself and not be able to find a way out. If that happens, know that he loves you as much as I do. He might not show it, but he does.
I don’t want you to do as he does. Don’t shut down, don’t become cold and distant. Let your emotions free, because when you hold everything so tightly inside—you’re not living. And I want you to experience everything. I want you to live.
That’s what I want you to do. I know I’ve said it a lot, but I just want you to truly experience life. There’s so much I wish I had done, so much I regret. All of my regrets are for the things I didn’t do, not the things I did. So when you want to do something—don’t hesitate, don’t overthink, don’t talk yourself out of it. Jump, Mellie.
I know your father well, and I have an idea of how he will react when the cancer wins this war we’ve been fighting. So I’m giving this letter, along with some photos, to your Uncle Jerry, to give to you one day when you’re old enough. I want you
to know how very much I love you. And I would give anything, absolutely anything, to be there with you right now. But I can’t, so never forget. Live, Mellie.
I love you—Mom
Breath hitching, Amelia blinked to clear her eyes of the tears clouding her vision. But once those tears slipped through, she lost it, her shoulders shaking with sobs. Seth gently took the letter she was crushing in her hands and sat it on the table before pulling her into his arms. Wrapping her arms around him, she clutched his shirt in her fists, fighting to control her emotions.
Tightening his arms around her, he said, “Don’t hold it in, baby. Let it out. Let go. I’ve got you.”
His words opened the floodgates further, and she stopped fighting it. She had no idea how long she sobbed into his shirt, but by the time the flow of tears stopped, Seth’s shirt was soaked. As she quieted, she became aware of the hard pectoral underneath her cheek, the sweep of his large hands as he rubbed them up and down her back, and the soft, soothing words he was murmuring. Mostly nonsense, but they comforted her nonetheless.
“It’s okay, Amelia. Everything is okay,” he said, pressing a kiss to her head.
Nodding, she fought to get her breathing under control. When she felt stable enough, she pulled away, scrubbing her hands over her eyes. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to do that. I’ve never cried like that before.”
“Maybe it was time,” he replied softly, brushing his thumb under her eye, catching a stray tear. “You said yourself that you missed her, even though you never knew her. And now you do. You have her pictures, and more importantly, her words. It’s okay to miss her, and it’s okay to mourn her. I have a feeling you never really have.”
“No,” she replied, acknowledging that to herself for the first time. “You’re right. I never have.” She took a deep breath, and let it out with a shaky laugh. “I must look like a mess right now.”
Running his eyes over her face, he shook his head. “You look beautiful. You always do.”
Fighting for Keeps: A Paranormal Shifter Romance (Rocky River Fighters Book 2) Page 11
