To Live Again

by Melody Dawn

  Then with his next words, I almost pass out.

  He stares in to my eyes and says, “I love you more than life. I know we haven’t been together for a long time, but when I look at you, I see forever. I see the little girl we talked about with her mama’s curly hair and attitude and her daddy’s fantastic looks and pretty mouth.”

  I try to laugh but it comes out as a sob instead.

  “I want to wake up with you each morning and hold you every night.”

  He pulls a ring box out of his back pocket and I think I’m really going to hyperventilate or pass out.

  Opening it up, he tells me, “I got an amethyst stone because it reminds me of your eyes and the diamonds around it are because the lady at the jewelry store says all girls need diamonds. I’m not proposing yet, but I want you to have this because one day I will propose. Until then, I want every motherfucker out there to know you’re mine.”

  He gets a lot of cheers from that statement and as he places the ring at the end of my finger, he waits for my consent. I tearfully nod and he pushes it onto my finger. I stand up and kiss him and he picks me up. I wrap my legs around his waist not caring about my legs or the splits in the skirt and the kiss he gives me lets me know just how much he loves me. He kisses me so hard and so long that I feel like we are melding into one person. His mouth always tastes so good and his tongue slides over mine making my thighs clench.

  I whisper to him that I need him and he tells the crowd that we will be back later while I blush due to the catcalls and everyone knowing what we are about to do. Setting me on my feet, he grabs my hand and pulls me out to his truck. I’m having a hard time keeping up in these heels so he just picks me up caveman style and jogs faster to his truck.

  He gets the door open and once we’re settled, he opens the windows a crack. He scoots over to the center of the bench seat and unzips his jeans. His cock is hard and ready for me and I lean down and take him into my mouth. I wrap my hand around the base of him and my ring catches my eye; it may not be an engagement ring, but the meaning of it takes my breath away.

  After a few moments of taking him as deep into my mouth as possible, he tells me in a breathless voice to let him go; to get up and straddle him. I’m not sure how this is going to work in Ava’s tight skirt. We work together to get it pulled up above my ass. Next, he pulls my tank top off and I’m aware of the picture I make in my pretty bra, my skirt pulled up, and my heels on my feet.

  He looks me over and says, “You look so fucking hot, I just want to fuck you here and now; I want everyone to know you’re mine, and to hear you scream my name when you come.”

  His eyes are blazing with lust and it’s hard for me to relate this dirty talking man with my sweet boyfriend. As soon as he pulls me over his lap and I feel his cock at my entrance, I sink down on him as far as I can go. Suddenly, he twists my hair in his hand and makes me look at him.

  He says in that growly tone, “Did you know that this was a fantasy of mine? Fucking you and letting everyone hear your moans and screams? They wouldn’t know who it was because we’re in the back of the parking lot, but they would hear you.”

  The more he talks, the more turned on I get, and the more my walls clench down on him. I know he’s waiting on my consent. No matter how much he may want it, he will never force anything on me. I think about it, but I don’t think I can. If someone came over to the truck, I would be humiliated for life.

  I put my hand on his cheek and say, “I can’t…I’m sorry. What if someone did see us? At the least we would be embarrassed and at the most we could be arrested.”

  He doesn’t say anything, but goes to press the button to roll up the windows. When he moves, I can feel him moving inside me. It feels so good and suddenly I don’t care if anyone hears us.

  “Leave the windows like they are, but promise me no one can see us,” I say.

  He shakes his head yes and for the first time in my life, I just let go completely.

  Rubbing his hands up and down my back, he unclips my bra. I feel him move his hands around to my breasts and cup them while pinching my nipples. He leans down and takes one in his mouth. I can barely see him, but I feel him, and I find it erotic as hell. Every time he sucks, I clench, and it makes me cry out. I try my best to be quiet, but he growls into my ear; I want to hear it when you like something. He switches sides and as he licks and sucks, I moan louder than before.

  All I want to do is move; I feel so much fuller in this position. His hands grasp my ass and begin pushing me up and down. Every time I move down, he drives up into me. I’m so lost in what I’m feeling that I have no idea that I’m moaning loud enough for them to hear me all the way to Dallas.

  I hear his breathing accelerate and he starts to swell inside of me.

  “Come on, Chloe…come!”

  With that he slaps my ass and as I push down and he pushes right back up into me; I scream his name.

  He explodes at the same time and yells. “Fuck, yeah! Let everyone hear who you belong to!”

  I fall forward onto him and as my mind clears, I can’t believe I’ve just had public sex…I think I’ve lost my mind.

  Jayson feels the change in my body language and says, “No, you aren’t going to be ashamed of what just happened. That was so fucking hot, I’m still hard.”

  For some reason, it hits me funny and I laugh, “I wonder if we just gave somebody a heart attack.”

  He smirks and says, “More like the best orgasm of their life.”

  I slap him on the shoulder and ask, “When did you get to be such a dirty boy?”

  He looks at me with a satisfied grin and says, “You bring it out in me, baby!”

  I realize our predicament and say, “Well, speaking of bringing it out of you, what are we going to do about the mess we have here. I had a surprise for you in there tonight; I can’t go back in looking like I fucked in the back of the parking lot!”

  He teases me and says, “You mean you don’t have a bathtub in that purse of yours?”

  I tell him to shut up and that I believe in being prepared. I direct him to get the baby wipes out of my bag and I pull a bunch of them from their case. I hold onto his shoulders while I reach down and clean up our mess after we pull away from each other.

  Telling him to look the other way, which makes him roll his eyes, I clean up the best I can, spray on some body spray, then pull down my skirt, which is a feat all of its own. I pull my bra and shirt back on and tell him to flip on the light so I can see my hair. It’s a freaking mess just like I knew it would be. But, because I am prepared, I pull it up into a French twist and clip it in a barrette on top of my head with curls hanging down.

  Once we are out of the truck, I spray myself one more time with body spray. I pray that we don’t smell like sex.

  “Do you have some cologne to put on?” I ask him.

  He shakes his head no and I stop him and dig in my bag. I’m pretty sure I have some samples in here from last time I was at the mall.

  He says, “If you have men’s cologne in that bag, I’m going to seriously worry about you.”

  Waving my hand, I say, “Hush! Yes, I found it…here is a sample of CK1…use it so you don’t smell like a brothel. Oh and wait, I have mouth wash…hold on.”

  I take a swig of it and hand it to him and he literally falls over the vehicle next to him laughing.

  Slapping him on the back, I say, “Shut it…at least we smell decent now.”

  Before we walk in, I say, “Lean down here.”

  When he does, I run my fingers through his hair so he doesn’t look like he’s been screwing all night. I didn’t notice Connor standing in the doorway as I was doing all of this.

  He clears his throat and says, “Um, there’s kind of no way to cover this up. You’ve got beard burn on your neck and there might have been some people that heard you outside.”

  Right now I am so mortified that I just want to kill Jayson and his stupid fantasy.

  I look at Connor and say, “D
on’t you say a word or I will kick you in the balls for this and for talking about my sore ass earlier!” Then to let him know I’m teasing him, I give him a wink as I walk past him into the bar.

  I have a surprise for Jayson and I’m doing it; I don’t care who heard us.

  He winks back and says, “Ok, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

  As we walk in, we are met with screams of approval and I just want to die, but I’m getting this done no matter what. Telling Jayson to go and sit, I walk up on the stage and tell the stage guy that I want to play a song and sing. He agrees and I position the keyboard to my height as well as the microphone.

  Speaking into it, I say, “So, my name is Chloe…”

  And a funny guy in the back yells, “We don’t know who you are, but we know who Jayson is!”

  I smile and give him the finger to everyone’s delight and say, “So, again, my name is Chloe. You obviously know my boyfriend, Jayson.”

  I give a fake glare to the crowd daring anyone to say anything. I say fake because their comments are actually kind of funny if I wasn’t so embarrassed.

  “I know everyone thought we were doing karaoke tonight, but I decided on a little something different. Before I met Jayson, I wasn’t living, but he came in and changed all that; he didn’t just fix me; he helped me fix myself. So, this is for Jayson. If you know it, sing it with me.”

  I closed my eyes and started playing the intro, praying I could get through it without crying. I started singing the words of Kelly Clarkson’s Invincible. I began to feel the music take hold of me and I continued singing with my eyes closed. Suddenly I felt like eyes were burning into me. I opened mine and the only thing I saw were the most mesmerizing green eyes staring back at me.

  As I sang the lyrics that speak about not being a scared little girl anymore, not hiding from the world, it was as if he knew that he and the unconditional love he has shown is what has given me the strength that I now have. I continued to sing with all that I had in me. I knew that the bar was crowded, I remember all of the cat calls when he and I returned from his truck, however the only person who existed in that moment was Jayson. The man that I love with my entire being…my future.

  When I finished singing, I felt like my heart was finally free. I was different now, all because of him. He was waiting for me at the edge of the stage and lifted me into his arms. His whispers of how proud he was of me was like a balm to a long time wound that had only scabbed over, never really healing. I really was invincible with him by my side. Now I knew what all the romance novels, movies, etc. I read were talking about; he completed me in every way. He healed me, gave me confidence, but most of all, he taught me that l had to allow myself to live.

  Instead, I would still be wasting away in my apartment never looking in a mirror. Sure, we had some rocky times, and we’re still relatively new in our relationship, but in the midst of it all, he insisted that I start living my life. He gave me time to grieve my losses, but in the end, he had one goal in mind: to help me live again. And with him by my side, I’ve only just begun!

  Epilogue-Chloe

  8 years later

  Standing in my bathroom, I hear two identical voices, “Mama! Mama! Where are you?” I have the bathroom door locked because I need a break for a moment. I know Jayson will be home any time so I give myself an once-over in the mirror. I’m looking a little tired. Of course, who wouldn’t be when they have a set of twins that I swear came from their uncle. Don’t get me wrong, I love my boys, but they have one setting, on go, until they finally collapse at night. I’m never too far behind them because toddlers are exhausting! But, I love every minute of it.

  We had decided to wait until Jayson graduated from medical school before we had kids. That sort of went out the window although we almost made it. I got pregnant during his last year and it was a whirlwind for us both. I had just received my Masters in Social Work the year before and he was about to graduate from med school, then start his residency. I decided to take the year off after they were born because I wanted to be there for every little thing, word, movement, poop…you name it. I never wanted my boys to feel what I felt from my biological parents.

  Now I sort of wish I had some time to myself. I never dress up anymore. My mom uniform consisted of yoga pants, t-shirts, and flip/flops or tennis shoes. Not the sexiest look in the world. Looking in the mirror once more, I think I see lines around my eyes. That’s just what I need when you have a husband that looks like mine. I’m quite aware of the nurses’ nickname for him at work: Dr. Sexy.

  Unlocking my door, I open it to see two miniature forms of Jayson staring at me. And yes, they have his pretty mouth; the only thing they got from me was my eye color. Brendon and Braxton Reece were born about 18 months ago, one at 6:40 AM and the other at 7:12. They came into the world just like they do everything…with a lot of noise!

  Both stare at me and then Brendon says, “You hide from us, mama?”

  Oh, crap! I am so busted.

  “No, honey, I would never hide from my BB’s.”

  I grab them up and hug them; then balancing one on each hip, I say. “Let’s go make supper for daddy.”

  We walk into the kitchen just as the back door is opening. My boys suddenly forget that I am their primary caregiver and attack their dad. Still, it makes me smile.

  Lord, looking at him makes me a little crazy, even now. He has only gotten better with age, Now, at 31, even though he is towards the end of the 2nd year of his grueling ER residency, he still takes the time to work out and swim. In other words, he can still make me forget my own name with one look.

  In fact, I am getting that look right now. Even though I look awful. I’ve got on a pair of his pajama pants rolled up at the waist with one of his old Rice University t-shirts and my hair piled on top of my head. He hugs the boys and then brings them to their playbox in our living room.

  Coming back to me, he puts his arms around me and asks, “How’s my best girl?”

  I turn around in his arms and say, “Better now that you’re here.”

  We stand like that for a couple of minutes just soaking each other in until a wail comes across the room.

  I give him a peck on the mouth and say, “I better see what that’s about; why don’t you get a shower and I will get dinner ready?”

  He nods his head yawning and I can see how tired he is; 18 hour shifts are too much for anyone in my opinion.

  I run to the living room where Braxton is screaming. I relax when I see it’s their ongoing fight about LEGOS. Another attribute I swear came from Connor, who is an engineer. Feeling bad that they didn’t really get to see their daddy, I wonder if they might like to take a shower with Jayson. Heaven knows I would love one with him.

  When I walk into our bedroom, the shower is running, but he is lying asleep across our bed still in his scrubs and white coat. My heart hurts at how much he works, but we knew what we were getting into when he chose this career. I turn the shower off, tell the boys to be quiet and get a throw from the chair next to our bed and cover him up.

  Taking the boys back downstairs, I fix them some fish sticks, corn, and macaroni & cheese. While I’m cooking their supper, our phone rings and its Madison.

  As usual, she starts talking before I can say hello. “Hey slut, what are you doing?”

  “I’m cooking, whore, what are you doing?”

  She then proceeds to tell me that she is about to put the kids to bed so she can put the moves on Connor. Uh, gag! “Madison, I did not want to know that, I tell her!

  “Whatever, Chloe…like you aren’t going to do the same thing.”

  We both laugh because we know each other so well.

  As close as we are, we don’t get to talk as much as we used to. She has 6, yes I said 6, kids. Her first with Connor ended up being a boy so I didn’t get to bedazzle everything even though I threatened to anyway. Contrary to all their anti-relationship crap, they both used to go on about, they are one of the most devoted couples I’ve e
ver seen.

  We talk for a bit more and make plans to get together for a girls day and then a weekend BBQ for the whole family, Ava and Phillip included. Ava and Phillip are amazing in-laws and my kids think they rule the world. Nana and Papa spoil all their grandkids like crazy.

  Realizing I zoned out, I hear Madison say that Brayden will be coming in next weekend. Yum! Yes, I know I’m married, but I’m definitely not dead and that is one sexy man! Brayden is the twins’ cousin and works as a geologist for an oil and gas company. I hear Connor in the background threatening to tie her to the bed…yuck, I think I just threw up in my mouth!

  Immediately, she informs me she has to go so she can “get it on” with Connor and proceeds to give me details. With a groan, I tell her, “I don’t know how I look him in the eye after all the stuff you’ve told me over the years!” We giggle like teenagers and talk some more until the boys start throwing their food at each other. I tell her I have to go before the food fight explodes.

  Now that they are done eating, I take them up to their bathroom, give them their baths, brush their teeth, and attempt to put them to bed. They aren’t ready to go to sleep, but after songs and two Paddington Bear stories, they both give up the fight. By this time, I’m too tired to eat so I just strip off my clothes, brush my teeth, and put on a spaghetti strap nightie I was going to wear for Jayson.

  He is still dead to the world when I pull off his socks and tennis shoes. I untie his scrub pants and begin working them off of his hips along with his underwear. Now, somehow, I’ve got to get that scrub top off as well as the jacket. No matter how much I push at him or call his name, he doesn’t move. I decide that desperate times call for desperate measures.

  Leaning over him, my hair spread on his thighs, I take his cock in my mouth. He immediately starts to get hard and moans. He doesn’t open his eyes, but keeps pushing his hips up towards me so I know he is awake.

  “Nice try, baby,” I laugh. “But if you will sit up and take the rest of those clothes off, I will take a shower with you.”