by Lauren Wood
“Yes we are going to go out to dinner. He was nice enough to ask and I think it will be fun.”
Sam scoffed at me. “Fun, huh?”
“Yes, what is wrong with having a little fun after work?”
“Nothing, as long as it is with me and not Grant.”
I waved him off and told him that he was being childish. It wasn’t what Sam wanted to hear, but I didn’t care what he wanted to hear. He didn’t own me and he didn’t have the right to act like he did. I don’t know why I was so angry, but I knew that it was partially because I wanted what he offered. But it wasn’t enough. I wanted more than to just be together for a short time. I wanted more than just a few dalliances after work. I wanted him for keeps, even though he wasn’t that type of guy. Nothing else was going to do.
Sam grabbed my shoulders and pulled me in for a kiss. “You are mine Meri. Don’t act like you are interested in Grant.”
The more he pushed, the angrier I became. It wasn’t his business what I did in my free time and I could go out with anyone that I wanted. I didn’t belong to anyone.
“I am interested in Grant as a friend. I am leaving now Sam. If there is nothing else.”
“Don’t leave like this Meri.”
It was a warning and I never did well with those or ultimatums.
“I must go Sam, Grant is waiting for me. I will see you tomorrow.”
I left the room and I almost expected him to try and stop me. I don’t know how I felt about the fact that he let me go. Again I wanted him to stop me and take all of what he said back, but that just wasn’t going to happen, I knew this now.
I heard my name and the tone in Sam’s voice made me look back. “What happened to us, Meri?”
“First you wanted me and then you told me that it was over. Then you hire me and finger me under a table. You are coming onto me now like I have no choice. Do I really have to tell you how confusing this is Sam?”
His face fell and he shook his head that I didn’t have to explain any further. Now I didn’t want to leave like this, but I wasn’t going to back down now. I had made him think, wasn’t that enough?
I left the building and wished that it had ended differently. Grant was going on about something in the office, but I wasn’t really paying attention. My mind was wrapped up in Sam, even though I didn’t want it to be. I really couldn’t find a way to get him off of my mind.
The restaurant that Grant took me to was much different than the one I had been to earlier in the day with Sam. It was more my style of a place and I felt more comfortable there with him. It felt like I belonged there, though when I was with Sam it felt like I was out of place and some kind of fraud.
“So what was that all about with Sam earlier?”
We were looking at the menu and I put it down before I answered. I wanted to gauge what he was thinking and I had a feeling that I knew. It was the same accusation in his eyes as before. He wanted to know what was going on with me and Sam. Hell, I didn’t even have the answer to that question.
“Just some work stuff, nothing too important.”
Grant didn’t seem like he believed me and I wanted him to think that work was all that me and Sam had between us.
“I don’t believe you Meri. That man doesn’t care about work and the accounting of his money that much. I don’t think I have seen him down where we work that much the whole time I have worked there. Sam is coming down to see you.”
I was a little shocked that Grant spoke so plainly about it and I didn’t know what to say. This was supposed to be a nice diversion to stop thinking about Sam. This wasn’t going to be that at all if all he wanted to talk about was Sam.
“Well I don’t really care what his intentions are. I never have worried too much about all of that. I need the job, so that is what I focus on.”
Grant still wasn’t convinced, but I hope I made it clear that I had no desire to continue talking about it. I pulled the conversation from Sam and me, asking him about himself. I hadn’t met a guy yet that didn’t like to talk about himself and Grant wasn’t the rare few that didn’t. I was glad to know that Grant wasn’t that much different than all of the rest. I learned a lot about him and even though there was no kind of chemistry between us, I knew that we could be friends. He was funny and less pretentious then most of the people I had met in this world.
By the end of the evening, I was feeling better about work and I hoped that I had convinced Grant that me and Sam had nothing going on. He tried to kiss me as we were leaving the restaurant, but I dodged it and his kiss landed on my cheek. I smiled at him, but I could see the yearning in his eyes. He didn’t get what he wanted and when he leaned in for another kiss, I sidestepped it all together and told him I would see him at work tomorrow.
I drove home and thought about what kind of a mess I had put myself in. I cared about a man that I couldn’t have and was already getting additional admirers that I didn’t want. I swear that there was some way for guys to know that something in me had changed. It was like they knew that I was a full woman now and my loss of innocence made them more aware of that. It was silly to think about, but that’s how it felt. Or maybe now I was more attuned to a man’s desires and how he showed it. Either way, it was harder to deal with men now.
Pulling into the driveway of my apartment, I saw a blacked out car that looked familiar from before. I knew before I saw him that Sam was in there. “What is he doing here?”
I parked and got out, waiting for the car door to open as well. When it did, I didn’t look back, just fished out the key for the front security door and waited a few moments for Sam.
“How did you know it was me?”
“I had a feeling that it was you when I saw the car. What are you doing here?”
“I wanted to see you.”
“So you aren’t here to see if I was going home alone tonight or not, right?”
Sam had a look on his face and I could tell that it was definitely one of the reasons that he was here. He didn’t like that I knew and I just waved it all off.
“How did you know that I wouldn’t stay the night with him?” I had no intentions on doing such a thing, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was that I had bothered him just a little bit. Served him right. He had me all twisted up inside.
We got to the door and I stopped. He thought he was coming in with me, but I wasn’t going to let that happen.
“Sorry Sam. I am really tired. It was a long day and I am ready for some sleep. I would invite you in, but I don’t think that I would be very good company.”
Sam didn’t like my answer and for a second I thought he was going to insist. I don’t know what I would have done if he had. I would have most likely let him in and let it play out like it was supposed to, but that didn’t happen. Instead he told me to have a good night and he moved back down the stairs, only looking back once before he left out of the front door. Why did I feel like I had just made a mistake in letting him go?
Chapter 16
Sam
The woman was infuriating and by the end of the week, I had reached a point of no return. It was almost impossible to know what Meri was thinking because she did her best to stay as far away from me as possible. When I asked her to lunch again, Meri was always busy or at least always had an excuse why she couldn’t go with me.
It was getting to me and by Friday at the end of the day, I made it my mission to track her down. She was hard to find, never in the accounting department because she was always retrieving reports and dropping things off throughout the very large building. Finally I called down to her department and requested she picked up some reports that I didn’t even need down there, but it was an excuse to see her. Meri wouldn’t be happy, she would think I was bringing attention to her that she didn’t want, but I didn’t care. All I wanted was to see her and that is what matters.
Meri knocked. I was so hard up for her that I could recognize her knock as opposed to others. She had only been in my office a couple of times
and it didn’t take long for me to get to know her knock.
“Come in Meri.”
She smiled as she came in, but it didn’t reach her eyes. It wasn’t the welcome that I was hoping for. I kept hoping that I would get the same smile I was given in Thailand. It was that open and free look that I missed the most.
“Close the door behind you Meri.”
Doing as I asked, I offered her the seat across from my desk and Meri sat down, crossing her legs in a modest way.
“So this is your first week over. How did everything go?”
“Pretty well I think Sir. Thank you for the opportunity.”
I sighed at Meri. “Please don’t call me Sir. I think we know each other a bit too much to be so formal.”
“Yes.”
“I got some paperwork in from Thailand that I have been meaning to give you. It is releasing you from all of the charges officially. It has been hard to find you lately. Have you been avoiding me?”
“No, not at all Sam. I have just been busy and want to make sure I am doing a good job. This job means a lot to me.”
She was trying to steer the conversation away from what I wanted to talk about. I tried to think through it while I went through a stack of papers on the desk for the ones for her. It wasn’t that important, not really, but it kept her here and gave me a little more time to think about all of it.
“Here it is.”
“Thank you for everything Sam.”
Again she was reminding me of how she owed me and it was ruining where I wanted this conversation to go with this. It made me feel like I was taking advantage of her and I wasn’t. Damn she made this so much harder than it had to be.
“Was there anything else Sir?”
Back to Sir, again. I shook my head and told her that there wasn’t anything else. I was at a loss of words and the more I thought about it, the more it drove me crazy. Why couldn’t she be like every other woman? I could barely shake them, but the one woman I wanted, wouldn’t give me the time of day. It really just didn’t make any sense at all.
“I will see you Monday Sir. I hope you have a good weekend.”
“It would be better if you would go out with me on Saturday. We could do whatever you want to do. Go wherever you wanted to go.”
Meri told me thanks, but she wouldn’t be available. She had plans with Ashlyn and I watched her leave. This was becoming too complicated and I didn’t like complications. If Meri wouldn’t have me, someone would. I had never had trouble before. I just needed to get the vixen out of my mind.
***
Meri wasn’t getting out of my head like I needed her to. She was stuck there and when I decided that I was going to find someone else to push her out, I knew that I was going to call an old friend that I hadn’t seen in a few months. Angie wasn’t what I was looking for, but she would have to do.
I called her up and Angie was always ready to see me. I knew that she was just as sexual as I was and unlike other women, she wasn’t afraid to show that side of her. It was one of the things that I liked best about her, though I had never said it out loud. I don’t know if she would have been offended if I had.
We met at the Castrov bar and she was waiting for me at a table when I got there. Angie stood up and I took her slim body into my arms. She was beautiful, her long brown hair swept back in a ponytail and a tight dress that showed off how trim and petite she was. The feel of her body was so different than Meri. I immediately felt the difference and wished that they were built alike more. It would have been easier for my brain to pass her off as Meri that way.
“It has been a long time Sam. I thought you had forgotten about little old me.”
“How could I forget about you Angela? I have just been too busy to partake in the better part of life.”
Angie chuckled and took a sip of her wine. She had a grin on her face that I had loved to see. It was full of mischief and I knew what she was thinking about. Angie moved closer to me and I felt her hand go on my thigh.
“What are we doing here?”
“We are having a drink.”
“Why here? Don’t you want to go somewhere where we can be alone and we can act on the urgings that we are feeling right now?”
It was exactly what I wanted, but I wasn’t as ready to leave with her as I would have thought I was. I needed this, my body needed this and even though she wasn’t Meri, that didn’t mean that it wasn’t going to be enough. My body was working on the invitation of privacy, even if my brain hadn’t caught up yet. It was hung up on a woman that I couldn’t have, so there seemed to be no real reason to deny myself.
I finished the drink in front of me and took her hand, leading her out of the bar and into the waiting car that was out front.
“You had me worried there Sam. I missed this side of you.”
The door was opened and she kissed me on my lips, her tongue pushing through to mine and I could tell that she was ready, most likely wet. That was something that I remembered very fondly about Angie, that and her willingness to please.
When we got into the car, she sat so close to me, her hand back on my thigh as I told the driver to take me to the hotel. There was a part of me that knew this was wrong, but I tried to push back the thoughts that were haunting me. How was I ever going to get anywhere this way?
It didn’t take long for Angie to do what she does best. She was pulling my pants down and before long I was in her hands. The palm was soft and small, though not as small as they should have seemed. I wanted to take her, make her mine, but the rest of me now wasn’t so sure. I had been hard for weeks it felt like, but now there was nothing tenting my pants.
“Are you sure you are okay? Did you drink too much?”
Her hand rubbed on my shaft, but nothing happened. This had never been a problem before and I didn’t know what to do. After a few minutes, we were at the hotel and I was no closer to being with Angie than I was before. She even tried to use her mouth to get me going, but I couldn’t help it. I didn’t want to.
“What is going on here Sam? This has never happened before. Do you not like me anymore?”
The driver was opening the door as I was sitting up to get my pants back where they belonged. I was embarrassed to no end, but it wasn’t as surprising as it should have been. Angie wasn’t what I wanted, no matter how talented she was. I wanted Meri, the innocent one that had no experience. My pleasure from her was derived from the reaction to her own. I didn’t need to know anymore. It was clear that my body wasn’t going to go with it.
“I am sorry Angie. I am really tired and I thought that I would be able to muster through it.”
“Do you want to come up and see if we can get you back on track?”
If I thought that it would actually work, I would have went upstairs with her and tried. But I knew that it wasn’t going to work because I just didn’t want it to. I didn’t want to try when it was like banging my head against a wall anyways.
“I’m sorry to have called you out and then left you wanting.”
“It’s okay Sam. I have missed you and it was good to see you. Are you sure you won’t come up?”
Her tone was confused and I felt like I should second that notion. I was confused too. How could Meri be affecting me so much? She made it clear that she didn’t want to pursue anything further. I should back off and give her space, but what if I wasn’t able to ever move on? Was I really supposed to wait for her to come around, or worse, what if she doesn’t come around ever?
Chapter 17
Meri
Things were getting easier at the office, though I couldn’t say if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Sam didn’t pursue me as much anymore. I did check him looking at me from time to time when he thought I wasn’t paying attention. I didn’t like what happened between us, but I felt like it was all for the best.
It was almost the holidays and since I was staying in the city and didn’t have any family anymore, I volunteered to stay around and get the work done while most
of the accounting department took the week off. I needed the extra money and with nothing else to do, it seemed like the natural course of things. I hadn’t even put one decoration up, so it wasn’t feeling very festive at my apartment anyways.
“Meri. You are still here?”
I shrugged and didn’t even look up. I had learned that if I didn’t really look at Sam, I wasn’t pushed into that strange place where I could barely utter a word around him.
“Just finishing up some reports so I don’t have to come in tomorrow.”
“Why aren’t you with your family, gone like everyone else?”
“I don’t have much family, so it is better to work and keep my mind off of everything. Why are you still here Sir?”
He growled at me under his breath and I had a feeling that it was because I still didn’t feel comfortable calling him by his real name, no matter what we had gone through together. Here everything was different and I had to forget how it was in Thailand.
“I have a party to attend tonight. I am just staying around until it is time to go. No sense in going all the way home if I don’t need to.”
I nodded my head like I understood and went back to my work. I could see that he was still in front of me and he wasn’t budging. What more did he want?
Finally I looked up and our eyes met for a moment. I shouldn’t have done that. I really shouldn’t have because I felt a wave of pleasure when I did. He was hungry for me and I looked away before I saw more there than I was supposed to. My body was already responding, my nipples getting harder by the minute.
“Why don’t you come with me? I believe that you will know some of the people there. Ashlyn will most likely be there.”
His mention of Ashlyn made me straighten up. I didn’t like being around him and Ashlyn at the same time. It made me feel like I was crossing a line somewhere. She had warned me about Sam and I hadn’t listened. Once I got the warning, it was too late. It felt like it was too late now.
