by Rose Harper
It also has dozens of questions circulating through my mind. Who did this? Why? How? When? Where? We were together the entire night at that party. The last thing I remember is passing out with Gavino between my thighs, fully expecting what came next.
Yet, I can’t remember anything after that until the following morning. It’s all a blank slate, even when I try to force myself to remember what could have happened. If I had blocked it out, then I would know. I’ve read too many books on that topic. I had to do something or fear the guilt was going to eat me alive at having done something to Gavino that I couldn’t remember.
I’d rather die than give Gavino a reason to hate me. He was my only friend in school, the only person who gave me the time of day. But now, we’re nothing more than strangers. Acquaintances.
Shifting, a soreness spreads through my core. I release a smile, feeling lighthearted for the first time since I was seventeen. Maybe we’re a little more than acquaintances.
When my finger makes contact with the first letter on his chest, it takes everything in me to keep silent. To hold the tears at bay that desperately want to show themselves. I just can’t get past someone doing this to him.
Leaning forward, I make to press my lips against it. Only, before I can do anything, Gavino’s eyes jerk open, and he’s on me before I can utter the first word. He flips us over so I land on my back with a harsh thud, his heavy weight settling on top of me. His fingers wrap around my throat, causing panic to rush to the surface as I grapple for his arm.
“Gavino,” I wheeze as he starts squeezing tightly. “You’re going to … let me go.”
“Why did you do it?!” he roars, his husky, sleep ridden voice no less terrifying than it was before inside my room.
“Why did I do what?”
“You planned it. You. Him. Them. All of you ripped everything from me.”
I did nothing. Never have, never will. I don’t know what he’s talking about, but if I don’t diffuse this situation, he’s going to choke the life out of me. My lungs are already burning from lack of oxygen. And nothing I do with my hands will cause his hold to relent. He’s fucking furious.
“I did nothing! You have to believe me,” I cry out, my tears streaking down the sides of my face and into my hair. It’s as if his hold is forcing them out of me.
Instead of trying to claw my way to freedom, I release his wrist. I’m gasping for air, desperately trying to fill my lungs with the sweetness. Staring into his eyes, I can see immediately what’s wrong. They’re glassy, unfocused. He’s fucking dreaming.
Laying my palm against the side of his face, I squeak when he knocks it away forcefully. But I don’t let it stop me from trying once more. Staring straight into his sneering face, I force my arm through the middle of his. And I’m successful in laying my palm against the side of his face. If I can get him to wake from the awful dream he’s having, then all will be okay. Or, at least, as close to okay as it can possibly get.
I didn’t think when waking up that I would be fighting for my life. But here I am.
“G-Gavino,” I wheeze, seeing the fuzzy dots beginning to enter my vision. If I’m going to deescalate this, I need to do it now. I don’t have much time. I try to think of anything, everything, and the one thing that comes to mind has me shivering with unease. It’s not something I thought I would ever be saying, but it’s something that’s going to have to be done.
“Fuck me,” I say, watching the first glimmer of dilation enter his orbs. Yet, it’s not enough. He’s still locked in the dream or a nightmare. I don’t know, but with the words, he spewed when he jumped up … it leads me to believe that it’s about the same thing I was thinking of when caressing his scars. “Make me feel your pain,” I try again, almost crying when I feel his heavy cock jerk against the inside of my thigh.
There will be no coming back from this. I’ll lose a piece of myself while giving him one in return.
Before I have time to think about anything, a sadistic smile spreads across Gavino’s face. It causes a full body tremor to race through me, hating the sight of it on his face. But I know there’s nothing I can do if I want him to break out of this spell.
Feeling his fingers twitch around my neck, I sigh in relief when they completely leave me. Gasping for air, I cough when the sting of new air touches my battered lungs. Breathing in new air hurts, my throat scalding from his hold. My eyes water full force, but the water quickly turns into tears when I feel his hands traveling over my body. I wish to God there was something I could do to wake him up. But, he’s so much bigger than I am. I can do nothing but wait for him to snap out of it, or risk being choked to death if I say anything.
Softly crying, I feel the hard tip of his shaft probe my entrance. Breathing deeply, no matter the pain, I close my eyes, resigned to my fate, as I allow my mind to go to a better time, a time without pain or torture.
Still, nothing can keep me from crying out when he thrusts all the way to the hilt. His cock barely fits inside of me, even after all the times we were together earlier in the night. I hate myself for causing everything that happened to him. Hate it more than he’ll ever know. But, if I can give him this—help him chase his demons—then at least I know it wasn’t for nothing.
“You think you can fool me,” he grunts, pistoning his hips. “I know everything! You made me think you needed me, wanted me. But I was just a toy in your game. Well, how does it feel to be fucked like you are nothing? Hm? Does it feel the same as when Brock Johnson fucked you? When he took what was only supposed to be mine?! I own you, Sky. No one else but me, and I’m going to make you bleed for what you did to me!”
His words have me breaking. I thought I could stay strong, but finally hearing what happened causes me to lose it. Sobs overtake my body, and instead of trying to calm him, I’m trying to protect myself. Taking my hands from him, I place them over my face and cry. Cry for everything that was stolen from me. Cry for not knowing the truth until now, and from someone who owes me nothing.
I cry, because the person who stole what I only wanted to give to Gavino is the very bastard who put me in this situation.
He’s the man with the gun I’m running from.
The ghost from my past.
12
GAVINO
When I come to, Skylah is beneath me. Heart-wrenching sobs flow in abundance, and the only thing I can do is get the hell off the bed. Stumbling, I fly off the bed as if it’s on fire, backing up until my back becomes one with the wall behind me.
Staring blankly in front of me, my heart pangs painfully in my chest as I see Skylah’s entire body shaking as she curls herself into a ball. For the first time in my life, I actually hate myself. Yes, I’ve done things in my life I’m not proud of, but this … I don’t do shit like this. I don’t hurt females unless they deserve it. And Sky most definitely did not deserve this.
Yes, I still harbor mixed feelings about her, but I wouldn’t do this shit.
“Skylah,” I say, treading softly as I make my way back toward the bed.
Her sobs pull at what little of my cold, dark heart still remains inside my chest. I can feel myself softening toward her, allowing all the grudges I had to barely hang on by a thread. No one like her would break down so thoroughly unless they were just as messed up as I am.
I have to find out what happened. I know that physically I am to blame, but this goes further than anything resting on the surface. She’s crying like her entire life just vanished right in front of her, leaving her alone.
“Gav,” she sobs. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
Furrowing my brows, I move slowly as I get up on the bed. She doesn’t move away from me when I do, which surprises the ever-loving shit out of me.
Goddammit, look at me. I’m trying to console the woman who fucked me over in more than one way. Trying to get her to unload on me everything that’s bothering her. I just fucking took her without asking, just took it upon myself to fuck her into oblivion while I said God knows what to make he
r act like this.
And I know it’s because of something I said and not did because we just fucked like rabbits. We spent the majority of the night taking from each other until we couldn’t anymore. I couldn’t tell you how many times she bounced on my cock, or how many times I bent her over the side of the bed and plunged inside of her.
So, without a doubt, my demons saw an easy escape and filled her head full of their putrid stench.
“What happened?” I ask, looking like a right dumbass, as I slowly pull her into my lap. She comes easily, much to my surprise, and even wraps her arms around my neck like a vise.
“I-I can’t,” she cries, gripping tighter.
I wish she would just fucking tell me what’s wrong, and why she feels the need to apologize. I’m a fish out of water here, floundering. I don’t do this type of shit. This is more Mateo’s style. He’s the one who has the in with all things female. I mean, he should because of the woman he’s married to. Anyone who could face forever with Carina has to have some sort of cheat sheet.
“Sky,” I say, coaxing her away from me with my shoulder. “Unless I know what happened, I’m going to think you’re just emotional from the dick.”
“God,” she half groans, half sobs. “This isn’t a laughing matter.”
Smiling, I lean forward and put my lips near her ear. “Then tell me what happened.”
Stopping short, my body tightens. I just smiled. A genuine smile that didn’t have anything behind it except pure acceptance and lightheartedness. I can’t even begin to think of the last time that has happened. It’s been so long, most of my life being nothing more than a blur around me.
I guess the last time I actually allowed myself to be free with any type of emotion would be the last time Skylah and I were together before that party. How easy we were with each other niggles at the back of my mind; how happy every moment was that I spent with her. It’s not an easy pill to swallow. Knowing that your life has been nothing but a product of hatred, wishing that anyone who ever did you wrong would burn in the pits of hell or meet the blunt end of your gun.
Sniffling, she tries to tamper down her sobs as she moves away from me. This time, I allow it. Watching her settle herself on top of my bed, I keep silent, waiting for her to speak. The devil knows what she has to say is probably going to be something of epic proportions. It’s also something I’m not going to like.
“I-I need you to tell me what happened that night before I tell you anything.”
Taking a large inhale, the fire that churns in my gut burns hotter as I recant everything. From her climbing down the pipe next to her window, then finishing with what Brock told me before the football team grabbed me off the bed and held me down as they tried to flay me alive.
No matter how many tears gather in her eyes or how they make hot trails down her cheeks, I don’t stop. She needs to know this. I need this closure. We both deserve to have this.
When I’m finished telling her the events of that night, I feel a huge sense of relief come over me. Instead of feeling like my entire body was being shoved into a box, the strict confinement making it hard for me to breathe, it feels as if I’m taking my first, full-capacity breath in a long time.
“Th-They did that to you?”
Nodding, I gaze over the bed at her. “Yes. But, even with all of that, the knife wasn’t the worst part.”
“What was the worst part?”
“Thinking you would betray me,” I answer honestly.
“I would nev—”
I cut her off with a flick of my wrist. “I know that now, Sky. Well, with the person you were back then, I know that.”
“I’m still the same person.”
Shaking my head, our eyes meet. “No, you’re not. The Skylah Bow I know wouldn’t attack me, nor would she be fearless when put in the line of a loaded gun. Something about you changed. You’re so much stronger than you used to be, and I kick myself in the ass every day for not asking your side of the story instead of allowing my father to make decisions for me.”
“They’re your family, Gavino,” she says, scooting closer to me. “Even I know how much they mean to you. But, I’m going to tell you this right now … I was a virgin when Brock did that to me. I woke up the next morning, sincerely believing you were the one I was with that night. And when you ghosted me, then left school without so much as a word, it hurt. My heart bled for months believing you never really cared. That you allowed your family to take you away from me.”
“Sky—”
“Let me finish.” She pushes forward. Nodding, I slide back toward the headboard, dragging her with me. When her lips part and she utters what really happened, the hole that was in my chest grows just a little more hearing what she went through.
“After you left, I started dating Brock,” she spits, fire blazing in her words. “I never truly felt like I belonged with my family, even though I loved them. The only person I felt like I belonged with was you, then you left me. That broke my heart. So, in a moment of weakness, I allowed Brock to swoop in, believing him to be my knight in shining armor.
“We started dating, not getting as close as you and me, but close enough that I could do things with him. I never went all the way.” She stops, scoffing. “But now that I think about it, it doesn’t make a bit of difference if I had. He had already been with me, and I didn’t know it. The entire time I thought it was you who I had been with.”
“But you didn’t know.” I’d give anything for her not to believe this was her fault because, in reality, she was nothing more than an innocent bystander.
“I should have,” she forces out, tilting her head up to look at me. “I should have known your family was doing what they should have, and that was protecting you.”
Familia is everything to me. I live, breathe, and die for them. Everything I do, I do it for them. But, being hit with this new revelation, I’m not sure of who I can trust. I’d like to believe my brothers wouldn’t do something like this to me. But, if our own father could do the things he did, then I don’t want to wait it out. Especially with the fact that everyone in my familia knows the reason Carina lost the baby is because of me.
Yes, when I returned, I was in such a furious state that I blamed the whole thing on Skylah. But, in reality, it wasn’t her name they uttered when Carina and Domino were talking. It was mine.
It’s always going to be me fucking everything up, even when I try to fix it. I need to fix this before it gets so out of hand that I can’t. And the only way to do that is to make a visit and confront the last person who needs a confrontation right now. Carina.
13
SKYLAH
“You’re not going to lock me back up?” I ask, completely baffled.
“It’s kind of a moot point now, isn’t it?” he asks gruffly, pulling on his boots.
There is no way that he’s changed that much since our altercation in the hallway. Something must be really wrong for him to completely forget about locking me up in my room. I wish he would open up to me, tell me everything I need to know instead of locking it all away. His secrets could be the turning point. It could bring answers to questions that’ve been plaguing me for years.
It could free us both. I can’t decide if it would be as freeing as I think it could be or if I’m just too terrified to stay in the dark any longer that I’ll do everything to change the mysteries lying between us.
“That is beside the point, Gavino,” I argue. Why I’m arguing, I have no idea. But I am.
Lifting his gaze to mine, his eyes narrow in warning. “Do you want to go back to that room?”
“No.”
“Then shut the fuck up and take what I give you, capisci?”
Nodding, I go to move off the bed, but a growl from him stops me in my place. Meeting his eyes once more, my breath catches in my chest when I see his flaming orbs on me.
“Yes?” I gulp.
“Did I say you could move from the bed?” he asks, cocking a brow.
Is
he for real right now? What if I need to use the bathroom while he’s gone? Lord knows where he’s going, being tight-lipped about it. He could be gone for hours, and I would be sitting here with a full bladder and no way to relieve myself.
“What if I need to go to the bathroom?”
“Piss in the bed. I don’t want you moving,” he retorts, standing to his feet. “Move from that bed, and you’ll see me in a way you’ve never seen me before.”
He can’t be serious. But the more I look at him, seeing his steadfast gaze, the more it dawns on me that he’s absolutely serious. Deathly so.
“What if there’s an intruder?” I ask, to which he scoffs, casting a disbelieving gaze my way.
That look actually has a tinge of terror trickling through my veins. If he’s scoffing at something like that, then Lord knows what he has around this home that would bar anyone but him from entering.
“Whoever comes in here must have a death wish. You’re safe here. Thus the reason the Brotherhood put you under my care.” There are words left unsaid. I can tell with the way he’s still searching my eyes. And who the fuck is the Brotherhood? I thought Father Avery put me in Gavino’s care until Brock was caught.
“Who’s the Brotherhood?” I inquire, settling back on top of the mattress.
“Now, that,” he says, grabbing his leather jacket off the back of the chair, “is none of your business. Your only job is to be a ditzy blonde, nothing more.”
Narrowing my eyes at him, I can’t fight the burning inside my chest. Anger like none other works its way from deep within me—blooming, encompassing me completely.
“I am not a ditzy fucking blonde. Just because you woke up in a tizzy doesn’t mean you get to take it out on me, jackass. Maybe you need to get yourself in control and stop being a fucking prick.”
