by Candy Crum
She looked to the door, thinking of her own mother. She remembered Ellen being drunk once and mumbling something about her mother not letting her have an abortion when she wanted it. Bri had been an accident and her mother never wanted her. She quickly regretted even researching it. She’d never give in to her mother if that was her true wish – to give up her only grandchild. Bri wished her own grandmother was still alive so she could go to her instead, knowing that her grandmother would support her choice to keep her child.
Feeling more confident, Bri once again took to the web, this time researching fun things like baby names and looking at cribs, toys, and clothes. She mentally picked out her maternity wardrobe and fantasized what she may look like in it. Over the next hour she became intensely excited about the prospect of motherhood.
As fatigue overtook her, she spent her last available moments before going to bed researching how to possibly hide a pregnancy. She was too tired to focus, but from what she saw the general consensus was that once she hit five to six months, it would be nearly impossible. Even though she knew the problems that she would face with her parents and the potential backlash with Mike, she fell asleep with a smile. She dreamed about a child, faceless in its identity, and showering it with the love she’d always craved from her own parents.
Chapter 2
Four weeks had passed since she’d discovered that she was with child, and if her dates were correct, she was about fifteen weeks along. She’d taken several more tests, just to make sure, and each one had come out positive. Morning sickness had completely taken hold over the last few weeks, but seemed to be lightening. It didn’t last as long throughout the day as it had for the first two weeks.
She made her way to her locker, avoiding attention – a true feat given that she was one of the most well-known girls in the school. Bri jumped as she felt a hand on her shoulder. “Whoa! Calm down there,” Matt Carter said, stepping out from behind her to lean against the lockers. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
He looked her over, seeing her beautiful blonde hair pulled back into a tight ponytail, her tanned face a little pale and dark circles under her normally bright blue eyes. She wore no makeup, so he was easily able to see the few tiny freckles that kissed the bridge of her nose.
It was Spirit Day, and Bri was the school’s female basketball star. She wasn’t dressed in the black and red school colored dress clothes – typically a black skirt, red button-up shirt, optional black tie for the girls, and black dress shoes, something that usually got the girls in trouble with the coach.
“You feeling okay? Kepner’s going to kill you when she sees you didn’t dress for Spirit Day.”
Bri shrugged. “I really didn’t feel like it. It felt like a frumpy day. Hey – maybe I’ll get points for putting my hair back.”
Matt smiled. “Well you look great anyway. I’m just not used to you not participating in your weekly basketball cult mandatory fun day festivities.”
Bri smiled and lightly pushed her friend. “Shut up. It’s not a cult. And I’m not like those girls anyway. I enjoy the popularity – sure – but I don’t need it like they do. I just like being looked up to by the younger kids. I’ve always wanted to be a role model for them.” Her smile faded. Well – that’s in the past now.
“Well, you’ll always be my role model Briana Lynn Grace,” he said in a mocking tone, putting a hand over his heart and laughing.
“Go to class, you jerk.”
“Oh, don’t get so feisty. Oh, before I forget, I figured I’d let you know, my mom has been asking about you. She wants to ask you over for dinner. My dad said he needs a card partner who doesn’t cheat, and my mom says she needs a daughter that would like to learn how to make her family recipes since Jacqueline refuses to learn how to cook.”
Jacqueline was Matt’s fraternal twin sister and a great girl. She home schooled herself and was highly intelligent, fun, funny, and beautiful. But she didn’t like getting her hands dirty and she didn’t like cooking. She stayed in her room for the most part, but she loved her family. Shaelyn, Matt’s mother, had always enjoyed Bri’s company and always liked hanging out with her. And Derek, his father, was a great dad. He always liked spending time with them and playing games with them when he could, even if it was just a quick game of cards.
He was military and traveled sometimes to instruct weapons courses, sniper courses, and advanced hand-to-hand combat courses. He’d just left again and wouldn’t be back for another six weeks because he was currently teaching a few back to back. Though they hated it, his family both loved him and respected him for his job. They were just glad that they only lost time with him for training rather than true war deployment.
Out of the corner of Bri’s eye she caught sight of a couple of girls walking by, whispering amongst themselves as they stole glances of the two of them standing. She saw them giggle as they walked by, staring her up and down like a piece of trash, but looking at Matt like a piece of meat. She turned back to Matt and rolled her eyes.
She knew why they looked at him so hungrily. He was about six feet tall and he had dark hair and piercing green eyes. He read a lot and enjoyed Shakespeare and classical music and studied engineering and medical books for fun. He hated sports and only attended games to be with friends. But while Matt was sort of nerdy, he also worked out. He ran a lot, something he and Bri had done together since they were kids. Bri was also on the track team and he helped her train before she and Mike had gotten together. She enjoyed his company, but they’d never been interested in one another in an intimate way.
“Hey! How’s it going in there? Are ya lost?” Matt asked, giving her a light shove in the shoulder
“Sorry,” she said. “I’ve got a lot on my mind. It’s been really weird last few weeks.”
“It’s okay, I really thought that I might’ve lost you there. So what about dinner with the parents? Should I tell my mom you think she’s a terrible person and you want nothing to do with them?”
She looked at him incredulously. “I have no idea about dinner. I just need some time to figure some things out. I really want to see your mom. And your dad asked me for a rematch a long time ago after I beat his ass.”
Matt laughed. “Yeah. You are the son he always wanted, after all.”
She returned the smile. “That’s true. Did your mom do drugs before conceiving you and your sister? You’re both defective.”
“Ha-ha. It’s been so long since we’ve hung out that I completely forgot how funny you are!”
“Just tell your parents that I’ll be over there soon. I have the game this Friday. Maybe I can stop by this weekend before my run.”
“Maybe we could run together?” He looked hopeful and it reminded her how terrible she’d been to him. She’d never been mean to him, but she’d driven a gap between them because of Mike. He was a jealous boyfriend and he saw Matt as a threat– even though he claimed not to believe Matt could possibly good enough to steal a woman from him. Regardless, Bri had wanted to save Matt that pain.
“That sounds nice,” she replied. “I’ll see what I can do. I have to cut this short. We have a short practice before the pep rally.”
“I’m holding you to it!” He said, smiling again as he walked away, satisfied that he’d be able to hang out with her that weekend.
Bri took a deep breath and grabbed her basketball uniform before shutting her locker. Her head pointed down, eyes on the floor, she headed for the locker room. Most of her teammates were already dressed, but there were a few stragglers around. She didn’t bother changing in front of the other girls, having noticed that her pants felt a little tighter earlier that week. She was almost four months pregnant now and it was beginning to show on her thin frame. Instead, she went to a bathroom stall to change.
“What the hell’s her problem?” she heard one of her teammates, Audry, say. Audry was a taller girl with fiery-red curly hair and more freckles than hair follicles. She managed to hide them well with makeup and was quite pretty.
She had brown eyes instead of the typical blue or green like most redheads, but she certainly had the fiery attitude like one.
“I don’t know,” Bri’s best friend, Melanie, said. “She’s been a little distant the last few weeks. I’ll talk to her later. I don’t want to push her right now. We’ve got practice and she should focus on that if she can.”
Fat chance of that happening, Bri thought to herself. She was silently hoping that the nausea that was currently remaining patient – but never letting her forget its presence – would stay calm and not act up during practice. Somehow, during the last few weeks she’d managed to keep from getting sick, even when it was at its worst, but that day she felt off
When Bri got out onto the indoor court, she took her place in line, the number twenty-three in bright red on her black jersey at the head of her team. Coach Kepner walked onto the court and looked over her team. Seeing the coach’s eyes lock on her, Bri knew she’d be called out of line.
“Grace,” Coach Kepner said.
“Yes, Coach,” Bri said, quickly coming to stand in front of the small-but-intimidating woman. Bri stood straight, her feet shoulder-width apart and her hands clasped behind her back.
“It’s come to my attention that you haven’t properly dressed today.”
“Yes, Coach. That’s right.”
“May I ask why?” Coach Kepner didn’t look pleased, but Bri knew she was typically a sweet woman.
Bri thought for a moment. She had gained a little size around her lower abdomen, though her weight had continued to drop. She didn’t fit in her skirt now and it would have looked ridiculous, but she couldn’t tell the coach that. Suddenly it occurred to her why she would not have properly dressed and also why she would have changed in the bathroom stall instead of the open locker room.
“I’m sorry, Coach. It’s that time. I woke up bloated and couldn’t really fit into my skirt. I apologize that I couldn’t participate in the spirit day uniform.”
Kepner nodded. “Very well. But I’m not taking it easy on you just because of your current condition. You know me.”
“Yes, Coach. All or nothing,” Bri said.
“That’s right. Back in line.” Kepner turned to the team as Bri ran back to her place in line. “Five laps around the gym. Then suicides.”
Everyone groaned at the mention of suicides. Bri usually loved doing them. Power running back and forth from one side of the gym to the other, taking only enough time to drop her hand to the floor to touch the line as she reached it and then run back across the gym. That Day, however, Bri thought it may truly be suicide.
She ran circles around the gym, every step jolting her stomach and making her feel sick. The other girls lapped her multiple times. As she was beginning her third lap, the other girls were finishing their last.
“Grace!” Coach Kepner yelled. “Pick it up! I can’t have my star player running like a snail! You’re on track for crying out loud. Run!” Bri huffed with every step, her stomach rolling and rolling again. You can do this. You can do this. It’s just the baby causing the sickness. You aren’t actually sick. You can control the nausea. It’s only hormones. Show your baby you can do anything – even when you’re sick.
The internal coaching seemed to be settling her nerves, and her stomach managed to stay still, though it was still nauseated. It wasn’t better;it wasn’t worse. It was consistent, and she could deal with that much. By the end of practice, she was completely worn out. Her breasts ached terribly – the sports bra doing nothing to support the swollen tissue. Her body hurt all over, her head was throbbing, and her stomach was clenching.
She took her time in the gym with stretching to burn time while the other girls got dressed. She expected the coach to confront her again about her poor performance, but she left to go to her office. Bri imagined she let it go because of the excuse she’d given. Bri had always performed at the top of her team – being one of the only girls on the team that actually practiced and trained outside of their weekly practices.
When the other girls began piling out of the locker room, Bri ran in and took a cold shower; the chilled water doing a lot to relieve her migraine and jolted her sore muscles back to life. Once she felt a little better, she turned off the water and stepped out.She threw her clothes back on and dried her hair under one of the hand dryers before brushing it out and putting it back in a tight ponytail.
She made her way back out to the halls to her locker, wanting to replace her jersey before heading to class. The scent of cheap aftershave hit her and her stomach twisted again. She faced her locker and pulled her shirt over her nose and mouth, inhaling deeply through her mouth to try to regain composure. It was Mike. She knew that smell anywhere. It haunted her nightmares since the night he’d claimed her.
“Hey,” he said, slamming her locker shut – barely missing her fingers – and leaning against it. He wore that hideous I-own-the-world-and-you’re-my-pawn smile that she so deeply detested. “We should go out this Friday.”
“I have a game this Friday,” she replied. She’d been dodging him for weeks, since their last “date”. He’d asked her to go out a few times since, not as often as she’d expected given it had been almost four months, but she’d managed to come up with an excuse every time. She got away with it by letting him come over while she studied, knowing her parents were downstairs and that he couldn’t move in on her, or going out with him in groups of people, or hanging out with him at games.
“So you can go out with that jackass nerd Matt, but not make time for me? That doesn’t exactly make me happy.”
She stalled, having no idea how to respond. He must have found out from prying ears. He had the entire school in his pocket. Every girl wanted him and every guy wanted to be him. He was the football star and the school, including its employees, worshipped him.
“We are just going for a short run. That’s not that big of a deal. And you know how close our families are. You haven’t exactly gone out of your way to make a good impression on my parents. They won’t let me go. And after my performance today in practice, I’ve got to make sure I’m there and not distracted.”
“Damn right! I don’t want a loser for a girlfriend. So whatever you’re doing wrong, fix it. As for the game, your parents never go. They hate that you’re a basketball player. They wanted you to be a cheerleader – which would be much hotter by the way. Have you seen those girls?” He paused a moment. His eyes narrowed a bit as he looked her over. “You’re looking a little – pudgy, so maybe it’s a good thing you’re not on the cheerleading squad. You wouldn’t have fit in there anyway.”
Her eyes widened at his blatant disrespect. She ignored it, knowing that it wasn’t her that was ugly or fat. It was his bloated ego and sense of entitlement. His opinion didn’t matter.
“Well,” she said. “I’m just not sure. I have upset them enough lately. I don’t want to get in any more trouble.”
“See, that’s exactly why it’s perfect. Your parents expect you to stay out late. And despite what you might think, your parents love me.” He winked at her and it made her sick.
“I have to go,” she said, turning to walk away.
Pain shot through her shoulder as she found herself pinned to the locker, Mike’s large hand slamming into the metal right next to her head. “I said – I want to go out. That means that we’re going out. I’ve let you get away for weeks now.” He smiled again. “But I want another taste. You’re like a drug, Bri.” His hand slithered under her shirt along her side, his fingers grazing the bare skin there.
Agree and he’ll leave, she thought to herself. You don’t actually have to go.
“Just let me celebrate with my team when we win, shower, and then we can go. I’ll tell my parents I’m going out with Melanie, okay?”
He smiled before placing a kiss on her cheek. “That’s my girl. I knew you couldn’t resist me.”
She gave a forced and nervous laugh. “Yeah, you’re right.” Her stomach twisted again. The mixture betw
een his scent and his presence physically making her sick. “I have to go.”
He nodded. “See you Friday, babe.”
Bri waved before bolting for the bathroom and barely making it before throwing up. She only threw up twice before the nausea subsided. Slowly moving to the sink, she pulled her backpack off, removing a bottle of water and a small bottle of mouthwash. She rinsed with water before rinsing with mouthwash. After she finished, she pulled a small sandwich baggie full of saltines from the side pocket and began snacking.
“Bri?” the familiar voice said. She turned her head to see her best friend Melanie standing by the door, brows furrowed as she looked over the scene.
“Hey, Mel,” Bri said.
“What’s going…” She took a step forward, seeing the bottle of water, mouthwash, saltines, and a bottle of Tums hiding in the side pocket facing her. “You’re pregnant?”
Bri’s eyes widened. “What? No! No. Just not feeling well, that’s all.”
Melanie stepped closer. “You’ve been sick for weeks. You’ve been sluggish as hell in practice, you’ve been distant, changing in the stalls.”
She reached out and lightly jabbed her finger in Bri’s left breast. “Ow! What the hell?”
Melanie gave her an incredulous look. “Sore breasts? Deny it now. You’re pregnant.”
Bri sighed, a smile breaking through at the end. She forced down a couple of Tums before turning to her friend and nodding. “I am. I don’t know what to do! But I know I’m keeping the baby.”
“How far along are you?” Melanie asked.
“About fifteen weeks,” she replied. “I’m already through my first trimester. I found out four weeks ago. My periods have always been irregular because of all the running and working out I do. So it took me a while to catch on something was off. I still haven’t told my parents or even Mike. I don’t know what to do.”
