by Candy Crum
Matt sighed heavily and leaned back against his chair. He’d never had such grim news be so uplifting. He didn’t say a word as the doctor spoke to Shaelyn.
“Matt?” a small unsure voice said. Matt turned to see Bri’s parents standing there. He couldn’t believe it. “I hope it’s okay that we’re here. If you want us to leave, we will.”
Matt felt his mother squeeze his hand again. “Do whatever you feel is right. This is your family. Don’t feel bad doing whatever you believe needs to be done for the good of it. Don’t worry about upsetting your father or me or upsetting them. We are behind you, whatever you decide.” He smiled at his mother and kissed the back of the hand that was holding his.
He stood and walked over to meet them. “I realize things have been very strained. If you’re here out of guilt, leave. I won’t let you make yourselves feel better, like you did the right thing by her just by being here during her struggle. However, if you’re here because you love her and want to change things – really want to make things right, even if this is as far as it gets to go because the worst happens – then you’re more than welcome to stay.”
Tears filled Ellen’s eyes as she nodded. “I’ve been selfish. And I didn’t even know how much until you told me that she was dying – that my grandchild was dying. I’ll never be able to make things up to her, but I’d like to try.”
Matt nodded before taking a step forward and pulling her into his chest, holding her. He felt her entire body go limp, as his had earlier. She sobbed hard into his chest as she squeezed him tight. Bri’s father wiped his silent tears away. He seemed to be caught up with an inner battle that waged in his mind.
“What’s happening?” he asked finally. “Did they make it?”
“The baby made it. She’s in the NICU. The doc said she probably will be for a few weeks because she’s so early. Bri is having brain surgery right now to remove the aneurysm. We still don’t know if she’s going to make it or if she will be normal if she does survive. She may have long term effects.”
Matt felt a hand on his back. He turned to see Doctor Metcalf smiling. “You guys can go see the baby if you’d like. No more than two or three of you at a time though. I’ll have a nurse show you guys up. You’ll need a key card to access the floor.”
“Thank you,” Matt said. “For everything.” He hugged her tightly and she squeezed him back. Matt really thought of her as family, and with everything she’d been through with them, she thought of them as more than just patients as well.
Everyone went up to the NICU and waited just outside of the doors. Matt turned to his parents. “I know that I should take you guys first. You’ve been there through everything, even when you didn’t know that you were. But I feel like I should take them first. I need them to see exactly what they gave up on. What they tried to abandon.”
Shaelyn smiled. “You’re such a good boy. You must have an amazing mother. Probably really attractive, too.”
Matt smiled. He loved his mother’s wit. He’d inherited his own sense of humor from her. He hoped the baby would pick it up as well.
Matt and Bri’s parents walked into the neonatal intensive care unit. The nurse showed them over to “Baby Grace”. Bri’s parents kept their distance, allowing Matt to go first and have his moment. She didn’t yet have a first name Matt realized. He wondered then what Bri would want to call her. They’d never discussed it. She’d looked through the books, but could never quite make it through. That didn’t matter as he approached the incubator. When he looked down and saw his daughter lying inside, nothing else in the world mattered. The love that he’d felt for her before was absolutely nothing compared to what he felt for her now.
She had wispy white-blonde hair covering her tiny little head. Her eyelashes were thick and light in color. Her little mouth was perfectly heart-shaped, just like her mommy’s. Her eyes were closed, so Matt couldn’t see the color, but he knew they would be beautiful. She looked like Bri. She was perfect.
“Hi, baby girl,” Matt said, touching the side of the incubator. “It’s Daddy.”
The baby opened her eyes, squinting hard against the light. Matt knew that he was too far for her to see him, or that perhaps, due to her prematurity, she couldn’t see him at all yet. But seeing her open her eyes to his voice made him incredibly happy. He couldn’t believe how in love with her he was. They were a dark shade of blue, beautiful with her medium skin tone.
A sniff from behind reminded him that he wasn’t the only one here. He’d forgotten who he’d brought in with him and why. He moved and waved them over. Slowly, Bri’s parents made their way to where Matt stood. Both of them covered their mouths, Ellen closing her eyes as more tears fell.
“I don’t mean to add insult to injury,” Matt said. Ellen made eye contact with him, preparing for what he might say. “This is the daughter of Briana Lynn Grace. Your granddaughter. This is the life that you both gave up on. The little girl you abandoned when you signed those emancipation papers. I brought you in here first, before my own parents – the ones that have supported Bri this whole time – because I wanted you to see the baby girl that nearly lost her life, and is still fighting for it. I wanted to show you that, despite coming from a seemingly weak-minded family, her mother turned out to be a fighter and our daughter inherited that trait.”
Ellen looked down at Baby Grace. She thought back to the day that Bri had been born. She’d been so selfish, even back then. She didn’t want Bri. How could she not have wanted her own daughter? Just the thought of it brought tears to her eyes. She was filled to the brim with guilt and self-hatred. Looking at that baby made her think of every wrong she’d ever committed against her daughter.
She thought about some of her friends that had made similar decisions that she had. She thought about how they wouldn’t care, even if something tragic happened. She didn’t want to be like them. She didn’t want to let that continue. She looked to Matt.
“Biologically, the baby is Mike’s, or so Bri told us. Is that true?”
“Yes,” Matt said. “He may be her father, but he sure as hell isn’t her daddy.”
Ellen looked back to the baby. “I agree. You’ve always been good to our Bri. Better than we ever were. You’ll make an amazing daddy for your little girl.”
Matt certainly hadn’t expected her to be so sincere.
“Do you have anything for her?” Bri’s father asked.
It was the first time he’d spoken since he’d arrived, aside from asking how his daughter was. The truth was that he was angry and bitter for what happened with Bri. He hated being such a coward when it came to his wife. When Ellen had decided to abandon Bri at the hospital, he’d considered divorcing her and taking full custody of his daughter. In the end, however, he was far too cowardly.
He wished that it was he that had taken the beating that Bri had received. He deserved it. He mentally tortured himself for not having left Ellen and taking Bri back. But like Matt said, guilt had no part to play here. They didn’t matter. It wasn’t about them. It was about Bri and the baby.
“Not really. We have little things. A few onezies, a couple packs of diapers – that are going to be far too big – and some other random small things, but nothing that really matters. We thought we had more time. We hoped to throw a baby shower and then make a list of things we needed after that.”
“Would you allow us to do something for them?” John asked.
“As I said before, if this is for guilt then the answer is no. We don’t need your pity. If it is because you want to make things right, then I won’t stand in a father’s way that’s trying to spoil his daughter and grandchild.”
“Thank you,” he said. “Thank you for letting us see her. I’m going to go now. I’ll let your parents know they can come in.”
Matt didn’t want to leave his daughter’s side, so he was all too happy to let John deliver the message to Shaelyn and Derek that they could come in.
Matt somehow managed to lose track of time. It was ne
arly twenty minutes before his parents came in. Shaelyn cried when she saw the baby and held her son, as he’d expected. “My baby’s a father,” she said.
Matt laughed. “Calm down, Mom. It was bound to happen one day.”
“She’s beautiful, Matt,” Derek said, patting his son on the back. “She looks like her momma. She’s strong like her, too. You’ve got a lot to deal with now.”
They laughed. “That’s probably true. She’s going to be just as stubborn, too. At least I hope she will be.”
“Has anyone said anything?” Shaelyn asked.
He shook his head. “Nothing. I’m worried. Did you call Jason?”
“It’s all taken care of, was what I was told. He said he’d make sure everything went okay. Past that, I haven’t heard anything,” she said.
“Do you want to go back to surgery and wait? We can stay here with Baby Grace if you’d like,” Derek said.
“No. I’ll stay here. They know where I am. Bri would kill me if I went to wait on her down there while our little girl was up here without one of us. Waiting down there won’t save Bri. It won’t magically snap her out of it. As badly as I want to go down there and raise hell and rush them, I can’t. If they take all day, I don’t care as long as she’s safe and healthy. I’ll wait here where I can at least be of some use.”
A nearby nurse got a chair and brought it over for Matt to sit in. “It might take a while for them to get back to me, but I can call down and see if there’s any news to tell. Who is the patient?”
“Briana Grace,” Matt said. “She’s in surgery for a brain aneurysm.”
The nurse looked to the incubator and back to Matt, realization striking her. “Oh my. I’m so sorry. It’s Baby Grace’s mother?” Matt nodded. “I’ll do my best to find out. I’ll be right back. If you need anything to eat or drink, let us know and we will get it for you.”
“Thank you,” the three of them said at once.
Matt sat in the chair and placed his hand back on the incubator, silently hoping he would be lucky enough to be given a second miracle in one day.
Chapter 17
Once Bri was out of surgery, it took her a few hours to wake up. The doctors said that it was not unusual to wake then, but given the level of complications Bri had experienced, they were surprised to see her conscious so soon.
When Bri finally opened her eyes, Matt was sitting next to her, holding her hand. Her vision was blurry at first, but he soon came into view. Instinctively her hand went to her belly, seeking comfort by rubbing on her swollen abdomen. Instead, she was met with shock.
“Where’s the baby!” she shrieked.
“Calm down, calm down,” Matt soothed. “Your water broke, remember?”
Bri thought hard for a moment, the last twenty-four hours a blur to her. “I – I think so. So they delivered her?”
“Yes. It was pretty shaky with the two of you there for a while. But she is safe and healthy up in the NICU.”
“Why the hell aren’t you with her?” she snapped. “She needs one of us up there!”
“Babe, please try to relax. I’ve got to fill you in on some things. To do that, I need you to stay completely calm, because it is scary. But everything turned out okay. The baby is safe with a team of amazing nurses. She isn’t alone. My parents are up there with her right now. Okay?”
Bri visibly relaxed, leaning back on her pillows. “Okay. Sorry I snapped. Not sure what’s wrong with me.”
“Well, when I tell you what you’ve been through, I’m sure you’ll give yourself some slack.”
Matt told Bri everything that happened from the moment she passed out until the moment she awoke. She was so grateful for his bravery. When he told her that he was forced to make that terrible choice of which life to save, she admired him for how strong he’d been. She also loved him even more for having chosen their daughter. He was right; she would have come after him if he’d chosen the other way. Luckily for the three of them, it worked out better than anticipated.
The nurse came in and told them that the doctor would be in later to do an assessment. If she passed, she’d be able to go by wheelchair to the NICU to see her baby. Bri was a mess. She was so excited to see her baby that she could hardly contain herself. She spent the next hour and a half talking about the baby and all the things that she wanted to do when she could come home. She was a completely different person when talking about the baby.
“I need to name her,” she said suddenly.
Matt squeezed her hand. “Yes you do. Do you have anything in mind?”
“I do, but I just don’t know.”
“Well, tell me what you’re thinking. Maybe I can help,” Matt said.
Bri paused, thinking the name over again before saying it out loud. “I was thinking Charlee Maree Carter.”
Matt smiled. Hearing the baby’s name out loud, especially with his last name warmed him. He had never been so happy. “I love it. I think it’s beautiful, like her. If you like it and want to keep it, I think it’s a great name.”
“I do. I think it will suit her well. God, I can’t wait to see her.”
“The doctor shouldn’t be too much longer, babe. Should I go let the nurses know that Baby Grace now has a name?”
She nodded. “Yes. I’d love that. Have them bring me the papers that I need to fill out with her information. I’ll make it official.”
He leaned down and gently kissed her lips before leaving the room. He went upstairs and told the nurses that she wanted to have the paperwork sent down to her and that Baby Grace would be Charlee Maree Carter from then on out.
A few hours later, Bri was finally cleared to move up to the NICU to see Charlee. She nearly bounced in her wheelchair all the way up. Her smile was “ear to ear”, as they say and her face began to hurt a little from smiling so much. She didn’t care. She was so happy to see her baby girl.
They wheeled her into the room and over to Charlee. Bri’s chest felt tight as an overwhelming feeling of love and absolute devotion swelled within her. She’d never seen anything so beautiful and she felt so much pride to have been the one to nestle and grow her within her womb.
“She’s gorgeous,” Bri said softly. “I’ve never loved anything so much in all my life.”
“That’s exactly how I felt,” Matt said, leaning down and gently kissing Bri on the lips. “Though her momma is the closest I’ve ever come.”
Bri smiled up at him. She’d never felt such a true family moment. It was everything she’d ever hoped for.
“Bri?” Her smile faded when she heard the voice from behind her. She turned to see her mother standing there, smiling down at her. “If you’d like to be alone, I can come back.”
Matt had told her that her parents had come to see the baby, and to make sure that she made it through surgery, but deep down she didn’t believe it until she saw her mother standing there at that moment.
“No… It’s okay.”
Ellen smiled, though it was a cautious smile. She was afraid to be too optimistic with her daughter given what she’d done. “I brought something for you. I thought it might make you feel a bit more at home since you’ll be here for a while.”
It was then that Bri noticed the bag in her mother’s hand. She looked back at her mother, as if to question if it truly was for her. Ellen moved slowly as she walked toward her daughter, testing every step. She sat the bag in her lap and smiled once again. Bri reached inside and removed the decorative tissue paper. Inside was something made of the softest fuzzy black material she’d ever felt. She lifted the large, neatly folded mass out to find that it was full length robe.
“Thank you,” Bri said. “It’s beautiful.”
“Don’t thank me, sweetheart. It’s just something small.” Bri nodded, not quite knowing what to say in response. “I wanted to see how you were. You went through quite a lot. You’re so strong. I wish that I could take credit for that.”
“No, you can. You’re strong too – just in all the wrong ways.”<
br />
“Well, that’s certainly a nice way of putting it,” Ellen said. “Thank you for not being cruel. I’m not sure I’d be so calm in your situation.”
Bri shrugged. “I’m alive. My baby girl is alive. I get to see her grow. What is there to be mad about? And strength isn’t born into you, not completely. It’s learned. My daughter is strong because she’s had to fight for her life since before she was born. It probably just seemed natural for her to continue to do so after she arrived. I am strong because I had to be. I had to raise myself and learn to do everything myself. While I can sit all day and imagine the childhood that I would have wanted instead, I won’t. By being who you were, you made me who I am. I like who I am. If I’d been a spoiled little rich brat like all my friends, things probably would have gone very differently for me and I don’t like that thought at all.”
Ellen didn’t know what to say. She was more than a little shocked to hear her daughter say that she wouldn’t change her life. Though she still regretted all of her decisions regarding her daughter, she was grateful that Bri turned out as well as she did.
“You’re quite the incredible woman, Briana. I’m so very proud of you.”
“Thank you, Mom,” she said. She grabbed hold of her mother’s hand. “If you’re here because you want to make things right, I have some stipulations.”
“Anything,” Ellen said, hopeful. “Name it and I’ll do it.”
“All through my childhood you made me jump through hoops to earn your love. That isn’t love. That’s ownership and I know that you’re preparing for me to do that to you, but I’m not. That’s something that a human does to their prize winning dog. Show them love when they perform well and shun them when they disappoint. Even that disgusts me, but it should never be a ritual practiced between mother and child. If you want to be in my life you will show me and my daughter the unconditional love that I showed you.”
