I’m grasping at straws here, but I feel like I’ve got a shot. Maybe the best shot I have at tracking her down.
Yeah, I could have probably just called her brother and gotten the information from him but my eagerness would have tipped him off that something was up and I don’t think she needed that kind of drama right now. Also, I sure would like to punch him right in the face. With friends like him, who needs enemies?
But the most important thing is I’m the man. It’s my job to go to her. To figure it out for myself and bring back what we had that one night and turn it into something lasting.
And at last I finally remembered something that seemed so inconsequential when we had pillow talk, but could hold the clue to finding her.
She mentioned how comfortable the memory foam pillows were in the hotel. We shared a laugh over it and then took off the pillowcase and looked at the tag. Tokyo Soba. Soba pillows from Tokyo. Yeah, soba like soba noodle soup, but obviously much different.
But then she said something. “Maybe I’ll get put on their account.”
I had no idea what she was talking about and proceeded to kiss her instead of ask her about international pillow manufacturers.
But now it makes complete sense. “Maybe I’ll get put on their account.”
She studied advertising. She’s working for an ad agency, that much I know. And that night she already knew that pillow manufacturer was one of her company’s clients.
So who handles their account? Polk and Partners with an office smack dab in downtown L.A. They’re an exclusive firm that doesn’t use LinkedIn, hence why I couldn’t find her information there.
It all adds up. At least that’s what I hope.
And in about thirty minutes to two hours from now, depending on the infamous L.A. traffic I’ll find out.
CHAPTER 10
Leah
I feel completely numb as I push open the door to my office. Another rep comes in behind me and helps me. I barely have the strength to get it open.
“You okay? You look ill?”
“I’m okay. Just the air-conditioning. Allergies are acting up today and for some reason aircon triggers it from time to time.”
He nods and heads off down the hall. He’s about my age so he’s probably being worked to death as well.
I don’t go to my desk though. I head straight to the ladies room. Back stall and door shut.
And then the tears come.
I absolutely can’t believe it, but now it makes complete sense. How could I be so careless? How could I have put myself in this position?
I’ll have to wait for the tests to come back but the over the counter test seemed pretty conclusive.
I’m pregnant.
And it’s Xavier’s child.
I haven’t even spoken to him in a month. I’m running myself ragged here. And I have no idea who I should tell if anyone.
As much as I don’t know there is one thing I do know with absolute certainty.
I am keeping this baby. My baby. His baby. Our baby.
But how do I even approach him and ask him if he wants to be involved? How do you drop a bomb like that on someone?
I don’t think you can. Not in these circumstance.
Luckily my agency has a great health care program and are actually very good with time off for childbirth. But how can I really expect to raise this baby on my own? And what if it’s a boy? He needs a positive male influence. And I’m not even thinking about who’s going to want a single mother who’s struggling to get by because I know there’s only one man for me.
I’m not interested in other guys. Most guys my age are still stuck in their college phase, even though that’s ended. And a lot of older guys have just let themselves go. Dad bod is an epidemic. I don’t want to sound shallow, but I need a real man who can be a leader and set a good example in all forms of life.
And again there’s only one man who checks all those boxes for me.
In between sobs I laugh. It’s the same man who’s given me this baby! I should be ecstatic, and in some ways I am. But in a whole lot of others I’m terrified.
My feelings are running polar opposites of each other right now and now that I’m pregnant it’s only going to get worse.
And how can I keep up at work while not jeopardizing the health of my child? Sleeping at my desk, working myself to the bone, and a terrible diet are not going to cut it anymore.
And when do I tell my boss? What do I tell my boss? “Hi, your ‘responsible’ employee is pregnant from a one night stand?” It’s not a one-night stand, but that’s how she’ll see it. It’s not like I can just deflect questions from management and co-workers. “Oh you know this is L.A., the father is a big deal and wants to remain anonymous.” I’ll sound like a douche or that I went to a sperm bank, which will only increase the ridicule I get at work.
And what do I tell my family? “Hey, I didn’t get a promotion yet, but I did get pregnant!” Uh…no.
And of course most importantly. Do I tell him?
And if I do how will he react?
Will he react? Will he even speak to me?
What have I gotten myself into this time?
CHAPTER 11
Leah
I finally catch a break and my boss doesn’t email me when she leaves for the day. That means I’m heading home as soon as I calculate the time it takes her to get to the elevator.
Three…two…one.
She should be gone by now.
I dart from my chair and make my way to the service elevator. Add paranoid to the list of things that’s wrong with me now.
A minute later I’m exiting the building.
I pull out my phone and tap on the Uber icon seeing where the nearest car is and the price.
“Share a lift?”
I don’t even need to look up. I’d recognize that voice anywhere.
I feel the hairs on my arms and legs that I haven’t had the time to shave for going on a week now stand on end.
As if today wasn’t crazy enough he just had to go and make it crazier.
“Xa…” I look at him and my words just stop. All those feelings I’ve ever had for him come rushing back like one of those summer storms that come out of nowhere and just surprise you…catching you exposed when you least expect it.
And I’m exposed all right. Emotionally at least. A tear streams down my cheek, but I’m not sure if I can hug him or not. I need one more than anything, but I don’t deserve one.
I don’t deserve him.
“You look beautiful as always,” he says.
He’s lying, or at least I would think so given how I look, but he looks so sincere and his comment seems so genuine.
“I don’t,” I say.
“You always do.”
He’s the emotional support I need right now more than anything and I can’t hold back. I lean in to him and his big strong arms immediately wrap around me. In this big city where I feel more alone by the day he suddenly makes me feel safe again…like I belong. And there’s no denying from the way he holds me that the man I belong to more than any is him.
“You didn’t make it easy to find you,” he says softly in my ear. “But I’m always up for a challenge when the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow is you.”
I pull my head back from his chest and just look up at him. How did I get so lucky to find a guy like this and why was I so foolish to run from him?
He leans in and my eyes close. I feel his lips touch mine and we kiss, holding it as the world around us moves to the beat of the big city but we’re in slow motion lost in each other. The reason we live. To have that other person there just when we need them most.
And somehow he just appeared out of nowhere when I needed him more mightily than I could have ever imagined.
“Anywhere we can get a coffee around here?” he asks.
“Yeah,” I say. He wipes a tear from my cheek. “Just a block away there’s a nice place.”
He holds out his arm and
I’m quick to take it. He understands me. He really understands.
But will he understand what I’ve got to tell him when we sit down for a talk?
CHAPTER 12
Xavier
She could have been saying the world was about to end and I wouldn’t have even known.
I didn’t hear a word. And I didn’t have a care in the world.
Just to stare into those big brown eyes of hers again was all I needed.
I feel her hands on top of mine and realize she’s slid them across the table.
“Are you there?” she says then laughs.
“Sorry, I was just thinking about something?”
“What were you thinking about?”
“How perfect you are. How perfect we are. How we both had these secret crushes for all these years and then we finally found out and it was explosive. And then it was over almost as soon as it started. And now here we are again. I don’t want to sound crazy, but it’s destiny. And it’s right. I can feel it. I’ve always been more of a logical kind of person…trying to rationalize decisions and think everything through, but with you I just feel. It’s a totally different way and it only happens with you. It’s a subconscious thing that’s beyond my control, not that I’d want to control it at all. It’s free. It’s unharnessed. It’s raw. And it’s perfect.”
She smiles even wider. “I was just thinking you were going to tell me about how good the coffee was here.”
“Yeah, that too,” I say.
We both laugh. I roll my palms over the table and take her hands in mine.
She takes a deep breath and the smile on her face turns serious.
I don’t like that look. I only want to see her happy. Always.
“What’s wrong?”
“I have some news. Something that I just very, very recently found out and…I really need to share it with you.”
“Anything. Tell me. You know I’m here for you.”
“I know, but something happened that…how should I say it? You didn’t really ‘sign up’ for.”
“I’m signed up for everything when it comes to you.”
She takes in another deep breath and her expression changes from worry to one of resignation. I can see she’s just going to come straight out with it.
“I’m pregnant.”
I freeze immediately. A million thoughts fill my brain and then I oddly feel them all disappear. It’s like my brain is empty. Again, I’m just feeling. Images of a little boy flash through my head. We’re outside playing catch. Suddenly the little boy is replaced with one of a little girl, and we’re on a park bench eating ice cream cones and I’m trying my best to explain to her the answer to her question. “Daddy, why is the sky blue?” I realize I don’t actually know, in the science kind of way, so I just tell her because it matches the color of her eyes. Then my mind flashes forward to more children running around outside. They’re yelling, and screaming, and playing and having fun. It’s pure mayhem and it’s pure happiness.
My mind continues and I completely lose track of where I am again. Some people say they see things when they almost die? I am seeing things because I’ve finally begun to live. To imagine how beautiful life could be as a father. As a husband. As a protector. As a provider. As a lover. As an understanding and encouraging parent.
It’s everything I ever wanted and never really quite knew I wanted it, because until recently I never knew we could be together.
But we can. And we will. And this only makes things that much better.
“You’re not saying anything,” she says. She looks nervous.
I reach out my hand and run it across her cheek. I just look at her and marvel at her strength. Was she going to tell me this or was she prepared to go it alone? A flash of anger hits me briefly as I think about not knowing if she was ready to do this by herself if I hadn’t showed up and how much that would have destroyed me. But today isn’t about anger. Today is about happiness. It’s not about what might have happened. It’s about what is happening.
I brush her cheek again realizing I’ll never have this moment again. I’ll never get this kind of news from her again. Something that bonds us permanently more than anything else in the world.
“Say something. Please. Say anything.”
I open my mouth and pause. I feel my top teeth come down on my lower lip.
“I love you.”
EPILOGUE
Leah
Three weeks later
I always thought the strongest and best three words in the English language were “I love you.”
I was wrong. But not by much.
“I love us,” is much more powerful.
Xavier had embraced the idea of becoming a father with open arms. And the timing couldn’t have been better.
As soon as we left the coffee shop his booking agent had called him and let him know the client had agreed to the ad agency position. He’d since filled me in on all the details and today I started my first day at the new job in downtown Cape Town. Talk about a city being absolutely paradise. I wasn’t sure what I liked more. The weather. The friendly people. The way so many races from so many places intermingled and got along. I felt like I was in the middle of the world’s most beautiful cultural exchange.
For lunch you could go to one of The Townships and eat some of the best home cooked style soul food you could ever imagine, served up with a side of smiles and a whole lot of good vibes.
For dinner you could wet your appetite with a local wine from neighboring Stellenbosch while keeping it light with some locally caught fish as you watched the moon sparkle over Camp’s Bay.
Exercise? Climbing Lion’s Head or Table Mountain provided the ultimate reward. No Stairmaster beeping that you’d completed twenty minutes. No ma’am. Not here. When you completed your cardio here your rewards were some of the best views in some of the freshest air nature had to offer.
How did I never really hear about this place? I’d always dreamt of Paris, the windmills of The Netherlands, the greenery of New Zealand, and the open spaces of Australia…and those things were absolutely magnificent and still on my bucket list but I was completely blown away by this windy city that is Cape Town.
And I was blown away by his love.
And maybe the best part is that I had my HEA and I was in paradise. And of course my first child was on the way while I put in a few more months in my chosen profession which filled me with a great sense of purpose, as much as working can do.
But my real purpose was my family. And that included my brother. I had forgiven him for what he did. He had his “reasons” which I still dispute. Of course at the time I was way too young and still figuring myself out. He was being the protective older brother as older brothers are. The more I thought about it the more I though Xavier would do the same thing for our children one day…although I know he’d never make up a story to accomplish his goal. He’d just say it to you straight, just like he jumped straight on that plane to come get me…To be his forever.
We’d bumped into a local man at the market yesterday who helped us pick out the best ostrich burgers. Yes, there really is a thing and oh are they tasty. We got to talking and we were both just blown away by his combination of vitality mixed with calmness. The ultimate yen and yang. In a way he reminded us of Nelson Mandela, although that man is incomparable in a league all of his own.
We discovered he was a minister and here we find ourselves on the top of Table Mountain about to exchange wedding vows. We joked that our initials are XL, yet we’re having the smallest wedding in history. Just the three of us and Mr. Naidoo to preside over the affair.
Some people might call it a shotgun wedding, but it’s anything but. We’ve been mentally connected for years. Then we connected physically and now we’ll be connected forever. There is no greater feeling.
And the knowledge that the lifestyle here is less hectic is also a huge relief. No eighty to one hundred hour work weeks. People value family and friendship down here too muc
h to spend time staring into a computer screen or running around making another dollar for someone else who’s already infinitely rich.
No thanks.
My stress got carried away the first time one of Cape Town’s winds blew across my back, and the wind has been at my back ever since.
And even more importantly is the knowledge that Xavier will have my back forever.
Brother's Best Friend: An Older Man Younger Woman Romance (A Man Who Knows What He Wants Book 50) Page 4
