She whirled. “If you’ve figured that out, then what’s all this, Alex? Why bring me close then push me away?” She’d meant to sound outraged but the hurt rang clear in her voice. This isn’t fair. Since Colin, she hadn’t been able to feel close to a man; fear kept her away. Alex was the first man since who’d made her feel safe—however briefly.
He ran his fingers through his hair. “You’re right. I’m just not thinking. I’m being impulsive, something that’s very unlike me. Since the second I saw that silly picture of you on TV, I haven’t been myself.”
“Great. So what you’re telling me is that none of the Alexes I’ve seen are real.”
He opened his mouth, but she held up her hand. “Your message has been received loud and clear, Alex. I’m not shiny enough to be worthy of standing at your side.”
She turned to grab her purse but he caught her arm.
“Kat!”
She glared at him, then looked pointedly at her arm. He let go of it like he was touching something hot and rubbed the back of his neck. “It’s not you.”
She waited for the rest of the inevitable “it’s me” speech.
“I’m not myself around you. I don’t know what it is. I...I feel out of control when I’m with you.”
He walked over to the desk and poured himself a thumb of whiskey. He lifted the glass to his mouth but stopped short of drinking.
“It’s okay, Alex. Just tell me.”
He set the glass down on the table with care.
“I hit a girl once.” His voice was thick, shoulders slumped. Her veins filled with ice. There must be more to the story. He wasn’t the kind of man to hit a girl; he couldn’t be. Seconds ticked by. Frozen, her feet wouldn’t move, and even if they could, she didn’t know whether to go to him or run as fast as she could out the door.
When he spoke again his voice was so soft, she had to step closer to hear him. “I was angry, and I did the one thing I swore I would never do. I was so out of control...”
The self-loathing in his voice clawed at her. She touched his arm. “It must have been an extraordinary circumstance.”
He shook his head. “She made me so angry, I couldn’t think straight. I hurt her.”
Kat dropped her arm. It wasn’t as if she was a good judge of men. If she were, she would’ve seen Colin for who he really was: a weak, desperate man who was so driven to prove himself to his father that he did terrible things. Who was she to say Alex wasn’t the same?
“I grew up with men like that,” he continued. “Men who took out their frustrations on a woman, men I loathe. Ever since that day, I’ve worked hard to be a man in control. I can’t... I won’t be with a woman if I can’t trust myself with her.”
You’re not like that, Alex. The desperation in his voice was heart-wrenching.
“Please go, Kat.”
She stared at him for a beat, then picked up her purse and left.
CHAPTER SIX
ALEX EYED THE bar after Kat left. He hated this part of his job and had become masterful at pretending to sip without actually drinking anything. Every once in a while, a donor would notice the full glass before Alex could pretend to refill it and insist he drink. When that happened, he’d shut the office door and wouldn’t let anyone in for the rest of the day. He’d seen what alcohol did to men, and what men did to women when they didn’t realize how much they’d had to drink. His mother’s bruises might have healed, but he could still see the scars on her arms.
Scars that reminded him of the helpless child waiting outside a room hearing noises he knew were wrong; huddling in a corner like he’d been told to do when all he wanted was to charge through the doors. Scars that made him step away from any woman he cared about. And those were just the scars he could see. There were many more that his mother kept deep in her soul.
When he’d asked his mother about the wounds, she’d told him the governor didn’t mean it. The governor was his mother’s employer, a man people seemed to revere and admire when all Alex wanted to do was get his mother as far away from him as he could.
Alex prided himself on becoming a man who was a master of his actions. One who would never give a woman scars—of any kind. He would never allow anything to undo the hard-won restraint he kept on himself. Until now.
He was behaving differently around Kat, making questionable choices, like the one he’d just made by kissing her. What had gotten into him? He’d invited her to DC to prove to himself that he could be professional around her. He had no problems doing that with all the other women in the office. What was it about her?
Kat scared him. He had given himself a stern talking-to after he left the campaign offices, vowing to stay as far away from her as he could. She ignited something in him that no other woman had. The reins of self-control slid from his fingers whenever she was around.
He didn’t feel the kind of blind rage he had as a teenager; this was something different. But he wasn’t going to risk going down a slippery slope.
He wouldn’t go back to being that guy who had hit a girl. The raging bundle of hormones who’d had to look into his mother’s eyes and see that he was no better than the men they both detested. Years of martial-arts training had given him the skills of self-discipline. Yes, I can—the mantra that reminded him he had the resolve and the inner strength to be the master of his behavior and emotions. Kat was putting those skills to the test, and he needed to stay away. The senator was due to return tomorrow, after which he would be canvassing the state, giving speeches and rallies to drum up support. Alex was going to go with him and keep Kat parked firmly at campaign headquarters. It was the only way to make sure he didn’t do something else he’d regret, like jeopardize his career by getting involved with the boss’s daughter. He had a plan he’d been working toward all his life, and Kat was not going to be the reason he failed.
* * *
THE CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS were quiet when Alex arrived. It was early in the morning. He needed that quiet to go over the information the senator had sent from Egypt last night. Alex had a whole team working on the bill, but he liked to be up to date on the latest information. While he trusted his staff, he was the one who had to make quick decisions.
Crista waved to him from her cubicle and he wondered whether she’d slept there. Hiring her had been one of his best moves since taking this position. Technically he was doing two jobs as both the campaign manager and chief of staff. He’d hired Crista as his deputy because she knew campaigns. Given their past relationship, he’d had his doubts, but she handled her job like a true professional. In the backstabbing world of campaigns, he knew she was loyal to him.
He’d barely turned on his laptop when Crista walked in with a steaming mug of coffee. She set it down and remained standing. “How did the meetings go yesterday?”
He gave her a quick rundown then handed her the checks he’d collected. As the campaign’s deputy, Crista was responsible for working with the fund-raisers to keep the cash flowing. She eyed the checks. “Where’s the one from the EAGLE manufacturers?”
“I’m working on a bigger donation from them.”
“But they did give you a check?” The standard protocol was to deposit any checks as fast as they could and talk the donors into more later.
“They have some conditions I want to run by the senator.”
Crista frowned. He understood her concern. Usually, it didn’t matter what the conditions were and whether the senator disagreed with them. The idea was to get a donation and deposit it. Most mid-level contributors understood that they were buying access to the politician; any promises from staffers were tenuous at best. But with the EAGLE guys, he’d felt compelled to hold back.
“Did Kat do something?”
Alex looked up. Crista’s highly intuitive nature was a great asset most of the time, but today it was annoying. “
No,” he said wearily. “I’ll get back to you on that check—just get these ones in the bank.”
She left without a word. Alex checked his watch. He had timed his visit so he could be in and out before Kat showed up. Figuring she’d take care of her mother in the morning, he’d be long gone by the time she got here.
The senator would arrive in a few hours at Dulles Airport then take a regional jet to Richmond. Alex planned to accompany him to a rally in the southern part of the state. It was yet another part of the job he hated, but it had to be done. You couldn’t make change until you got elected, and winning an election required a pedigree and a healthy bank balance; both of which Alex didn’t have.
While he detested meetings like the ones he’d had yesterday, they were necessary. He’d seen too many good candidates lose elections because they didn’t know how to play the game. And that was why he was here: he would use his experience and connections to one day be the senator or governor who did things for the right reasons, who would make his mother proud. To give her center stage, so everyone would see her as the mother of someone important. So she could see herself as important. Not just the cleaning lady.
He went through the daily paperwork with record speed. The campaign required him to sign checks and approve reams of documents. Crista was highly organized and had things vetted for him so he could get through it quickly. He often wondered whether something could have come of their relationship. While Crista had broken it off, he knew she would’ve stayed if he’d given her even the tiniest indication that he was open to a future together. At the time, Senator Roberts had swayed his decision. “Alex, take it from someone who’s learned the hard way—you want a woman who you can picture as the FLOTUS. A woman who sees your vision and can help you make it come to fruition.”
Crista could have filled the role of first lady. She was intelligent and capable, and she understood politics. He had thought about it, but he’d held back with Crista. He wanted someone who would offer him a different perspective, who would make him think outside the box. Kat certainly did that. He sighed. But Kat was not FLOTUS material. Even as the senator’s daughter, her aversion to the media and lack of willingness to rethink her ideals was a deal breaker. Not to mention the fact that he couldn’t control himself around her. He had always wanted a woman who could challenge him, but not at the expense of his self-control.
A commotion near the front door caught his attention. He stepped out of his office to see an overeager reporter stick a microphone in Kat’s face as she pounded on the glass. Alex and Crista were the only ones with the code to the front door. Crista typically opened it at eight in the morning, when the other staffers were expected. The media and even rival campaign workers were notorious for trying to sneak into headquarters to gather information.
Blood pounded in his ears as he threw open the door. He wanted nothing more than to shove the reporter who had the gall to grab her arm. He took a breath and gave a firm “No comment” to the obnoxious reporter.
A wide-eyed Kat, her hair escaping from the clip at the nape of her neck, stumbled in. She was wearing an ill-fitted pantsuit with a wrinkled blue shirt. And yet she was the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen. Her eyes were radiant, full of innocent hope. Just looking at her made him want to see the future in a different way.
“Why aren’t you using the parking spot?”
“The garage wasn’t open.”
He plucked his BlackBerry from its holster and tapped out a message to the office manager to get Kat a key card that would let her in before and after hours.
“What’re you doing here?” Her tone was accusatory.
“I work here.”
She rolled her eyes. “You know what I mean. I thought you were in DC and wouldn’t be coming here until after the senator arrived.”
That was the plan he’d given her yesterday.
“Things change,” he said dismissively. He tapped out another message to the campaign publicist. “I’m emailing Elle Howard—she’ll take you shopping today.”
“Excuse me?”
He knew without glancing up at her that she was mad. “Your clothing is unacceptable. We need to take photos with the senator today—something you agreed to. I can’t have you looking like this. Elle will also take you to get your hair and makeup done.” With anyone else, he would have explained it in a more diplomatic way. He sensed the steam coming out of her ears but he didn’t stop. “And before you protest, just look at the pictures the media managed to snap yesterday. Is that really how you want to be seen?” He hated himself for talking to her like that, but the more distance he put between them, the better it would be.
* * *
DID HE HAVE to be so rude first thing in the morning? Kat fumed as she settled at her desk. She didn’t know what to expect from him after yesterday, but his behavior was an insult. As soon as the computer booted up, she did an image search for her name. The photos loaded slowly, and she noted that her jacket appeared wrinkled even though she’d just gotten it from the dry cleaner’s. She winced. Her face was pale and tendrils of blond hair had escaped her carefully constructed bun. One picture had been taken when she and Alex were walking back from lunch. Next to the suave and polished man, she looked downright dumpy.
She stabbed the mouse to close the screen. In third grade, she’d learned she would never be as popular as the other girls in school. Now she would never be as well liked by her students as the other professors. She didn’t have an easy rapport with her students. Her role in life was to be the unremarkable woman. A publicist couldn’t make a better version of her.
She opened her email to find a message from Elle Howard informing her that she would be coming by in an hour. Kat stood and marched to Alex’s office to set him straight. Except Crista was sitting behind his desk when she arrived.
“He left already. I use his office when he isn’t here,” she said by way of explanation, but her fingers were moving a little too quickly as she stuffed a piece of paper into a yellow folder.
Kat sighed. “I wanted to talk to him about the publicist.”
Crista nodded distractedly and glanced at the computer screen. “Elle’s great. You’ll like her.”
“I don’t need a publicist.”
Crista met her gaze. “Kat, this is the first of many things you won’t want to do. You’re not just a campaign observer—you’re the senator’s daughter. Your image is important to this campaign.”
“And that means you have to suck it up.” Both women jumped at Alex’s voice. Crista turned pale. Alex strode to his desk. “I forgot a file.” He reached over and picked up the yellow folder Crista had been handling earlier.
The look he gave Kat made her pulse kick up a notch. He was always so intense; a fierce energy emanated from his every pore. “The senator is coming back to Richmond tonight. He wants to have dinner with you.”
Kat began to protest, but he interrupted her. “It’ll be early so you can get home to your mother.”
She bit her lip. He bent down so he wasn’t quite towering over her and fixed her with his dark eyes. “We’re really trying to make things comfortable for you, Kat. Meet us halfway.”
Without waiting for an answer, he left. Kat released a breath. “Is he always so forceful?”
Crista laughed. “No, he’s usually even crazier when the senator is around.”
Kat returned to her desk and had barely gotten back into the documents she’d been reading when someone tapped her on the shoulder. She turned to see a petite woman, stylishly dressed in a silk shirt, jeans and a sparkly rhinestone belt. Her dark brown hair bobbed around her heart-shaped face.
“Hi, I’m Elle,” she said brightly.
Kat shook her hand, dread pooling in her stomach. Something told her she was going to hate what was about to happen.
“I know you want to get back to your work,
so let’s get going. We’ll have you done in a jiffy—I’ll drive.”
Kat hadn’t known what to expect, but she was bowled over by the whirlwind that was Elle. They started at a salon where Kat was ushered into a back room and put into a chair. Someone cut her hair, layering, styling and coloring it while another two women cut, polished and manicured her nails. Yet another team worked on her feet. “It’s sandal season,” Elle reiterated. They all worked with remarkable efficiency, and an hour after they’d walked into the salon, Kat already looked like a different woman. She couldn’t have cared less about her nails, but she had to admit the hairstyle changed her entire look. Plumped from a limp, expressionless style to something out of an ad for hair products. She usually wore it pulled back, but having it framed around her face made her cheekbones appear high and refined rather than gaunt. The coppery brown lowlights they’d added made her normal blond shine.
“That’s quite a makeover.”
Elle laughed. “Oh, this is just the start.”
A makeup artist appeared with a palette of colors. Kat stared in horror. Her normal routine was a swipe of mascara, a dab of blush and some lip gloss. The makeup artist showed her how to use eye shadow, line her eyes, bronze her cheeks with a special brush, then use a combination of a pencil, lipstick and gloss to complete her lips. The whole thing took more than forty minutes. She felt like a clown with all that paint on her. “You expect me to do this every day?”
Elle shook her head. “This is camera makeup. Anytime you go in front of reporters or do a media interview, this is how much you need to put on. The flash and lights wash out most of the colors.”
Kat reached for a tissue. “I won’t be going in front of the camera.”
Elle raised her brows. “I suggest you leave it on for now. I understand you’ll be taking posed pictures with the senator later today.”
Kat rolled her eyes. She had forgotten about the pictures she’d promised Alex she would take.
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