“I thought I was doing the right thing, doing what you wanted,” he said. “But instead I feel like I was giving up on the most important person in my life.”
He heard her inhale. Felt her palm slide into his.
“I was scared, too,” she said. “I was scared from the fire, but if you’ll believe it, I was even more afraid of you.”
“Me?” He couldn’t believe what he was hearing.
“Not that you’re scary,” she said quickly and smiled. “That you make me feel safe.”
“I hope I do,” he said, confused.
“I’m not sure you get what a big deal that is.”
He clenched his fists. “If I ever have a chance to line up every person who’s ever made you feel anything else than secure—”
“I’ll tell them to run for their lives before that happens.”
“Although something tells me these days, they should be more afraid of you.”
Abbi smirked, like she was sharing a joke with herself. “Yeah,” she said. “I think these days, I’d carry myself just fine.”
“You’ll get what you want with this firebreak, and you’ll be the favored candidate for the head naturalist job. I’m not going to stand in your way.”
He thought she’d be grateful. But as usual, Abbi didn’t do gratitude. She shook her head. “I’m not letting you do this.”
“It’s too late, I already quit.”
“What about getting a new job?” she said in obvious alarm.
He laughed and hung his head. He really didn’t have a plan. He’d quit his last two jobs with no warning. He couldn’t go back to L.A.—Aidan had filled his spot. He couldn’t put the firebreak on his resume, either.
But he’d figure out a way to collect a paycheck. He was serious when he told Abbi that there were more important things than his career.
First on that list was her.
“I’ll figure something out,” he said.
“I know exactly where you can start,” Abbi said.
He looked at her in confusion.
“Right here. Because I already withdrew my objections and told Walker and Chip to hire you back.”
“What?” His mouth opened in shock.
“That’s why I was a little late. I had to run back in and send that email before I drove over here.”
“In your PJs,” he commented.
“I wasn’t about to waste even more time.”
She grinned, and he couldn’t help falling into that smile…
But still he shook his head.
“You were right, Abbi. The fire Russ set isn’t a good enough reason for the firebreak. It doesn’t overrule all your other objections. I want to listen to you. I want to do what’s important to you. You live here. You know what you’re talking about. If you think the firebreak really isn’t a good call, then that’s it. I’m following you.”
But she said no.
“I’m not going to stand in your way anymore, Tyler. It’s been such a convenient excuse this whole time. This guy who wants to be my fake boyfriend completely blows my mind? Good thing there’s a reason I can’t see him again! The closer we got, the more I had this other reason to push you away.” She leaned her head back, squinting as she looked up at the sun. “It’s bullshit, Tyler. Not my objections to the firebreak—those are real. But I care about you too much to be the reason you’re stalled. I’m sorry that I hurt you, and I’m sorry I held so much back. I don’t want to be that way anymore—especially not with you. And I don’t want you to leave here having quit.”
He felt a tightness in his chest, something that should have been painful but wasn’t. How could something so terrifying also feel like the only right move in the world?
“What if I don’t want to leave?” he said softly. “What if I want to stay here for more than the summer, more than the firebreak, more than just because of some job?”
Abbi turned away from the sun and stared at him. “Tyler—”
“I love you, Abbi. And I can’t stop loving you just because you tell me not to. I can’t stop loving you just because it’d be a whole lot easier if I didn’t. I want to do things for you. I want to fix your screen door and replace your fence and keep you safe and feed you and make love to you and nowhere in that do I want to be the guy who hangs around here for a summer and then leaves, the guy who punishes himself when something great comes along because he feels like he doesn’t deserve it. The guy who fucks up the best thing in his life because his ego, his pride, his resume says there’s supposed to be something on it that says pushed through firebreak his girlfriend opposed so he could take a job he knew he’d hate and keep moving, keep running, for the rest of his life.”
“Don’t,” Abbi said, a finger to his lips.
“Aren’t you listening to me? I’m not doing the firebreak.”
She shook her head. “I mean, don’t stop loving me.”
Boneless. That was how he felt, like every sharp, unyielding part of him up and disappeared. Like he could melt into her.
“Do you really not want to move somewhere else?” she asked.
He shook his head. “Not if I can help it.”
“Then don’t leave. I mean, for now. For—”
He kissed the finger she’d held to his mouth. And then more. Her palm. The inside of her wrist. Kissed up her arm until he was drawing her to him and she—oh God, he had a feeling she’d never be pulling away.
“For however long you’ll have me,” he said.
She straddled him, sitting on his lap with her legs wrapped around his sides. That thin fabric of her pajamas and her T-shirt wasn’t hiding anything. He could see her nipples, feel her heat as she pressed against him.
“You really don’t think I’m awful for what I did with Cash?”
Tyler rested his hands on her hips. “I think Cash is awful. I think you’re incredibly brave.”
“I’ll take the compliment, but you’re crazy.”
He shook his head. “I have a feeling you’ve always been brave. For being you. Going after what you want. Not letting anything stop you.”
“I don’t think those are necessarily good qualities.”
He kissed her forehead. “They are, baby. But it doesn’t matter, because I’m not just signing up for the best of you.”
“You’ll take the shit parts, too?”
“I’ll take all of you. If you’ll take all of me, too.”
“If you’ll stay and build the firebreak.”
“Ah, but I won’t be able to do that when you’re taking what’s going to be the first steps to enact stricter laws in the state. Admit it,” he said when he saw her surprise. “That’s totally what you’re going to do.”
“It’s felt like I’m setting something in motion. But that doesn’t mean I know where it’s going to go.”
“Which isn’t a good enough reason to stop.” He paused. “I want to help you make this happen. I can speak to the firefighting side, the techniques, the things we need. And the things we definitely don’t.”
“We can find some way to build this differently,” she said, and he could see her starting to get excited. “We can start with a better location than what the Forest Service slapped together based on some rushed survey and a whole lot of pressure. We can find a way to really do this right.”
“You want to be on my team, Blue?”
She laughed and ran a hand ruefully through her hair. “I’m afraid I’m not Blue anymore.”
He kissed her nose. “You’ll always be Blue to me.”
“I want us to be on the same side, Tyler. And when we’re not—I want that to be okay, too.”
“As long as you can tell me what you’re feeling. I can’t stand the thought of you pushing me away.”
“It’s hard,” she said.
“I know.”
“But I promise I’ll try.” She bit her lip. “I think I know what else is hard, too.”
“It’s the middle of the day,” he said with a groan as she shifted
her pelvis against him.
“I don’t care.”
“Offices in the nature center look right out at this field.”
“We’re sitting on the far side.”
“How come you’re so damn persuasive?”
“Let me love you, Tyler,” she whispered, threading her fingers through his hair. “Let me show you how I feel.”
And so help him, he let her. He’d keep letting her. Because he knew she’d let him love her, too. Not just to say it but to live it every day. Forever.
Even when it was hard. Even when it was scary.
Maybe especially then.
Epilogue
Abbi circled around the yard with a pitcher of sangria, making sure everyone’s glasses were filled. Okay, so Mack had made the sangria and Connor supplied the food, which meant Abbi hadn’t had to do much of anything for this party except put on a fabulous purple dress to match the new streaks in her hair. She was still determined everyone should have a good time. Tyler had brought her home so many flowers to plant, she’d decided to show them off with a party in the garden.
And what better excuse to celebrate than the gorgeous man now putting his arm around her, kissing her on the cheek, and taking the pitcher from her hand?
“You’re supposed to be mingling,” he said, smiling as he pretended to keep the pitcher out of reach.
“I’m being a good hostess,” she said. “Give it back.”
“Only if you promise you aren’t going to do too much work.”
She laughed. “With you around distracting me, I think that’s impossible.”
Tyler winked and she felt herself flush. She hoped she never got too used to waking up next to him, letting him find all the ways to make them both late for work. She never wanted to lose that feeling she got when she was with him. The certainty they were in this for the rest of their lives.
“Let me help,” he said, more seriously this time.
And Abbi relented, because how could she not accept help from someone who took care of her so well?
But she’d barely opened her mouth before Connor came over and grabbed the pitcher from Tyler’s hands.
“We’re supposed to be toasting you, fire chief,” Connor said. “Not putting you to work at your own party.”
“Manager,” Tyler corrected. “Just a fire and fuel manager.”
“Just,” Abbi scoffed, rolling her eyes. “Would you listen to him?”
“To your new job,” Austin said, coming over and raising his glass.
“The best fire manager Gold Mountain has ever seen,” Sam said.
“And the only one,” Tyler added.
“Which is exactly why we need you,” Abbi said. “We got the firebreak in a better location with less collateral damage and more of a chance to protect the people and places that need it.”
“All because you fought to make it happen,” Tyler said. “We really should be toasting the new head naturalist at the Gold Mountain Nature Center, too.”
Everyone cheered and raised their glasses again, and Abbi grinned. She’d had the title for a few months, but it still made her flush with happiness to realize she’d actually done it. She’d landed the job she’d always wanted, and the boyfriend she’d never even let herself dream about.
She couldn’t have secured the promotion without him working alongside her. And now that they’d created an entire position devoted to controlling fires to better help the ecology, she knew the fire department and the nature center would be a whole lot closer from now on.
Which was exactly how she wanted it.
“I thought you were a whiskey man,” Mack said to Tyler, sliding her hand into Connor’s back pocket as he topped her off. “Although I have to say, I really outdid myself on this batch.”
“It’s so good,” Abbi agreed.
“I think my whiskey phase is over,” Tyler said, and held up his glass for more. “Turns out I’m definitely a sangria fan, though.”
Abbi smiled to herself. She got that sometimes Tyler wanted a whiskey, neat, to remind him of his friend and to feel like he hadn’t forgotten Scott just because his life had moved in a different direction. It didn’t mean that he was in a bad place if that was what he ordered.
But she was glad he could admit that it wasn’t his favorite and that he’d stopped punishing himself in all those small ways. Like not letting himself have what he wanted. Or not saying that he loved her when he did.
Yeah, they were definitely over that hump.
“I can’t believe how gorgeous this place looks, you guys,” Claire said, getting a refill, too.
“We’ve been doing a lot of work on the house,” Abbi said, and she loved the way that we sounded. Our house. Our home.
“It’s paying off.”
“We’re going to need you to come over and work on our yard,” Sam joked, nudging Austin in the ribs.
He laughed. “Our new pup would destroy everything.”
“You have to see how big she’s getting,” Sam said, and they were off looking at pictures and laughing about what new things the dog had destroyed this week. Abbi couldn’t help smiling as she leaned against Tyler, watching their friends have such a good time.
Mack and Connor talked about their plans for expanding Mackenzie’s, and Austin described the new ski recruits he’d start coaching in the fall. He sounded so excited, and Abbi loved watching how Sam hung on his every word.
She hoped Claire didn’t feel left out now that the rest of their friends were coupled. She knew Claire was busy raising Maya and wasn’t thinking about Ryan, her ex. But hopefully she’d find someone soon.
All Abbi had to do was slide her hand in Tyler’s to know how lucky she’d been to wind up with him. “There?” he’d ask her later, after everyone had gone home and he’d dragged her away from the dishes to lay her down on the couch, the kitchen table, the bed, pulling her dress up over her hips and kissing his way down.
And she’d gasp and say “There” as she buried her hands in his hair, guiding him right where she wanted. He always knew. How to touch her, how to hold her, how to love her in every way. He had her heart, the very center of her.
No matter what happened or where else their lives took them, they’d make it. Because Abbi knew what she wanted, and it was him.
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Acknowledgments
No book gets written in a vacuum, but this one in particular had so much support. Haleh Stilwell and her family offered their gorgeous home for a writing retreat in the Catskills when I needed to buckle down and start plotting. Elizabeth Cole, Jennifer Sable, Lyssa Kay Adams, and Jessica Arden helped me figure out what makes Tyler tick while we were sitting around a pool at night in San Diego. Balaka Basu and Megan Westfield read and commented on early drafts, and Megan provided invaluable help with details about wildland firefighting and fire management. I can’t believe how many emails I sent her and how graciously she responded every time. Thank you!
Tyler’s devastating loss was inspired by the book The Fire Line: The Story of the Granite Mountain Hotshots by Fernanda Santos. I stole the phrase “mistaking terror for desire” from Carol Bellhouse because it was so exactly what Abbi needed to hear.
Thank you to Andrea Somberg, Alycia Tornetta, Brenda Chin, Kaitlyn Osborne, and everyone at Entangled—I’m so lucky to work with you all. And my thanks to Robert, who listens, reads, writes, responds, cooks, encourages, researches, hikes, and never lets me stop writing.
About the Author
Rebecca Brooks lives in New York City in an apartment filled with books. She received a PhD in English but decided it was more fun to write books than write about them. She has backpacked alone through India and Brazil, traveled by cargo boat down the Amazon River, climbed Mt. Kilimanjaro, explored ice caves in Peru, trekked to the source of the Ganges, and sunbathed in Burma, but she always likes
coming home to a cold beer and her hot husband in the Bronx.
Sign up for Rebecca’s newsletter at www.rebeccabrooksromance.com/newsletter to get a free novelette and a monthly email about Rebecca’s adventures. Don’t miss Make Me Stay (Sam and Austin’s story) and Make Me Beg (Mack and Connor’s story), the first two books in the Men of Gold Mountain series, available now. And Make Me Yours, Claire and Ryan’s story and book four in the series, coming soon!
Rebecca’s website: www.rebeccabrooksromance.com
Twitter: www.twitter.com/BeccaBooks
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