by Josef Steiff
AMY KIND doesn’t play the violin, doesn’t smoke opium or tobacco, isn’t a detective, and has never employed a band of irregulars to help her in her daily life. But other than that, she’s exactly like Sherlock Holmes. (Then again, didn’t Holmes say that women are never to be entirely trusted?) She’s previously contributed to volumes on Battlestar Galactica and Philosophy and Star Trek and Philosophy, and she does her philosophical sleuthing at Claremont McKenna College.
RORY E. KRAFT, JR. first read a Holmes story when he was ten and there has been no going back since. Unlike Watson, he can tell you the number of steps up to his house and has never been fooled by a roommate in drag. In addition to wondering what Doyle had against dogs, he thinks a lot about questions about ethical theory and applied ethics. He is the editor of Questions: Philosophy for Young People and has been doing philosophy with children for a decade.
SAWYER J. LAHR prefers to see the world with pink glasses. The more normal things seem, the queerer they are. He seizes the opportunity to prove that “gay” doesn’t begin to explain human behavior. Sawyer has grown the LGBT media coverage at FilmMonthly.com as Assistant Editor and Staff Writer while freelancing for Chicago’s Mindful Metropolis Magazine. He’s not shocked by much, but the audacity of Sacha Baron Cohen’s gay social experiment, Borat, is still jaw-droppingly outrageous.
Sherlock Holmes approached the body, and, kneeling down, examined it intently. Standing, he announced “the dead man’s driver’s license reveals that his name was Dr. GREG LITTMANN. His low forehead and simian features indicate a professor of philosophy. The residue on his right heel attests that he received his doctorate from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, but the residue upon the left demonstrates that he was employed at Southern Illinois University Edwardsville. His lips bear the distinctive odor of one who loved all philosophy, especially epistemology, metaphysics, and ethics. The ink stains on his fingers prove conclusively that he has published in metaphysics and the philosophy of logic, and has written chapters for popular culture and philosophy texts devoted to Doctor Who, Dune, Final Fantasy, The Onion, The Terminator, and The Walking Dead.”
“Good heavens!” I cried. “But what of the malignant and terrible contortion of his features as though in some grievous death struggle? And what of the mysterious letters scrawled in blood across the wall—TENUR.”
Holmes shrugged. “I blame students,” he sighed.
DANIEL P. MALLOY is a consulting philosopher and lecturer at Appalachian State University. The position of consulting philosopher is a unique one. When other philosophers are stumped by a particularly complex problem, they seek out his aid and insights. Unlike a consulting detective, a consulting philosopher doesn’t solve problems—he makes them more confusing.
JIM JOHN MARKS is not a philosopher, or a detective. At least not in any professional capacity. His formal education trained him to be a high school mathematics teacher, he eventually became a software engineer, and he now works in healthcare informatics. But there is something that mathematics, computer programming, informatics and philosophy all have in common: analytical, linear, rational thinking as the primary tool for problem solving. Knowing this, it should come as no shock to be told that a character such as Sherlock Holmes has been a hero of his since childhood. Sherlock Holmes illustrated with outrageous style that the critical thinking Jim learned in math and science classes could benefit society, if properly applied. He has, from a young age, always been dedicated to the idea that science, technology, reasonable discourse and information are our best hopes for achieving the humanitarian work that so much of our planet desperately needs. And yet, as he grew older and learned more about history, especially twentieth century history, the more it seemed as though the exact opposite were actually true. The more science, technology, reasonable discourse, and information humanity made available to itself, the worse things seemed to get! When Jim studied philosophy in college, he discovered that there are good reasons why the lesson Holmes taught about the seemingly limitless possibilities of what the human mind could achieve, might not be so black and white. After watching the recent film adaptation of his beloved role model, it has occurred to him that perhaps his young mind over-simplified what it was that his favorite detective wanted him to understand.
RAFE MCGREGOR tried to make a career writing pulp fiction, failed badly, and realised that he was better at philosophy of horror than horror. Some of his genre publications can still be found in print, but you have to look really hard. He has been a fan of The Hound of the Baskervilles for far too long, and although he has never been to Dartmoor, it is on his to-do list. He is in his second year of research at the University of York, where he is supervised by Professor Peter Lamarque. His thesis concerns the relationship between aesthetic and moral value in art, argues for some rather unpopular views, and is proving a major obstacle to the Dartmoor trip.
RACHEL MICHAELS’s many disguises include those of a lecturer in English at Bronx Community College; a philosophy graduate student at The New School for Social Research; a common loafer; and a curly-haired spaniel.
One of our suspects is called SAMI PAAVOLA whose doings have some curious features. He seems to be a philosopher who believes that one can make some sense on processes and practices of discovery. He is searching clues on clues, and is a Sherlock Holmes enthusiast although acts more like Watson. He seems to be excited by weird terms and issues like ‘abduction’ (isn’t it about UFOs or kidnapping?!), ‘computer-supported collaborative learning’, ‘distributed cognition’, or even ‘trialogues’ (come on ...). Besides, he suffers probably somewhat from triadomany (see the Commens Medical Handbook) diagnosed by his leaning on Charles S. Peirce, pragmatists, and others investigating mediated processes in various forms. So, what is he after?
One of the last surviving descendants of the original Red-Headed League, MAGALI RENNES only rarely copies the encyclopedia word for word in longhand. She spends most of her time in the cosmos writing, but returns to the hurtling earth to participate in festivals and the print marketplace. Like Sherlock, she takes on many disguises—writing across genres—and, teaching screenwriting, relishes the uncontainable, transgressive play of story in the same way the King of Detectives worships an elusive case. Her screenplays have won awards, but she sees her students (and our dear Readers!) as the real superheroes, folk kings and queens of cyclic renewal. She hopes, like our indefatigable Holmes, that there are always more games—and stories—afoot than feet to keep up with them.
Since they met in 1997, MONA and JAMES ROCHA have been solving murders and various other enigmatic cases for Scotland Yard, LAPD, NYPD, SFPD, Santa Barbara PD, and countless other investigative bodies across the planet. And they do this without ever leaving their couch—usually with the aid of books and their TV. To make it even more challenging, they must always solve these cases prior to their top rivals: Holmes, Poirot, Monk, Shawn Spencer, and Castle. To keep up appearances (and pay the bills) they also maintain day jobs: Mona studying for a PhD in women’s history at LSU, and James teaching and researching applied ethics, feminism, and pop culture while an assistant professor, also at LSU.
When she’s not fighting crime, JULIA ROUND teaches comics and literature at Bournemouth University (further details at www.juliaround.com). As a child she read Conan Doyle and Agatha Christie mysteries obsessively and watched extensive re-runs of Blackadder—laying the groundwork for the massive crush on Hugh Laurie that she would later develop. She has a penchant for many (but not all) of the vices shared by Holmes and House, such as playing the piano, guitar, and violin (badly), misanthropy and superiority, as well as an addiction to American TV shows (like House). Although well past the age of Scouts and Guides, she tries to practice ‘Sherlock Holmesism’ whenever possible: often setting herself cryptic puzzles that, when deduced in sobriety, invariably lead to little more than a brief shopping list—‘Eggs (6)’—in her left pocket. She admits to being a fairly bad feminist, but seldom resorts to crying or *big
eyes* to win a debate.
When not encouraging her unhealthy obsession with that delectable detective Sherlock Holmes, you’ll find twenty-five-year-old, ace Investigator KATE RUFA rockin’ a pixy hair style while teaching martial arts, trying not to kill people with her cooking, and desperately seeking a PhD program that will give her adequate funding to further advance her studies in philosophy and support her mystery mania. Recently graduated Summa Cum Laude from Saint Xavier University in Chicago, Kate Rufa holds a BA in philosophy and has spent more time then she is currently willing to admit studying early modern philosophers with an emphasis on Spinozistic philosophy. This is, of course elementary, my dear reader.
ZORAN SAMARDZIJA is Assistant Professor of Film/Video at Columbia College Chicago. When he is not teaching, writing, and publishing on film, he’s obsessively compulsively watching way too many films just for pleasure. Many are really bad like that one Western with a dinosaur that eats cattle. Occasionally this leaves time for a non-film related activity which is where interests in baseball, music, and Star Trek come into play. Sometimes he even bothers to read Sherlock Holmes, Enlightenment philosophy, and also compose a bio when asked.
Some say FRANCINE J. SANDERS’s first word, after “chocolate,” was the question “Why?” There were other early warning signs of an investigator/ writer in the making, especially her obsession with hard-boiled detectives, trench coats, and frequent interrogations of the family parakeet. Later, she studied journalism (BS from the University of Illinois) and film studies (MA from Northwestern University). Her education on the human animal came from more than eight years working as a civilian investigator for the Chicago Police Department, and many more years riding CTA buses and trains (she doesn’t own a car). Today, she teaches film and writing, and consults on police brutality issues. Her investigative team includes: Lili, a femme fatale posing as a white cockatiel, and Marlowe, a master sleuth in yellow cockatiel disguise. To no one’s surprise, Francine’s favorite film genre is noir.
TIMOTHY SEXTON is not retained by the readers of Associated Content from Yahoo! to supply their deficiencies, but he has filled the insufficiencies that exists in their singular acquaintance with the concept of popular culture as a plain Christmas goose by revealing that it is actually stuffed with rare and precious carbuncles. He achieved notoriety for his uncanny ability to deduce improbable truths from the connection of seemingly unrelated elements left behind after eliminating all impossible conclusions. The guiding premise behind his “The Poseur’s Guide to…” is that what one man can invent another can discover. To him she will always be the woman: his wife, Skipper, who introduced him to Jeremy Brett and forever changed the course his life and philosophy would take.
JOSEF STEIFF always felt like he saw more than he was supposed to and longed for his own Watson to chide, “Did you just see that?” He initially tried to apply these observations to the mysteries of human behavior, working as a licensed social worker before becoming a filmmaker and writer. Now as a doddering professor, he walks into rooms and can’t remember why, he tries to figure out where his reading glasses are, and he wonders what he had started to say as he loses his train of thought—that is the scale of the mysteries he tries to solve these days.
RUTH TALLMAN is an assistant professor of philosophy at Barry University, Miami Shores, Florida. She has written articles for several pop culture and philosophy books, including Green Lantern and Philosophy, Rolling Stones and Philosophy, and Christmas and Philosophy. Sherlock Holmes’s extreme cool factor gave this nerd hope back before geek chic was a thing, and the friendship between him and Watson showed her what friendship should be.
ANDREW TERJESEN has a PhD in Philosophy from Duke University. He has been a visiting assistant professor at Austin College, Washington and Lee University and Rhodes College. Andrew’s musings on the ethical questions related to fiction and “everyday” life can be found in a number of essays including contributions to What Philosophy Can Tell You About Your Dog, The Onion and Philosophy, Supervillains and Philosophy, and Manga and Philosophy. Thinking so much about the nature of intellectual property has inspired Andrew to attend law school in the Fall. His decision had nothing to do with the going rate for consulting philosophical detectives.
FIONA TOMKINSON teaches English Literature at Yeditepe University in Istanbul. She holds a BA in English from Oxford and an MA and PhD in Philosophy from Bosphorus University, Istanbul. She likes candles but has no use for dumbbells. She has always longed to be part of a real-life Sherlock Holmes adventure, but academic conferences are her substitute for scandals in Bohemia.
D.E. WITTKOWER, Assistant Professor of Philosophy at Old Dominion University, is a contemporary reboot of a genteel, old-fashioned profession. He is author of articles and book chapters on technology and digital culture, and editor of Philip K. Dick and Philosophy, Facebook and Philosophy, Mr. Monk and Philosophy, and iPod and Philosophy. He once shot a man in Thebes just to watch him die.
IVAN WOLFE splits his time between Arizona and Alaska, alternatively teaching English at Arizona State University and mowing lawns in the small town of Homer. He has a PhD in English from the University of Texas—Austin. The first time he read Sherlock Holmes (when he was eight years old), it was in an abridged edition that cut the Mormon sections out of A Study in Scarlet; he didn’t find out about those chapters until his freshman year in college. He has many previous publications, all of which are part of his own personal canon. He also considers anyone else with the same name to be apocryphal.
THANKS TO Series Editor George Reisch, Editorial Director David Ramsay Steele, Shane Arbogast for the cover, Columbia College Chicago, Doreen Bartoni, Bruce Sheridan, Sara Livingston, Adam Barkman, Kristin Franseen, Bruce Krajewski, the ’Bou Crew (Laura, Joseph, Jori, Jen, Christin, Jayme, Allison, Dillon, Allie, Sarah H., Kelli, Kailey and Kari), and as always, thanks to Victor—yes, V., the book is done.
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