The Love She Craves: Selling Her Soul to Declan

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The Love She Craves: Selling Her Soul to Declan Page 10

by Gemma Jenkins


  As he lay there listening to her breath becoming steady with sleep, he decided to see how much she truly reacted to having her arm confined.

  Bending the arm her head rested on as if he intended to curl it up, he reached for the pulse point on her neck so he could feel if it truly gave her anxiety or if she was trying to exert a small amount of power in their relationship.

  As soon as his fingers touched her neck, a strangled cry ripped from her throat and Nyxie became a whirlwind of motion. Not only did she thrust his hand away, but she began kicking at the covers and trying to get out of bed.

  “Fuck! What the fuck are you doing?” she shouted.

  His whole body reacted instantly to the she-cat in his arms. He rose up and tackled her, pinning her under his weight. “Shh, Nyxie, be quiet—and tell me why you’re freaking out.”

  Her breath panted as if she just finished a race. “I-I was half asleep—I thought you were getting comfortable and then you grabbed my throat like you were going to choke me.”

  “Christ,” he said shifting his weight slightly. “I touched your throat with my fingertips. I didn’t grab it. Have you calmed down?”

  She nodded breathlessly.

  He rolled off, but pulled her against him, holding her tightly. “I was checking your pulse. I wanted to gauge your reaction if I put my arm over yours.”

  “I told you, I don’t like it,” she snapped.

  “Watch that tone or you’ll sleep on the hard floor on your knees,” he was quick to rebuke. “Bondage is a huge part of my lifestyle. I need to know how far I can push your limits. I was going to monitor your pulse to see if it was mild anxiety or full-blown panic attack. I hadn’t even touched your arm yet. What the fuck just happened?”

  “I told you, I thought you were going to choke me and kill me.”

  He silently cursed himself as he realized he’d triggered the memory of her mother’s likely murder.

  “Baby, listen to me. I will never do anything to you to put you in harm’s way. I know the limits of the human body, I know its frailties. I promise you, I will never risk your safety. But you should know if you ever feel like you did just now, all you have to do is say one word. Red. Like a stop sign or traffic light. All play will stop immediately. And if you think you are almost reaching your limits, all you have to say is yellow and I will either wrap it up or lighten the intensity depending on the situation. Do you understand?”

  She hesitated a moment. “Yes, sir.”

  “So,” he said with a slight chuckle. “The neck is off-limits?”

  He thought at first the movement he felt was her nodding, but soon realized she was rocking. “Nyxie? Stay with me. I’m not going to touch your throat again. May I touched the back or is your whole neck off-limits?” He paused, waiting for her to say something. “Answer me,” he demanded.

  Something in her responded to his tone. “I-I don’t know. I-I didn’t know I would react like that. You just scared the shit out of me.”

  “So I noticed. Nyxie, I’m going to put my hand on the nape of your neck and I’m going to move it slowly around your neck. Tell me to stop if you start feeling scared or panicked or whatever that was.”

  Sweeping her hair aside, he placed his fingertips against the nape of her neck and began drawing his fingers forward.

  “Stop. Please, stop,” she said as his fingers drew under her ear.

  He removed his hand immediately. “What if it’s not my hand? Can I kiss your neck?” He held her mane to the side and put his lips upon the slender column, slowly planting soft lingering kisses forward along her neck. He paused by her ear. “Are you okay? Can I keep going?”

  Her body was rigid and she held her breath. If she hadn’t been warm, kissing her neck would have been like kissing a fragile glass figurine. He knew instinctively to kiss her neck during intercourse, would be unwise. For now.

  “Breathe, Nyxie.”

  She cleared her throat as if she were choking on something already before she obeyed.

  “Roll this way a little,” he said coming up on one elbow.

  He continued his light, slow exploration, ceasing when he reached the center of her throat. “Your body chemistry does the most fascinating things to the fragrance of my body wash. It’s a good thing I don’t have any condoms with me, because fucking you right now, would be such a mistake.”

  He tickled her throat with his tongue then moved to her mouth. “Good night, Nyxie. Roll back over before I get carried away.”

  She rolled forward with much more haste than when she rolled onto her back making him smile. “Lift your head,” he said then slipped his arm under her head when she complied. He stayed like that for no longer than two minutes before he spoke again.

  “I can’t get past thinking about what you said about feeling claustrophobic when your arm is held to your side. I want to try something.”

  “Oh, please, don’t.”

  A soft growling sound radiated from his throat. “I think I have caused you enough distress. I’m not going to do that to you—not now anyway. I want you to curl up like you did before, with your hands tucked under your chin—but I want to hold onto your wrists.”

  “You’re not going to….”

  “Dammit, Nyxie. Stop asking fucking questions and do what you’re told. You know the safe words. Use one if you need to.”

  She took a deep breath and folded her arms, sheltering her loose fists in the crook of her neck.

  The muscles in the arm under her head flexed as he reached for her first arm. He clamped his right hand around her thin left wrist in a firm but not painful hold. He slipped his other arm under hers then took a hold of her other limb.

  “How are you feeling?” he asked into her ear. “You’re not fixin’ to freak out again, are you?”

  “No,” she said, the relief evident in her voice. “No, this is fine. I’m all right—in fact, I actually like this.”

  “You do?”

  The light laugh that escaped her lips surprised him. “I told you I like small spaces. I feel safe there. I feel safe here—especially since I know where your hands are.”

  “Can you sleep like this?”

  “Yeah, what about you?”

  “This is going to give me the best dreams.”

  12

  “Nyxie, baby, wake up.”

  It didn’t look as if she moved in the six hours since his alarm went off at 5:00 o’clock. God, it was tempting to climb in with her to get another four or five hours, but his shift was over and they had too much to do. It really sucked that she never learned to drive. He could sleep while she drove home and got her clothes and whatever else she needed.

  Surprisingly, he never loosened his grip all night as if he feared she would leave during the night. His fingers felt a bit stiff when he woke up and he flexed them just thinking about it.

  “Nyxie, sub of my dreams, wake up.”

  He couldn’t believe after all this time, the woman he’d wanted since the first time he’d seen her was his. Momentarily, the cost was high, but he knew Nyxie was worth it.

  They’d have to work through her issues—and damn, did that woman have issues. But Declan felt no urgency. Unless CPS caved, which was unlikely, she could be his for three years. Christ, by the end of three years, he’d either have her completely out of his system or he’d have a collaring ceremony to make her his forever.

  “Nyxie.” He leaned over and nipped her ear lobe with his lips. “I have it on good authority your girls have a 1:00 o’clock doctor’s appointment and if you don’t get up soon, you’re going to miss their call.”

  She rolled over onto her back and smiled up at him.

  “What a wonderful way to wake up. What time is it now?”

  He wondered if she was referring to the ear nip or the news the girls would probably call today. “A little after eleven.”

  She smiled widely. “Two hours. I only have to wait two hours.”

  Question answered. Declan shrugged noncommittally. “
After the appointment with the doctor, you know how doctors are with their time.” A wry smile lifted one corner of his mouth.

  Nyxie threw off the covers and hurried to get out of bed. “I can’t believe I slept so late. Oh, God. Didn’t you have surgery this morning?”

  “Yeah, I took some kid’s tonsils out and assisted in a gastric bypass. No big deal. But I am off for the next twenty-four hours. I thought you’d like to go up and check on Cody before we head to Chimera Flats.”

  She took a hold of his hand and gave it a slight squeeze. “Thank you. And thanks for letting me sleep so late. I always seem to live in this state of perpetual exhaustion. It feels amazing to sleep so long.”

  “The toilet’s in there. Undies, socks and shoes are next to your phone and a clean pair of scrubs. I’ll wait in the hall.”

  “Sir,” she said tentatively. “May I borrow your toothbrush again?”

  He crossed to his gym bag sitting on the floor next to the door and hefted it onto the bed.

  “If you have some you don’t mind sharing, may I borrow your deodorant, too?” she asked as he dug into the bag for his toiletries.

  “Toothbrush, toothpaste, comb, binder, pheromone killer,” he added as he handed her his antiperspirant. “We may have to try some personal experiments to put all this talk of pheromones to the test. I have to say, there is something very primal about smelling my bath products on you. It’s the twenty first century way of marking you with my scent.”

  Her eyes met his, uncertain how to feel about that comment. Was she to be no more than a tree he considered his—peed on so other dogs would know she belonged to him?

  Without comment, she hurried into the bathroom, using paper towels to wash before emerging ten minutes later with her hair braided down her back.

  When she saw the gym bag still open on the bed, she peered inside. Next to her folded uniform, she saw his neatly organized toiletry kit. She could see exactly where the deodorant had been and slipped it into the void. She assumed the toothbrush, in its little blue plastic tube, and toothpaste just sat on top.

  A few minutes later, Nyxie exited the room with his heavy bag slung over her left shoulder and her cell phone in her right hand.

  He wasn’t in the corridor but several nurses watched her surreptitiously as she emerged. No doubt they recognized the scrubs as belonging to the hospital. She had an inexplicable urge to explain why she wore them and why she just emerged from a resident’s room. But their curious glances made her walls come up.

  “D-did you see where Dr. Stryker went?” she quietly asked the RN closest to her.

  “Are you Declan’s girlfriend?” the redhead asked in a giggly tone. “Or just a friend with benefits?”

  It really irked her that the bubbly bitch called him by his first name and she had to call him sir when not in the presence of others. “Neither.”

  As she stepped away, Nyxie adjusted the strap of the heavy bag on her shoulder and went through the rigmarole to dial his number—thinking it was easier to punch in seven memorized digits.

  “Hey, where’d you go?”

  “The nurses didn’t tell you?”

  “No, but the one with auburn hair asked me if I’m your girlfriend?” she whispered into the phone afraid the nurse might hear her.

  “What did you tell her?”

  “No.”

  There was silence on the line for a few seconds. “Put me on speaker.”

  “I don’t think I know how.”

  He gave her a few quick instructions and she soon had him on speaker.

  “Brenda,” Declan’s voice came over the phone.

  The woman frowned at Nyxie. “Yes, Dr. Stryker?”

  Nyxie hid the smile that threatened to erupt on her face. The woman did not call Declan by his first name after all.

  “Didn’t I ask you to tell Ms. Carmichael that I’d meet her at her brother’s room?”

  The woman glared daggers at Nyxie. “I just hadn’t gotten around to telling her,” she said defensively.

  “And since when is it your place to ask the women I know if they are my girlfriend?” Declan said, his voice came sternly over the speaker.

  With a haughty look on her face, the woman put her hands on her hips. “Since I need to know if I should tell housekeeping to wear gloves to change sheets covered in body fluids.”

  “Bullshit. If you want to report me for showing a little kindness to a dear friend whose brother is in critical condition, go ahead. There are no family beds or even recliners in the ICU. She slept sitting up the last two nights. Hold on, I’ve got another call.”

  The line went quiet.

  “I’m sorry,” Nyxie said. “I didn’t mean to get you in trouble.”

  Brenda shrugged her shoulders to indicate her lack of concern over it. “He’s a dick. Gorgeous, but a dick. No one’s ever seen him with a woman. We were beginning to wonder if he was gay or if no woman would put up with him.”

  “Declan’s always nice to me,” Nyxie said in his defense though she self-corrected in her mind and changed the always to usually.

  “He probably wants to get into your pants,” the nurse said.

  “Oh, please, Brenda,” one of the other nurses said crossing to where Nyxie and Brenda stood. “No one thinks he’s gay but you and you only think that because you’re hot for him and he won’t give you the time a day.” She turned to Nyxie. “Hi, I’m Tiffany by the way.”

  “Nyxie.”

  Before she could say more, Brenda interrupted. “I’m not hot for him. I don’t even like him. He’s all looks and no personality.”

  “Oh, is that why you always stop what you’re doing when he walks by and stalk him with your eyes?”

  Brenda had the good grace to blush and Nyxie knew there was truth to the statement.

  “It’s not my fault he has the best ass in the hospital. I bet he was the tight end on his high school football team,” she said trying to make a joke.

  “Quarterback. Declan was the quarterback. He led us to the state semifinals his senior year.”

  The woman’s head snapped around to face her.

  “For some reason, it never occurred to me, Dr. Stryker was ever a teenager,” Tiffany said. “What was he like back then?”

  Nyxie instantly regretted saying anything. She shrugged. “He was a senior. I was a freshman. He was completely out of my league.”

  “Don’t sell yourself short, Nyxie,” Declan’s voice came over the phone. “As a matter of fact, it wasn’t me who didn’t know you existed, if I recall it was the other way around.”

  All the nurses were staring at her now, even the ones who had not joined the conversation.

  “Everyone knew the quarterback of the winningest team Chimera Flats ever produced. They paraded you in front of the whole school at every pep rally.”

  “And yet you didn’t take the roses I tried to give you on Valentine’s Day.”

  Nyxie paled ever so slightly. She had nearly succeeded in forgetting that humiliating Valentine’s Day when the student council had sold roses as a fund raiser. They delivered the flowers to the recipients during homeroom. One by one, every girl and many of the boys in her homeroom got their roses. The more popular the girl, the more flowers she carried. Some girls probably had their parents or friends buy theirs, because she knew she wasn’t the only girl not dating, but Nyxie knew none would come for her. She tried not to care, but it only emphasized that Cody was the only person in the world who loved her and no one gave their sister a Valentine’s gift—especially not a five-year-old.

  “I-I thought…best case scenario; you were trying to get rid of flowers some girl had given you that you didn’t want or worse case, you were trying to make fun of me. I thought you would snatch them back if I reached for them.”

  “I came all the way from the senior wing to the freshman hall to give them to you. You said you didn’t want them and then you disappeared into the girls’ room. I waited long after the tardy bell for you to come out.”
/>   “Well, maybe if you left a note with any of those… gifts you left in my locker, I would have known you were sincere.”

  “Oh, this is so romantic. What kind of gifts did you put in her locker?” Tiffany asked.

  “Oh, fuck, am I still on speaker? Nyxie, turn off the damn speaker.”

  “Uh.” Nyxie stared at the phone trying to remember how to turn the display back on.

  Tiffany took pity on her. “New phone, sweetie? Here, let me help.”

  “Thank you,” she whispered to Tiffany. “Sorry about that,” she said to Declan when she had the phone to her ear.

  “Head to the SICU, but wait outside the ward for me to get there. The other call was from Rachel. The police are at Cody’s bedside. I already called the lawyer because I wanted him to be present if they question you. But we’re going to have to settle for him being on the phone. Pause before you answer anything in case Junior doesn’t want you to answer.”

  “Okay.”

  “It’s going to be okay, Nyxie. If they arrest you, I’ll have you out as soon as they set bail.”

  “Okay,” she said, her voice wavering with the apprehension she felt.

  Several seconds passed before he spoke again. He seemed to sense her need for distraction.

  “So you do remember me better than you let on,” he said. “What else do you remember about me?”

  “You seemed bigger then,” she said then felt stupid for saying it.

  He chuckled. “I was bigger. I had three hours of athletics four days a week and a game on Fridays. If I get to the gym twice in one week, I’m having a good week. I’m nearly fifteen pounds lighter now. What else do you remember?”

  “I remember seeing you with all the popular kids in the cafeteria. And when everyone at the table laughed, I thought you had said something rude about me because I kept seeing you look at me.”

  “No, Nyxie, never. Once I realized where you fit in socially, I never drew attention to you. Anytime the jocks were on one of their bullying rampages, I made sure they thought my dad would punish them on the practice field if he found out. I would’ve never knowingly let any of my friends do that to you.”

 

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