by Ravenna Tate
“We all were,” said Suzanne. “Don’t let our actions fool you. There’s nothing predictable about any of this, and we know that. We’ve simply been doing it for a while and know what to look for, but we’ve been fooled plenty of times and had to scramble to reach safety.”
“And the radar isn’t always available,” said Gina. “The satellites are all fucked up, and sometimes we have to go on without it.”
“Then why do you do it?” asked Nadine.
“I’m doing it for the same reason Addison and the other Weathermen have teams looking for the hackers,” said Alesia, her voice quiet but commanding. “To take back our planet. I hate living underground. It’s like I can’t breathe.”
“Same here,” said Merrill. “This is my home, and I’m not going to let some two-bit assholes who figured out complicated code force us all to live like moles. Fuck that. I’ll walk into those damn storms and collect data, and will likely die doing so one day, but at least there will be data for someone else to analyze.”
“I guess that leaves us,” said Lee. “The procurement teams.”
“What you do is no less brave,” said Nadine.
He grinned and bowed his head slightly. “Thank you for saying so. We take a lot of shit at times for being what some call pirates.”
“No one here would call you that,” said Addison, quietly. Lee wasn’t someone he’d been working with very long, but he’d chosen him for this mission because Addison had never seen him rattled. However, he didn’t like the way the guy was now openly flirting with Nadine. He’d have to speak to him, soon and privately.
“No, no one in this room would, but I’ve heard others do so.”
Addison narrowed his eyes. “On my procurement teams?”
Lee’s face colored slightly. “No … no. Rumors, you know. You hear things.”
“Ignore the rumors. I’ve never heard of any open animosity between what you do and what the Storm Troopers do. Regardless, we’re all here for the same purpose right now. To find Dixon. Let’s concentrate on that, all right?”
Lee leaned back in his chair, his gaze challenging. “You’re the boss.”
Addison decided to ignore the comment for now. He listened to and watched everyone as the conversation turned toward The Madeline Project, the Tommy Twister virus, and what weather data the Storm Troopers had been able to collect so far. Nadine asked questions of Merrill and Alesia, and it was clear that Dixon had taught her more than she likely realized. She understood so much about what they did.
What the hell was she doing working in an office for a high school? Not that it wasn’t honest work, but there was talent and passion deep inside this girl. He longed to reach in and find it, then nurture it. At the same time, from the way Lee kept cutting his gaze from her to Addison, he also realized his long-standing desire for Nadine would have to wait for now.
This wasn’t the time or place to do anything about it. It was his own damn fault for waiting so long, but he’d just have to deal with it now. They were here to find her father, and he couldn’t let his hormones get in the way of that. Backing off before that earlier near-kiss went any further was the right thing to do.
Chapter Six
Nadine was grateful for the questions about her father, but when the conversation steered toward the job she’d held for almost seven years, she gave non-committal answers in the hope they’d all change the subject. She couldn’t help noticing that Addison watched her closely. Was that because he was curious about what she needed to tell him, or was there another reason?
What he’d said to her earlier reverberated in her mind, setting off alarm bells and sending her arousal to heights it hadn’t gone near in over four years. How could one man cause such a dichotomy within a person’s brain? She was both attracted to him and fearful of allowing that attraction to take root.
Would telling him her secret help, or would she soon wish she’d stayed behind underground, safe in the cocoon she’d built? No. It would have killed her to wait for news of her father. But how was this any better? She was stuck in this bunker for a few days with not only Addison, but the creepy Lee who had caught Addison about to kiss her.
Lee’s stupid grin taunted her, but she wasn’t afraid of him. Rather, he reminded her of a teen who lived to tease everyone because he didn’t know how else to interact with people. She noticed that the others didn’t include him in conversation as much, and she caught Addison giving him guarded looks more than once. Addison had hand-picked this team, or so he’d said, so he must trust Lee.
When they all finished lunch, she was ready to volunteer to help clean up, but Addison pulled her aside. “Let’s talk now.” He looked more anxious than she felt. The poor guy must have been wondering what she wanted to tell him all during the meal.
He took her into one of the bedrooms near the back of the complex where it looked as though he’d already stashed his gear. “This is the room I use when we come here. Have you chosen one yet?”
She shook her head. All her things were still in a pile in the main room, along with the things everyone else had simply dumped there.
“The ones back here are the quietest.”
“Thanks for the heads-up.” She glanced around. At least this one had a chair to sit on, but Addison chose it before she could, so she took a seat on the bed and faced him. “I guess I need to just get this out.” She was suddenly nauseous, but she forced that away. This had to be done.
“Is it really that difficult to tell me?”
“Yes. I’ve never told anyone. Not even my father knows.” Not quite true. She’d told Brenda and countless police officers, plus the DA and a couple of her assistants. But she’d never told other coworkers, friends, or family.
He leaned forward slightly. “This sounds serious.”
Where should she even start? Nadine took several deep breaths and let her mind wander back. She could do this. “They hired a new custodian at NorthWest high school just over four years ago. I don’t say his name, and I don’t name the city where he’s incarcerated. Because I gave the police so many details, they were able to link him to—”
Addison held up a hand. “Whoa. Hold on a second. Police? Nadine, what did this guy do?”
She let out a shaky breath. Addison Carlyle wasn’t a man who liked to wait through details. “He raped me.” Just saying it was so damn liberating she almost cried. The last time she’d said it out loud had been four years ago. This had been the right decision. She knew that now.
Addison’s jaw dropped. “Oh … oh my God. Oh, Nadine.” He shocked the hell out of her by moving next to her on the bed and pulling her into his arms. It happened so fast she had no time to get freaked out by it, but she didn’t flinch or try to pull away. The truth was that it felt pretty damn good to be held and comforted like this. “I’m so sorry. I never imagined it was anything like that.”
He pulled away and looked into her eyes. “Why didn’t you tell anyone?”
“Well, by not telling anyone I mean family or friends. I told the police, and of course Brenda Washington, the school principal. They were able to link him to multiple rapes across the country and there wasn’t even a trial. He pled guilty and is in jail.”
“For how long?” His voice was tense.
“Twenty-five years, but he gets no parole hearings.”
Addison’s gaze turned hard. “That isn’t good enough for a fucking scumbag like that. What can I do?”
“You’re doing it,” she said quietly. “You’re listening.”
He shook his head. “It’s not enough. Did you see a doctor?”
“Yes. That’s why they had DNA and were able to track down all the other crimes.”
“Did any of his victims come forward?”
“A few did initially, but he …” She sighed. “Most were too afraid because he threatened them just like he did me.”
“What did he threaten to do to you?”
“He knew everything about me. That was his MO. He’d change
his name, get a job where he could dig into records and watch his intended victims, and then because by the time he … he attacked them, he knew so much about them, he was able to threaten them. He told me he’d find my father and kill him if I said anything, but that idiot didn’t know my father.”
“I take it that your mother wasn’t listed in your personnel records, then?”
She shook her head. “No point in doing that.”
“Does she even know your dad is missing?”
“I left her a voice mail message and sent a couple of emails. No response.” She already knew that Addison was well acquainted with the history of Wendy and her father, and that was fine with her. It saved her from having to relay the story again.
“You said this was four years ago.”
“That’s right.” He looked like he wanted to say something else, but it was clear he was either debating whether to bring up the subject, or having difficulty choosing his words. She decided to put him out of his misery. “No, I haven’t had sex with anyone since then. I wasn’t a virgin before, but I’d had limited experience. Let me rephrase that. I’d had sex with one boy, one time before that.”
Her face burned, and she had to avert her gaze. It was the bluntest, most intimate comment she’d ever made to any man about her personal life. Why the hell was she spilling her guts to Addison? She’d known him all her life but had never had such a personal conversation with him. What was it about him that allowed her to trust him so much now, of all times? Was it because of the circumstances, or had she felt this way all along and never realized it?
“It must be very difficult for you to trust anyone.”
She met his gaze because the tone of his voice was so tender it surprised her. Who was this guy? She’d been so wrong all these years. His earlier confession came back to her. Did he regret it now? “Not you, for some reason. I’m not sure why that is, but I feel as if I can tell you anything.”
The way his face softened, and the look of delight in his dark eyes sent her heart pounding. This time, she wasn’t afraid. All she felt was profound relief at finally saying the words to someone other than Brenda or one of the countless officers and attorneys she’d spoken with all those years ago.
Someone else knew. Finally. He hadn’t judged or admonished her for not telling her father. Instead he’d asked if there was anything he could do. No wonder her father had always spoken highly of Addison. Now she could understand why he admired the man so much.
“You have no idea how happy I am to hear that,” he said. “Only I wish I hadn’t told you what I did earlier. In light of this, it seems insensitive.”
So he was thinking about that. “It’s not. You couldn’t have known.” And it’s time I moved on. Could she say that to him? More importantly, could she allow herself to do that, finally? Was it really possible? She wasn’t even sure she knew how.
“None of my business, but did you see anyone afterward to talk about the rape?”
“You mean a therapist? I’ve been seeing one for four years, for all the good it’s done me.”
He frowned. “Why hasn’t it helped?”
“I wish I knew. I’ve been taught visualization techniques, told it would take time, and been offered medication, which I’ve refused. I wish I knew what else to do.”
“Are you able to talk about the details?”
She sighed. “I haven’t talked about them in years. We talk about my fears, my nightmares, and my inability to let myself get close to anyone.”
He nodded slowly as if realizing something for the first time. “If you want to get the details out now, I’m here to listen.”
“Why do you want to know them?”
“I don’t, but it might help you to verbalize them.”
She’d heard that so many times, and now realized those who had said it to her were only trying to help, as Addison was. Maybe it was time to let someone in that far? She could always stop if things got too frightening for her. “Where should I start?”
“Where did it happen?”
“In one of the classrooms. I was there early one evening working on end of semester grades, and he was the only other person in the building. I knew who he was, of course, but had no reason to fear being alone with him. He came into the office and asked me to come into one of the classrooms. He said he’d found bloody pads in a corner, along with evidence of who might have put them there.”
“Pads?”
“Like girls wear when they’re on their periods. He didn’t want to touch them, and he said he wanted a witness to the evidence of who might have left them there in case anyone challenged him on what he’d found.”
“Sounds legit.”
“Yes. Exactly. He knew I wouldn’t have any reason to doubt his story, so of course I went with him.” She closed her eyes for a second or two. She could do this. “He locked the door behind us, and then he was on me before I could do anything. I was so damn scared, and I remember fighting like crazy through the fear, but he tied my wrists with my own clothes and slapped me…”
She stopped as panic, hot and fast, like someone had just poured lava into her veins, spread through her. Addison pulled her close again and held her. “It’s all right. You don’t have to continue if you don’t want to.”
“No. I want to get this out. All of it.” She pictured the details as she always tried to now, a black wisp circling in the air. In her mind, she held out her hands and scooped the mist into them, then pictured herself standing on the shore of the ocean.
“I’m right here. Take your time.”
“Thank you. Just give me a second.” Nadine closed her eyes again. In her mind, the ocean always looked as blue and peaceful as she remembered it. She tossed the mist into it, and it disappeared in the water, where it could never do anyone harm again.
“What can I do?” he asked gently.
“I’m all right. Honestly.” The mere act of holding him and absorbing his warmth and strength soothed the demons back enough that she was able to continue. “He slapped me so hard I thought he’d broken my jaw. The pain was searing. I almost passed out, and then when he … when he forced himself inside me, I tried to remember everything because I knew I was not going to let him get away with this. I was so afraid, but at the same time I was so damn angry. That this … this pig would have the nerve to do this to me.”
He pulled away and looked into her eyes. “You are your father’s daughter, after all.”
“Yes. Yes, I am. When he finished, he stood up and laughed. He laughed at me, lying there, tied up with my own damn clothes. He said if I told anyone he’d find my father and kill him. He had so many details about me that he rattled off. It was obvious he’d read my personnel file in the office. He said no one would believe me that it had been rape because he’d tell them it was consensual, and that I’d stayed after hours on purpose to wait for him to come into work.”
Addison didn’t say anything. She watched the muscles in his jaw twitch, and saw his eyes flash with anger. Nadine knew in that instance if he had known about the rape immediately afterward, even if they hadn’t been dating, that man never would have made it to prison. Addison would have killed him. She saw that on his face, and it gave her courage to keep going.
“Then he untied me and left. I heard his shoes on the floor in the hallway, and I heard the doors at the end that led to the parking lot slam shut. I lay there for a long time. I don’t know how long. I’d … I had wet myself at some point. When I finally got up, I realized he’d taken the condom with him, but there was something that looked like skin under my fingernails, and dried blood on my bra. It could have been mine, but if it wasn’t, I realized I had DNA from him. I knew I had to touch nothing, clean nothing, and get someone in authority there as soon as possible.”
“I’m in awe you did that. Most women don’t.”
“I know. I was in shock, but at the same time the rational part of my brain told me what I needed to do. I called Brenda from the phone in the classroom, a
nd she called the police. She told me to stay there. I was afraid he’d come back, but he never did. It felt like a long time until I heard others in the building, but in reality it was probably less than five minutes.”
“You’re a very brave woman.”
She hadn’t felt brave in calling Brenda immediately afterward. It had been the logical thing to do. The one thing she could focus on at the time instead of letting the panic take over and render her incapable of doing anything. She’d clung to the only sure thing in her life at the time. Everything else had slipped away as if it had never been real. If she had let that continue, she never would have gotten up off that classroom floor, and they all would have found her there the next morning.
“Most rapes are never reported,” she said. “I wasn’t going to be part of that statistic. The cops came, along with Brenda and an ambulance. They took me to the hospital, and within days I heard from the DA that the DNA from the skin under my nails and the blood on my bra matched DNA from multiple rapes around the country. Then they tracked down other victims, and it snowballed from there. He finally pled guilty because they convinced him that if he stood trial for one rape, he’d be convicted for all of them. He’d left behind physical evidence on every single one.”
“Not too bright.”
“He never raped anyone twice. He’d simply move on to another town, a new identity, and a new victim. He’d been doing this since before everyone moved underground, and the DA told me he likely thought he’d never get caught because he’d gotten away with it so many times before.”
“And for all that he only got twenty-five years?”
She shook head. “It was the deal he made. He had to allocute to the rapes, and they wouldn’t offer him any less prison time.”
“So when you’re forty-eight, he gets out.”
“Yes, but he’ll be sixty-eight.”
“That’s still young enough to start up again.”
He said it under his breath, but she hugged herself just the same. That wasn’t something she allowed herself to think about.
