“Nothing can stop me”
“destroying all the rest!”
“Oh, Kitkara . . . “
“Kitkara . . . “
“I’ll smash your cities “
“and cause lots of train wrecks.”
“This uppity little world”
“Is nothing next to Planet Eckes!”
“Oh, Kitkara . . . “
“Kitkara . . . “
“The greatest being in the universe,”
“Tra-la-la-la-la.”
“Tremble when you hear the name of “Kitka...guhlk.”
“Kit...”
“Super-Controller!”
“Super-Controller!”
“The most supremest being there ever was in this or any universe is Super-Controller. Super-Controller must be loved and held in highest regard at all times. Even I, the ‘Ineluctible One’, mighty Kitkara, . . . pale , , in comparison . . with the great Super-Controller of Planet Eckes!”
“Super-Controller!”
“Super-Controller!”
“I don’t care if I know nothing of rhyme.”
“My rhythm is probably out of time.”
“Super-Controller!”
“Kitkara is a loyal servant of”
“Super-Controller!”
“Kitkara . . . “
“Oh, Kitkara . . . “
“Kitkara . . . “
“Watch out, y’all, Kitkara is powering up his wings again! The wind gusts are throwing around lots of dangerous debris!”
“Hai, look out, Rhianico!”
“If you please, Jubei, eek!”
“Hai, unh!”
“Oh, dear, Mr. Temperance. In an effort to protect the lovely Rhianico from airbourne detritus, Jubei has himself been struck a grievous blow.”
“This is terrible, Miss Plumtartt!”
“Ha, ha! I will now instigate a super-vortex tornado twister above this city’s rubble and send its floppy flotsam for hundreds of miles! My super-speed flying will instigate the whirlwind of wanton destruction that I desire! A few circles around this city will do the trick!”
“Kitkara is flying in a huge circle around ToeKey-oh! The wind is starting to pick up, in an alarming, sudden tornado kind of way.”
“Yes, Mr. Temperance, but look at what I see, it is the return of our faithful friend, Gumibara. I say, are you all right, sir?”
“Ohhh, that was a tough hit; however, since I have no bones to break, I have withstood the super-monster strike.”
“Looky there, y’all, it’s TiTaupKamaro!”
“Gro-o-onk. Ohhh, if I did not have this super-monster protective shell, I would not have survived the encounter.”
“I have an observation that I would like to share, if I may. During Kitkara’s victory song, he seemed to be in the thrall of a person not present for a few awkwardly phrased lines, eh hem?”
“Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt Ma’am. It seemed like somebody named ‘Super-Controller’ was trying to exercise his will on the mighty Kitkara from a remote location.”
“I say, I do so wish we possessed a way to get the remote Super-Controller away from Kitkara, as there might be the slimmest of chances that we could reason with the beast.”
“Oh, I wish I could ride on that raft we made earlier through the air to get that old Kitkara!”
“I wish that I could fly in such a way that I could see where I am going. The way it is now, my flights are dangerously out of control.”
“Gee willikers, y’all; that’s it! We can answer all three wishes! If we attached harnesses to the back edge of TiTaupKamaro’s shell, Gumibara has the strength to guide TiTaupKamaro in flight! What do you say, TiTaupKamaro? do you have the necessary torque to get Gumibara aloft?”
“GRONK! Ha! Of course I do! Let’s get radical to the max!”
“My word, Mr. Temperance, you have indeed devised a way of maintaining pursuit, sir, however, does your plan go so far as to stopping our foe felidae, eh hem?”
“Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt Ma’am. When Kitkara got interrupted by super-controller, I noticed that little silver chest on the back of his red neck collar was just a flashing and blinking away, ninety to nothing, with some strange alien electrics. I gotta hunch that might have something to do with Super-Controller’s communication. I’m a fair hand at tinkering and fixing things, but when it comes to ruining a perfectly good contraption, why there ain’t nobody better than Ichabod Temperance! If Gumibara and TiTaupkamaro can get me to Kitkara, I think I can disable that remote controller, and then maybe, like you said, we can talk some sense with Kitkara.”
“Are you are saying that you want Gumibara to pilot TiTaupKamaro to a stealthy, in-flight rendezvous with the mighty Kitkara? On the unlikely occurrence of this happy circumstance you hope to free Kitkara from the influence of the Super-Controller, and as such free the behemoth to destroy all that there is for his own sake and glory. Your fragile hope lies in deterring Kitkara once he is beyond interspatial interaction. Oh dear, this mission is far more fraught with peril than my normal tolerance of danger allows for, Mr. Temperance. Please assure me that you intend to be careful, sir.”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
“We have the shell harnessed up and ready, Icky! Let’s go!”
“Okay, Gumibara, here I come!”
“Oh, Mr. Temperance, stop! Please come back here, sir.”
“Yes, Ma’am?”
“Under the circumstances, I am compelled by an irresistible compulsion. I want you to kiss me once more before you depart. Oh, dash it all, I wish for you to have a kiss, for luck, Mr. Temperance. Yes, rather, and I urgently wish to impart it to you, forthwith!”
“Gee!”
“If you please, my injured Jubei, with the destroyed city of Toekey-Oh as a backdrop, you will see the two young lovers sharing a sweet, passionate kiss.”
“Hai, Rhianico. This mission Ichsa-bod is about to embark on is so dangerous that it borders on ridiculous. Persephone is afraid that this will be her last embrace with the odd little fellow.”
“Ahhhh, don’t they make a charming couple, Gumibara?
“All the world loves a lover but we need to break up this smooch-fest if we are going to save planet Earth. Hey you kids, wrap it up! This train is leaving the station!”
“Don’t you worry none, Miss Plumtartt; everything is gonna be all right, Ma’am, just you wait and see.”
“Do you promise, Mr. Temperance?”
“Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am, I promise.”
“Then I am reassured. Go forth and slay that dragon, my hero.”
“RRRRAWR!!! Let’s light this fire-cracker! Flame up, TiTaupKamaro!”
“GRONK! Hang on guys, we are about to blow this sushi stand. Avert your eyes, gentlemen; I am igniting the rear flippers, ... now! Check! We have visual confirmation on both rear flippers being alight. Look away dudes, I am igniting the front flippers, ... now! Right on! I have visual confirmation of both front flippers to be alight, roger, roger. We are good to groove, Kimo-wasabis! Unh!”
“Gumibara is a lot of super-monster to lift! Can you do it, TiTaupKamaro?”
“Unh! I can do it, Icky! Unnnnnh!”
“C’mon TiTaupKamaro! You can do it! You are doing it! Yes, your performance is smoother than melted chocolate.”
“Are you ready, Gumibara?”
“I’m ready like a hot biscuit is ready for butter. Let’s do it, TiTaupkamaro!”
“Hold on, brahs, I’m going to fire off my mouth.”
~FSS-SKUUUUUH!!!~
“Ahh! Gumibara!”
“Gotcha, Icky! Don’t want to lose you, little buddy. Just get a good grip on my tacky foot. Wow, the forceful, forward projection of TiTaupKamaro’s fiery breath is shooting us backwards faster than I could have imagined! It is a good thing that I have super-sticky powers! I must confess, it is taking all my adhesive properties to keep an upright stance on this super-sonic super-monster.”
“Dang, Gumibara, you s
ure do look heroic, standing on TiTaupKamaro’s shell, holding the control harness reins in your paws as you boldly backwards fly this rocket turtle into battle, sir.”
“Thanks, Icky, but this is not the time to mark out for myself. We have business to attend to!”
“Yessir! We’re in luck! Kitkara has not spotted us yet!”
“Ha, ha! We are coming in from behind: fast, too. We’ll just zoom up and land on Kitkara’s back before he even knows we are here! Then it will be too late!”
“Stand by to slow down, TiTaupKamaro. When I give the signal, cut your jets and we’ll just drop down on Kitkara before he ever even suspects we are here, just as pretty as you please.”
“A little more, . . . a little more, . . . now, Icky!”
“Now, TiTaupKamaro!”
~SKUUUH-hick!-FWOOSH!!!~
“Augh!” “Augh!”
“I think TiTaupKamaro hiccuped, and the resulting high octane boost blasted us ahead of our intended target!”
“Ah-roonh? A large object has suddenly flown into my flight path! Ha, ha! It’s TiTaupKamaro, tumbling, flipping, flopping and sputtering sporadically with spark and flame. Gumibara desperately clings to his filthy super-monster shell! They have one of the Earth-ants with them, too! Ha, ha! You guys are so ridiculous!
“Ahh! Hang on, Gumibara!”
“I’m trying, Icky! What are you doing, TiTaupKamaro?”
“What do you think I’m doing? I’m trying to get my mouth re-lit and my flippers under control! Now shut up; I’m trying to concentrate!”
“Ha, ha! I shall devour you!”
“Hurry TiTaupKamaro!”
“A delicious, mid-flight, meal! Thank you, steward!”
“Eek!”
~FSS-SKUUUUUH!!!~
~snap!snap!snap!~
“REEER-REERLL!”
“Drat, you infernal, inferno-driven reptile. You got lucky and got your main thruster re-lit, just as I snapped my mighty jaws!
“REEER-RAWRLL!”
“Such insolence! Stand still when I decide to execute you, you uncooperative, sub-super-monster!”
“REEER-RORLL!”
“Now I’m really mad! Let’s gobble them up, good!”
“Faster, TiTaupKamaro, Kitkara’s gaining on us! Hey, Gumibara, TiTaupKamaro has gotten his flight leveled off. Do you think you can supply some control to piloting this flying, saucer-shaped, ski-board?”
“I don’t know Icky, at this speed, things are kinda sketchy. I’ll try though!”
“Well hurry, Gumibara, we’re about to get ette!”
“Hunh?”
“Eaten!”
“Oh!”
“Attaboy Gumibara! Don’t worry, TiTaupKamaro; Gumibara has gotten to his feet and is ready to help you regain control of our flight!”
“Ha! Make that I have regained control of this reptilian rocket! You just keep jetting us ahead as fast as you can, TiTaupKamaro, and leave the driving to me and Icky. I don’t see KitKara, Icks, where is he?”
“He’s coming up behind us, fast!”
“Uh, oh! Which way do I turn?”
“Hard a’port, Gumibara!”
“Hunh?”
“Left!”
“Why did you say, ’a’port’? Do you mean like ’port and starboard’? Let’s just do ’left’ and ’right’, okay?”
“Okay, just do it! Hard a’left, please!”
“Ten-Groovy, Icky! Now where is he?”
“Kitkara at eleven o’clock!”
“But it’s only eight-thirty?”
“I mean like the placement of numbers on the face of a clock!”
“Hunh? Every clock I have ever seen has been a magical, Monstrous Island, ’numerical’ clock. They are lit from within with a soft red, or sometimes green, luminescence, and glow the time to you in glowing digits like this:’8:30’.”
“I mean Kitkara is coming in from over your left shoulder!”
“Oh, well why didn’t you say so?”
“Now he’s below, to the right!”
“’Kay!”
“Now he’s directly behind!”
“Eek!”
“Pull up!”
“Roight!”
“Swerve us to the right real hard”
”Groovy!”
“Hard to the left!”
”Right!”
“No, left!”
“Right, I mean, right as in I agree with you, right?”
“Right.”
“But I thought you said left?”
“Just keep going in a serpentine manner!”
“Hunh?”
“Like a snake! Up down, side to side, and any other way you can!”
“Oh, sort of like the way I dance?”
“Yes!”
“Ha, ha! Your belly rolls, loopity-loops, and corkscrew twists will avail you naughtte! You cannot escape me! I’m going to gobble you super-monsters up! Ha, ha, and your little ant, too!”
“He really is about to get us now! Get ready guys, this is it!”
“Ha, ha! My first taste of Earth flesh! How I have longed for this moment!”
~snap! snap!SLAM!!!~
“Unhh!”
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEERNK!!!”
“TuRuDan!” “TuRuDan!”
“Just as that third cat head was gonna snap us up, TuRuDan came out of nowhere to knock Kitkara upside of all three heads at once! He had his wings tucked and came through the thin passage between us and Kitkara like a crossbow-launched, double-headed, miner’s pick-axe.”
“Hooray, TuRuDan, you titanic pterodactyl, you!”
“He ain’t through with him neither, Gumibara! TuRuDan has turned around and already sped back up to gain momentum for another strike on Kitkara!
“EEEERNK!!!”
~THUDDE!!!~
“Ooph!”
“I’ll naughtte see this planet suffer another world-wide extinction! EEEERNK!!!
~THUDDE!!!~
“Ooph!”
“Hey, Gumibara, remind me to never anger TuRuDan.”
“For real, though.”
“EEEERNK!
“Reeerll!”
“Yikes! Kitkara has snatched ahold of TuRuDan!”
“I can’t stand to watch, Icky! All I can see is a furious, flurried, tangled ball of wing, beak, claw, and talon.”
“Biscuits and gravy, Gumibara, TuRuDan is getting the better of Kitkara! His furious anger has granted him the advantage! Oh, now I see what that long, pointy, pterodactyl skull is for. It’s so when he has a hold on his opponent with his rear feet, as does our hero, TuRuDan, he can then employ both his pointy beak in front, and his pointy skull tip, backwards. By swinging his massive wings in counter-point to his strikes, a tremendous impetus is added to punctuate the leathery bird’s titanic pecks. Wouldn’t you say so, Gumibara?”
“Totally, Icks, TuRuDan is a true head-banger! He is as a super-powered, double-sided, woodpecker!”
~TAT-DAT!~TAT-DAT!~TAT-DAT!~
~TAT-DAT!~TAT-DAT!~TAT-DAT!~
~TAT-DAT!~TAT-DAT!~TAT-DAT!~
“Row-wow-wow-ow!”
“Stop! I can’t stand it! You’re killing me!”
~TAT-DAT!~TAT-DAT!~TAT-konck!
“Oh, no, Gumibara, TuRuDan is hurt! Kitkara got in a smack with his clubbed tail upside TuRuDan’s hammer-head, knocking him off and away!”
“Reerll! You horrible old fossil! I will gobble you up!”
“Oh my goodness! TuRuDan is injured and Kitkara is hot on his tail!”
“REEER-REERLL!”
“You feeble old fool!”
“REEER-RAWRLL!”
“How dare you attack us!”
“REEER-RORLL!”
“Your time has finally come, you stupid old bird!”
~snap!~ ~snap!~ ~snap!~
“I’ll save you, TuRuDan!”
“Gumibara, what are you doing!? You’re steering us in a collision course with all three flying super-monsters! We’re gonna crash!”
&n
bsp; “That’s the idea, Icky-baby! Bonsai!”
“I think you mean, ‘Banzai’.”
“Whatever. RRRRAWR!!!”
“Ooph! I have been struck! Inconceivable! What could have hit me? Oh it’s that stupid flying turtle again! Ha, ha! I’m glad you’re still around, TiTaupKamaro. Congratulations on keeping your jets lit, only now you are once again hopelessly out of control. I’ll hunt you down once I have slain TuRuDan. Some soft, fresh, tortoise flesh will go well after this tough old prehistoric buzzard. By the way, where is that ridiculous excuse of a super-monster, Gumibara? I will save him for dessert!”
“RRRRAWR!!! Here I am, Kitkara, on your back!”
“Reerll! You filthy beast! I can’t reach you! Get your sticky paws off of me!”
“RRRRAWR!!! I am Gumibara, the ’Inescapable One’! Ha, ha! I have you in my sticky clutches, Kitkara; you cannot escape me!”
“You meaningless pest, I shall deal with you later. That reminds me, what happened to the ant? Did it fall?”
“Yes, but I managed to catch it, er, I mean, him. Icky is now managing to hold on pretty well on his own.”
“Yessir, Gumibara and howdy there, Kitkara. Thanks to the many layers of intricately lain dragon scales that protect you, lots and lots of easily accessible handholds are at my disposal.”
“Ugh, disgusting! As I was saying, I’ll deal with you two insignificant annoyances later. In the meantime, I shall cleanse the skies of these two Earth-born, airbourne, aberrations! That stupid turtle is helplessly out of control without Gumibara to stabilize and pilot his flightpath. I shall dine on that old vulture, TuRuDan, first. He is injured, weak , and old. It is right that he is the first to perish.”
~snap!~ ~snap!~ ~snap!~
“I shall have you, TuRuDan! You cannot escape me!”
~snap!~ ~snap!~”Hunh?”
“Woah, what are you doing, you stupid bear? Hey, don’t do that!”
“I won’t let you hurt TuRuDan! I am going to cling to your starboard, is that right, Icky? This is the starboard wing, right?”
“Yessir.”
“Yeah! I’m going to cling to this wing to disrupt your flying! Good luck trying to pilot yourself with fifty tons of the mighty Gumibara stuck to one of your flappers! The further I shinny out on this wing, the harder it is for you to flap!”
“Augh! You stupid super-monster! You’re going to make us crash!”
“Hang on, Gumibara, here comes TuRudan!”
“EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEERNK!!!”
The Seventh Voyage of Temperance (The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance Book 7) Page 16
