by Hill, Bear
From: Smith, Albert
Sent: Wednesday, September 1, 2012 3:30 PM
To: “Hill, Bear“
Subject: Welcome aboard!
Congratulations, kid! You’ve made it to the big leagues! I skimmed the first draft of your script and fucking loved it! Damn, if it’s possible, I think it’s better than your fucking book! Just a few suggestions, though:
First, what about the title? Is your heart stuck on Skinwalkers? I mean, sure it works for a book, but I just don’t see it up in big letters on the marquee. What the hell is a skinwalker, anyway? I thought the story was about werewolves. Werewolves I know; werewolves I like. This is Hollywood, kid. We need a title that will knock the audience fucking flat, not confuse the poor bastards. But don’t worry. Uncle Al wouldn’t come complaining if he didn’t have a solution in mind for you. I was in the shower this morning and this popped into my head. Let me know what you think. Okay, here it comes. Picture this: opening credits roll between flashes of cowboys shooting the tee-total fuck outta one another! You mix that shit with flashes of werewolves coming at ’em so the audience knows right away that they are in some fucked up, super-scary-crazy-ass shit! And then all of a sudden, boom! It hits ’em outta nowhere. Upon on the screen in big fucking letters dripping with blood: WEREWOLF SHOOTOUT AT HIGH NOON. Man, does that fucking rock or what?! I’m telling you, Uncle Al is pure fucking magic when he’s on!
Another thing: does the lead have to be black? Now, before you start, let me say I know what you’re thinking. But Uncle Al’s no fucking racist. Just last week I came outta Tiffany’s after buying this sweet-ass leather jacket and this black guy came up to me begging me for some fucking change. Well, I fucking upped the ante on the son of a bitch and tipped him a goddamn twenty-dollar bill! That’s just how I roll, kid. Uncle Al’s heart is as fucking big as his legendary schlong (Just ask Debbie about me and see what she says)! Anyway, I know that type of shit is more acceptable these days, what with Denzel and Foxx winning fucking Oscars and that Tyler Perry shit raking in the dough (That Perry is a fucking genius! I can’t wait to work with that motherfucker!), but I just see the classical John Wayne type in the lead, here. Get back to me asap so I can pass the word on to Sue.
I also noticed you got Indians running around like well, wild Indians, but there’s no mention of teepees in your notes for set design. In fact, I think you fucking got confused and thought that form was the fucking catering order or something because you go on and on about “hogans. “
Speaking of Indians, Wes would like it if Coyote could have more dialogue. And I have to say I think it’s a good idea. Now, now, I know what you’re thinking, kid, but no. Uncle Al hasn’t lost his fucking marbles. Make no mistake about it, he’s as sharp as fucking tack! In fact, I’ve got another thunderbolt from the blue for ya: how about we throw the chicks a bone (other than Uncle Al’s that is, oh!) and get a love triangle going between Coyote, Maxine, and the bounty hunter? You know, make it all Shakespearian and tragic like. I mean, that shit worked in Twilight, right? Wes could play Coyote like Lautner’s character, and, instead of a saloon whore (although there’s nothing wrong with that in Uncle Al’s book!) Rosario’s character could be an Indian Princess who’s promised to Coyote. But then the bounty hunter enters the picture—I see him more and more as the old Hollywood man’s man type, maybe Crowe, or even better, Clooney!—and stirs shit the fuck up!
One last thought and old Uncle Al’ will get outta your hair for the day. I gotta level with you here, kid. The final act lacks punch. It needs something to really put it over the top, something that will make people’s jaws drop and have them fucking talking about it five fucking months after they’ve left the theater. I think you know where I’m going with this one, kid. Yep. That’s right: we need the bounty hunter to fight a giant spider in the final act.
Now, I know what you’re gonna say, and you’re exactly fucking right. Spiders are some of the deadliest killers in the animal kingdom. And did you see Return of the King? That shit was fucking incredible! And just think about it. We could make our giant spider twice as fucking giant!
I hope these gems Uncle Al’s tossing have got the creative crunk flowing in your brain, kid. Roll ’em over, kick their tires, build on ’em, and come back to me Friday. I can’t wait to see what you come up with!
Best,
Albert Smith, Executive Producer
Splinter’s Edge Films
2200 Riverset Blvd., 4th Floor
Los Angles, California 90069
1-800-212-EDGE
Fax: 1-800-213-EDGE
E-mail: [email protected]
Website: www.splintersedgefilms.com
