by Kyra Davis
“Gigi, when you found those prenatal vitamins, what did you conclude?”
Gigi looked understandably thrown by the change in topic. “What did I…um—”
“What did you think, about why I had them?” I clarified.
“I know what conclude means.” Gigi’s eyes narrowed. “I concluded that you were preggers.”
I looked down at the floor, unable to meet her eyes. “You know…I’m not. Not anymore.”
Gigi crossed and uncrossed her legs at the ankles. “Yeah, I kind of figured that out. I am, like, so totally sorry about that. I mean, it is just so totally unfair…”
“Did you tell Blakely?”
Gigi’s eyes widened in surprise. “No!”
“No what? No you didn’t tell her I was pregnant, or no you didn’t tell her I miscarried.”
“None of it. Like, Blakely is the last person I’d tell!” Gigi tossed her hair behind her shoulders. “You know, people always assume that I can’t keep a secret just because I’m, like, so totally chatty, but it’s completely untrue. If a secret’s important enough I’ll totally take it to the grave.”
“I saw you talking to Blakely right after you found the vitamins.”
“Is that what you thought we were talking about? You so should have asked me! I just figured that with you being preggers I needed to work extra hard to get you into the assistant-buying chair before you started to, like, you know, show.” She whispered the word show as if she was articulating the name of a particularly loathsome venereal disease.
I didn’t say anything. My eyes traveled to her desk. She had decorated the bulletin board in front of it with pictures of her and her friends, along with pictures from various magazine layouts, and a few ticket stubs from a Christina Aguilera concert. A small mirror was propped up next to a pink unicorn Beanie Baby whose legs were sprawled out in a manner that suggested he had just been dropped from a ten-story building. There was nothing personal on my desk. I had never bothered to make it my own.
“I’m going to recommend to Liz that you be my replacement. You’ll make a great Sassy manager.”
Gigi jumped to her feet and pulled me to mine. “Ohmygawd, ohmygawd, ohmygawd! You got promoted! I knew it! I heard a rumor that Blakely had let Cherise go, and really, who could blame her, and then I just knew you would end up with her job. Ohmygawd, this is, like, so totally awesome! Can we tell yet? Or is it a secret because as you know, I can totally keep—”
“I’m quitting.”
Gigi dropped my hands. “You’re…”
“Quitting.” I sank back down into my chair. “I’m just not cut out for this. I need a fresh start somewhere else, where I have a better understanding of the corporate religion.”
“Corporate religion…” Gigi’s voice trailed off. She was clearly not as interested in understanding my obscure reference as she was in trying to grasp the overall implication of my announcement. “Are they forcing you out?”
I shook my head. “No, in fact, if I had told Blakely what she wanted to hear I might have been able to convince her to give me Cherise’s job.”
“What did she want to hear?”
“That I would be less like myself and more like you.”
The corners of Gigi’s mouth twitched, but she refrained from breaking into a full grin. “Are you sure about this? I mean, are you going to tell Liz today?”
I nodded. “Right after we’re through, I’ll give her two weeks’ notice.”
“They might want you to leave right away,” Gigi said more to herself than to me.
“Under different circumstances maybe, but with Dorita’s vacation coming up I’m sure they’ll want me to see the two weeks through.”
Gigi smiled absently. “Nice of you to offer to recommend me.”
But we both knew that my recommendation was an unnecessary formality. The job was hers and she probably wouldn’t have to work it a year before she was promoted again. Gigi didn’t have to convert to Dawson’s religion. She was already practically a priestess.
Gigi lifted her mirror and checked her lipstick. “I’m going back to the floor. I won’t tell the girls anything until you chat with Liz. It’s totally cool with me if you want to be the one to break the news.”
I blinked. How could Gigi switch so easily from treating me like a boss to treating me like an employee? “I’ll tell them,” I said quietly.
Gigi shrugged indifferently. “Wish you had given me a heads-up sooner.” She put the mirror back down on her desk. “I would’ve bought balloons.”
The rest of the day was like a dream. Liz asked me a few times if I was sure this is what I wanted to do, but I could tell that she wasn’t too broken up. We agreed that I would stay two weeks and then my career at Dawson’s would be over. I looked over my shoulder as I exited her office and caught her reaching for the phone. I knew she was calling Gigi. It hurt a little to think that I could be so easily replaced, but this had been my decision. My heart began to pick up speed. This was so out of character for me. It was…well, it was the kind of thing my mother would have done, and that thought in and of itself was enough to make me want to run into Liz’s office and beg her for my job back.
And that’s when it hit me. Pure unadulterated elation. No more pom-poms for me! Liz, Blakely, Marilyn, Gigi, all of Dawson’s was behind me now, and in front of me was everything I ever wanted. I had been wrong about my need to settle. I might just be able to have the career of my dreams, too, and thanks to Tad there was no real risk. Caleb was right, even if we fell a little short of the hundred-and-eighty-grand figure it would still be fine. Like we couldn’t get by on a hundred and fifty?
I went to Lingerie first and found Allie neatening stacks of bras and panties. She looked up as I approached. “You did it, didn’t you?”
I nodded and bit down on my lip. “It’s over.”
Allie’s mouth formed into an awed smile. “Holy shit.”
“You’re telling me!”
“You know I want all the details.” She put down the panties that she had been holding. “Did Blakely burst into a blaze of flames or did she turn into an ice princess? Did Liz take it like an adult or did she make you sing some kind of special Dawson’s resignation song? Did Gigi merely jump up and down and break into cartwheels?”
“Why don’t I tell you everything tonight at the Bubble Lounge.”
“You got it. Are you going to call Caleb or shall I?”
“I’m headed down to see him now.” I did a few jumps of my own, and Allie laughed.
“You know, if you had shown that kind of enthusiasm at the Appreciation Meetings, Liz would never have let you go.”
I giggled and went to the escalator where it took all my willpower to keep myself from pushing past the throngs of shoppers in order to take the moving steps two at a time down to Cosmetics.
Unfortunately, I was paged before I got to the first floor. I reluctantly made a pit stop at Sassy and dialed the operator from the phone at the register.
“April Silverperson here, you paged me?”
“I have a Tad Showers on the line for you, shall I put him through?”
“Oh, yes!” I said with enough zeal in my voice to cause Dorita, who was across the floor, to look over at me curiously.
“April?” Tad’s voice floated through the receiver.
“Tad,” I said in an eager whisper. “I did it! Can you believe it? I did it!”
Tad let out a gleeful laugh. “I’m so proud of you. Everything’s going our way.”
“It is, isn’t it?” I shook my head, still having a hard time wrapping my mind around the idea.
“We have to celebrate tonight,” he said.
“Oh, you’re not working late?” My mind went to the invitation I had just extended to Allie.
“Not tonight. Tonight’s about us.”
“Well, I was going to go to the Bubble Lounge with Allie and Caleb, do you want to make it a foursome?”
“Can you tell them that you’re going to
have to reschedule? I have a surprise for you and I want to be the only one there when I present it.”
“Why’s that?” I asked suspiciously.
“Because when you see what it is you’re going to want to thank me properly.”
“Properly, huh? Does properly involve a conspicuous absence of clothing?”
“Just meet me at home after work and we’ll see where it leads.”
I hesitated, but only for a moment. Tad had been swamped at work lately and I knew that his taking this time to be with me meant that he was making some sacrifices. “I’ll meet you at home then,” I agreed. I hung up the phone and tried to take a deep breath. I didn’t want to tell the staff just yet, which meant that I was going to have to keep it together a little better in order to avoid questions. But they knew something big was up. How else could they explain my new smile that simply wouldn’t go away?
TWENTY-TWO
When I got home Tad’s car was blocking our one-car garage, violating our rule that whoever got home first parked in the garage so that the other person could have the spot behind it. But Wednesday evenings in Laurel Heights weren’t the worst in terms of parking and I found a spot less than half a block away. It didn’t matter. Nothing mattered except that I was on my way to making my dreams come true. I bounced in the door and smiled when I heard Everclear’s “I Will Buy You a New Life” coming out of our speakers.
Tad was waiting in the living room with a chilled bottle of champagne. I caught a whiff of something scrumptious coming out of the kitchen. He instantly pulled me in for a kiss. It was long and eager and full of promise.
When he finally let me go I smoothed out my shirt and walked around him, examining his efforts. “A home-cooked meal, champagne.” I clucked my tongue appreciatively. “I guess this makes up for making me park on the street.”
“I think you’ll forgive me.” Tad snatched the champagne out of its decorative ice bucket. “I have a little congratulations present for you.”
I held up a protesting hand. “Now let’s not get ahead of ourselves. I haven’t even been accepted into a program yet.” But I couldn’t stop smiling. It did feel as if a token gift was appropriate, if only to commemorate my moment of courage.
Tad shook his head. “You’re always so cautious.” There was a gleam in his eye that spoke of his mounting excitement. I was touched that Tad would be this happy for me. I had never believed he understood how I felt about all the things I had given up in the name of practicality, but watching his movements as he popped the cork and poured the champagne it was clear that he was having to work extra hard to keep himself from breaking into a jig. He seemed even more hyped than when he had announced his own accomplishments.
He handed me a glass and grabbed my free hand, nearly crushing it in his current state of exhilaration. “We need to toast.”
I lifted my glass. “To fresh starts.”
Tad shook his head. “To mind-boggling success. To showing all the assholes who held us back what we’re really made of.”
I didn’t like that toast. But I didn’t want to break the mood, so I managed an appeasing smile and drank.
I then promptly spilled half my drink down my shirt as Tad yanked me through the kitchen. “Are you ready for your surprise?”
I didn’t answer. If I had been ready, my silk Theory top wouldn’t be saturated in Dom Perignon.
He stopped in front of the door to the garage, his face alight with…with what? A little chill traveled up my arms. This wasn’t just excitement. This had an edge to it.
“My surprise is in the garage?” I asked carefully.
Tad nodded with the vigor of a little child. He grabbed the doorknob and threw the door open.
I gasped. Parked in my spot was a BMW Z3. The chill was gone, now I just felt ice cold.
“You…you bought that?” I whispered. He couldn’t have. Surely it was a rental, a loaner; there was some reasonable explanation.
“Yep! I saw a woman driving one today and I knew I had to get one for you. So what do you think?” He ran down the three steps that took him to the car. He whirled around and made a little “ta-da” gesture. “Is this great or what? We are now a two-BMW family!”
“B-but,” I stammered, still glued to my spot in the doorway, “I don’t need a car.”
“April, this isn’t about needing, this is about wanting! Don’t you get it? We can get the things we want now! Our days of penny-pinching are over!”
“Penny-pinching?” I heard my voice rise an octave. “Three days ago we had a two-hundred-and-fifty-dollar dinner at Maas!”
“And now we can do that every weekend!” Tad exclaimed. “And next time you can give this baby to the valet! And they’ll know! They’ll know what kind of people we are!”
“You mean crazy? Or were you aiming for bankrupt?”
Tad stepped back as if I had just dealt him a physical blow. “What are you talking about?”
“I just quit my job!” I screamed. “We should be saving! You said you would support me if I went back to school!”
“And I will!” he shot back. “What the fuck is your problem? I bought this for you!”
“But I don’t want it! Take it back! Take it back! Take it back!” The words kept tumbling out, each syllable hitting a new note of hysteria. He couldn’t return it, not a car. I turned and ran back into the kitchen, slamming the door behind me. I gripped the back of a kitchen chair and tried to calm myself. Okay, we couldn’t return the car, but we could sell it. This was fixable.
I heard the door slam against the wall as Tad shoved it back open. He grabbed my arm and whirled me around. His other hand went to my opposite arm and he pulled me to him, almost lifting me off the floor with the force of the movement. “You bitch,” he seethed. “You still don’t believe in me. You’ve never believed in me….”
The shock of his violent behavior had an odd steadying effect on me. “This isn’t about my believing in you, Tad.” My voice sounded cool and detached. “Now, let go of my arms.”
He pushed me backward, releasing me as he did. I fell, knocking over the chair as I hit the floor. Tad flinched but he didn’t offer his hand in assistance. Instead, he turned on his heel and stalked toward the front door.
“What are you doing?” I asked, pulling myself to my feet and following him despite the sharp pain in my ankle. My heart stopped as I watched him retrieve an old baseball bat from the hall closet. “Tad…”
He didn’t respond, just opened the front door and disappeared outside. Let him go. But I couldn’t stop myself from following him. There was something very strange going on and I knew it wasn’t over.
When I stepped outside I could see Tad on the sidewalk looking this way and that. “Tad!” I called after him.
He didn’t turn. He was staring at something that I couldn’t see. Then he turned to the right and ran down the street. “Tad!” I screamed again. I hobbled after him and then stopped in horror as I saw the baseball bat make impact with the windshield of my car.
No. I mouthed the word but no actual sound came out. I stood paralyzed as he smashed every single one of my windows. Then he turned around and walked back in my direction.
Run, my little voice said. Get out of here now! But where should I go? Into the house? To the home of a neighbor I didn’t know? Tad was getting close. I started to back up, wincing as I inadvertently put weight on my injured ankle. Tad stopped when he was only a few feet in front of me. I looked him in the eye, expecting to see rage. But all I saw was pain.
He dropped the bat and I stood speechless as his face twitched with the effort to hold back his mounting tears. Then he walked past me, stepped into his car and drove away.
Less than a half hour later the police came to my door. They claimed to have gotten a call about a possibly violent domestic disturbance, and seeing that the vandalized car down the street was registered to me they thought I might know something about it. I leaned against the door frame in order to hide the fact that I was fav
oring one leg and shook my head. I told them that I had seen my car, but only after the fact, and had written it off as the work of some drunken teenagers.
The police officers seemed satisfied with my account. They babbled something about how I was welcome to report the vandalism at the station and then wished me a pleasant evening.
As if that was possible.
That night I packed and unpacked my bags five times. At ten I was standing in my bedroom looking over an empty suitcase. What should I do? Leave? I could stay with Caleb or Allie but then I’d have to admit to them what had happened. If they knew…
I shook my head. I couldn’t share any of this until I was sure of what I was going to do. I looked down at my ankle. The sharp pain had mellowed to a persistent ache. I wriggled my toes. It was twisted but not broken or sprained.
I looked around the room. Everything was neat and in order. Everything except my life. “Think, think, think,” I muttered to myself. If I could just find a way to put what had taken place into logical terms, I could figure out how to deal with it.
But you can’t make the illogical logical. As usual my little voice was right. Nothing that had happened had made sense…unless Caleb had been right, and Tad was on drugs.
I immediately turned to the dresser that contained Tad’s clothing and started opening all the drawers. I pulled all the clothes out of each one, unfolding the socks while looking for a little plastic bag containing a white powder, a syringe, papers to roll joints—anything. My breathing quickened as I tossed the searched items on the floor and reached for the next. There had to be some evidence of a reasonable explanation. I couldn’t accept anything else. I wouldn’t.
The phone rang and I straightened up, clutching a pair of Tad’s jeans in my hand. “Tad,” I whispered. What felt like a wave of ice water rolled from my chest to the pit of my stomach. I walked to the phone, counting the steps as I moved, nine, ten, eleven…“Hello,” I said quietly into the receiver.
