“Let’s shoot for 8:30. Alright, I’ve got to go and dig out the Shout!”
I hung up the receiver, chowed down the rest of my meal, stripped both shams from my pillows and covered them with fresh cases. The stain had already managed to spread. How was it possible that one dab of olive oil now looked like I spilled an entire bottle? There was no way I was going to get it out and have them washed and returned before Alice woke up. Besides if she heard the washing machine, she’d know I either was eating in my room or would think I snuck a boy in and had to change the sheets. The thought of her reaction to either made my arm hair stand on end, so I decided my best game plan was to throw on some stain remover as a precaution and wrap them in a plastic bag. I would drop them at the dry cleaner in the morning for one hour service and have them picked up and put back on my bed before she knew the difference. If I pulled the comforter over the replacement cases, she wouldn’t even notice.
When I first moved home I asked her if we could buy a new bed set and her reply was, “If you can find something to match the wallpaper then I approve, other than that, don’t bother.” I reminded her it wasn’t 1981 anymore but she stood firm. The only thing worse than not having a coordinated room, was having a mismatched bed ensemble, so dropping off the pillow shams moved into first place over looking for Mary Elizabeth because if I didn’t change them before lights out tomorrow, Alice would be on to me.
-5-
Alice usually slept until nine a.m. on Saturday and Sunday. It was a luxury she afforded herself after my father moved out and before I moved back in. Typically I didn’t leave the house before noon on the weekends in the winter, so she reveled in making a mid-morning breakfast when she finally appeared.
I left her a note on the table, telling her I was meeting Mitexi for breakfast and promised to be back by dinner. I also let her know how fantastic last night’s food was, just to keep her on my good side for skipping out on our a.m. bonding time.
The bag holding the pillow shams was tucked under my right arm and my purse under my left. I had taken $100 from the gift box and kept the rest inside the zippered pocket of my meter maid coat. Alice hated the whole idea of that job and I knew that was one place she would hesitate to snoop while I was out if she was bored. Quietly, I latched the door behind me and speed walked to the corner. I paced in a small circle to ward off the cold and waited for Mitexi to pick me up.
Mitexi and I grew up on the same street, in the neighborhood where my mother still lives. Her mother, Enola, had been the live-in house keeper for the Carrington’s’ who resided at the far end of our block. Most of the families were upper middle class and close knit. The Carrington’s’ were straight up wealthy. We lived in large, center-hall colonials with nice landscaping; they lived in a statuesque Tudor with a gated driveway and a butler. Relocating from Texas, Mrs. Carrington had loved the area but found the houses too quaint for her taste, so Mr. Carrington bought three houses, tore them down and built their mini estate. Mitexi and I attended the same schools and our birthdays were only four months apart and because the majority of the homes were raising boys, we quickly became friends. The Carrington’s’ were so fond of Mitexi that they treated her as if she was their own and even paid for her college. But after she graduated, she moved back to be close to her mother and we rekindled our friendship. After Mr. Carrington passed, his wife moved in with their son and Enola had no place to go. So, Mitexi and her husband Phillip added an extra bedroom onto their house and insisted she stay with them. In many ways Enola still treated Mitexi the way my mother treated me, and it gave us comfort to know when one of us bitched about it, the other genuinely understood.
The familiar red Lincoln Navigator blew through the stop sign at the opposite end of the street and pulled up in front of me. I climbed in and welcomed the blasting heat.
“Did you not see that red octagon with S-T-O-P written across the front?”
“Yeah, I saw it, but it’s a waste of gas to slow down just to get this pig rolling again. Anyway, its Saturday so there’s no school and it’s so damn cold out all of the sensible kids are playing inside.”
“And the not so sensible ones?”
“Well, since my ride is red and big I figure if they can’t see it, then they shouldn’t be outside alone.”
“I can’t believe Phillip is a well known lawyer and you drive like that.”
“Paula, that is exactly why I drive like that. Now where are we going?”
“Let’s go to Oscar’s Omelet’s. It’s only about a quarter mile from Mary Elizabeth’s apartment building per Uncle Gordie’s directions.”
Mitexi grinned while rubbing her swollen stomach. “Isn’t that the cafeteria style place that’s always jam packed?”
“Yes, so it should be an easy walk, but based on how you look, I am not sure we should even try to go that far.” I stared in horror at Mitexi’s overly expanded midsection. “Are you supposed to get that big? My god, you are wider than you are tall.”
“Listen, big mouth, I didn’t hear you crapping out insults when I paid your bail.”
“I see your point. But really, are you sure you don’t want to drop me off instead?”
“Hell no! My mother is insane. If pregnancy didn’t show, anyone would be convinced that she was having the baby. Even Phillip left this morning just to get away and you know how he hates to go out in this weather on the weekends unless absolutely necessary.”
“Speaking of, did you entice him into spilling some details? But please skip the sex part. I hear enough of that from Alice telling me about Aunt DeDe’s former romps with Uncle Gordie.”
“Well, he is familiar with the firm and apparently there is one Italian girl that he recalls all of the guys acting stupid over, he said they nicknamed her ‘the Coke bottle’. Does that mean anything to you?”
I tightened my seatbelt and clutched the door handle, fearing for my life as Mitexi sped up at the yellow light and practically sideswiped a snowplow.
“Well, it sure sounds appropriate. This girl is a knockout and her figure deserves that title.”
“He also said that she usually turns down everyone’s advances because she claims to have a secret man. She’s been showing up with a lot of expensive jewelry or a new Coach bag every week.”
“That is definitely Uncle Gordie’s style.”
Mitexi swerved into Oscar’s, hitting the curb so hard we caught air before coming to a halt in a spot that a smaller car attempted, only to be cut off by my pregnant friend. The poor old woman’s eyes grew as big as plates before she smartly turned away and opted to skip breakfast altogether. Personally, I was glad to give up the warmth of the SUV and step safely onto the pavement. Now that Mitexi wasn’t driving, I felt confident that I wouldn’t be run over.
-6-
“I need to drop these off at the dry cleaner next door before we eat. That friggin’ olive oil stain laughed at me when I attempted to dissolve it. I need the one hour service. Please don’t let me forget to pick these up.”
“I can’t believe you are scared of your mother over stained shams.”
I glared at Mitexi. “Oh, really? Well let’s swing by your house later and mess up something and see how Enola reacts?”
That shut her up. I savored a small ping of victory because she actually owned her home and still got in trouble by her mother.
We entered the dry cleaners; the insides of the windows were fogged with steam, but the thick air felt good. I showed the stain to the petite Asian clerk and explained that it was imperative to receive speedy service. She asked if I had ever been to their store before, I replied that I had, and she asked for my phone number.
“What do you need that for?”
“We use for reference number. When you pick up, you give us number, we give you item.”
“Fair enough, 966-665-9860.” I said, giving her the house number. “Remember, one hour service.”
“No problem. We fast.”
We exited the dry cleaners and stepped
into Oscar’s. Sounds of sizzling bacon and the aromas of coffee and home fries filled the air.
“Have you ever smelled anything so good? The baby started kicking as soon as we walked through the door.”
I was pretty sure I could see dancing pancakes in Mitexi’s eyes. “I think the baby is kicking because there is no room left in there and it wants out.”
“Whatever, it had better make room because I am getting the Lumberjack special.”
She pushed me out of the way and tapped her foot impatiently behind the good looking guy in front of us already ordering at the counter. He reminded me of someone, but I couldn’t place it. His hair had a familiar style and his build was exquisite, so much in fact that I totally forgot to decide what I wanted. Then he turned around, it was Benny the bartender from Uncle Gordie’s restaurant. He held his tray steady in one beautifully strong hand and I was sure he would say hi to me until Mitexi tapped my shoulder and whispered, “You’re drooling.” I smiled stupidly as he excused himself and stepped past me as if I were no one in particular.
“Paula!”
“Yeah?” I was still swept away.
“Order your damn food. There is a mob of angry breakfast patrons behind us.”
“Oh…sorry. Um, I’ll have strawberry waffles and a side of sausage links.”
We paid and stepped to the side so that the next person, who I think might have snarled at me, could place his order.
“Who the hell was that?”
“Benny, he was the bartender at Uncle Gordie’s restaurant last night. Isn’t he hot?”
“I guess so; why didn’t you talk to him?”
“Because I had on my work outfit when I met him and when my Uncle asked if I wanted a beer, I said I couldn’t because I had to be home for dinner. I mean, I wound up having the beer, but I’m pretty sure I didn’t make a great impression.”
Mitexi laughed until tears rolled down her face. “Do you know what a loser you must have come off as? I think I just peed myself a little.”
“Very funny. I think I’m almost glad he didn’t remember me.”
“No, I am not kidding, I think I really peed myself. I have to go to the bathroom. You just wait until you get pregnant, shit just starts falling apart.”
Just as Mitexi waddled away both breakfasts were delivered to the counter, so I grabbed the trays and picked out a seat close to the door and as far away from Benny as possible. After drenching my plate in syrup and preparing to gorge myself, hoping it would kill my misery, an unexpected hush fell across the entire dining room. I instinctively put down my loaded fork to investigate the sudden silence and was immediately stupefied to find that Mary Elizabeth had just walked through the door. Let me tell you, the pictures did her no justice.
Utensils literally dropped and everyone stared. She was magnificent. Thick waves of silky chestnut hair stood out in contrast against her white coat which she slowly unbuttoned to reveal aqua spandex ski pants tucked into fur boots and topped with a navy cashmere sweater. Pretending not to notice the obvious silent crowd, she strode across the room and embraced a standing Benny, who returned her greeting with a locked stare and a soft peck on the cheek.
As Mitexi exited the bathroom adjacent to the daily specials board two booths away, a loud creak from the door’s rusty hinges broke the silence. “Why the hell is everyone so quiet?”
“Coke.” It was all I could manage to get out.
She worked carefully to manipulate her distorted shape in between the bench and the table. “Coke? You have a coffee. You shouldn’t drink soda so early anyway, and Alice would slap your
face if she thought you were mixing soft drinks with the Surgeon General’s favorite meal.”
“No! Coke, Coke bottle!” I kept my gaze in the couple’s direction.
“Paula, what the fuck is wrong with you?” Then she turned. “Oh, well…it’s…the Coke bottle.” She slid into her seat, pushing the table against me so she could fit as we stared like star-struck idiots. “You’re the professional stalker, but if I could take a guess, I would say Uncle Gordie’s woman is sweet on his bartender.”
“I think you are right on.”
“Where’s your camera? I’ll take it outside and get a few shots from the sidewalk, no one notices a suspicious looking pregnant woman. They’ll think I’m taking photographs of bacon.”
“Camera? I don’t have one.” Suddenly I went into a panic. I didn’t really expect to see her, or him, or them together for that matter. I was only trying to get familiar with the area. I looked desperately at Mitexi. “Oh shit! What do I do?”
“Okay let’s be calm and think about this for a minute.” She stuffed three whole ham triangles in her mouth at once without even blinking. I’d never seen anything like it. “There’s a convenience store on the corner. Run down there and grab a disposable camera. She just got here right? By the look of things, I’m guessing she eats like twice a month, but since he is obviously putting down a good meal to keep up his energy after they leave this place and have sex all afternoon, I’d say you have about ten minutes.”
“Okay, okay! You know, if your driving wasn’t so horrific, I bet Philip would let you take your iPhone along. You know the one with the camera? Instead of just relying on On Star for emergencies.” I grabbed a $20 bill out of my purse, took a sip off my coffee and wrestled back into my coat. I took a few steps away from the booth and turned back. “Don’t eat my food.”
I ran down the block, cursing the cold air burning in my lungs and myself for even being in this position. Before I moved home I had every new technology gadget out on the market, and that included a cell phone that did it all—phone, text, internet, you name it. But during my fruitless attempt to live on my own for as long as I could, I sold off all my belongings and downgraded my wireless communication abilities to something comparable to what my mother had for options on her land line. The only difference between our phones was that hers was attached to the kitchen wall. A disposable camera was hopefully going to become my alternative saving grace. I turned my attention back to my mission and decided to be grateful that Benny didn’t realize who I was. He would have been more nervous if he had. Unless they were just friends, but that wasn’t likely given the XXX I saw practically stamped on his face when she walked in. I paid for the camera and yelled “Keep the change!” as I sped on foot out of the store.
As I rounded the corner and went to grab the door handle to Oscar’s the Angelina Jolie and Brad Pit of our county stepped out ahead of me, hand in hand and turned in the opposite direction. I fumbled to get the foil wrapper off the camera while wishing that I had gone to the bathroom earlier; the adrenaline from being sneaky always triggered my bladder needs. As soon as I got my right eye in focus with the lens, my cell rang. I had the ringer positioned on the loudest setting because I usually can’t hear it in my purse; since it was in my coat pocket, it was ridiculously vociferous. Not wanting to attract Benny and Elizabeth’s attention, I hastily slid my exposed and quite numb hand into my jacket, retrieving the obnoxious device. It was Alice. I answered it quickly.
“What’s up, Mom? Listen, can you hold on? I am in the middle of something very important.
Give me like two seconds… What? No! What dry cleaner?” Oh shit. “Hold on!”
I put the phone back in my pocket and snapped about five shots. Benny and Mary Elizabeth were just crossing the street and I was able to get their faces in clear view. At least two of the snaps I captured had shown them holding hands. Nervously, I put the phone back to my ear.
“What do you mean the dry cleaner called?” I paused while Alice spouted off what seemed to be an endless array of laundry detergents that were well known to constantly defeat sinister stains, at least as far as she was concerned. “Okay, well let me explain. It was just olive oil! I wasn’t hiding anything from you. I can to be trusted!” I realized a small crowd had gathered and was now staring at me and not for the same reasons that the Coke bottle was granted attention.
&nb
sp; Mitexi stepped outside, coat buttoned up and looking very satisfied. The cold air turned the end of her nose pink over her normally mocha complexion. She grinned at me as I promised Alice that I would never eat in my room again and hung up the phone.
“I finished your breakfast, too. I wasn’t sure how long you’d take and I couldn’t let it go to waste.”
“I don’t think I have an appetite anymore anyhow. Did you grab my purse?” She passed it to me. “Thanks. Let’s get my shams and develop these pictures. I hope they came out good.”
“Why did the dry cleaner call?”
“I never told her exactly what the stain was and they wanted to make sure they used the right treatment. Phone number as a reference, my ass.”
-7-
Mitexi dropped me off around four p.m. and I opened the kitchen door to find an extra place setting at the table. The smell of chili wafted through the air and my stomach growled. Could Alice have really called my dad over to eat and explain why I shouldn’t take rides from strangers?
Adrenaline pumped through my veins as my body was taken over by the fight or flight response. I just couldn’t manage both of them tonight. If I was quick enough, I could grab the rest of Uncle Gordie’s money and hole up in a local hotel until it ran out. Leaving the freshly dry cleaned shams on the table would certainly be enough to distract my mother and to allow me ample time to make a clean getaway.
“Hi, honey!” My mother greeted me with a warm smile. Something felt wrong. “Did you pick up the shams?” I handed them over and she took them out for inspection. “Oh, they did a great job! Nothing to get upset over.”
“I wasn’t upset. You were.”
“Oh, don’t be silly. Why don’t you run upstairs, take a quick shower and throw on some cozy clothes before dinner. I started a fire too; the weather sure is raw. “
“Alright, Alice, what the hell is going on? You were ready to throw me out this morning over the pillow cases. What time is dad coming over?”
A Family Affair Page 3
