“Jude!” I gasped. “People can see you!”
“I don’t care,” he said simply.
“I do!”
“Well,” he kissed my cheek, rolling off of me, “you shouldn’t care so much what people think. People’s opinions of you don’t change a thing.” He stared out at the dark blue ocean and sighed. His face grew serious. “I don’t want to go home.”
“Me either.”
He continued on like I hadn’t even spoken. “I’m afraid that when we go home, everything will go back to the way it was before…that this will have all been a dream and you’ll hate me again. I don’t like you hating me, Tate.” He glanced at me and I could see the hurt etched into his face. He really meant what he said.
“That’s not going to happen, Jude.” I assured him, but he didn’t relax. I laid my head on his shoulder.
“I’ll believe it when I see it,” he muttered, almost like he hadn’t meant to say the words out loud.
I realized then that Jude had been doing nothing but trying to prove to me he cared for a while. I hadn’t been nearly so open with my thoughts or feelings for him. I was closed off and sheltered. Jude said he wore his heart on his sleeve, and he was right. But I kept mine guarded.
“I’ll just have to prove it to you,” I murmured. I meant it too.
Jude had shown he was different with me.
Now, it was my turn to show that I was different with him—that we were two halves of a whole. A fucked up whole, but a whole nonetheless.
The stars sparkled above me and the ocean roared as it crashed against the sand. The night had grown cold, but I wore a sweatshirt and had a blanket wrapped around my shoulders to protect against the wind.
I’d found myself unable to sleep.
My mind wouldn’t shut up.
When the clock read one in the morning, I gave up and came out here. I’d hoped the sound of the ocean would make me sleepy, but so far it hadn’t. I was sure it was closer to two now. Maybe I’d be able to sleep in the car. Trent wanted to get an early start home. I could tell that he and Rowan wanted to get back home to Tristan and Ivy. It was weird to think that my best friend was a mom. Crazy, really. We were so young.
I sighed, stretching my legs out in front of me.
I startled when a body sank down next to me.
Jude.
I should’ve known he’d show up.
In fact, I was actually surprised that it took him this long to come find me.
He had a sweatshirt and sweatpants on, but he still reached for the blanket. I thought he was cold and moved closer, but when he wrapped his arms around me I knew he was only trying to get me warm. Oh Jude, ever the thoughtful one. Tears pricked my eyes. I’d always believed Jude to be the villain, but he wasn’t at all. He was amazing in so many ways. He was by far a better person than me. He was the hero of this tale and I was the wicked witch. I’d been so incredibly wrong about him and I’d hate myself for the rest of my life for that fact.
“What are you doing out here, Tate? You’re going to get sick. Look at you, you’re freezing,” he admonished. I shivered as if my body needed to drive home his point.
“I couldn’t sleep.”
“So, you could’ve watched TV or something. You didn’t need to come out here,” he continued, his voice carrying a tinge of worry.
I shrugged. “I thought the ocean would soothe me.”
He put a hand to my forehead, his nurse instincts kicking in. “Please, come inside.”
“Not yet.” I lay back on the ground, staring up at the stars. They sparked above me, so pretty. Surprisingly, they weren’t as clear as they’d been on his grandpa’s farm. As a little girl I’d loved stargazing. Graham and I used to camp out on the trampoline and look at the stars until the wee hours of the morning. I wondered if, like Jerry said, one of those stars up there was Graham. He’d certainly shined brighter than most people. I’d lost my best friend, not just my brother, when he died. I was learning that I’d always feel his absence, but I’d have to find a way to deal with it. Pain doesn’t have to shut you down.
Jude lay down beside me and entwined our hands together. He gave mine a reassuring squeeze.
I felt tears coat my cheeks. They weren’t necessarily tears of sadness, although there was a little of that. Instead, they were tears of acceptance.
Jude’s finger brushed against my cheek and he startled at the wetness.
“Why are you crying?”
“Because,” my lower lip trembled, “he’s gone and I’m here and I handled everything wrong.” I turned my head towards Jude, taking a deep breath. “I’m so sorry for how mean I’ve been to you.” I grasped the soft cotton of his sweatshirt in my hands and drew myself closer to his body, curling into him. “I see now how wrong I was for everything. Not just with you, but with everybody. I distanced myself, even from Rowan, because I never wanted to feel the pain of losing another person ever again. It hurt too much. But what’s life without a little pain, right?” He wiped my cheeks free of tears. “I’m accepting that he’s gone and I can’t change the past, but I can change my future.” I clung to him, like my grasp on his sweatshirt could hold me together. “You make me happy,” I whispered. I needed him to hear the words, to grasp the meaning. “What I feel for you scares me so much. So much,” I reiterated. “Love is a messy, complicated thing that I wanted to avoid. But you, Jude Brooks, are unavoidable. Please, be patient with me. You know how stubborn I can be. Don’t lose faith in what we have. Wait for me, please.”
“Always,” he cupped my cheek. “You’re worth it.” He pressed his lips tenderly against my forehead and I sighed in relief. In his arms I didn’t just feel at peace…I was home.
Chapter Nineteen
We eventually went back inside and got a few hours of sleep, but soon Trent and Row were demanding we get up.
Rowan smiled with satisfaction when she opened the bedroom door and found us in the same bed with Jude’s arms wrapped firmly around my body.
I dressed in comfy clothes for the journey home and Trent came in to get one of my bags. Jude grabbed the other. Just like when we got here.
When I stepped out of the room the door across from our room was open. It had been closed the whole time we’d been here and I hadn’t ventured to explore. This wasn’t my house and I didn’t want to be nosy.
My mouth fell to my toes when I saw what lay beyond.
A single queen-sized bed.
Those liars. I just knew there had to be three bedrooms in a home this large.
Trent caught my expression and smiled sheepishly as he started down the steps. “She made me lie.”
Jude peeked over my shoulder to see what had caused me to stand still in the doorway. He began to snicker. “Remind me to thank her later.”
“Will do!” Trenton called as he ran down the rest of the steps as fast he could.
I started to laugh. A small part of me wanted to be mad, but it was pointless. I’d enjoyed sharing a room—and bed—with Jude far too much to get angry about it now. Rowan The Matchmaker. Who knew? She’d been so against loving Trenton, but now she wanted everyone else to have love too.
I finally got my feet moving and we piled in the car.
In the backseat I laid my head upon Jude’s shoulder and soon I fell asleep. I was awakened two hours later when we stopped for breakfast. It had been dark when we left, but now the sun was shining in the sky.
For the rest of the drive I slept off and on.
Jude awakened me gently when we arrived at my house.
“Hey sleepyhead,” he murmured, kissing the corner of my mouth.
I rubbed my eyes, blinking at the large house in front of us. I almost didn’t recognize it.
Jude reached up and tucked a stray piece of hair back into place behind my ear. There was a sadness in his eyes, like he was afraid to part ways. I was too, so I was glad I wasn’t alone.
“Time to go home,” he said forlornly.
I
nodded, unable to find my voice.
We both clamored out and he grabbed my suitcases, taking them to the door and sitting them down.
Rowan and Trent waited in the car for him to return, but were kind enough to give us a moment.
“So, I was thinking,” he shoved his hands in his pockets, “tomorrow’s Sunday…”
“Yeah?” I prompted when he trailed off.
He shook his head and returned to reality. “I was thinking maybe we could go to Pap’s for the day. It’s supposed to be nice and I know he’d love to see you.”
I nodded. “That sounds great.”
“Good,” he grinned, appearing relieved.
I was beginning to realize that when it came to me, Jude had a lot of insecurities. I guess my rude comments over the years had, had more affect than I ever realized. Good or bad, words were powerful.
He kissed me quickly, not wanting to give our audience a show.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” he called, jumping off the porch steps.
“Show off,” I muttered, to which he grinned.
“I’ll text you later with a time I’ll be by to pick you up,” he told me.
I nodded, digging my house key out of my pocket.
I took a deep breath, bracing myself, before I opened the door.
“TATUM ELIZABETH O’CONNOR!” My name was shouted at the top of my dad’s lungs. I hadn’t known he was here since he parked in the garage, and I hadn’t expected him so I was beyond shocked to hear him yelling my name.
“Dad?” My voice cracked and my whole body shook.
He came storming out of the back area of the house, where his home office lay. I couldn’t remember the last time he set foot in there.
“Where the hell have you been?!” He was still yelling even though I was in front of him. His voice was so loud that it made my ears ring. His face was red, veins bulging, and spittle clung to his lips.
For the first time in my life I felt real fear.
“I-I-I was at t-the beach with my f-friends,” I stuttered. I was scared out of my mind. I was tempted to open the door and run outside to see if my friends still lingered, but I feared what would happen if they were…more so if they weren’t there.
“The beach? The fucking beach? For a week? You have school, Tatum! And your mom! How could you be so irresponsible!”
I wanted to scream back, but fright kept my voice eerily soft. “It was spring break, dad,” I whispered. I was going into survival mode. Talking to him like he was suicidal and standing on a ledge.
“Spring break?! You should’ve cleared this with me!” He yelled, slamming a fist against his chest.
“I’m twenty-two, dad,” I held my hands up in a calming motion, “I can go on spring break with my friends if I want. I don’t need your permission.”
His breathing was labored and his face was still red. He kind of reminded me of a bull.
“I saw you with that Brooks boy! He’s bad fucking news Tatum! Not the kind of boy for a girl like you!”
What the hell? There was no way he could’ve seen us if he’d been in his office.
“H-how do you know about that?” I was stammering again. Great.
“I had cameras installed while you were away. Lord knows what you’re up to in my house,” he pounded his chest again. “Got one on the door and I saw you pull up and get out with him. A boy like that,” he shook his head, “oh, Tate, what have you done?” His anger started rising again as his thoughts headed in a dangerous direction. “Have you fucked him in my house?!”
“What?!” I was stunned. “No! Of course not, dad!”
“You’re nothing but a useless whore spreading your legs for that boy!” He looked me up and down, with a sneer on his face. I could smell the stench of alcohol on his breath. The glare on his face made me feel like trash. “You’re nothing but a disgrace like your brother!”
And then he slapped me.
He’d never hit me before, but now I could remember times where I’d caught him hitting Graham.
Tears stung my eyes and my cheek felt like it was on fire.
Silence hung heavy in the air.
I didn’t move and neither did he.
We just stood there, staring at each other, waiting for the other person to make a move.
I was frozen, afraid that if I moved he’d come after me. I’d never dealt with a situation like this. What was I supposed to do?
After what felt like an hour, but was really more like seconds, he turned away. He walked at a leisurely pace back to his office. To a casual observer he seemed unaffected, but I knew my dad and I could tell from the rigid curve of his shoulders that he was still mad. Mad at me? Or himself? I wasn’t sure.
When I knew he wasn’t coming back I gabbed my suitcases and dragged them up the steps behind me.
I was shaken, but I refused to cry.
I would not be beaten down.
I stood in the doorway of my bedroom, looking towards the closed door of my parent’s room where I was sure my mom lay. It pissed me off that she had done nothing to protect Graham from that monster. What kind of mother didn’t protect her children? The answer was easy. The kind that was scared.
I closed my bedroom door and locked it.
I heard the garage door open a few minutes later and I knew he was gone.
I tore my room apart, searching for a camera. I was convinced he’d put one in my room too, if he was crazy enough to have one on the front door. I didn’t find it though. If there was one in there, it was well hidden. I stood in the middle of my room, hands on my hips, staring at the destruction. It kind of looked like my life. A chaotic, out of control, mess.
God.
I sunk to the floor.
My butt landed on a shoe and I flinched. I picked it up and threw it across my room. It dented the wall, but I didn’t care.
I pulled at my hair, letting out a scream of frustration. I was so done with this. With my life. When did it all get so fucked up? Simple, it always was.
But as a child I’d looked the other way, thinking it was normal.
And it wasn’t that my dad was always a bad person. He had his good moments. But all I could see now was the bad moments. He had a temper and he wasn’t afraid to raise his voice or use his fists.
Rowan had been right.
Graham’s suicide had nothing at all to do with Jude.
It was all them.
My parents.
Mom and dad.
The two people that should’ve loved and cared for us unconditionally.
What a load of bullshit.
Even my mom, when she wasn’t in her catatonic state, hadn’t been all rainbows and sunshine. I couldn’t remember seeing her hit Graham like my dad did, but she did yell a lot. Graham and I were expected to succeed and when we failed…well, the repercussions weren’t pretty.
I had to get out of this house.
But with no job and no money I was screwed.
I knew if I asked Rowan and Trent they would take me in. They were nice people like that. Heck, Trent’s brother and sister-in-law didn’t even really know me, but I knew they’d never let me sleep in my car or on the street. And then there was Jude. I knew if I told him about this he’d be determined to protect me, and probably pick a fight with my dad in the process.
I couldn’t tell him, or any of them.
This had to stay my secret for a while longer until I could make it on my own.
The chime dinged pleasantly above the door when I walked into the shop.
Jude had text me earlier and I still had two hours before he picked me up to go to his grandpa’s. I was utilizing my time by going in and out of stores and applying for jobs. I’d been unsuccessful with anything close to school or my house, so I’d ventured to the next town over. Almost immediately a quaint little cupcake shop called my name.
A guy about my age, maybe a little younger, was working at the counter. Floppy brown hair fell in his bright unnaturally blue
eyes. He was good looking sure, but there was something different about him that I couldn’t quite put my finger on. He seemed wise behind his years, but wit sparkled in his eyes and his lips were turned up in a playful smile. I could tell this guy was going to be a handful if I got the job.
“Hi, I’m Tatum,” I said politely, giving him a small smile. “I saw the sign on the door saying you were hiring.”
He adjusted his black baseball cap, which was emblazoned with the cupcake store’s name. Lucinda’s.
“Yeah, let me grab Lucinda.” He started for the back, but turned back to me and stopped. He reached his hand over the counter. “How dare me forget my manners with such a pretty girl,” he winked. I took his hand and shook it. “I’m Bryce.” He nodded his head towards the tables. “Have a seat and she’ll be right out.”
“Wait…” I called and he paused before heading in the back. “Is she going to interview me now? I’m hardly dressed for an interview.” I looked down at my jeans and t-shirt. “I just wanted to apply.”
Bryce held his hands up in surrender. “Just doing what the boss would want.”
“Great,” I forced a smile.
There was no way I’d get hired like this.
A moment later an older lady breezed out of the swinging door and headed my way. My nerves skyrocketed.
“Hello, I’m Tatum,” I stood, shaking her hand.
She smiled pleasantly, smoothing her wavy gray hair away from her face. While she was older, the age of a grandparent, there was a timeless beauty to her. Few wrinkles lined her face and there was a twinkle in her eyes. “I’m Lucinda, the owner. Bryce said you were looking for a job?”
I nodded.
She began to ask me more questions and I answered them as best I could. I was nervous but I didn’t think I was doing too bad.
Finally, when she was done, I looked around. The walls were painted hot pink and there was an overall vibe in the place that could only be described as funky. It didn’t seem like the kind of place a grandma would own.
Saving Tatum (Trace + Olivia #4) Page 17
