‘It was someone I met, and thought was the one, you know ‘the one’, but he had to go away. He didn’t know I was pregnant when he went. But he’s the father.’
‘You never mentioned you’d met anyone, what’s his name?’
‘It’s Rob, his names Rob, and he has to go away for work, he’s a photographer and sometimes he has to work abroad.’
I know it was a lie, and a little bit of me felt really bad lying to my Mum, but I couldn’t tell her about Matt the twonk, she’d never understand, and saying it was Rob was the first thing I could think of. I’ll wait a few weeks and then tell her he met someone else, or has decided to stay abroad, or has just realised he’s gay, or . . I don’t know, something anyway, I’d worry about exactly what I’d tell her later. For now I’d let her think it was all going to be alright and that Rob was going to be the father, I mean like a real father, and look after me and the baby. That would please her, get her over the shock of her single daughter being a member of the pudding club, and it would get her off my back until I’d had a chance to think of something else.
‘I see. Are you going to tell him?’
‘Of course, but I want to wait until he comes back, I don’t want to tell him over the phone or by e-mail. I mean something like this has to be said in person.’
‘Yes I suppose so. When is he coming back and what do you think he’ll say?’
‘He’s supposed to be coming back next month, so I’ll tell him then and I think he’ll be pleased.’
I was embellishing like mad now, one slight change of name and before I knew it I was up to my armpits in some complicated fantasy that if I wasn’t careful I’d never be able to talk my way out of.
‘So you’ll get married?’
‘Maybe, I mean nowadays it’s not . . . well we don’t have to get married do we, it’s not like the old days is it? I mean Dad’s not going to stand over him with a shotgun or something is he . . . is he?’ I said suddenly scared and imagining my Dad looking all serious with a smoking shotgun under his arm.
‘No, I doubt your father would have the energy, or the knowhow to be able to use a shotgun.’
It still rankled with Mum that Dad had never made an effort to try and get her back after she’d left him. In fact according to Mum’s version of event’s he never had the energy for anything much, and that was one of the reasons she left him and they got a divorce. Although he seems active enough to me, doing up the flat he’s bought, and helping Gran with her garden now she’s a bit passed it. He’s even got himself a new girlfriend but I don’t think Mum knows about that, but anyway he’s plenty active enough for a fifty year old. ‘No well anyway, I’m fine. Really I am. So no need for you to worry at all.’ I said trying to manoeuvre the conversation away from my Dad and opening that whole can of worms up.
‘So when will I meet this Rob?’
‘Well when he comes back, and when I’ve told him I suppose.’
‘And when’s this baby due exactly?’
‘In February, the end of February, maybe March . . I think.’
‘Hasn’t the hospital given you a proper date?’
‘Hospital?’
‘Yes hospital. Haven’t you been booked in for a scan?’
‘Scan?’
‘Are you just going to repeat everything I say. For goodness sake Judy you’re having a baby, it’s about time you started acting a bit more responsibly, you have to for the baby’s sake even if you can’t do it for yourself. Have you even seen a doctor yet?’
‘Um . . . well no. There’s no rush is there?’
‘Yes Judy there is a rush. You’re having a baby. You need to get yourself to a doctor and let him examine you, make sure everything’s alright, and he’ll organise for you to have a scan, and arrange regular check-ups and everything.’
‘I will. I’ll sort it all out tomorrow.’
‘Promise? It’s important you know, not just for the baby but for you as well.’
‘I know Mum, I’m sorry Mum.’
‘Well, my first grandchild. And my daughter’s finally found herself a man and is going to settle down.’ She said incredulously.
Did Mum just say first grandchild, first as in more later like a second or third but this was going to be the first? I mean I was an only so any more grandchildren as in additional to this one would be entirely down to me. Um I don’t think so. This baby was already proving hard enough to deal with and it hadn’t even arrived yet, there most certainly wasn’t going to be a second or third.
She carried on musing, oblivious to my inner turmoil. ‘Course it does make me feel really old, and I couldn’t let him or her call me Grandma or Granny, that would be just too much, I’ll have to think about that, what he or she is going to call me I mean.’
He or she? In all this time I hadn’t given much thought as to it’s being a he or she. I’d had that momentary vision of Blondie of course, but actually considering all the implications of a small him or a small her running around calling my mother by whatever name she eventually came up with, I hadn’t thought about that at all. I suddenly felt faint again and without being told put my head back down between my knees.
It was only then that my Mum started acting like my real Mum, and not the critical, always disappointed with me she-devil that she quite often portrayed. She gave me a cuddle and then put the kettle on for more tea, chuckling to herself at the thought of me drinking tea after years of telling her how disgusting it was.
We talked, or rather she talked and I listened, about what stuff she thought I’d need for a baby, like a cot and a pram, do they still even sell prams, I mean you never see them nowadays do you, it’s all these huge bulky pushchair things that take the skin off your shins if you’re unlucky enough to be in their path. Perhaps that’s why they’re so aptly called pushchairs, so they can push everyone out of their way? Anyway according to Mum I was also going to need bottles, and babygrows, and cot blankets, and baby pyjama’s, and baby hats and mittens, lot’s of nappies naturally and . . . well the list was endless.
I knew I’d need things for the baby of course, but hearing Mum list it like that was a bit of a revelation. Who knew baby’s needed so much stuff? And how much was all that going to cost? And where the hell was I going to put it all, there was barely enough room for me and my stuff as it was.
Then she said she’d help me, it would be her present to me and her first grandchild, I really wish she’d stop saying ‘first’ all the time. She offered to go with me to help me choose some things, but then decided it should probably be me and Rob, that is after I’d told him. Huh yeah. Like I was ever going to tell him, I wasn’t even going to tell what’s-his-name, never mind a fake fantasy father.
But it was a bit of weight off my shoulders, the cost of it all anyway. All I had to worry about now was how to tell Mum there was no more Rob, that he was out of the picture, not that he was ever in it in the first place but she didn’t know that. How was I going to fit a baby and a mountain of stuff into my compact shoebox flat? How was I going to support myself after the baby was born? How was I going to deliver as in give birth to this baby when the crunch came? And how was I going to be able to manage actually looking after it once it had arrived? That was too many how’s and my mind recoiled from them all, doing that ostrich thing that I was getting so good at lately.
Mum stayed for lunch, so not her usual thing. I usually just got the inspection tour, the list of not good enough’s, the long suffering illness’s compendium, two minutes of mum and daughter if I was lucky, and then the off. But today with such momentous news she lingered and I was forced to actually cook a proper meal, good job I had some salad stuff in the fridge, not that you cook salad of course but you know what I mean, I still had to prepare it.
Then finally, thankfully, after a bit of a teary eyed goodbye, she left.
9
15th August – week 11 + 1 Day
This morning I was on the case as per Mum’s edict. I phoned the doctor early and manag
ed to get an appointment at nine twenty. I’d been putting it off since this whole intensive baby nightmare began, I knew I’d have to go to the doctors at some point even without Mum saying so, but somehow letting the professionals in on it just made it too official for my liking and so far I’d resisted, but time was ticking on and I couldn’t reasonably put it off any longer. I phoned work and said I’d be a bit late, doctors appointment I said, but I didn’t specify why. And by nine I was headed towards my doctors surgery on the outskirts of town.
The receptionist was as charming and cordial as ever. ‘Name?’ she snapped at me. ‘Judy Parker’ I whispered back properly intimidated as all good patients should be. ‘Take a seat and wait to be called. You’ll be seeing Doctor Leeman today.’
‘But I thought I was booked in to see Doctor Franklyn, he’s my doctor, I always see Doctor Franklyn.’
‘Well you wanted an appointment today dear, and Doctor Franklyn’s on hospital call this morning, so you’ll be seeing Doctor Leeman, quite honestly you were lucky to get an appointment at all to see anyone.’
‘But what if it had been an emergency?’
‘Well then you’d have gone to the hospital wouldn’t you.’ She said patronisingly. ‘Next’ she shouted over my head, neatly if loudly dismissing me.
I went and sat down in the jam packed waiting area, squeezing in between a rather large sullen looking man, obviously there with a hurt foot that was all bandaged up and that he held awkwardly barely touching the floor with it and wincing periodically, and a skinny spotty teenager with an unspecified injury or illness that was playing on his DS. Sitting opposite me, was the requisite mother and her two small children, who were clearly bored and ran around annoying everyone else while completely ignoring their mother.
We all waited in silence, except for the mother of two who kept up a non-stop tirade imploring the young Ty and Gemma to sit down and stop annoying people. After ten minutes I’d read all the notices three times and was ready to cheerfully strangle Ty and Gemma. Thankfully it was Ty’s turn next to see the doctor so when his name was called the noisy trio, noisily departed down the corridor and away from the rest of us. Everyone breathed a silent and heartfelt sigh of relief.
At five to ten my name was finally called and I stiffly stood up trying to un-numb my derrière enough to walk down the corridor and find room two as directed.
‘Ah . . . Mr Greenway?’ The doctor said looking up smiling, and then on seeing me the smile froze on his face and changed to an unspoken question mark.
‘No. I’m Judy Parker. Have I come to the wrong room? The reception told me Doctor Leeman in room two.’ I said pausing in the doorway.
‘Well this is room two, and I am Doctor Leeman, but you’re obviously not Mr Greenway. Sit down, sit down.’ He said agitatedly searching through the mountain of files on his desk. I sat down and he finally located mine. ‘Now then what seems to be the trouble?’
‘I’m pregnant.’ I blurted out.
‘Ah yes.’ He said matter of factly. ‘When was your last period?’ No look of shock or outrage that I, a young single female, should be in this predicament.
‘The twentieth of May.’ I said without hesitation, the date being burnt into my brain having checked it so many times back at the beginning of this nightmare.
‘I see . . . you’ve waited rather a long time to come and see someone haven’t you? Have you done a test yourself?’
‘Yes nine of them, I’m definitely pregnant.’ He blanched a bit when I said nine but didn’t actually comment.
‘Well Ms Parker we’d better get you booked in for a scan as soon as possible.’
‘Does it hurt?’ My inborn squeamishness being predominant at all times.
‘Hurt? No it doesn’t hurt.’ He said amused by my ignorance, rather arrogantly I thought. I mean, how am I supposed to know?
‘You’ll need to come for regular prenatal checkups once a month until a bit nearer the time, and then we’ll see you once a fortnight until baby’s born.’
‘Yes.’ Was all I could manage.
‘Are you alright?’
‘Yes . . . only . . ‘
‘Yes?’
‘Well what exactly do they do in these checkups?’
He laughed again. Great, I’m so glad someone finds this amusing because I sure as hell wasn’t.
‘We’ll take your blood pressure and test your urine, and feel your tummy just to make sure baby’s in the right position but it won’t hurt I promise.’
‘And that’s it?’
‘For now, yes that’s it. Oh and we’ll need to do a blood test to find out what blood group you are.’
Blood test! With needles and everything, actually take some of the blood out of my body!
Seeing my look of horror, as only the victim of a vampire can look when about to be bitten, he hastily continued. ‘It will hurt a little bit I’m afraid, but not for long, it’s all over with very quickly.’
‘Okay.’ I said feeling queasy.
‘So I’ll book you in for next week for your first prenatal, Tuesday afternoon is when we hold the prenatal clinic, shall we say three o’clock? And the hospital will be in touch about the scan.’
‘Right.’ I was just on polite autopilot now and not really taking in anything he said.
‘Oh and remember to bring a sample of your urine with you won’t you.’
‘Okay.’
‘Well that’s about it for now.’
‘Okay.’ I said again, not moving.
‘Ms Parker?’
‘Oh, right that’s it? I’m finished?’
‘Yes. Unless there’s anything else?’
‘No there’s nothing else.’
In near suspended animation I left the doctors surgery and walked across the car park back to my car. I sat in the car staring blankly ahead. The enormity of the reality of my situation hitting me all over again. I was having a baby. A real baby was growing inside me and on the twenty-eighth of February I would be a mother. Fat tears coursed down my face, but I let them fall unchecked and un-wiped, still staring blankly ahead. Eventually after what felt like a week I managed to pull myself together enough to drive to work.
10
15th August – Week 11 + 1 And A Half Days
When I got to work, at coming up to lunch time, it had all the appearance of a war zone. A partition was being put up at the far end, and all the people who normally worked in that area, the purchase ledger section, had been shifted forward to allow room for the workmen, with the result that neither the workmen or the people who normally sat there had enough space to do what they were doing, and were all moaning like mad as a consequence.
Doreen was trying to keep her cool, she was in charge of the purchase ledger, and with the help of the other two girls on her section was organising some hurried packing of files into storage boxes. George Morton who also worked for her and had been at Fishers since their first greeting card was produced back in 1965, stolidly continued tapping away at his computer as if this was all an everyday occurrence, and resolutely refused to help in any way. He always was a curmudgeonly old duffer at the best of times, one of the ‘always done it that way, don’t see why I should change now’ brigade, and Doreen was counting the days until he retired.
The partition was to be the walls of mine and Martin and Grahame’s new office. When I got past Doreen’s understandable frustration and rant and went to have a nose, I looked at the space they were creating. Miniscule was my first thought. How the hell they thought they’d fit three desks into the tiny space I had no idea, maybe Norman had changed his mind about the three of us sharing an office. It turned out he had. There were now to be two offices, one for me and Martin, and one, all to himself, for Grahame. Probably after the office plan leaking e-mail debacle he’d decided Grahame would be safer on his own, which he undoubtedly would.
I got myself a cup of tea and prepared to catch up on the missed mornings work, trying not to think about prenatal checkups or scans. It w
as a bit of a lost cause on both counts. I worried about the scan, not quite sure what to expect, and more seriously I worried about the blood test. This I knew about, at least I knew what happened, so it wasn’t so much worrying about the unknown it was the known that was bothering me, the whole sticking a needle in your arm and drawing out some of my blood. Yuk and Ow being my most predominant thoughts. As for work, that was pretty much out of the question what with the hammering and drilling going on, and all the pandemonium it was causing.
Shell phoned for a chat as she was bored and Katherine was giving her a hard time again, but it was so noisy I couldn’t hear what she was saying so I decided to have an early lunch. Even though I’d been at the doctors most of the morning so hadn’t arrived until gone eleven, it was near impossible to try and work in the chaos so I didn’t, try that is, and went to lunch at twelve. I phoned Shell back as soon as I was outside and away from the bedlam.
‘So,’ I said. ‘What’s the story with you and Nick? Thought you were going to phone me back last week.’
‘Yeah sorry about that, but he stayed over, and I . . .’
‘He’s not still there is he?’
‘No, don’t be stupid he went home on Wednesday but . . ‘
‘He came back again.’
‘Yes. How did you know?’
‘Just a wild guess. So?’
‘So I think I’m in love Judy.’ Shelley said all smitten and gooey.
‘With Nick.’
‘Well of course with Nick, that’s who we’re talking about isn’t it?’
‘Just checking. And is he in love too?’
39 Weeks Page 6
