by Leanne Davis
“Forget you? He talks about you and Luke pretty much every day.”
“He does?”
“Yeah. A kid like Tim doesn’t take for granted those who are nice to him,” she said, her tone quiet.
“I care about him Cassie, regardless of where we stand. I’d like to see him sometimes.”
“Anytime.”
“So when did Luke get in touch with you?” John asked.
“He never stopped. He helped us get settled at the Everharts and helped get me started on clients. He didn’t tell you?”
“No,” John said his tone harsh; not at her, but at his own inadequate feelings that it should have been him, not his brother helping Cassie and Tim. How had all this spiraled so far that Luke was helping her and hiding his involvement with Cassie from him?
“Actually Luke hasn’t had much to say to me since you left. Neither have any of my family for that matter.”
Cassie’s eyes rounded at his admission. “Should I apologize for that?”
“Not everything is your fault. I do realize that.”
“Oh.”
Silence followed, and then he reached across the small table and covered one of her hands pulling it to the middle of the table where he held it. Then he said, “I am glad you didn’t leave town. When I came home that day after we fought, and you and Tim were gone I was crazy wondering where you were. I about tore Luke’s head off finding out.”
“I wouldn’t have just left town and disappeared without telling you. Things were so bad between us, and there Tim and I were living with you. There was no space or any way to get some perspective. It was best for us to go to the Everharts.”
He let her statement sink in between them before changing the subject to safer topics, like what she’d been doing the last month. “How is that going? Harry won’t say much to me at work. So I figure he’s mad at me too, on your behalf of course.”
She looked both embarrassed and pleased at his admission. “It’s going okay. Estelle and I are actually friends, and she’s taken to Tim as if she were there as his grandmother since Tim was born. He calls her grandma in fact.”
“Does that bother you?”
“No. It’s nice. Really nice to know Tim will have family beyond me and Kelly. We never had anyone else, Kelly and I, to be there for us. Knowing Tim does now is a huge relief.”
“How about you and Harry?”
“That’s more complicated. He’s more reserved with Tim and I. Probably because of my tepid attitude toward him. It’s hard to forgive being denied for thirty-three years, yet I imagine, having a father for the next thirty, would be transforming somehow. But they both seem glad to have us, not just as guests that won’t go away. As soon as I can though I’ll get Tim and I a place. I can’t wait, to really officially move here, and have my own space again. I may even take Kelly up on her endless offers and borrow enough money to buy a house.”
“I can help you.”
“No,” she snapped sharply. “I make a good living. I just need a little time to get it going successfully here, and make up for some of the expenses of moving and quitting work like I did. I can support us.”
He squeezed her hand. “Hey it wasn’t an insult. I meant it in good faith.”
“I just wish I didn’t always look like I needed help. I don’t. I have a good business and the reputation I had back at Portland will follow me here, I’m sure of it.”
John didn’t answer. Had he ended it with her that morning after Marcus Leary died? Had he meant it? Hadn’t it been his anger talking? How could Cassie be his ex when she felt like anything but that to him? Still, touching that subject would lead to questions and arguments he didn’t know how to fight yet.
She let go of his hand, and leaned back in her chair, a glint in her eye. They spent the next hour talking and laughing at nothing. Tim soon joined them and added his own antics, and finally caught John up on his school and friends and video games. Then John fulfilled the promised video game contest which he let Tim win without Tim even realizing it. Tim was so proud he’d beat John he smiled and chirped and bragged about it all the way back to the Everharts, leaving John and Cassie laughing so hard John’s stomach cramped.
John followed them to the front door where Tim quickly hugged him before running into the house. Then they were alone on the front porch of his boss’s house. And again, it was awkward. The ease of the last few hours evaporated as swiftly as Tim’s departure. Cassie wouldn’t look at him. Would they ever figure this thing out?
“I had fun tonight, thank you for taking us.”
“I had fun too. The best time I’ve had in months in fact.”
“Really?” She finally met his gaze. Then she turned and started for the door saying softly, “Call me again, I’d— I mean Tim and I would like to see you.”
“Cassie?” he said, as he reached for her elbow and swung her back around. “What is this? What’s going on?”
“I’m taking your mom’s advice.”
“My mom’s advice? Which is?”
“I should have known she didn’t mention it to you. She made a good point to me. That we should try backing off and taking it slow, see if there is anything real here. I mean God; we’re out of the glass house finally. Is there any ‘we’ outside of it?”
He regarded her intently. So Cassie hadn’t given up on them. “Why the month between then and now?”
“We needed space don’t you think? We needed some perspective.”
“And we have that?”
“No. I just thought we could see each other sometimes.”
“So we’re friends? Seeing if later there’s a possibility of more?”
“Yes. I think you’re right, we do need to think things through for once.”
“I see.”
“Good night John,” she said finally after an awkward pause.
“Good night.” Then he was in his SUV driving home to yet another night in a big lonely house with only the pounding rain overhead as company. The house was dark, Luke was gone again. John came through flicking on lights to ward off the sense of isolation that suddenly plagued him. He watched TV listlessly for a while, then went upstairs and flopped on his bed, fully clothed.
What the hell was he doing here alone? He hated the house without Cassie and Tim in it. He hated the last month; he had done nothing but miss them, and think about them. Why was he alone; when the woman he loved was only a few minutes away? What the hell was there to take slow?
She was the one. The one he loved. The one he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He sat up suddenly like a rod had been stuck in his back.
So what was he waiting for? Tomorrow morning? A week? A month from now? What was he always waiting for? Some sign? Something to get done for him? A guarantee, that they would work out fine, a guarantee that would never come, because to be in love, was to take a leap of faith. A leap he’d never completely taken. Until now.
John looked at the clock. He’d sat around for far too long and it was now approaching midnight. There was nothing to do until tomorrow. He started to lie back, when suddenly he was on his feet.
The hell with waiting. The hell with tomorrow. He was going over to Cassie’s tonight. He’d waited nearly half of his life for it to be free and clear to be with her. And he’d be damned if he was wasting one more day without her.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Cassie was wide awake, reliving each moment of the day with John. The last month without seeing him had seemed longer than the ten years previous. When he’d walked into his room this afternoon she’d felt like rushing over to him and staying in his arms for the rest of her life.
She tingled with anticipation over where tonight may lead. John seemed open to her; he hadn’t totally cut her out of heart. Some of his comments in fact were far more unguarded and candid than she’d expected of him. He’d had fun, she could tell. And he had reached for her hand and held it. Maybe he would call, maybe next time they’d go on a date alone.
&
nbsp; The doorbell rang, followed by repeated loud knocks. Cassie sat up and headed toward the hall. Who was it? And what was so urgent? Her heart dipped in trepidation.
She came into the entryway. Harry had beaten her there. He opened the door and John came in without even a nod at Harry. John was soaked, bare headed and dripping water onto the floor. His black hair was plastered until he ran a hand through it spiking it crazily. He looked as intense as she’d ever seen him.
Her heart skipped. Had he reconsidered it all? Was he once and for all yanking the rug out from under them? Why else would John be here in middle of the night, loudly waking the entire household? For Estelle was now coming down the hall. John didn’t do this. There had to be something wrong.
John didn’t glance around, nor apologize to the Everharts. He stepped closer to her and said simply, “Come home with me Cassie.”
She stood there, her feet frozen.
“What?”
“Come home with me. Now. Tonight.”
Harry frowned as he closed the door against the chill. Estelle gasped. Cassie shut her eyes. He couldn’t have waited until they were alone? She was beginning to think of Harry as something to her. And having the older man witness anything pertaining to her sex life was to Cassie’s amazement, embarrassing. Her cheeks warmed.
“John don’t you think this could wait until a more reasonable hour?” Harry asked eyebrows furrowed.
John turned. His eyes narrowed on Harry. “No. It can’t. I’ve waited too long as it is.”
Cassie’s mouthed dropped open. “My God this isn’t appropriate. My son is in the next room, I can’t just leave for-for—”
She found herself faltering, which was laughable given her past, but that seemed like a century ago.
John frowned at her. He glanced from her to Estelle and back to Harry. He suddenly shook his head. “No. God no. I didn’t mean for you to come home for the night. I’m not horny. I’m in love. With you. I love you. I meant I want you and Tim to come home with me for good. I can’t stand it there without you.”
Cassie’s breath faltered, the blood rushed out of her head, as dizziness blurred her eyes. Estelle gasped in amazement and Harry’s expression went from frowning to grinning widely at John. Her tongue refused to move. Was this real?
Harry suddenly stepped toward her, putting a hand on her shoulder as he passed. “We’ll leave you two alone. And Cassie? I hope whatever you decide; we can visit you and Tim.”
She nodded. Her throat was too choked up to talk. Harry loved her. John loved her. It was everything.
Then she and John were alone in the Everharts’ entryway. The Everharts had no more closed their door than John stalked forward, backed her up against the wall, as his mouth came down to hers, in a kiss that took her breath and heart away. His body enveloped her, wet and warm at the same time. She pressed into him, suddenly tingling and alive, not with lust, but a love that felt like it could seep out of her pores. Then he softened his kiss, finally his lips moved to her cheek and into her hair as he tucked her under his chin, and held her tightly against him. His breathing was deep and calming to her racing heart.
He pushed her back so that she looked up at his face. “I’m sorry, I didn’t plan this. I owe you more than barging in here in middle of the night. I just couldn’t wait any longer.”
“You couldn’t wait for me?”
“No,” he said. Then he eased her back, still holding her hand, he brought her into the living room and sat down. “I love you Cassie.”
“Oh God, I love you too. I never thought you’d be able to forgive me—”
He lifted two fingers to her lips and stopped her mid-sentence.
“No more apologies from you. It’s me who is sorry. I screwed it up this time, not you, and then I spent a month pouting about it because I didn’t know how to fix it. You were right about me. I do take the path of least resistance. I am afraid. Not to love you. I’ve always loved you. I was afraid you couldn’t possibly love me as much as I loved you. That you’d end up—”
“Breaking your heart like I did the first time and almost succeeded in again.”
“No. I mean this time, it was me. Just hear me out. This isn’t about the abortion or Marcus. It’s about me and my insecurities. This past month has been my inadequacies, not yours. Kelly was right. That night Marcus had you I was finally going to save you. I was going to fix it for you. I was scared when I realized that even against Marcus Leary you didn’t need me. The way I love you, have loved you half my life, I wasn’t willing to chance losing you. You have the guts and courage I don’t. And I thought when you saw that about me you’d come to your senses. I was afraid to risk losing you again.”
“Losing me? My God I don’t even deserve you. John you’re everything to me, everything that I could want in a friend, lover, father to my child, you’re all of it. The problem has never been you, it’s always been me.”
“Not anymore. I just let you think it was because I was scared to take a chance on us. I screwed up. I was supposed to be different than Marcus Leary and your other boyfriends. I loved you, so that was supposed to mean I cared and wouldn’t treat you carelessly. But I did. When I realized you’d planned to poison Marcus all along, and had lied to me about it I saw it as proof you’d never see me as anything but a young kid you had to protect. I ignored everything I knew about you. Everything we had built to that point. You needed my support, my trust, my love. And I denied it all to you when you needed it the most. I let you face the police alone, because I was too mad and angry to get outside of myself. Selfishly, I blamed you because it was easier than admitting I’d failed you.”
Cassie shook her head. “You’ve never failed me.”
“I did. You know I did.”
“No circumstances failed us. This time that is.”
“This isn’t about ten years ago anymore. It hasn’t been. I have seen everything good in you since I was a kid. That’s not changed. You say I never saw you, but I did. I do. I was right about you then, and I’m right about you now. I said things I didn’t mean and I’m sorry as hell I said them. What I want to know is if you can take a chance on me?”
“Yes,” she said. “I just thought we needed to see if we are real. You know take it slow.”
“I think ten years is slow enough. Come home now.”
“We can take some time.”
“I don’t need time. I need you. And Tim. Do you have any idea how insanely jealous I am of my own brother?”
“Luke?”
“Yeah, every damn time Luke and you had one of your talks. Your friendship drove me nuts, because again I was on the outside. He got to come here and see you both. He got to be with Tim and I didn’t. But the thing is I’m the one who loves you. Both of you. I want to be Tim’s dad, not his big play buddy. I want you to be my wife.”
“Don’t say it if you don’t mean it.”
“I wouldn’t say it if I didn’t mean it. Not this. Come home with me. Make that home you want with me. Marry me.”
“Yes!” she exclaimed. Then, remembering the sleeping household, she smiled and whispered, “You’re Tim and my family. I love the Everharts, but it’s you I’m here for. I just thought—”
“Don’t look back; we have everything in front of us.”
John stood. He grinned as he stole down to Tim’s room and roused the sleeping boy, carrying his pliant, sleep drugged body out to the entryway. The Everharts stood there beaming with approval. John finally blushed as he met their eyes and apologized for the chaos he’d caused everyone tonight.
Then he took Cassie and Tim home where they belonged.
“What are you thinking?” Cassie asked him as they pulled into the drive.
“I was thinking we’d better make it a long, passionate night, because tomorrow I have a feeling the house is going to be crawling with our family once they realize you’re home again. And who knows how long it’ll be before they leave.”
She laughed out loud at his tone of mock sev
erity conflicting with the grin he flashed her. She felt an overwhelming joy both toward the night alone with John, and the days ahead full of their family; Tim, the Tyler’s, the Everharts, Luke and Kelly. Cassie’s heart and soul felt warmer and fuller than she’d ever dared to dream they would. Taking a deep breath, she realized it was over. Everything.
All that was left that mattered was her future with her family.
A word about the author...
Leanne Davis has earned a business degree from Western Washington University. She worked for several years in the construction management field before turning full time to writing. She lives in the Seattle area with her husband and two children. When she isn't writing she and her family enjoy camping trips to destinations all across Washington State.
Visit her website at www.leannedavis.net and contact her at [email protected]
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