"By the time we have our fifth or sixth you'll be a pro," Kane teased. He nuzzled Sebastian's head. "Do you hear that, son? You're our experiment, so you'll have all sorts of excuses to do very naughty things."
Rose threw back her head and laughed, the sound music that seemed to penetrate through the fog and float right over the city.
"Listen, Sebastian," he whispered. "That beautiful sound belongs to us for the rest of our lives. That's your mother.
She's sunshine. No matter what happens in our lives, we have that."
Rose swallowed convulsively and tucked her hand into the crook of his elbow. "Enough lessons for the day. I know you're getting stronger, Kane, but we don't want to overdo it. Let's go back inside."
He could barely look into her eyes. She might not think she knew what love was, but he could see it shining in her gaze. There was happiness--and he'd managed--somehow--to put it there inside her.
They made their way down to the door on the roof, leading to the stairwell. They'd been climbing the three stories every day to the roof for the last week to help strengthen Kane and to allow Rose to get acquainted with the neighborhood and give her as much information as possible about urban warfare. She soaked up information at a rapid rate, and when they went to the soundproof firing range on the second floor, she always put her bullets exactly where she was aiming. Kane had no doubt she'd be an asset to their team.
In a way, it would be added protection from Whitney. If Rose was serving on the GhostWalker Team Three, the man, as fanatical as he was about his country, would feel as if she was utilizing her training and might be more inclined to leave her alone.
"Do you want me to take the baby?" Rose asked as they passed the third floor where Jaimie and Mack lived.
He glanced down at her upturned, anxious face and gave her a ferocious scowl. Any other member of his team would have backed off instantly. She just kept giving him that worried look women seemed to wear around men when they were about to fuss. "I am perfectly fine. Our son doesn't weigh much, and I'm not sick, Rose."
Rose studied his furious face. She didn't point out that he was breathing a little hard and small beads of sweat coated his brow. He was overdoing it, pushing himself to get back in shape. Kane wasn't the type of man to want a lot of sympathy. He had already begun working out again, and just this morning she'd woken up and he was already leaving the bed to go run.
"You're not perfectly fine. You're stubborn beyond all hope," she corrected.
He winked at her and continued down the next flight of stairs. Her stomach fluttered, and she pressed her hand tight over it. From the moment she'd laid eyes on him, she'd been attracted, and watching him with others, the unusual respect, the competent way he carried himself, she'd become interested, but that was nothing compared to what she felt now that she'd spent time with him.
She glanced at him, at the way he held their son, and along with the silly fluttering in her stomach, her heart sort of melted and left her feeling foolish. She didn't know what normal was, so she had nothing to compare her strange emotions to. Of course, growing up, all of the women in the compound had discussed the men they'd encountered, but there was always such a separation between them: guards who kept them prisoners and the instructors who trained them.
She dropped back a couple more steps. She'd never felt as if she needed rescuing. She hadn't considered herself the princess in the tower, not once, not ever. There was something in Kane, a tough, cynical man, a soldier who carried death in his eyes, yet he could handle a baby as gently as she could. He made her feel fragile and beautiful and so feminine. She wanted to be the princess he carried off.
They passed the second floor, the one housing computers on one side and the training center on the other. There was such freedom in just walking down the steps without seeking permission first. Maybe that was the reason she had to go out shopping. The money Lily Whitney-Miller had set aside in her name was an enormous amount and growing all the time. Jaimie had put through all the necessary paperwork, and for the first time, she had the ability to walk into a store and purchase something. She didn't have to sneak in and steal. She didn't have to hide, and most of all, she didn't need permission.
She glanced surreptitiously at Kane from under her lashes. She wasn't testing him, exactly, but then again, maybe that was exactly what she was doing. She didn't want to live with guards, even if the cage was gilded. Kane was so good to her, and she was beginning to believe, one tiny moment at a time, that the life she was living was real--not one of Whitney's ruthless games. A part of her, as guilty and ashamed as it made her feel, had to push to see the truth.
She'd seen Kane's face when she told him she was going shopping. He'd never really answered her about the shopping. She'd allowed the subject to drop, choosing instead to tease him a little because she'd been afraid of the answer, afraid that everything she was living was just an illusion. Whitney was adept at creating illusion.
They'd made it to the first floor, and Kane held the heavy door for her, stepping back to allow her to enter first. A courtesy. So Kane. He was always courteous. Always the gentleman with her. She looked around the huge warehouse. They had begun to make it a home. To her it was an incredible gift, a garden paradise. Was there really an underlying evil? Had Whitney manufactured this as well?
She blinked rapidly, aware of the sudden burning in her eyes, and walked to the window, staring out into the street. Most of the windows had slowly been refitted. Tinted and bulletproof, they didn't have bars on them. She was happy, truly happy, and yet she couldn't stop being afraid that none of it was real. Whitney had deceived them all so many times, she didn't dare believe.
"What is it, Rose?" Kane asked.
She should have known he would notice her sudden withdrawal. He noticed the smallest details about everything.
"Sometimes I feel like I'm holding my breath." She waited, willing him to understand, terrified that he would and he'd be angry with her for not believing.
Kane was silent. She felt him behind her. Just standing there, not saying or doing anything. Had she hurt him? Probably. How could she not when she was still afraid Whitney had found another way to torment her? It would be the ultimate betrayal, and Whitney was capable of such an elaborate setup.
She turned and looked up at him. Tall, broad-shouldered, strong jaw, thick chest, yet he cradled their son so gently, and his eyes were looking at him with compassion.
"If you hold your breath too long, sweetheart, you're bound to turn blue. Go with Jaimie. None of us has ever just let Jaimie go anywhere without a few of the boys shadowing her . . ." He shook his head before she could protest. "We go out in pairs or with a shadow. We all have enemies, and none of us has a clue what Whitney might do next. Aside from that, there's a faction that wants every GhostWalker dead. They have powerful friends. If you have to prove to yourself that you're not a prisoner, then we'll handle it."
"You'd let me just walk out of here by myself?" Her eyes met his. She'd know if he was lying to her.
"No. Taking a chance with your life is beyond my ability to give you what you want. I'd shadow you. Rose, none of us are completely free in this life. We're dangerous to others and our own government; while they utilize our services, they keep close tabs on us. They fear us. Our only chance is to live as if we're in enemy territory and we have to watch each other's backs. It's that or live on the run."
She searched his face for reassurance. She wanted this life--wanted him. She wanted to believe the fairy tale. When he called her beautiful, she wanted to believe he meant it. When he said he loved her, he'd stolen her heart and soul. She had always faced her life with courage. She was a soldier, and a soldier endured, but this was different. This involved emotions. Soldiers weren't supposed to have emotions, and now she couldn't separate what she felt.
Kane had the power to destroy her. She'd given him that. She hadn't expected her emotions to be so strong, so overwhelming. Every single day she was drawn more into his world, into
his life--into loving him.
"Tell me what you need, Rose."
Kane just stood there in front of her. Stripped. Vulnerable. Allowing her to see him that way. Showing courage she lacked. Her heart contracted. She moistened her suddenly dry lips with the tip of her tongue. How had she fallen so far, so fast? From the time she'd been a child, it had been drilled into her to know her enemy, to seek knowledge, to have a plan. She'd had a plan until she first saw Kane--in Whitney's camp.
"Tell me what you need," Kane repeated.
She watched his hands, stroking the baby's head. So gentle. She knew the feel of his hands on her skin, the way he touched her so possessively but with extraordinary tenderness. Could a man fake that kind of thing? He reached out and ran his thumb down the side of her face, just a wisp of movement, but she felt it all the way to her toes. It was only then that she realized she was holding her breath for real, and she let it out, forcing air in and out of her lungs.
"I don't need rescuing."
His smile twisted her heart into knots. "Don't ruin my fantasy, honey. I'm the knight in shining armor and you're my beautiful princess. I'm not a man of words. I'm just not. I want to say them to you, but I guess I just feel like an idiot trying to be all poetic." His smile was crooked, almost wistful. "I want to be the man who saves you when you're drowning, Rose, when life overwhelms you. And I want you to be the woman who does the same for me. I can't make you believe me. I can only tell you that I'm standing in front of you, very much in love. It's up to you whether you want to let Whitney take our lives from us."
"He's so cruel, Kane. So cruel. You have no idea what he's capable of."
"I was there. I saw what he was doing. I risked my career, my life, to expose him to the Senate. I can't make you believe in me, Rose. I can only tell you that you're free. If you want to walk out that door, I won't stop you, but if you choose to stay with me, then that gives me every right to protect you in any way that I deem appropriate."
She raised her chin. "Do I have those same rights?"
He cupped her face in his palm, his thumb sliding gently back and forth over her lips. His other palm cradled Sebastian to his chest. "Of course you do. You can't be less than who you are any more than I could be."
She found herself leaning into his hand, her knees a little weak. "He's such a monster, always looming over us, playing us like puppets."
"I wish you could have a normal life, Rose. I want you to be able to walk with confidence down to the grocery store or go shopping with Jaimie or even take our son to a park, but we're different. We're always going to be different. We have enemies, and we can't pretend them away. This, what we create here together, has to be enough."
She had always known, from the time she escaped Whitney's compound, that she would be hunted. It made sense that Kane didn't want her to go off alone without protection, that they always went in pairs or with shadows. If it made so much sense, then why was she panicking? And she was in full-blown panic. Even her usually calm mind felt chaotic. What was wrong with her? She had everything in the world standing in front of her that she could possibly want. He'd even told her that he loved her . . .
She gasped, realizing what was wrong. She didn't believe she could be worth what she saw in Kane's eyes. She'd been taught she wasn't worth anything as a woman or as a human being. She was a soldier, service to her country, easily sacrificed. And she was good for breeding, to provide the next generation soldier who would be so much better than she was.
Her face flamed. Did she really have such low self-esteem that she couldn't believe a man might actually love her? She knew from the start that Kane was physically attracted to her--Whitney had paired them. She knew they would have a great sex life, and she'd believed that he would stay with her for that reason. She'd fallen hard for him, something very unexpected and terrifying. But she hadn't believed it was possible for him to feel the same emotions.
"Baby," his voice was gentle, compelling. "You have to talk to me. If we stop talking, we're through."
"I just realized that I've allowed Whitney to undermine my confidence in myself as a woman--as a lovable woman. When it was physical attraction between us, I was comfortable with that, because it was all part of Whitney's experiment, part of his great plan to produce the perfect supersoldier. But I fell in love with you, and that made me so vulnerable to one of his games. He knew it. He had to have known it. After you left my room, I begged him to pair us together, and I could see how pleased he was. I knew I'd given him another weapon to use against me, but I didn't care. I didn't want you suffering without me suffering. At the time I felt I was being fair and taking responsibility." Her eyes met his. "He knew it before me."
"Knew what?"
"That I'd already fallen in love with you."
"Rose." His voice sent a million birds to flight in her stomach. "Fuck Whitney and what he thinks he knows. You trusted me to make a baby with you. You trusted me to deliver our child and to get you both out of trouble. You can trust me with your heart. God knows, I gave you mine completely. You walk away, and you take it with you."
She stared up at his beloved face, all those tough lines etched deep, those beautiful green eyes that could pierce like an arrow. He could shatter her so easily, it was true, but if she was going to shatter, better it be with him. In the end, he was offering her refuge, love, a home. He was all she needed if she had the courage to accept that he could love her.
Kane was giving her everything, openly and honestly. She could see truth in his eyes. Was she really so stupid that she'd believe what Whitney had taught her over Kane? Rose shook her head. "I'm sorry, I lost my mind for a minute."
He bent forward to brush a gentle kiss over her mouth. "You're allowed."
Sebastian protested, squirming, giving a small cry of annoyance at the change in position.
Kane laughed softly. "Don't blame me, son, your mother is the one who is all mixed up. She's beautiful and intelligent, all right, but I'm beginning to think perhaps she has little lapses occasionally while brain cells regenerate."
"You did not just tell our son that," Rose said, desperate to suppress the laughter welling up. The relief at Kane's reaction to her idiocy was overwhelming. She wanted to weep and laugh at the same time. Instead she was practical, taking Sebastian from his arms. "Clearly, the boy needs to eat. I'm going to be having a little talk with him while I feed him too."
Kane swept his arm around her waist and pulled her beneath the protection of his shoulder. She loved it when he did that. She didn't need protection, but it was thrilling all the same.
"Eric is bringing the physical therapist with him again today," he reminded when she would have sunk into a chair right in the living room.
Rose rolled her eyes. "It's natural to breast-feed, Kane."
"Absolutely, and I love you to breast-feed him. The thing is, I must be some kind of a perv, because whenever you feed him, I want you so damn bad I think I'm going to have to throw you up against the wall and take you right there. It takes a lot of discipline and control to behave myself. I sure don't want any other man getting the same reaction."
She felt the blush start somewhere in her toes and steal all the way up her body. She wouldn't mind him slamming her up against the wall and taking her right then. "I wouldn't say no," she informed him in her best siren's voice.
He groaned. "That was just wrong. Now every time you feed our son, I'm going to have the hard-on from hell and think about your reaction to my throwing you up against the wall. You just can't put images like that in my head."
She sat demurely in the chair across from their bed and settled herself comfortably. "I believe you put the image in my head, Kane. Which, given that the odious doctor and what I am very certain is most likely a clone of him are arriving any minute, wasn't a very nice thing for you to do." Deliberately she took her time unbuttoning her blouse. Ordinarily she would have covered herself a bit with a blanket, but instead, just to tease him, she unclipped her nursing bra, exposin
g her firm, round breast.
"I'll just have to sit here, fantasizing about taking a long, wild ride on your very enormous hard-on." She stared hungrily at the front of his jeans, her gaze devouring the thick bulge there. Deliberately she moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue and then ran it around her lips in anticipation.
He groaned and adjusted his jeans. "That's just not right. You're torturing me."
"You deserve it for being right about going out with shadows tailing us. I hate not being right. And anytime you best me, just think of this moment." He was standing close enough to her so she gave in to temptation and reached out to stroke the front of his jeans in long caresses.
He didn't move but pushed into her hands, allowing the friction to deepen. "I did do that, didn't I?" He grinned at her. "Bested you, babe. I was right."
She rolled her eyes. "Rub it in, soldier." She increased the pressure on the front of his jeans, drawing another groan from him.
The strobe in the bedroom went off at the same time the intercom buzzed at the front door. Kane sagged. "This just sucks."
Rose smiled serenely and cradled Sebastian to her. She'd done a darn good job of turning the tables on him. Playing together was important. Just like trust. There were so many things she had to learn about relationships. The camaraderie between Kane and Mack and Jaimie was the same she'd shared with the women she'd been raised with. They shared trust, an unbreakable bond, along with the other members of the team. She wanted to be part of that. When she walked out onto the street to do her shopping or go to a movie--something she'd always dreamt of doing--she would feel safe knowing they were watching over her.
She rubbed Sebastian's head, noting his hair was growing fast and thick. He seemed stronger than ever. She'd read in the baby book of the progress he was supposed to make from week to week, and he seemed far ahead both physically and mentally of where he should be. He obviously recognized both of his parents and even the team, although he was much more withdrawn around them. He rarely made a sound around the others. Rose had to watch him closely for cues when he might by hungry or need his diaper changed.
Ruthless Game Page 26
