He felt her chest heave as she sighed again. “I'm not angry. I'm just sorry that you felt I couldn't be there for you like you were for me.” Her hand clenched the back of his jacket, and he knew if they hadn't been dancing her fist would be shoved in her mouth, knuckles raw from biting them.
“It was never a case of not thinking you wouldn't be there for me, baby.” He tipped her chin up, wanting to see the look in her eyes. “It was always about being there for you. I wanted to do so much for you, but all I could do was listen when you called, and make you feel better. Understand? I have nothing else to offer that you would have taken.”
~
Sophie
That wasn't true – he had plenty to offer that she might have taken if she'd just read her mom's letter when she was supposed to. The heat from his hand on her back scorched her flesh, and she gasped as he ran his thumb over the swell of her bottom lip. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you look tonight?”
Chapter Twelve
She blushed, lowering her gaze.
“I'm sorry, he whispered. “I probably shouldn't have said that, right?”
“No,” she whispered, resting her head against his chest again. “But thank you. You look, um...”
“Ridiculously hot?”
She laughed, loving the sensation of his hand moving up and down her back. “I was going to say very handsome. But that works too.”
“Sophie?”
“Yes?” The soft material of his lapel smoothed across her cheek as she raised her head once more to look into his chocolate eyes.
“Can I be honest with you?”
“I always want you to be honest with me.”
He nodded, a serious look set on his face. She wanted to smooth out the small frown that had appeared between his brows, and kiss his lips where they'd firmed into a straight line. “I know Jan told you much more. She told you about after didn't she?”
A nod of her head. The things Jan had said to her. About how Logan had lost his mind after she'd left him with just a goodbye note and a memory. How for months afterward he'd gone around in a haze of alcohol and cheap women. That he'd hurt one of them – one who'd looked remarkably like Sophie, in fact – when he'd launched a vicious verbal attack on her for something or other, telling her in no uncertain terms that she'd just been a cheap piece of ass.
“I regret that now, you know? I was...lost. For so long. Jan had to come see me, and believe me when I tell you it was not pretty. But she straightened me out.”
“I see.” What had Jan done for him, she wondered? She'd figured out the fact that she was Paul's wife, but who knew how long they'd been married? He could have been seeing Jan around then. Sickness pulled at her stomach when she thought that perhaps he'd been seeing her all along. Even while they'd...but no, surely not. She knew Logan, and he wouldn't cheat on anyone. It just wasn't him.
“I don't think you do. You see,” he whispered, leaning down to the shell of her ear so that his breath tickled her. “It was never like that with me and Jan. I lied to you the night we met and let you believe we were an item, but only because it put a wedge between us. I was afraid of what would happen if there was nothing to hold us back. Even if it was only a fictitious girlfriend.”
The melodious strains of the big band carried on, but Sophie felt swept away into the past. She could remember the night in question only too well, and not only because it was her mom's wedding day. She remembered seeing him for the first time as her great aunt had knocked him on his ass in the church. Those brown eyes had landed on her in a flare of attraction, causing her stomach to tighten and her pulse to race. The feeling of disappointment when they'd figured out they were now related by marriage and otherwise off-limits, and the phone call she'd overheard and presumed was his girlfriend. He hadn't denied it.
She lost count of the many nights she'd listened to his deep rumble as he'd spoken to Jan on the phone, jealousy tearing her up inside at the thought that this girl could touch him, kiss him, love him, and yet she was denied.
It made perfect sense to her now, though the flare of anger she felt was not surprising. She'd hated that girl without reservation, having never even met her. And now he tells me they were never a thing, she thought, a mixture of elation and regret swilling around inside her. Guilt, her old companion, made her wince as she thought of the many ways she'd imagined hurting the young Jan, lying in bed at night listening to the muted strains of Nirvana and Logan's soft voice as he chatted to her on the phone. How she'd always deflected the conversation away from the topic of Jan, until he'd stopped mentioning her at all. “Why are you telling me this now?”
“Because,” he drawled, placing both hands on her shoulders and pushing her away slightly. “I want you to know there was never anything coming between us but fear. I'm not afraid anymore. Are you?”
Terrified. As she fell into his gaze, it seemed the entire room and every single person in it disappeared, fading from significance. She caught her breath when he moistened his lips with the tip of his wicked tongue, sending shivers of want through her system. “I don't know.”
“Let me help you make up your mind, baby.” He lowered his head, his intent loud and clear. Suddenly the room burst back into being around her. Looking this way and that, she saw Serena, a soft smile playing on her mouth whilst trying to fend off the attentions of Nathaniel. Of Jan and Paul there was no sign. The hot touch of his breath on her lips made her eyes wander again and she found herself staring into Alexis' shocked face and suddenly all those old fears reared their ugly heads.
They were step-siblings. Nobody would ever accept them being together. Not in polite society, and neither one of them could afford to be cold-shouldered in their lines of work. “No, Logan. Wait. Not here.” Narrowly avoiding the press of his mouth, she tore herself from his arms and strode away.
~
Logan
Anger surged in him as he watched her flee. She was always running away from him, from them. Not this fucking time. Alex caught him by the sleeve as he swept past her, Sophie having made it as far as the foyer beyond. “It was Sophie? All along it was her?”
“Always,” he ground out, making for the foyer, but she'd already disappeared. “Shit!”
“That's why you ran after her yesterday. Omigod, that's why she was so weird with me lately.” Her heels clicked on the polished marble floor as she reached under the high counter of the front desk and removed a small black velvet drawstring bag from a lock box. “Here,” she thrust a set of keys at him.
“What are these for?”
“Sophie forgets her keys sometimes. That big one fits the complex door, and the smaller silver one is for her apartment.” She folded his fingers over the keys, an indulgent smile on her face. “I have to say it all makes complete sense now.”
“What does?” The set of keys may as well have been freshly cut, the way they burned in his palm. He longed to run off after Sophie, but he had no idea where she would go. Better to take these keys and wait in the place she had no choice but to return to.
Alex laughed, the sound jarring to his ears in his angered state. “I've never seen her so scatter-brained in the time I've known her. Ever since you came back into her life she's been wildly happy, dangerously sad and above all, jumpy as fuck. I had thought your return to her life responsible, but didn't know exactly how.” She hugged him hard. “You turn her perfectly ordered world upside-down. She needs that. Go.”
~
Sophie
Her heels clacked on the pavement as she power walked, her dress hiked up to her calves. What a picture she must make. Why did she always have to go and ruin things? Her mother's words burned in the back of her mind and she knew she'd messed up. As usual. The park was quiet this time of night, and she found herself sitting on a bench next to an old man sleeping. Snoring softly, he clutched a pampered looking dog to his chest.
Pulling her phone from the pocket of her short jacket, she made a fist of her other hand, shoving it into her m
outh. She wanted to curl up and cry when there wasn't so much as one text from Logan. Nothing. So, he'd finally grown tired of chasing her. She couldn't say she blamed him. She was tired running. First Taylor's indiscretions had forced her to flee her home and her life, and then her own indiscretion with Logan had made her run from the life she'd made in Somersville.
Now she was looking at running again, wasn't she? The imps that lived in her mind were telling her that she'd fucked everything up and had no choice but to pick up and leave again. Logan was right, it was her modus operandi. But she never left simply because she'd gotten what she wanted – no, it was worse, she left when she'd messed up the things that were going right.
The first time they'd met – before either of them knew they were step-siblings – there had been so much potential in the sparks that flew, but when the awful truth had been revealed, they'd both been forced to bury it all. Not well enough, it seemed, or they wouldn't have shared that kiss on her seventeenth birthday. They wouldn't have ended up in bed together in his beach house.
Jan had said he'd never settled down – never even wanted to – because of her. Because he'd loved her so much that the thought of being with anyone else repulsed him. The same feelings welled up in her every time some guy asked her out. She had to admit to herself now that her entire relationship with Taylor had been a mistake. A case of clawing at something in the place of the nothing she'd had with Logan.
That was why she'd gotten over Taylor's betrayal so quickly. That was why she didn't really want to go back to her own home – she'd been too attached to Logan and his home. She'd felt like she belonged there, even if she had to put up with his bringing dates home to be there.
Her phone rang, waking the sleeper beside her. He rose, embarrassed and muttered something about his 'damn stubborn wife' as she raised the cell to her ear. “Hey,” she sighed.
“What the fuck, Soph?”
“Let me explain,” she began, wondering if she could.
“Fuck that,” Serena told her. “Where are you? You sailed out of here as if all the demons in hell were chasing you, and now Logan's done a disappearing act too.” She paused, blowing a harsh breath into the phone. “You left me with Nathaniel.”
She couldn't help it – she laughed. “Sorry.”
“Again, fuck that. He's awful. Listen if you and Logan have finally gotten around to sorting things out between you, I can call back later. Please tell me that's what's going on. You didn't just ditch me for a tub of ice-cream, did you? You didn't have a fight?”
“No ice-cream,” she sighed, rising from the seat and deciding it was time to go home. “As for the fight...it was more of a freak out.”
“Oh, Sophie, you didn't. Again?”
“Again,” she confirmed, strolling through the little park in the middle of the business district. She liked it here – had eaten lunch here a few times, the peace and solitude surprising in the middle of such a busy city. It was as if someone had parceled up a piece of Eden and plonked it down right where it was needed most.
“One of these days that boy is going to lose the will to chase you. You know that?”
She nodded before realizing her friend couldn't see her. “I guess all your experiments were for nothing.”
“That's bullshit. I said he is going lose the will, not that he had. He's still yours, girl. All you have to do is be his.”
“I am his,” she whimpered. “I always will be.”
“Well why in the name of all that is holy don't you tell him that?”
“Because I'm scared,” she admitted.
“Well you need to buck up, sunshine, or that man will move on.”
Sophie knew Serena was simply being her friend, but she couldn't help feeling attacked by her words, no matter that she meant them in an encouraging way. “You think I don't know that?”
“Sometimes I wonder, Soph...” Serena sighed again. “Go home, think about it. But make a decision either way. It's not fair to either of you, existing in no-man's land.”
~
Logan
The step was cold under him, but he refused to invade her privacy completely by entering her apartment without her knowledge. He'd knocked on the door repeatedly, satisfied she wasn't home and then settled down to wait. Sooner or later she would come home. And sooner or later he would have all the answers he'd need.
If it turned out that she didn't want him despite their sizzling history, he would leave her alone, he promised silently. He would return home and forget about having any sort of future with her. He would try to move on and find someone else. No doubt Janet had spilled the entire sordid story as she saw it and told Sophie that he'd never considered a proper relationship because of his fucked up feelings for her.
What even Jan didn't know was that the real reason he'd never settled down with a girl who would have his babies to call her auntie, was much more than not wanting anyone else. He knew deep down that Sophie didn't want anyone else, either. She told him without words when she'd reach for her phone, the only person she wanted to confide in being him. With every whispered call and every lingering look, she told him she was his.
He just had to convince her of it.
~
It was well past midnight when he finally heard the building's main door creak open and a tentative foot on the stair. He knew it was her because she tripped on the stair, cursing loudly. His entire body went into over-drive, telling him to get up, to run down to her, to take her in his arms. He did none of that. Instead, he remained immobile, determined to keep his desires under wraps until he knew for once and for all that she wanted him. No going back. No changing her mind.
This time he was playing for keeps or not playing at all.
The first thing he saw in the gloom was her blond hair – it had lost some of its previous luster, as if she'd been finger-combing it roughly. He wanted to smooth it back from her face so that he could get a proper look at her, but she hadn't noticed him yet. In silence, he waited as she climbed those last few steps, never lifting her chin enough to see it was him who awaited her.
“Excuse me,” she muttered, scooting past him sideways.
“Don't they ever get tired?” he questioned, his voice coming out lower and more full of hurt than he'd intended.
“Logan?” She whirled, missed the next step and tumbled down beside him. He grasped her arms when it looked like she was going to slide all the way to the bottom on her ass. “What are you doing here?”
“That's not the game we're playing.” He hadn't intended to, but it was just too tempting to wrap his hand around the back of her neck, bringing her lips just a fraction closer. “I said, 'don't they ever get tired?' Tit for tat.”
“Don't what ever get tired?”
He didn't miss the thrill that flashed in her blue eyes, couldn't resist bringing her closer again. “Your arms. Don't they ever get tired pushing me away?”
Chapter Thirteen
Sophie
The step was cold, but Logan's hand on her neck was hot. His breath fanned her lips as she considered his question. Elation and arousal building, she took in the features of his face. The way his nostrils flared slightly when he was turned on. The way his lips twitched as he stared at hers. The funny little tick he developed in his jaw the longer his question went unanswered. “Yes.”
“Then why do you keep doing it?”
“My turn,” she admonished. If this was a game of tit for tat, she already had her question ready. “Why are you here?” Needing the answer to that, she waited as he frowned.
“I needed to see you,” he replied carefully.
She brought her lips to his, brushing them softly once, twice, delighting in the breath he sucked in. “That's a good start,” she mimicked. “Now tell me why you needed to see me.”
He laughed, the sound vibrating against her lips. “I didn't like the way you left me. Again. I needed to see you, to talk to you. This has to stop.”
She wondered if he were talking about th
e almost-kiss or the running away. Deciding that he meant her running off every time they came close to being something more, she laid her head on his shoulder. “I agree.”
For a few moments they sat in silence, the various creaks of the building settling all that accompanied their soft breaths. “Do you want to come in?”
“Do you want me to?”
They were prancing around each other, always going in circles – never a straight road for them. “Yes.”
Her hands shaking, she dropped the keys twice before Logan gently scooped them from the floor and unlocked her door. The apartment was dark and somehow more intimate for it. She led him to the couch, curling her legs up beneath her on the soft cushions, not bothering to turn on a light. The darkness suited her just fine for the talk they were going to have.
He granted her only a moment's reprieve before launching another question at her. “Why did you run this time?”
“I couldn't stand the thought that someone would see us and think it was distasteful.”
“Fuck,” he breathed harshly. “Do you think it's distasteful?”
“My turn.” Pulling him down beside her, she decided she'd had enough of what she thought. She wanted to know what he thought for once. “Do you?”
“No.” His reply was immediate and vehement. “And whoever thinks it is can fuck themselves. Sophie, we're not here to please other people. I thought you'd have learned that by now.”
She shrugged, the crumpled satin of her short jacket sighing against her skin with the motion. “I suppose I haven't. I still care what others think.”
“Do you know how I got in to your building?”
She presumed someone had let him in, but now that he'd mentioned it she gave him a quizzical stare. “How?”
“Alex.”
“Alex? My Alex?” The same Alex who'd looked at her in shock when she'd almost allowed Logan to kiss her on the dance floor? “Why?”
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