They both savored the strange warm glow of being much more ignorant than ordinary people, who were ignorant of only ordinary things.
Then Treatle said: “I just hope he’s all right. He’s over the fever but he just doesn’t seem to want to wake up.”
A couple of servants came in with a bowl of water and fresh towels. One of them carried a rather tatty broomstick. As they began to change the sweat-soaked sheets under the boy the two wizards left, still discussing the vast vistas of unknowingness that Simon’s genius had revealed to the world.
Granny waited until their footsteps had died away and took off her headscarf.
“Damn thing,” she said. “Esk, go and listen at the door.” She removed the towel from Simon’s head and felt his temperature.
“It was very good of you to come,” said Esk. “And you so busy with your work, and everything.”
“Mmmph.” Granny pursed her lips. She pulled up Simon’s eyelids and sought his pulse. She laid an ear on his xylophone chest and listened to his heart. She sat for some time quite motionless, probing around inside his head.
She frowned.
“Is he all right?” said Esk anxiously.
Granny looked at the stone walls.
“Drat this place,” she said. “It’s no place for sick people.”
“Yes, but is he all right?”
“What?” Granny was startled out of her thoughts. “Oh. Yes. Probably. Wherever he is.”
Esk stared at her, and then at Simon’s body.
“Nobody’s home,” said Granny, simply.
“What do you mean?”
“Listen to the child,” said Granny. “You’d think I taught her nothing. I mean his mind’s Wandering. He’s gone Out of his Head.”
She looked at Simon’s body with something verging on admiration.
“Quite surprisin’, really,” she added. “I never yet met a wizard who could Borrow.”
She turned to Esk, whose mouth was a horrified O.
“I remember when I was a girl, old Nanny Annaple went Wanderin’. Got too wrapped up with being a vixen, as I recall. Took us days to find her. And then there was you, too. I never would have found you if it wasn’t for that staff thing, and—what have you done with it, girl?”
“It hit him,” Esk muttered. “It tried to kill him. I threw it in the river.”
“Not a nice thing to do to it after it saved you,” said Granny.
“It saved me by hitting him?”
“Didn’t you realize? He was callin’ to—them Things.”
“That’s not true!”
Granny stared into Esk’s defiant eyes and the thought came to her mind: I’ve lost her. Three years of work down the privy. She couldn’t be a wizard but she might have been a witch.
“Why isn’t it true, Miss Clever?” she said.
“He wouldn’t do something like that!” Esk was near to tears. “I heard him speak, he’s—well, he’s not evil, he’s a brilliant person, he nearly understands how everything works, he’s—”
“I expect he’s a very nice boy,” said Granny sourly. “I never said he was a black wizard, did I?”
“They’re horrible Things!” Esk sobbed. “He wouldn’t call out to them, he wants everything that they’re not, and you’re a wicked old—”
The slap rang like a bell. Esk staggered back, white with shock. Granny stood with her hand upraised, trembling.
She’d struck Esk once before—the blow a baby gets to introduce it to the world and give it a rough idea of what to expect from life. But that had been the last time. In their years under the same roof there had been cause enough, when milk had been left to boil over or the goats had been carelessly left without water, but a sharp word or a sharper silence had done more than force ever could and left no bruises.
She grabbed Esk firmly by the shoulders and stared into her eyes.
“Listen to me,” she said urgently. “Didn’t I always say to you that if you use magic you should go through the world like a knife goes through water? Didn’t I say that?”
Esk, mesmerized like a cornered rabbit, nodded.
“And you thought that was just old Granny’s way, didn’t you? But the fact is that if you use magic you draw attention to yourself. From Them. They watch the world all the time. Ordinary minds are just vague to them, they hardly bother with them, but a mind with magic in it shines out, you see, it’s a beacon to them. It’s not darkness that calls Them, it’s light, light that creates the shadows!”
“But—but—why are They interested? What do They w-want?”
“Life and shape,” said Granny.
She sagged, and let go of Esk.
“They’re pathetic, really,” she said. “They’ve got no life or shape themselves but what they can steal. They could no more survive in this world than a fish could live in a fire, but that doesn’t stop Them trying. And they’re just bright enough to hate us because we’re alive.”
Esk shivered. She remember the gritty feel of the cold sand.
“What are They? I always thought they were just a sort—a sort of demon?”
“Nah. No one really knows. They’re just the Things from the Dungeon Dimensions outside the universe, that’s all. Shadow creatures.”
She turned back to the prone form of Simon.
“You wouldn’t have any idea where he is, would you?” she said, looking shrewdly at Esk. “Not gone off flying with the seagulls, has he?”
Esk shook her head.
“No,” said Granny, “I didn’t think so. They’ve got him, haven’t they.”
It wasn’t a question. Esk nodded, her face a mask of misery.
“It’s not your fault,” said Granny, “His mind gave Them an opening, and when he was knocked out they took it back with them. Only…”
She drummed her fingers on the edge of the bed, and appeared to reach a decision.
“Who’s the most important wizard around here?” she demanded.
“Um, Lord Cutangle,” said Esk. “He’s the Archchancellor. He was one of the ones who was in here.”
“The fat one, or the one like a streak of vinegar?”
Esk dragged her mind from the image of Simon on the cold desert and found herself saying: “He’s an Eighth Level wizard and a 33° mage, actually.”
“You mean he’s bent?” said Granny. “All this hanging around wizards has made you take them seriously, my girl. They all call themselves the Lord High this and the Imperial That, it’s all part of the game. Even magicians do it, you’d think they’d be more sensible at least, but no, they call around saying they’re the Amazing-Bonko-and-Doris. Anyway, where is this High Rumtiddlypo?”
“They’ll be at dinner in the Great Hall,” said Esk. “Can he bring Simon back, then?”
“That’s the difficult part,” said Granny. “I daresay we could all get something back easily enough, walking and talking just like anyone. Whether it would be Simon is quite another sack of ferrets.”
She stood up. “Let’s find this Great Hall, then. No time to waste.”
“Um, women aren’t allowed in,” said Esk.
Granny stopped in the doorway. Her shoulders rose. She turned around very slowly.
“What did you say?” she said. “Did these old ears deceive me, and don’t say they did because they didn’t.”
“Sorry,” said Esk. “Force of habit.”
“I can see you’ve been getting ideas below your station,” said Granny coldly. “Go and find someone to watch over the lad, and let’s see what’s so great about this hall that I mustn’t set foot in it.”
And thus it was that while the entire faculty of Unseen University were dining in the venerable hall the doors were flung back with a dramatic effect that was rather spoiled when one of them rebounded off a waiter and caught Granny a crack on the shin. Instead of the defiant strides she had intended to make across the checkered floor she was forced to half-hop, half-limp. But she hoped that she hopped with dignity.
Esk hu
rried along behind her, acutely aware of the hundreds of eyes that were turned toward them.
The roar of conversation and the clatter of cutlery faded away. A couple of chairs were knocked over. At the far end of the hall she could see the most senior wizards at their high table, which in fact bobbed a few feet off the floor. They were staring.
A medium-grade wizard—Esk recognized him as a lecturer in Applied Astrology—rushed toward them, waving his hands.
“Nononono,” he shouted. “Wrong door. You must go away.”
“Don’t mind me,” said Granny calmly, pushing past him.
“Nonono, it’s against the lore, you must go away now. Ladies are not allowed in here!”
“I’m not a lady, I’m a witch,” said Granny. She turned to Esk. “Is he very important?”
“I don’t think so,” said Esk.
“Right.” Granny turned to the lecturer: “Go and find me an important wizard, please. Quickly.”
Esk tapped her on the back. A couple of wizards with a rather greater presence of mind had nipped smartly out of the door behind them, and now several college porters were advancing threateningly up the hall, to the cheers and cat-calls of the students. Esk had never much liked the porters, who lived a private life in their lodge, but now she felt a pang of sympathy for them.
Two of them reached out hairy hands and grabbed Granny’s shoulders. Her arm disappeared behind her back and there was a brief flurry of movement that ended with the men hopping away, clutching bits of themselves and swearing.
“Hatpin,” said Granny. She grabbed Esk with her free hand and swept toward the high table, glaring at anyone who so much as looked as if they were going to get in her way. The younger students, who knew free entertainment when they saw it, stamped and cheered and banged their plates on the long tables. The high table settled on the tiles with a thump and the senior wizards hurriedly lined up behind Cutangle as he tried to summon up his reserves of dignity. His efforts didn’t really work; it is very hard to look dignified with a napkin tucked into one’s collar.
He raised his hands for silence, and the hall waited expectantly as Granny and Esk approached him. Granny was looking interestedly at the ancient paintings and statues of bygone mages.
“Who are them buggers?” she said out of the corner of her mouth.
“They used to be chief wizards,” whispered Esk.
“They look constipated. I never met a wizard who was regular,” said Granny.
“They’re a nuisance to dust, that’s all I know,” said Esk.
Cutangle stood with legs planted wide apart, arms akimbo and stomach giving an impression of a beginners’ ski slope, the whole of him therefore adopting a pose usually associated with Henry VIII but with an option on Henry IX and X as well.
“Well?” he said, “What is the meaning of this outrage?”
“Is he important?” said Granny to Esk.
“I, madam, am the Archchancellor! And I happen to run this University! And you, madam, are trespassing in very dangerous territory indeed! I warn you that—Stop looking at me like that!”
Cutangle staggered backward, his hands raised to ward off Granny’s gaze. The wizards behind him scattered, turning over tables in their haste to avoid the stare.
Granny’s eyes had changed.
Esk had never seen them like this before. They were perfectly silver, like little round mirrors, reflecting all they saw. Cutangle was a vanishingly small dot in their depths, his mouth open, his tiny matchstick arms waving in desperation.
The Archchancellor backed into a pillar, and the shock made him recover. He shook his head irritably, cupped a hand and sent a stream of white fire streaking toward the witch.
Without dropping her iridescent stare Granny raised a hand and deflected the flames toward the roof. There was an explosion and a shower of tile fragments.
Her eyes widened.
Cutangle vanished. Where he had been standing a huge snake coiled, poised to strike.
Granny vanished. Where she had been standing was a large wicker basket.
The snake became a giant reptile from the mists of time.
The basket became the snow wind of the Ice Giants, coating the struggling monster with ice.
The reptile became a saber-toothed tiger, crouched to spring.
The gale became a bubbling tar pit.
The tiger managed to become an eagle, stooping.
The tar pits became a tufted hood.
Then the images began to flicker as shape replaced shape. Stroboscope shadows danced around the hall. A magical wind sprang up, thick and greasy, striking octarine sparks from beards and fingers. In the middle of it all Esk, peering through streaming eyes, could just make out the two figures of Granny and Cutangle, glossy statues in the midst of the hurtling images.
She was also aware of something else, a high-pitched sound almost beyond hearing.
She had heard it before, on the cold plain—a busy chittering noise, a beehive noise, an anthill sound…
“They’re coming!” she screamed above the din. “They’re coming now!”
She scrambled out from behind the table where she had taken refuge from the magical duel and tried to reach Granny. A gust of raw magic lifted her off her feet and bowled her into a chair.
The buzzing was louder now, so that the air roared like a three-week corpse on a summer’s day. Esk made another attempt to reach Granny and recoiled when green fire roared along her arm and singed her hair.
She looked around wildly for the other wizards, but those who had fled from the effects of the magic were cowering behind overturned furniture while the occult storm raged over their heads.
Esk ran down the length of the hall and out into the dark corridor. Shadows curled around her as she hurried, sobbing, up the steps and along the buzzing corridors toward Simon’s narrow room.
Something would try to enter the body, Granny had said. Something that would walk and talk like Simon, but would be something else…
A cluster of students were hovering anxiously outside the door. They turned pale faces toward Esk as she darted toward them, and were sufficiently shaken to draw back nervously in the face of her determined progress.
“Something’s in there,” said one of them.
“We can’t open the door!”
They looked at her expectantly. Then one of them said: “You wouldn’t have a pass key, by any chance?”
Esk grabbed the doorhandle and turned it. It moved slightly, but then spun back with such force it nearly took the skin off her hands. The chittering inside rose to a crescendo and there was another noise, too, like leather flapping.
“You’re wizards!” she screamed. “Bloody well wizz!”
“We haven’t done telekinesis yet,” said one of them.
“I was ill when we did Firethrowing—”
“Actually, I’m not very good at Dematerialization—”
Esk went to the door, and then stopped with one foot in the air. She remembered Granny talking about how even buildings had a mind, if they were old enough. The University was very old.
She stepped carefully to one side and ran her hands over the ancient stones. It had to be done carefully, so as not to frighten it—and now she could feel the mind in the stones, slow and simple, but still mind. It pulsed around her; she could feel the little sparkles deep in the rock.
Something was hooting behind the door.
The three students watched in astonishment as Esk stood rock still with her hands and forehead pressed against the wall.
She was almost there. She could feel the weight of herself, the ponderousness of her body, the distant memories of the dawn of time when rock was molten and free. For the first time in her life she knew what it was like to have balconies.
She moved gently through the building-mind, refining her impressions, looking as fast as she dared for this corridor, this door.
She stretched out one arm, very carefully. The students watched as she uncurled one finger,
very slowly.
The door hinges began to creak.
There was a moment of tension and then the nails sprang from the hinges and clattered into the wall behind her. The planks began to bend as the door still tried to force itself open against the strength of—whatever was holding it shut.
The wood billowed.
Beams of blue light lanced out into the corridor, moving and dancing as indistinct shapes shuffled through the blinding brilliance inside the room. The light was misty and actinic, the sort of light to make Steven Spielberg reach for his copyright lawyer.
Esk’s hair leapt from her head so that she looked like an ambulant dandelion. Little firesnakes of magic crackled across her skin as she stepped through the doorway.
The students outside watched in horror as she disappeared into the light.
It vanished in a silent explosion.
When they eventually found enough courage to look inside the room, they saw nothing there but the sleeping body of Simon. And Esk, silent and cold on the floor, breathing very slowly. And the floor was covered with a fine layer of silver sand.
Esk floated through the mists of the world, noticing with a curious impersonal feeling the precise way in which she passed through solid matter.
There were others with her. She could hear their chittering.
Fury rose like bile. She turned and set out after the noise, fighting the seductive forces that kept telling her how nice it would be just to relax her grip on her mind and sink into a warm sea of nothingness. Being angry, that was the thing. She knew it was most important to stay really angry.
The Discworld fell away, and lay below her as it did on the day she had been an eagle. But this time the Circle Sea was below her—it certainly was circular, as if God had run out of ideas—and beyond it lay the arms of the continent, and the long chain of the Ramtops marching all the way to the Hub. There were other continents she had never heard of, and tiny island chains.
As her point of view changed, the Rim came into sight. It was nighttime and, since the Disc’s orbiting sun was below the world, it lit up the long waterfall that girdled the Edge.
It also lit up Great A’Tuin the World Turtle. Esk had often wondered if the Turtle was really a myth. It seemed a lot of trouble to go to just to move a world. But there It was, almost as big as the Disc It carried, frosted with stardust and pocked with meteor craters.
Discworld 03 - Equal Rites Page 17
