by Laura Gibson
Rachel smiled politely and shook the hand that was offered, “Only good things, I hope.”
“Of course!” Ethan defended himself. “Although, I didn’t mention the roadster. When did you get that thing?”
Ethan started walking over to Rachel’s car and she followed suit, pulling her hand away from Logan’s, even though it looked like he had wanted to say something more. As she walked away, following Ethan, she could feel Logan’s eyes on her back but she pushed forward and introduced her brother to her baby.
“Dad bought it for me for graduating early,” Rachel said, feeling proud of her scholarly accomplishments. For some reason it had never come up in any of their emails, so she had planned to interject it as soon as she could.
Ethan gave her a sideways look, “Graduating early?”
“Yeah, I finished high school when I was sixteen.” Rachel took a sharp breath in, “I mean, I would have been done sooner, but when I transferred from Phillips some of my credits got lost in translation.”
Dad had been surprisingly forgiving when everything came out and let her quietly finish up her schooling at a public school in the area, while also rewarding her behavior with the roadster that she fondly referred to as Jamie.
She knew that Ethan and mom had been kept from a lot of what had happened at Phillips Academy and she was going to keep it that way. Or at least, she was going to try.
“Phillips? Like the prep school?” Another voice came from behind her and Rachel turned around to see that the one that first exited the van was now standing there, staring at her.
He had removed his sunglasses a little while ago and she could see his deep green eyes, bright in the afternoon sun. He was taller than she remembered he ought to be. And his hair was darker, it was still kept neat and trim, but it was different. But doesn’t that happen when two people spend time apart? Don’t they change?
“Yes, the very same.” Rachel smiled at him, wondering why he hadn’t said anything yet. Unless he was pretending just as much as she was. Her eyes glanced down and away from him, noticing his antique leather oxfords. She couldn’t help smiling, not everything had changed.
“I didn’t know you were a prep school girl.” Logan was back now, trying to take Rachel’s attention away from the third friend.
“Yeah, Dad wanted us to get a decent education,” Ethan said with an eye roll. “So they let us pick where we wanted to go. Rachel here decided that only a top notch school would do.”
“The curriculum was very extensive,” Rachel defended her choice, once again getting roped into the old argument they seemed to always have.
Ethan didn’t really care for schooling whereas Rachel thought it was the determining factor for the rest of her life. She wanted to be able to do whatever she desired in her life and she thought the best way to get that done was through an excellent education.
Ethan disagreed.
“Didn’t they have a scandal there a few years ago?” The third man pushed, his lips almost smirking. Almost.
Rachel forced a smile while she changed the subject. “I’m sorry; I didn’t think I caught your name.”
“Kelly Hill.” He smiled at her, sticking out a hand, “At your service.”
Rachel went to shake his hand and felt the same feelings and guilt come back fresh, invading her senses, making her weak.
“Yeah yeah, we all know you’re the big shot.” Ethan focused the group back on him. “How come dad never got me a car for graduating?”
“Maybe because you didn’t graduate.” Rachel pointed out, wanting to defend her dad, but at the same time making sure that Ethan didn't feel left out.
“Graduation is a relative term.” Ethan waved away her logical reason.
Rachel swallowed and chuckled nervously, “It’s not relative. It’s a fact. You dropped out the moment mom said you could.”
Ethan shrugged, “I was busy; getting schooled in the facts of life.”
Rachel blinked. Her brother had turned into a walking cliché. She didn’t know what to say next because she didn’t want to argue with him in front of his friends so again she tried to change the subject.
“Are you guys hungry?” She was hopeful that they were so that they could get moving. Already, this whole thing seemed like a bad idea.
“I mean, Kelly here is the smartest guy I know and he dropped out.” Ethan kept going on the topic that Rachel wanted to leave behind.
“No. He was kicked out.” Logan laughed, “Isn’t that right, Kell?”
Rachel saw a different sort of smile spread across Kelly’s face, one that was laced with mischief and charm, “That’s right.”
“And Logan is the only one outta us that graduated and he’s dumb as hell.” Ethan continued.
Rachel looked to Logan to see if he was going to either confirm or deny his level of intelligence.
“It’s true.” Logan said with a shrug and a nod.
“So you see, Rach, school’s not everything.” Ethan drove his point home with an air of satisfaction, as if he had won something.
“I guess I stand corrected.” Rachel kept smiling, hoping that the subject was done now. She had let Ethan win; he had to let it go.
Ethan was four years older than her, but was lacking in the maturity department. Something she and her parents knew very well.
Rachel looked back at Kelly and could see something on his face that she understood. He was pretending, but only because he knew she was. For some reason this made Rachel feel excited as well as ashamed. He hadn’t forgotten about her.
Before Rachel could dissect the feeling and expose it for what it really meant Ethan was talking again, moving on and away from her roadster, from their parents and from his lack of a formal education.
“So you said something about lunch?” He was smiling, his large, lopsided grin showing off his dimples.
“I did, didn’t I?” Rachel returned the sibling affection and motioned at the diner that they were parked in front of it. “Its easy food, good for after a road trip.”
“As long as they serve bacon I’m sold.” Logan swung a large arm around Rachel's shoulders and started leading her towards the diner. “I’m starved; they haven’t fed me in days.”
“That’s not true.” Kelly’s voice spoke up from behind them, “You just ran out of money before the halfway point.”
“Yeah man, we had to give you half of every meal we bought.” Ethan added, chuckling.
Although Kelly sounded relatively annoyed Ethan was laughing good naturedly. Rachel wanted to glance back at Kelly, to get a real look at him again, just to see what all had changed, but Logan was steering her towards the door now. For the third time Rachel caught the sigh that was permanently trapped in her chest and swallowed. This was her task this summer.
It was supposed to be a distraction, but now, knowing that Kelly Hill was one of her charges she couldn’t help but feel more stress press upon her.
Having these three boys around was supposed to mean that she wouldn’t have to think of the other man in her life that she thought she had buried far behind her at Phillips Academy two years ago. One that she never thought she’d have to think about again, let alone speak to.
But the letter that had arrived one day before Kelly Hill had walked back into her life was still sitting on her nightstand, unopened, waiting for her to come home and discover its secrets. The letter that held her name scrawled out in a strong pointed penmanship that she would have recognized anywhere.
Jefferson Williams had written her a letter.
Chapter Two
Phillips Academy
Charleston, West Virginia
August 10th, 2008
Jefferson
It had been four days since Ryan revealed the fact that Kelly was staying with him. Four days and Jefferson still hadn’t felt any better about the situation. He knew that he would come up with a way to get rid of Kelly eventually, if he had to, but for now it felt as an albatross around his neck, hanging there for the w
hole world to see.
Jefferson rolled his head along his shoulders, cracking his neck, trying to lift the metaphorical weight but nothing could console him. He hated Kelly, more so than any reasonable person should hate another creature. But didn’t he have every reason to do so? Didn’t Kelly ensure Jefferson’s hatred?
Jefferson sighed and cracked his knuckles, looking around the rather deserted campus. Now that the moving in phase was mostly over the crowds seemed to have dispersed and left the main quarter empty save for the few that lingered, sitting on marble benches underneath large oak trees.
Jefferson himself sat on one such bench, hoping that no one would bother him, allowing himself to look at the others that sat in solitary, or in small groups of friends, having a decent time of the weather, making the most of the last of their free time.
His eyes lingered on a girl that he recognized from around the school before but had never really spoken to. She was always alone. Always on her own, lost in her own thoughts, in her own personal drive, a quest that Jefferson found admirable.
Jefferson always liked those traits in people. The ones that reminded him of himself. That way he could feel more connected to the world than he really was. That way he knew that there were other people out there, like him. Existing and being okay.
Jefferson looked at the way her ankles were crossed off to the side, her golden hair pulled back in a loose braid, kept just out of her eyes. He could see that she had spent time that morning making sure that her outfit matched and she looked positively put together. What was her name again? Gunn? Rachel Gunn?
Jefferson ran his tongue over pearly white teeth and stood up, might as well introduce himself if he was going to spend so much time thinking about her. Right?
He straightened his jacket and walked across the quad, feeling the late summer breeze on his face, ruffling his black hair. He smiled as she looked up at him and extended a hand. “Hi. I’m Jefferson Williams. I don’t think we’ve met.”
Rachel nodded and he saw her throat move with a nervous swallow, “I know who you are.”
Her eyes were bluer than he expected them to be. And wider. They sat perfectly on a heart shaped face that was quite symmetrical. It was almost perfect. She smiled at him, a warm gentle smile, one that let him know she was kinder than he was.
Jefferson liked that more than he thought he would. There was something about that smile that made him want to sit down and talk to her for a while. Something delicate.
Rachel was blushing now, a light pink on pale cheeks, “I’m Rachel.”
“What are you reading?” Jefferson nodded at the book that was now sitting in her lap, set down to shake his hand.
Rachel glanced down at the book and then looked back up at him. Jefferson could see that she was looking for just the right words to say to him. That somewhere she was formulating the perfect sentence. “It’s for my advanced psychology class.”
“Oh?” Jefferson felt the corner of his mouth move up into a half smile of sorts, he had taken that course last year. She would catch up to his classes quickly if she pushed herself. “I took that last year. Interesting to say the least.”
“Mm.” Rachel made a noise in the back of her throat and shifted so that she was moved over more, making room for him on the bench. “I’m enjoying what I’ve read so far.”
Finally, reluctantly, Jefferson let go of her hand, knowing that he had held onto it for too long. But also knowing that she hadn’t bothered to let go either.
Jefferson knew that she was going to offer a part of her bench for him to sit down, but he felt better standing. Always had. Sitting made him feel… more exposed. Vulnerable almost. He’d much rather have the vantage he was placed at in this very moment.
“Are you ready for classes to start?” Rachel asked, as if she had nothing else to say. He knew that she was thinking about several other things, he could see them brewing behind her eyes, pools of thought that he didn’t mind looking into for some time.
But he decided to humor her simple question anyway, because that was the safe option. He could pick apart a person in a matter of minutes, but he’d rather not do that with Rachel. Intellectually, she could very well be his equal and he liked that.
“I think so.” He put his hands into the pockets of his suit jacket and he felt himself lick his bottom lip, thinking about what the next thing to say would be. “Are you?”
“I’ve been ready since June.” Rachel laughed, embarrassed by her admission. She pushed a stray golden curl out her face and he watched the way it caught the sunlight. Perfect.
“I don’t know if I could spend that much time here.” If Jefferson was being honest, he liked the three month break every year. It gave him time to go home and recuperate, regain his strength as it were.
Rachel’s blushing cheeks flushed crimson now, still embarrassed and Jefferson felt himself smile, a genuine real smile, one that he didn’t have to force or fake for the benefit of others. A smile that was all Rachel’s.
“Well, I really like Phillips.” Rachel started to gather up her things, getting ready to leave their conversation. Jefferson wanted to keep talking to her. He wanted to keep making her blush, he wanted to watch the wind dance in the tendrils of her hair and he wanted to look at her too blue eyes. “But I think I have to go. I have an appointment with Headmistress Grear this afternoon and I’m afraid I might be running late.”
“Well, I’ll walk you then.” Jefferson offered, knowing that she wouldn’t turn him down. He was Jefferson Williams after all.
She stood shifting her books around, “If you want to.”
Jefferson took her books from her and tucked them under his arm. “Rachel, there is nothing more that I rather do right now.”
Agoura Hills, California
June 3rd 2010
Rachel
It was seven in the morning and Rachel still hadn’t gone to sleep yet.
The birds had started singing around four in the morning when she decided that it was time to finish the pleats on the skirt she had been working on.
Slowly Rachel decompressed the pedal with her foot that caused the needle in the sewing machine to come to life. It methodically moved up and down as she guided the thin cotton fabric and the rhythmic pulse of the process brought a sense of calm to her.
If there was one thing that always made her feel better, it was sewing. Sewing was easy. Sewing made sense.
Rachel was still in the clothes from the day before and she hadn’t bothered to try and wash any of the make-up off of her face, but it didn’t matter.
She just needed some time to sit down and think by herself.
Time.
That’s what Rachel felt like she was lacking.
When everything was said and done at the end of every day she would mentally go over in her head every moment that she had managed to waste.
For some reason, that day she had felt like she hadn’t deserved rest and her brain demanded that she get caught up. That she make up for the time lost.
Now, it was seven in the morning and she knew that a new day was starting.
Just another day gone without any sleep.
That was alright though; she had finished her skirt, folded the laundry, got even more ahead in several of her online college prep classes and had even managed to start baking a quiche for breakfast.
Even if it hadn’t been a very productive day, she had made it an extremely productive night.
Anything to keep the unwanted thoughts at bay. Anything to stop her brain from reminding her that Kelly Hill was downstairs, sleeping in her basement. After everything she had done, he was still there.
Rachel held up the skirt for her inspection, perfectly aware of how far away the seam rippers were if she wasn’t completely satisfied with her work.
Luckily she found it more than adequate and so, with a satisfied sigh, she folded the finished skirt and laid it gently across her sewing table, contemplating what she could do next.
As her
eyes scanned her room they caught sight of the dark mark on her nightstand. The letter that she wasn’t ready to read. She sat there in silence, looking at the unassuming paper envelope, wondering just what he could possibly have wanted to say to her after all this time.
Her alarm brought Rachel away from her thoughts of Jefferson at exactly seven fifteen and her left hand lightly tapped the “off” button. Trying to move away from the melancholy thoughts that had drummed up she turned back to the skirt she had just finished. It was perfect. It was complete. One more task finished. Something she could understand.
Rachel used to keep the alarm clock on her night stand, right next to her pillow, but soon she realized that it was incredibly simple to just keep it on her sewing table, seeing as that’s where she wound up most mornings.
Rachel stretched and felt refreshed. Accomplished even. A feeling that she rarely had since leaving Phillips. Almost at least, not totally, but enough.
Not long ago, Phillips Academy had been her home.
And not just the place that she stayed because she paid tuition to stay in the dorms, but her true blue, love being there, home.
A place she felt like she could rest her head and everything would be alright.
She had friends. She had a boyfriend. And she was able to study as much as she wanted to.
Rachel’s favorite thing to do was fill up her course load and still manage to have a semblance of a social life.
She was living her dream out in style and praying to get into the college of her dreams.
Not that she had decided which dream that was yet. There was several that she could follow. Different avenues that were just as bright as all the others. And there were no doors closed to her.
But Rachel didn’t feel like she was done learning yet, done discovering. She always hoped that she could find something that could keep her as busy as Phillips did, but in the back of her mind, she knew that nothing ever would.
Phillips was a wondrous place for her and when she had to leave it had been the worst thing that she could ever imagine.
