by Hunter Blain
In my haze, I knew I didn’t have much of a choice now. It was all or nothing. I willed the angels life force from his blood-soaked liver to flow into my gladius and up my arm, becoming a part of me. As his blood infused with mine, a new world was revealed like a curtain dropping at the theater. All I had ever known was the curtain, but now, the show was starting.
Hairs prickled over my entire body. My eyes rolled in elation. My jaw fell open as a moan of delight escaped my mouth. The fingers on my remaining hand tingled along with my toes, lips, and nose. I was vaguely aware that I could feel tingling on my right hand as well. Through my angelical inebriation, I barely opened one eye enough to see a stream of blood connecting at my severed arm and shoulder socket. The appendage was being lovingly hoisted off the ground and towards its rightful home.
The angel was huge and had a lot of eternally old blood to give. He fought, pushing at my chest with his free hand as the other tried desperately to wedge the sword from the stone. I lifted my elongated arm and wrapped it around the angel’s neck once and then to my left shoulder. My hand gripped my shoulder hard and I pulled myself closer, choking my attacker as I did. His hand moved up from my chest and to his throat where it was met by the other hand that had given up on the sword. The angel’s strength waned as I drained him, and his eyes began to flutter as his giant body began to slump over. His arms fell limply to his sides as his last breath was slowly exhaled.
As the last of his blood flowed into me, I pulled the blade out, letting the massive and beautiful corpse collapse to the ground. The clang reminded me of a garbage truck ungracefully setting an industrial-sized bin on the ground.
In my blissful inebriation, I waited for the angel to turn into translucent ectoplasm and evaporate, but it didn’t. I just stood there, drunkenly dumbfounded that this was an actual body.
“Holy shit. Did I just kill a real fucking angel?” I asked, feeling the seriousness of my actions sink into my core and then blossom outwards to my limbs as the realization grew. This was probably the worst thing I had done and it was mixed with the most powerful blood I had ever consumed. Drunken pleasure warred with the preternatural equivalent of adrenalin. There was NO WAY I was getting in Heaven now, man. I expressed my worry with elegance and class.
“Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck!” I paced back and forth, pulling my grey beanie off and running my hands through my shoulder length black hair. The feel of my own touch was electrifying. The light from the moon pulsed like the surface of water after you barely touched it with your finger. I wanted to scream in both delight and terror.
Replacing my beanie, I set my jaw and used all my will power to focus.
“Ok. What do I do first?” I asked myself as if I were super hammered at a party and the hot cheerleader wanted to have sex with me and I was doing my best pep-talk in the bathroom mirror — even though I knew I had consumed way too much to perform.
I looked around and immediately noticed we were at the end of the alley. I grabbed the foot of the giant corpse before me and dragged him behind a building and away from the sightline of the street. Though it was empty due to it being so late, or early, however you want to look at it, it was still not worth risking a late-night patrol or some poor mortal making a diaper run or something.
Picking up my cell, I unlocked it and pushed the green phone icon. My fingers trembled in ecstasy as my favorites list popped up and I quickly tapped Depweg’s name. After what felt like an eternity of me pacing a path into the concrete, Depweg’s voicemail picked up. Cursing, and then giggling, I pushed the end call button and looked again at my favorites list. Without much choice, I called my silver medal go-to-guy.
“What have you done this time, John?” Da’s cultured British voice came curtly.
“How did you…” I began, and then shrugged off the absurdity of the question. “I really should call my friends more in a social setting. Teehee” I said.
“Probably. Now, what do you need?” He asked as if being distracted from a task. He better not be watching Stranger Things without me. “Wait a moment. Did you just “teehee” me.”
“I killed an angel and need help moving his massive body,” I blurted out quickly as I kicked the armor-plated thigh of the giant sack of meat, but it didn’t budge. “This is your fault!” I cried to the stone-cold angel.
Both Da and the angel met me with a deafening silence. Da is a fairy who believes himself to be an angel, and non-ironically hates fairies. Oh dear. He might not be pleased that I killed one of his kind.
“What was his name?” Da asked somberly.
“He didn’t say. Only mumbled something about sending me to Hell, or something,” my voice shook like a meth addict. I was losing the battle between the blood-high and my higher brain functions. I let loose a moan that belong in an adult video and rolled my eyes. I just wanted to fall backward into the lazy river of eternity and float while stars danced in the sky.
“Where are you?” He asked flatly; concern and annoyance evident in his voice. I gave him my coordinates, i.e. dropped a pin and shared it on my phones map app. It took several tries to get the pin just right. I might have sent one in the middle of the ocean for all I know. Houston was right next to the freaking ocean after all.
Da hung up without so much as a goodbye, but at least he was on his way to me and hopefully not the ocean. Excuse me; gulp, technically.
While I waited for him to arrive with my Kia Optima Mortis, I examined the remains while tittering uncontrollably. An impulse struck and I — not surprisingly — went with it. I wrestled to unlatch a gauntlet and then regarded it at arm’s length as it slide off the muscled forearm. It was absolutely awesome in size and quality. I could probably fit at least three digits in just one of the fingers of the glove. For some reason I couldn’t explain, I pulled the white smooth armor up to my face and dragged my cheek across it, closing my eyes and moaning as I did. This angel armor was just so smooth.
Angel. Shit. Snap out of it, Lilith damn it!
I opened my eyes, slide my hand into the armor, and held it up. The gauntlet swallowed my entire forearm. It looked cartoonish on me, like a child wearing his dad’s boots.
“Grrr. Avengers, bow before the might of Thanos!” I dramatically exclaimed while shaking my fist. I tried to snap my fingers, but my coordination was slightly impaired for some unknown reason that I shouldn’t be blamed for.
After giggling to myself again, I removed the gauntlet and set it down. My eyes peered at the angel, and then locked onto his empty scabbard.
“Oh shit!” I said as I rushed to where the angel had lodged his sword into the ground. It was gone. It. Was. Fucking. Gone. Only broken concrete remained that spread out in a spiderweb pattern with a cavern in the middle.
I had just lost an angelic weapon. Pretty sure this was going to come back and haunt me.
Another wave of euphoria washed over my body and I collapsed to my knees, laughing. I grabbed the gauntlet and held it close to my chest like a safety blanket. I mean, comforter. Safety comforter, you know, for adults.
“I lost an angelic sword,” I said between fits of manly giggles. “Oh man, I killed a real angel.” Tears streamed down my face from both the mirth the beyond ancient blood forced on me, and the direness of the situation. I slid the comically sized gauntlet back over my hand and then put my face into its palm. My body shuddered with the most confused laughter I had ever experienced in over 500 years.
“Oh man. Is this what being blitzed is like? Now I get all those stoner movie references!” I said into the massive palm while the laughing fit relented for the time being. I was aware that my cheeks hurt from the aggressive smiling.
The LED lights of Mortis turned and made its way down the street. I could tell my baby from a mile away. Sure enough, the white Optima pulled down the alley and stopped in front of me. I stood up, wiping my face with the sleeve of my trench that was falling down my arm, and walked to the passenger side. The window rolled down leisurely and I rested my elbo
ws on the door and leaned in.
“A high-five is five dollars. A hug is ten. Cuddling, that’ll be twenty big boy. Or, if you’re feeling frisky...,” I said while holding up the giant gauntlet in a rated R suggestion, eyebrows bouncing up and down.
“Get the body,” Da said. He was only five inches tall, which would make you think he would have a hard time driving. Nevertheless, he managed, with magic! I’ve been with him when he insisted on being behind the wheel, and would just float above the seat enough for him to see the road, and pantomimed driving actions. It was adorable and I almost giggled to death the first time I saw him throw the car into drive.
“Little help?” I said. “Get it? Cause…cause you’re little.”
Da turned and looked at me, a serious expression etched into his face.
“Got it. Riding Han Solo on this one,” I said to myself as I turned and walked to where I laid the body. My head was swimming, making it hard to walk a straight line. It felt like I was floating rather than walking.
I approached the body…Aaaaaaaannnnnnddddd, it was gone. I did a Looney Toons double take at the spot where I knew I had left him.
“The Fuck!” Is all I could manage with a gaping mouth and eyes bulging. My hands were open and outstretched, as if in doing so, the body would miraculously appear and say, “Just kidding, here I am!”
But, it didn’t. And yet, I remained in the same position, unbelieving of my luck and not willing to trust my cartwheeling mind high on angel blood.
A feeling of unease settled over me like a storm cloud swallowing the sun. Out of predatory instinct, PS sent out our senses in all directions. My eyes sought heat signatures, even through stonewalls. My ears listened for the pumping of a heart, the subtle squeaking of muscle fibers moving, or the barely audible whistle of air passing through nostrils. I reached out my non-gauntlet hand in front of me and sent out my will, searching for the electrical impulses created by thought. Nothing on all fronts. Reeling in my senses, I tried one last trick and clicked my tongue, hard. I listened for the echo and was drawn to a bulk shape that seemed out of place on top of one of the roofs. A second click a moment later and the shape was gone.
“Damn it,” I said to myself as I decided to let the situation go. If I couldn’t feel the presence of whatever was up there using all my abilities, I don’t think I wanted to confront whatever it was just yet. Or maybe I was flying like a kite and barely had the mental capacity to stand on my own two feet.
Placating to my situation, I turned and made my way to where Da was waiting. His eyes shot daggers into me. I gripped the door handle, and ripped it off like it was held on by a Popsicle stick. I held the handle up to my eyes and said, “Odd. Never had that problem before.” Reaching inside the open window, I delicately pulled on the door handle with one finger. It clicked and the door latch released.
I climbed into the passenger’s seat and stared forward, feeling Da growing impatient and silently demanding an answer as to where the angel body was.
“Sooooo, here’s the thing…” I started, as I set the broken handle in one of the cup holders.
“You lost the body? Are you bloody kidding me?” I always loved when he used that apropos British expletive.
Holding up the gauntlet and lightly shaking it once in a show of victory, I said, “I got this!”
Da wasn’t amused. In mid-air, he threw the car into reverse and backed us out of the alley. Once on the street, he mimed shifting the car into drive and we started forward down the road.
“Tell me everything that happened, John. Leave out no detail.”
“You sure?” I asked.
“Yes, of course,” he responded, frustrated.
I told him everything that had happened, while going into needless and excruciating detail with my romp with Lily. He cut me off with a look of distaste and I continued with only the important details, though I was smiling and laughing like a schoolchild who just told a boob joke.
At my conclusion, Da sat in silence with only the road noise for company. After a few minutes, he said, “It’s not a coincidence that the Jezebel appeared first.”
A pang of annoyance bubbled in my core, surprising me that I was slightly offended at the reference to Lily. I thought on this as I stared out the window in silence.
“John,” Da derailed my train of thought, “Focus.”
“Yeah. You’re right. She knew something,” I said while absently watching the lights of the highway run up and over the car, only to retreat behind us.
“She’s not going to be happy that you interpreted her commands in your favor. We both know you were itching for a fight, and she will too.” After a few moments of silence, he finished with, “I wonder what dominos are going to tumble as a result of tonight,” Da said, worry creeping into his voice.
Shit. He’s right. I’m already up to my tits in demon’s — now I’ve probably added holy warriors to my vendetta. I’m sure this wasn’t going to end with me getting a big shiny medal.
“You need to bring Father Thomes into this,” Da said.
“Fffffffffuuuuuuuucccckkkkkk,” I breathed out heavily. “He’s going to be so pissed.”
“Rightfully so, I imagine.”
“But maybe he can help make things right. I mean, the dude had a flaming sword pointed at me and was talking about eternal punishment and shit!” I pleaded, grasping at dead vines as quicksand sucked me down.
“Mhmm,” Da agreed with absolute sincerity and not an ounce of obvious doubt.
Chapter 2
I got lost in thought for the rest of the ride. Worry grew like a plague inside my chest, both at my imagination playing scenarios of punishment from heaven-folk, and from what Father T was going to do. The last time I had done something stupid, he had chained me up in a special room made specifically for me, which was both touching and horrifying. After keeping my ass locked away for several days and driven to the brink of dipping my toe in the insanity pool from thirst, I had managed to escape only to almost be incinerated by his holy magic. This is where it gets good; after that, I had to face scary ass stone gargoyles that literally ripped pieces of my supermodel body apart. Depweg saved my ass that day, and unlike Lily, didn’t evoke a bullshit life debt.
Father Thomes and I had made up since then, and I was convinced that he only had my best intentions at heart. Surely the mortal priest didn’t fully understand the power of the thirst, but had to have some semblance of an idea. It’s what drives me and keeps me sane. Blood is both my elixir of eternal life and purest joy. There’s simply no pharmaceutical drug on earth that can even remotely compare to the elation and sense of completeness from imbibing purest life energy straight from the tap. I had even discovered I could drink from the supernatural community, though I’m quite confident that was frowned upon.
As we pulled further from the scene of the crime, the thought of absorbing blood from an angel who had been alive since the beginning of time shot into my mind. I noticed that my legs were slightly bouncing up and down quickly and my fingertips, lips, ears, nose, and toes were all still tingling. A rogue giggle escaped my throat before I could cover my mouth with my free hand.
Da looked over at me with one raised eyebrow. Keeping my hand over my mouth, I shook my head a couple times in a show of “don’t worry about it.” Now that the danger was over and PS had given back full control of the wheel, all I could feel was the dizzying high from timeless, powerful blood. It was starting to feel more akin to what I assume heroin is like. I closed my eyes and rested the back of my noggin on the headrest, trying to ride out the wave. I quickly realized that closing my eyes was not the best idea as my world began to spin. I shot my hands and feet out with a terrified yelp, trying to catch myself from the fall I wasn’t actually experiencing. Da responded appropriately be screaming and losing control of the car and his focus. He fell to the seat with a whoosh of air from his tiny lungs as Mortis ran amuck, free from his commands.
Looking forward I saw and felt that we had just jump
ed the curb and were about to smash into a telephone pole. I quickly grabbed the wheel and course corrected, hitting a side mirror on the pole. Cursing, I steered us into the middle of the road where the car began to slow from inertia.
By this time, Da was just now inhaling his first breath of air. He held his chest and gulped widely, appearing to suck in more air than he ever had before.
“WHAT… WAS… THAT?” He asked between breaths. In answer, I began tittering like a schoolgirl while shaking my head and trying to say, “I don’t know!” But all that came out were high pitched vowels, like a whining dog on a YouTube video.
Looking at me intently, Da regained focus and floated in the driver’s seat, pantomiming the ten and two position of the wheel. A scowl creasing his brown as he set his jaw.
I had never felt anything like this after feeding. Not from Lily when she brought me back from the precipice of death. Not from Ulric when he had first made me. Though they were good, it was as if the energy had been filtered. This angel blood felt like discovering a fine wine that had aged for hundreds of years. But it wasn’t just the fact that knowing the rarity of the wine made it better. This blood had been the purest I had ever had and I wanted to strip my clothes off and dance naked in the moonlight. I wanted to buy a big farm, adopt every puppy in the whole world, and roll in the grass as they clamored over me with puppy kisses. I wanted every homeless child to have a puppy they could roll around in the grass with. Then I wanted to fall back into a beanbag chair and listen to reggae music while not moving for hours. Lilith, what was wrong with me? I hated reggae.
Mortis abruptly coming to a stop slightly brought me out of my trip enough to see that we were in front of the creepiest fucking church in existence. My eyes instinctively shot up to where two of the gargoyles were now missing, having been turned to kitty litter by Depweg. The urge to close my eyes and take a coma rose up. I couldn’t put my gauntleted finger on whether this was because I really, really did not want to see Father Thomes right now, or my high was wearing off— or maybe I just deserved a little rest and relaxation once in a while.
