But when I looked into her eyes again, I could see Onda in them. She was in the depths of those eyes, behind them. But it was like my lost love was speaking to me through Vanessa.
“No,” I said, shaking my head as I stood up.
I threw on my pants because being naked around Vanessa only reminded me of what we'd just done and as much as I'd enjoyed it, I wanted to forget about it.
“No, you're not Onda,” I said. “You can't be.”
I tried hard to deny it, to deny Vanessa, but somehow, it felt like part of Onda was still around. There was a certain presence and weight that Onda had about her that I could still feel. How could I explain that? The quick answer was, I couldn't. Not in any sane, rational way. All I knew was that I couldn't continue to betray Onda's memory, and I couldn't continue stringing Vanessa along. Both women deserved better than that. They weren't just interchangeable beings.
“I'm not saying I'm Onda, but Glyn, listen,” she said, “even that monster sensed I was something more than human. He said I was dragon flesh, whatever that is. Something happened to me that night – the night she died. I don't know what, but something changed me. And I'm no longer alone inside my head. I hear her – I hear Onda.”
I stared at her for a moment, unable to fully comprehend what she was saying to me. Could Onda's essence have entered Vanessa somehow? Was that even possible? When Dragonborn died, their essence – that white-hot spark of life within us all – melded with the universe. Some legends say that the stars in the sky above are made of the essence of the Dragonborn. I didn't know how much I believed those stories, but I was reasonably certain that the essence of a Dragonborn couldn't simply pop into some random passerby who happened to be in the area at the time.
“Let me speak with – some people I know. Perhaps, they have any explanation for what it is you're feeling,” I said. Vanessa looked hopeful, as if she was finally closer to getting some answers. “But I can't promise you anything, Vanessa. I still don't see how Onda could be inside of you. Honestly, it all sounds a bit crazy to me.”
“It sounds crazy to me too,” she said. “Except I'm living it and as I think about it, it feels less crazy. Hell, I should be freaking out that dragons who can transform into people somehow walk the Earth and that other creatures that look like something straight out of a horror movie actually exist – but for some reason, I'm not. Why is that? Because it all feels so normal to me. Natural. Even though it shouldn't because that is the farthest thing from normal and natural I can think of.”
I still wasn't sure what to think, but one thing I did know – I shouldn't have slept with her. That just made everything much more complicated.
Not wanting to be an ass, I went into the bathroom and closed the door. Secretly, I hoped she'd be gone by the time I came back out. But at the same time, when she was with me, I wanted her to stay. There was a familiarity and comfort I found in her – something I'd only ever truly had with Onda.
I was seriously screwed in the head and wasn't sure what to think about anything.
Chapter Thirteen
Vanessa
I'd been with enough guys to know when I should make a quick exit. Glyn was dealing with a lot of emotions, and sleeping with him probably hadn't been the best idea in the world, all things considered. I wanted answers, but in some strange way I couldn't explain, I also cared for him. I didn't want to hurt him or cause him more stress than he already had on his shoulders. So, when he went into the bathroom, I dressed quickly and slipped out of the apartment.
Nothing that had happened since the night of Onda's death made sense to me and part of me felt like I was going insane. I had to hope that Glyn could find some answers. Find something. I needed to know what was going on in my head, otherwise I might actually go insane.
I looked at my phone and groaned – it was three in the morning. I technically had to be in at work early, but I had no desire to go in. After killing that creature earlier, I had a sudden urge to go back there – to see if there were more like it. I had to admit that fighting with that thing had been a rush. It was a high I'd never experienced before in my life. And it was exciting in a way nothing else in my life ever had been.
I should be ashamed of being so gleeful about killing something, but I wasn't. Instinctively, I knew that the thing I'd killed – and the creatures out there like it – were there to do people harm. As a nurse, it was my job to patch up their wounds. Stitch them back together. But I was powerless to prevent the bad things from happening to them.
Now though, things were different. The game had changed entirely and while I could still patch them back up, I had the power to stop the bad things from getting to them in the first place. I could make it so that I – and people like me – didn't have to stitch them back together. I could keep them from being hurt to begin with.
So yeah, it felt good to kill that monster. Really good. And I wanted to kill more of them.
What was the craziest thing was that I'd never been trained to fight. I'd never been trained with a sword or a dagger. And yet, when they were in my hands, they felt so natural. So right. They felt like a natural extension of my hands. And as I spun, jumped, and moved, it felt – right. Like I was doing what I'd been born to do.
And the only thing I could attribute it to was the spirit of a dead woman residing in my body – as absolutely nuts as that sounded.
I wanted to continue hunting. Fighting. Killing. But I had no weapon and nothing to fight with. That was something I was going to need to change.
I hailed a cab and went home, feeling energized. Feeling like a new person. Instead of going straight to bed, like a responsible adult though, I stayed up. I somehow felt more comfortable at night now. I felt like it was my time. The time when I was most alive.
And when the morning came, I picked up the phone and called into work. I told them I was still sick. After what happened the day before, they didn't even question it.
“Get better,” was all my supervisor said.
“I will.”
Though in all honesty, I wasn't sure I'd ever get better again. Or at least go back to who I was before everything had happened. I was a different person. On some fundamental level I couldn't explain, I had changed. I wasn't the same person who'd entered the alley that night. For all intents and purposes, that Vanessa had died. And I'd been reborn into something – somebody – else. I was still me, of course, but I was me – enhanced. Upgraded. It was terrifying as hell, but I liked it.
Before going to sleep, I decided to walk down to Miggy's and grab a donut. And as soon as I walked in, Miggy looked at me and smiled. The shop was more or less deserted, only a few of the regulars – old timers as Miggy called them – were hunched over their tables with donuts, coffee, and their newspapers.
“I was beginning to worry about you,” he said. “Thought you might have found a new donut man.”
“Nah,” I said with a laugh. “You're my one and only, Miggy. You know that.”
“Glad to hear it,” he said. “How have you been, Vanessa?”
“Good,” I said, feigning a smile. “And you?”
He cocked his head to the side, a concerned look on his face. “You look different,” he said. “Your hair – you have a white streak in it now?”
I nodded hesitantly. Though I was changing, it still felt wrong to lie to somebody I cared about as much as I cared about Miggy. But I had no choice.
“Yeah,” I said and then pointed to my eyes since he was bound to notice. “Trying out some new colored contacts too.”
“Huh,” he said, but nodded. “Interesting. Gotta say that you sound different too.”
“I feel different, Miggy,” I said. “Honestly, I feel like a different person all of a sudden.”
“How so?”
I shrugged. “I can't explain it, but something in me has just – changed. It's not a bad thing, it's just different. I'm different, I guess.”
I looked down at the donuts in the case and realized, I really d
idn't even want one – which was a first. Still, I was there, and it would look really odd if I didn't order anything, so I asked for my usual.
“Just one today?” he asked, raising an eyebrow.
“Just one,” I said. “I'm off work today, so I'm going back home to sleep a little.”
“Up all night?” he asked. “Working?”
I didn't want to tell him the truth, since the truth sounded insane. It made more sense to tell him I'd worked a night shift than to admit to what had really happened.
“Yeah, working,” I said. “One of the night nurses was sick, so I filled in.”
I hated lying to Miggy, but I also couldn't explain to him – or anyone – what was really going on. After all, part of me still didn't really believe it myself. I hadn’t come to grips with it and until I got some answers from Glyn, I didn't want to say a word about it.
“That happen a lot?” he asked. “Because in all the years I've known you –”
“No, it doesn't happen a lot,” I said. “But it does happen. Who knows, I might decide to take the night shift from now on. It was quiet and kind of nice.”
“Huh,” he said. “Interesting.”
I grabbed a piece of paper and wrote down Donna's phone number for him. “Oh yeah, I almost forgot,” I said. “Call Donna. I have a feeling you two would be really good together. She's waiting to hear from you.”
“Playing matchmaker, are you, kiddo?”
I winked at him as I dropped her number and my cash into the tip jar.
“Wow, you do sound like a different person, Vanessa,” he said with a chuckle. “Always been a morning person like me, as long as I've known you. And yet, now you're becoming a night owl.”
I shrugged. “People change.”
Yeah, he was right. It was strange, but after last night's adventure, I found myself drawn to the night. There were so many mysteries, so many creatures, and so much to discover out there. And most all of those things could only be found under the cover of night's darkness. For all the years of my life, I'd been afraid of the dark, without any real rational reason for it. But now that I knew what was hiding in the darkness out there, I found that I wasn't as I probably should be. Instead, I found myself yearning for it.
“Have a good day, Miggy,” I said, waving at him as I stepped out of the shop.
It might be morning, but all I wanted to do was sleep. And when I got home, that's exactly what I did – I crawled into my bed and passed out. My dreams were filled with dragons, fire and creatures of the night. Instead of nightmares like they were before though, I felt at home.
I felt at peace.
Chapter Fourteen
Glyn
When I stepped out of the bathroom and found Vanessa gone, I felt a wave of profound relief. And then I felt like a profound asshole. As I flopped down into my bed, I stared up at the ceiling, unable to sleep – unable to shut my brain off.
I'd slept with someone other than Onda. I'd betrayed the woman I loved.
But had I? Had I really? She felt so much like Onda – and everything about the experience reminded me of my dead soulmate. And that's why I'd slept with her in the first place. It sounded absolutely stupid, but I'd slept with Vanessa because I missed Onda so very much – and Vanessa reminded me of her.
That was no excuse though – I'd still moved on from Onda too quickly. She deserved better than that. I felt my entire body tense up in anger – anger at myself for letting it all happen. For betraying the woman that I loved with every bit of my soul.
“God, I miss you so damn much,” I said, tears welling in my eyes. “I miss you ever minute of every day.”
She'd been gone for long periods of time before – our patrol areas didn't converge all that often. So, there were times I could pretend she was still alive. Almost let myself believe that maybe she was just gone on a routine patrol. Out on a mission or something and that she'd come through that door again with a wide smile on her face and we'd tumble into bed, make love, and enjoy the time we had together.
But then the reality hit me. It always hit me – and no less harder than before. Onda was gone. For good. Forever. And there was never going to be another day where we wake up next to each other and make love.
My heart felt heavy and hurt so bad, I was sure it would burst from the pain. We were a bonded pair, meant to be together forever. Without her, I wasn't sure I wanted to continue. I wasn't sure I wanted to go on without her. Maybe Quint had been right – I was reckless because I wanted to die. Certainly, there were moments when that was true.
I was lost without Onda. Rudderless. With no idea what to do with myself. So, there I was, my lifemate stolen from me, trying to cling to any shred of hope, no matter how small, I could find.
And that hope happened to be Vanessa.
For a moment, I'd let myself go. I'd given in to my hopes and fantasies and had slept with her knowing I shouldn't have. I felt like I'd taken advantage of her, pretending she was somebody she wasn't – and the guilt was overwhelming.
Still, I couldn't deny there was something about Vanessa that I couldn't explain. A link – a connection to her – that made no sense to me. It was something I'd have to talk to Quint about in the morning. I needed answers every bit as much as she did.
But first, I tried to sleep as best I could. Not that it came easy. Not after everything I'd experienced and endured over the last few days.
~~ooo000ooo~~
Quint stared at me, with a serious and contemplative expression on his face. He was quiet, nodding now and then to let me know he was listening, and taking everything in as I explained it to him. I laid it all out on the table, told him everything that was going on. And when I'd finished my story, he leaned back in his chair and let out a low whistle.
“So, you're saying Onda is somehow still here – but in another person?” he asked. “The nurse who tried to help you that night?”
His tone was conversational and I didn't detect the slightest bit of disbelief or judgment. He was simply asking questions and gathering information. Quint was far more open-minded and forward thinking than a lot of the other Wardens. He was a pretty spiritual man as well – although, his sense of spirituality didn't exactly mesh with some of the others. To others, Quint's notions of spirituality were a lot more mystical and “out there” than they were.
“No, no way,” I said, shaking my head. “That's not possible, but I'm telling you that something is off. I just don't know what. But the woman's eyes – her hair – it's different. They're completely Onda. But the woman – Vanessa – is obviously not Onda. Yet when I'm around her, it just feels like she's there. We have this strange connection I can't even begin to explain.”
“Not possible?” he asked.
Quint raised an eyebrow as he stood up and walked over to a bookshelf on the far wall of his office. He flipped through the pages of a few books before finding the one he was looking for. I wasn't sure what he was looking for, but I didn't think that the answers I was looking for were going to be found in a book.
“Glyn, let me ask you a question,” he said. “What do you think happens to us after we die?”
I shrugged. “I don't really know. I guess I've never really spent a lot of time thinking about it,” I said. “I've heard our souls – our essence – or whatever we're calling it, goes out into the universe. What happens after that, I have no clue. But to be honest, I don't know what I believe personally.”
Truthfully, I thought once we were dead, that was it. I wasn't a spiritual or religious person – certainly nothing like Quint. I didn't believe in souls or ghosts or anything like that. Not with humans and not with Dragonborn either. Once we died, we simply ceased to exist. I figured that all we had were the lives we'd been given.
“Really?” he said. “That's all you know about our afterlife?”
I nodded. “That's what we were taught when we were young,” I replied. “But like I said, I don't know what I believe. I've never really sat down and thought about
it. I mean, I'm not a spiritual guy, if I'm being honest. I've never spent a lot of time with the holy books in Chondelai. Never got much out of the sermons in the temples.”
Quint passed me the book and I took it. It had been opened to a page with a beautiful rendering of a Dragonborn, slain in what looked like a battle. He lay on the ground, blood pouring from a large, ragged wound. But what drew my attention – what Quint undoubtedly wanted me to focus on – was the light that was depicted leaving the body of the slain warrior.
As I looked at the drawing, a memory tickled in the back of my mind. That night in the alley. The moment Onda had passed – no, it couldn't be. It wasn't possible – was it?
“When Onda died,” he said, “did you see anything that looked like that?”
“Maybe?” I said. “Everything happened so fast, I can't remember it all in vivid detail.”
Truthfully though, yes, I had seen a light. A bright light hovering over her body. A bright light that had enveloped Vanessa. But my emotions were through the roof, I was a mess, and everything else was a blur – I figured I'd just imagined the whole thing.
“Do you know what that light is said to be?” he asked, sitting back down behind his desk.
“I have a feeling you're about to tell me that light is the soul of a Dragonborn,” I said, skepticism coloring my words.
Quint shrugged, not put off in the least by my disbelief. “Similar,” he said. “It's our essence – which is similar to a soul in humans. But it's also different because according to our lore, once our physical bodies die, our essence is released into the universe. Many believe that our essence is what makes up the stars in the heavens above.”
Okay. I knew my Warden was a little more spiritual than I was, but to find that he actually believed those old legends – legends I'd heard and discarded long ago – was a little over the top. Even for Quint. It was absurd – which was saying something, given the legends and myths that filtered out of Chondelai and paraded themselves as sacred texts.
I tried hard but was unable to keep from rolling my eyes, and Quint obviously noticed and a small smile played upon his lips.
No Such Thing as Dragons : Complete Series Box Set (Books 1 - 5) Page 35
