by Alice Walker
Oh, she be seven her next birthday.
When that? I ast.
She think back. Then she say, December.
I think, November.
I say, real easy, What you call her?
She say, oh, we calls her Pauline.
My heart knock.
Then she frown. But I calls her Olivia.
Why you call her Olivia if it ain’t her name? I ast.
Well, just look at her, she say sort of impish, turning to look at the child, don’t she look like a Olivia to you? Look at her eyes, for god’s sake. Somebody ole would have eyes like that. So I call her ole Livia. She chuckle. Naw. Olivia, she say, patting the child hair. Well, here come the Reverend Mr. _____, she say. I see a wagon and a great big man in black holding a whip. We sure do thank you for your hospitality. She laugh again, look at the horses flicking flies off they rump. Horsepitality, she say. And I git it and laugh. It feel like to split my face.
Mr. _____, come out the store. Clam up in the wagon.
Set down. Say real slow. What you setting here laughing like a fool fer?
DEAR GOD,
Nettie here with us. She run way from home. She say she hate to leave our stepma, but she had to git out, maybe fine help for the other little ones. The boys be alright, she say. They can stay out his way. When they git big they gon fight him.
Maybe kill, I say.
How is it with you and Mr. ____? she ast. But she got eyes. He still like her. In the evening he come out on the porch in his Sunday best. She be sitting there with me shelling peas or helping the children with they spelling. Helping me with spelling and everything else she think I need to know. No matter what happen, Nettie steady try to teach me what go on in the world. And she a good teacher too. It nearly kill me to think she might marry somebody like Mr. _____ or wind up in some white lady kitchen. All day she read, she study, she practice her handwriting, and try to git us to think. Most days I feel too tired to think. But Patient her middle name.
Mr. _____ children all bright but they mean. They say Celie, I want dis. Celie, I want dat. Our Mama let us have it. He don’t say nothing. They try to get his tention, he hide hind a puff of smoke.
Don’t let them run over you, Nettie say. You got to let them know who got the upper hand.
They got it, I say.
But she keep on, You got to fight. You got to fight.
But I don’t know how to fight. All I know how to do is stay alive.
That’s a real pretty dress you got on, he say to Nettie.
She say, Thank you.
Them shoes look just right.
She say, Thank you.
Your skin. Your hair. Your teefs. Everyday it something else to make miration over.
First she smile a little. Then she frown. Then she don’t look no special way at all. She just stick close to me. She tell me, Your skin. Your hair, Your teefs. He try to give her a compliment, she pass it on to me. After while I git to feeling pretty cute.
Soon he stop. He say one night in bed, Well, us done help Nettie all we can. Now she got to go.
Where she gon go? I ast.
I don’t care, he say.
I tell Nettie the next morning. Stead of being mad, she glad to go. Say she hate to leave me is all. Us fall on each other neck when she say that.
I sure hate to leave you here with these rotten children, she say. Not to mention with Mr. ____. It’s like seeing you buried, she say.
It’s worse than that, I think. If I was buried, I wouldn’t have to work. But I just say, Never mine, never mine, long as I can spell G-o-d I got somebody along.
But I only got one thing to give her, the name of
Reverend Mr. ____. I tell her to ast for his wife. That maybe she would help. She the only woman I even seen with money.
I say, Write.
She say, What?
I say, Write.
She say, Nothing but death can keep me from it.
She never write.
G-O-D,
Two of his sister come to visit. They dress all up. Celie, they say. One thing is for sure. You keep a clean house. It not nice to speak ill of the dead, one say, but the truth never can be ill. Annie Julia was a nasty ’oman bout the house.
She never want to be here in the first place, say the other.
Where she want to be? I ast.
At home. She say.
Well that’s no excuse, say the first one, Her name Carrie, other one name Kate. When a woman marry she spose to keep a decent house and a clean family. Why, wasn’t nothing to come here in the winter time and all these children have colds, they have flue, they have direar, they have newmonya, they have worms, they have the chill and fever. They hungry. They hair ain’t comb. They too nasty to touch.
I touch ’em. Say Kate.
And cook. She wouldn’t cook. She act like she never seen a kitchen.
She hadn’t never seen his.
Was a scandal, say Carrie.
He sure was, say Kate.
What you mean? say Carrie.
I mean he just brought her here, dropped her, and kept right on running after Shug Avery. That what I mean. Nobody to talk to, nobody to visit. He be gone for days. Then she start having babies. And she young and pretty.
Not so pretty, say Carrie, looking in the looking glass. Just that head of hair. She too black.
Well, brother must like black. Shug Avery black as my shoe.
Shug Avery, Shug Avery, Carrie say. I’m sick of her. Somebody say she going round trying to sing. Umph, what she got to sing about. Say she wearing dresses all up her leg and headpieces with little balls and tassles hanging down, look like window dressing.
My ears perk up when they mention Shug Avery. I feel like I want to talk about her my own self. They hush.
I’m sick of her too, say Kate, letting out her breath. And you right about Celie, here. Good housekeeper, good with children, good cook. Brother couldn’t have done better if he tried.
I think about how he tried.
This time Kate come by herself. She maybe twenty-five. Old maid. She look younger than me. Healthy. Eyes bright. Tongue sharp.
Buy Celie some clothes. She say to Mr. ____.
She need clothes? he ast.
Well look at her.
He look at me. It like he looking at the earth. It need somethin? his eyes say.
She go with me in the store. I think what color Shug Avery would wear. She like a queen to me so I say to Kate, Somethin purple, maybe little red in it too. But us look an look and no purple. Plenty red but she say, Naw, he won’t want to pay for red. Too happy lookin. We got choice of brown, maroon or navy blue. I say blue.
I can’t remember being the first one in my own dress. Now to have one made just for me. I try to tell Kate what it mean. I git hot in the face and stutter.
She say. It’s all right, Celie. You deserve more than this.
Maybe so. I think.
Harpo, she say. Harpo the oldest boy. Harpo, don’t let Celie be the one bring in all the water. You a big boy now. Time for you to help out some.
Women work, he say.
What? she say.
Women work. I’m a man.
You’re a trifling nigger, she say. You git that bucket and bring it back full. He cut his eye at me. Stumble out. I hear him mutter somethin to Mr. _____ sitting on the porch. Mr. _____ call his sister. She stay out on the porch talking a little while, then she come back in, shaking.
Got to go, Celie, she say.
She so mad tears be flying every which way while she pack.
You got to fight them, Celie, she say. I can’t do it for you. You got to fight them for yourself.
I don’t say nothing. I think bout Nettie, dead. She fight, she run away. What good it do? I don’t fight, I stay where I’m told. But I’m alive.
DEAR GOD,
Harpo ast his daddy why he beat me. Mr. _____ say, Cause she my wife. Plus, she stubborn. All women good for—he don’t finish. He just tuck his chin over the
paper like he do. Remind me of Pa.
Harpo ast me, How come you stubborn? He don’t ast How come you his wife? Nobody ast that.
I say, Just born that way, I reckon.
He beat me like he beat the children. Cept he don’t never hardly beat them. He say, Celie, git the belt. The children be outside the room peeking through the cracks. It all I can do not to cry. I make myself wood. I say to myself, Celie, you a tree. That’s how come I know trees fear man.
Harpo say, I love Somebody.
I say, Huh?
He say, A Girl.
I say, You do?
He say, Yeah. Us plan to marry.
Marry, I say. You not old enough to marry.
I is, he say. I’m seventeen. She fifteen. Old enough.
What her mama say, I ast.
Ain’t talk to her mama.
What her daddy say?
Ain’t talk to him neither.
Well, what she say?
Us ain’t never spoke. He duck his head. He ain’t so bad looking. Tall and skinny, black like his mama, with great big bug eyes.
Where yall see each other? I ast. I see her in church, he say. She see me outdoors.
She like you?
I don’t know. I wink at her. She act like she scared to look.
Where her daddy at while all this going on?
Amen corner, he say.
DEAR GOD,
Shug Avery is coming to town! She coming with her orkestra. She going to sing in the Lucky Star out on Coalman road. Mr. _____ going to hear her. He dress all up in front the glass, look at himself, then undress and dress all over again. He slick back his hair with pomade, then wash it out again. He been spitting on his shoes and hitting it with a quick rag.
He tell me, Wash this. Iron that. Look for this. Look for that. Find this. Find that. He groan over holes in his sock.
I move round darning and ironing, finding hanskers. Anything happening? I ast.
What you mean? he say, like he mad. Just trying to git some of the hick farmer off myself. Any other woman be glad.
I’m is glad, I say.
What you mean? he ast.
You looks nice, I say. Any woman be proud.
You think so? he say.
First time he ast me. I’m so surprise, by time I say Yeah, he out on the porch, trying to shave where the light better.
I walk round all day with the announcement burning a hole in my pocket. It pink. The trees tween the turn off to our road and the store is lit up with them. He got bout five dozen in his trunk.
Shug Avery standing upside a piano, elbow crook, hand on her hip. She wearing a hat like Indian Chiefs. Her mouth open showing all her teef and don’t nothing seem to be troubling her mind. Come one, come all, it say. The Queen Honeybee is back in town.
Lord, I wants to go so bad. Not to dance. Not to drink. Not to play card. Not even to hear Shug Avery sing. I just be thankful to lay eyes on her.
DEAR GOD,
Mr. _____ be gone all night Saturday, all night Sunday and most all day Monday. Shug Avery in town for the weekend. He stagger in, throw himself on the bed. He tired. He sad. He weak. He cry. Then he sleep the rest of the day and all night.
He wake up while I’m in the field. I been chopping cotton three hours by time he come. Us don’t say nothing to each other.
But I got a million question to ast. What she wear? Is she still the same old Shug, like in my picture? How her hair is? What kind lipstick? Wig? She stout? She skinny? She sound well? Tired? Sick? Where you all children at while she singing all over the place? Do she miss ’em? Questions be running back and forth through my mind. Feel like snakes. I pray for strength, bite the insides of my jaws.
Mr. _____ pick up a hoe and start to chop. He chop bout three chops then he don’t chop again. He drop the hoe in the furrow, turn right back on his heel, walk back to the house, go git him a cool drink of water, git his pipe, sit on the porch and stare. I follow cause I think he sick. Then he say, You better git on back to the field. Don’t wait for me.
DEAR GOD,
Harpo no better at fighting his daddy back than me. Every day his daddy git up, sit on the porch, look out at nothing. Sometime look at the trees out front the house. Look at a butterfly if it light on the rail. Drink a little water in the day. A little wine in the evening. But mostly never move.
Harpo complain bout all the plowing he have to do.
His daddy say, You gonna do it.
Harpo nearly big as his daddy. He strong in body but weak in will. He scared.
Me and him out in the field all day. Us sweat, chopping and plowing. I’m roasted coffee bean color now. He black as the inside of a chimney. His eyes be sad and thoughtful. His face begin to look like a woman face.
Why you don’t work no more? he ast his daddy.
No reason for me to. His daddy say. You here, aint you? He say this nasty. Harpos feeling be hurt.
Plus, he still in love.
DEAR GOD,
Harpo girl daddy say Harpo not good enough for her. Harpo been courting the girl a while. He say he sit in the parlor with her, the daddy sit right there in the corner till everybody feel terrible. Then he go sit on the porch in front the open door where he can hear everything. Nine o’clock come, he bring Harpo his hat.
Why I’m not good enough? Harpo ast Mr. ____.
Mr. _____ say, Your mammy.
Harpo say, What wrong with my mammy?
Mr. _____ say, Somebody kill her.
Harpo be trouble with nightmares. He see his mama running cross the pasture trying to git home. Mr. ____, the man they say her boyfriend, catch up with her. She got Harpo by the hand. They both running and running. He grab hold of her shoulder, say, You can’t quit me now. You mine. She say, No I ain’t. My place is with my children. He say, Whore, you ain’t got no place. He shoot her in the stomach. She fall down. The man run. Harpo grab her in his arms, put her head in his lap.
He start to call, Mama, Mama. It wake me up. The other children, too. They cry like they mama just die. Harpo come to, shaking.
I light the lamp and stand over him, patting his back.
It not her fault somebody kill her, he say. It not! It not!
Naw, I say. It not.
Everybody say how good I is to Mr. _____ children. I be good to them. But I don’t feel nothing for them. Patting Harpo back not even like patting a dog. It more like patting another piece of wood. Not a living tree, but a table, a chifferobe. Anyhow, they don’t love me neither, no matter how good I is.
They don’t mind. Cept for Harpo they won’t work. The girls face always to the road. Bub be out all times of night drinking with boys twice his age. They daddy puff on his pipe.
Harpo tell me all his love business now. His mind on Sofia Butler day and night.
She pretty, he tell me. Bright.
Smart?
Naw. Bright skin. She smart too though, I think. Sometime us can git her away from her daddy.
I know right then the next thing I hear, she be big.
If she so smart how come she big? I ast.
Harpo shrug. She can’t git out the house no other way, he say. Mr. _____ won’t let us marry. Say I’m not good enough to come in his parlor. But if she big I got a right to be with her, good enough or no.
Where yall gon stay?
They got a big place, he say. When us marry I’ll be just like one of the family.
Humph, I say. Mr. _____ didn’t like you before she big, he ain’t gonna like you cause she big.
Harpo look trouble.
Talk to Mr. ____, I say. He your daddy. Maybe he got some good advice. Maybe not. I think.
Harpo bring her over to meet his daddy. Mr. _____ say he want to have a look at her. I see ’em coming way off up the road. They be just marching, hand in hand, like going to war. She in front a little. They come up on the porch, I speak and move some chairs closer to the railing. She sit down and start to fan herself with a hansker. It sure is hot, she say. Mr. _____ don’t say nothing. H
e just look her up and down. She bout seven or eight months pregnant, bout to bust out her dress. Harpo so black he think she bright, but she ain’t that bright. Clear medium brown skin, gleam on it like on good furniture. Hair notty but a lot of it, tied up on her head in a mass of plaits. She not quite as tall as Harpo but much bigger, and strong and ruddy looking, like her mama brought her up on pork.
She say, How you, Mr. _____?
He don’t answer the question. He say, Look like you done got yourself in trouble.
Naw suh, she say. I ain’t in no trouble. Big, though.
She smooth the wrinkles over her stomach with the flats of her hands.
Who the father? he ast.
She look surprise. Harpo, she say.
How he know that?
He know. She say.
Young womens no good these days, he say. Got they legs open to every Tom, Dick and Harry.
Harpo look at his daddy like he never seen him before. But he don’t say nothing.
Mr. _____ say, No need to think I’m gon let my boy marry you just cause you in the family way. He young and limited. Pretty gal like you could put anything over on him.
Harpo still don’t say nothing.
Sofia face git more ruddy. The skin move back on her forehead. Her ears raise.
But she laugh. She glance at Harpo sitting there with his head down and his hands tween his knees.
She say, What I need to marry Harpo for? He still living here with you. What food and clothes he git, you buy.
He say, Your daddy done throwed you out. Ready to live in the street I guess.
She say, Naw. I ain’t living in the street. I’m living with my sister and her husband. They say I can live with them for the rest of my life. She stand up, big, strong, healthy girl, and she say, Well, nice visiting. I’m going home.
Harpo get up to come too. She say, Naw, Harpo, you stay here. When you free, me and the baby be waiting.
He sort of hang there between them a while, then he sit down again. I look at her face real quick then, and seem like a shadow go cross it. Then she say to me, Mrs. ____, I’d thank you for a glass of water before I go, if you don’t mind.
The bucket on the shelf right there on the porch. I git a clean glass out the safe and dip her up some water. She drink it down, almost in one swallow. Then she run her hands over her belly again and she take off. Look like the army change direction, and she heading off to catch up.
