I shifted my hips, trying to move, and came in contact with the part of his body I’d been wondering about. He wasn’t hard. Neither had Damian been the night before. I wasn’t making the men around me particularly hot.
He thought there was something wrong …
Sterling’s eyes opened. “Hey, darling.”
“Hi.” His soft hair touched my neck when he raised his head to look at me. “You okay? You fell asleep so fast. I … I hope it’s okay I stayed. I was worried. You were breathing fine and everything. I wanted to hold you.”
There were lots of things I wanted to ask him, and yet in the light of day those words were harder to say without the ease of exhaustion to make me brave. “Thank you.”
“Are you? Okay?”
I sat up, stretching my arms over my head. I needed a shower and coffee in that order. “I’m not sure. I’m not behaving like myself. My thoughts are weird.”
He fingered my arm, drawing a small circle on my skin. “I like you like this.”
First step in reclaiming myself was to act the way I always did. “Truth of the matter is, I am the only girl here. You’ve been here a long time. If there were other women walking around, you wouldn’t be so preoccupied with me. I get it. I’ve never been one hundred percent comfortable being a default choice based on being in the right vicinity.”
Sterling’s eyebrows rose slowly. “Did I give you the impression I liked you because you happened to be here?”
“No. Sterling, I know how these things work.”
He rose from the bed and laced his shoes up. “I’m going to see the doctor, and then I’m going to show you how I want you, how it’s not convenient.”
“I …”
I don’t know what Sterling would have said because he stormed out like someone chased him. He was going to show me? I rubbed my face. Artemis needed to be fixed. Maybe it was better if I wasn’t around people.
I had taken the second panel of the day off Artemis when Judge arrived. He looked pale, and I stopped what I was doing. I’d given him a horrible time the night before when he’d been trying to be nice. “Are you okay?”
“I … Shit. We had a little talk this morning, the guys. The doctors thought we knew exactly how the US worked, but we didn’t. It’s startling. Going to take a little getting used to, and I’m not sure I can ever get in it again.” He walked toward the ship. “I see you’ve been making progress without me.”
He was pale because of the US machine? “What is it doing to you?”
“Temporary chemical castration every month.” He cleared his throat. “The, ah, machine gives us some stimulating dreams and at the same time makes us not able to … function properly. I guess no one thought it would be a problem. We were never going to have the chance with any girls. Better to get the once-a-month fun followed by the surety we’d never act up—being alone in space forever—never get so sexually frustrated we made bad decisions.”
“Judge.” This was hard. “I need to get in the machine.”
He dropped his wrench. “What?”
“I want all five of you. Okay. I know it’s weird for you. I come from a place where it’s still normal. It can’t work. I get it. So, the machine can make me not feel that way anymore. I’ve only been here days. You’re all fighting, and I’m messing up everything.” I handed him my hammer. “I’ll go get in it now.”
Judge blinked rapidly. “Hold on.”
I didn’t listen to him. I’d said the single most humiliating statement of my life. When I got out of the machine, I’d be in controlled. I wouldn’t make Sterling feel like things were wrong with him. I wouldn’t be flirting with guys who could physically not help me.
He grabbed the side of my arm. “Before you do that, I think we should have a meeting. All of us. Talk some things through.”
“So I can humiliate myself with all of them instead of only you?”
“So they can tell you about the screaming fight we all had this morning—including Lewis, who never yells—about how we’re all falling for you really fast, really hard, and not one of us wants back in that machine. Maybe we can work something out here.”
His words stunned me. It took me a second to process them. The whole time I’d showered, drank coffee, and worked on Artemis they’d been fighting over me? They wanted me like I did them? What did any of this mean?
Still, I let him take my hand and lead me to the dining room table. It wasn’t meal time; everyone seemed to have had breakfast on their own, and yet within minutes of Judge leaving me in there, they’d all taken their seats from the night before.
I rubbed the back of my neck. How did my mom manage this? How did she tell six men what she wanted all the time? How did she get out of her own head and do what she did? Why didn’t I have any of those genes?
Judge sat last, directly next to me. “I asked you all to come here so we could talk.”
Cash closed his eyes. “Tell me you didn’t do what I think you did and actually share with her what we discussed this morning?”
Sterling groaned, and Lewis found something interesting on the floor. Cash stared down Judge, which left Damian regarding me with his calculating gaze.
Judge shook his head. “Only after she told me she wanted all of us, didn’t think it could ever work, and was going to get in the machine herself.”
All heads turned toward me. I think I might have been as red as a tomato. Was it possible to die from embarrassment?
Chapter Eight
Cruising
I cleared my throat. “Okay, let me explain. I realize this is really, really weird. Where I’m from, one woman with many men is still an okay thing to do. It’s almost more normal. Has to do with my grandfather on Earth. Long story. Anyway, I am having feelings for all of you. I don’t expect any of you to do anything about that.”
Lewis looked up from the ground. “Why?”
“I have a number of reasons. Shall I list them? Okay. I’m going to.” If I spoke fast, I could get through this quickly. “Number one, people aren’t in relationships like the one I would need. I never thought I wanted any marriage. How was I going to get through having to talk at night? I thought, maybe, one person I could manage because I’d only have to handle that much conversation. I seem to have less trouble speaking with the five of you. I’m off track.” I forced myself to breathe. “Anyway, it doesn’t matter. It’s not the thing to do here. Not allowed. So it’s almost not important to list the rest.”
Lewis raised a hand. “Sorry, but I have to interject. While it’s true Evander doesn’t allow for plural marriages, there are other corporations that do.”
Damian jolted. “There are?”
“Yes. Seems that fact is hidden pretty well. I started researching it when she got here. Just … well, I did. Carrey and Winsely both allow for it. If that’s what people want.”
“Well, we can’t simply change allegiances to them. We have proprietary interests. They’ll have us killed.”
Lewis shook his head. “I’m not suggesting we do.”
“Truth is”—Judge spoke slowly—“we’re at the edge of space. No one has to know anything about what we do out here.”
He’d given me a great opportunity to make my next point. “That’s the problem. We aren’t going to be hidden here forever. Damian has told them about me. We can’t hide. They’ll come and get me. Then what’ll happen to me? I have to be self-preserving here.” I didn’t look at them. My hands were suddenly very interesting. “I have to go before your corporation comes for me. Don’t hate me. I can’t be hauled off to who knows where. I have to get Artemis fixed and go before that happens. I can’t have the five of you in my life and then disappear. Why would you want that either? Sounds like a special kind of pain.”
“Well,” Damian was the first person to answer. “Diana, look at me please.” I raised my eyes. He licked his bottom lip. “I didn’t send the report. I never did. I almost did twice when you first got here. Then I deleted the whole thing after I
spent the night. I felt … I couldn’t share you with them. You’re none of their business. So if you think you have to run, to leave us, because I let them know, then let that go. You’re safe here. You’re hidden.”
The others didn’t look surprised. Had he told them? Or did they simply know Damian so well they’d understood what would happen? My shoulders slumped. Fear was a powerful burden to carry around all the time. It weighed on me even when I wasn’t aware of it.
“Diana.” Damian’s voice was soft. “I’m sorry. I should have told you.”
“Thank you for telling me now.” I nodded. There weren’t words for this, not language sufficient. “Thank you for not turning me in. There’s still another reason. Similar to that one.”
Cash answered me. “Go on.”
“My family is going to come, and they’re going to take me away. I have to go with them. I belong over there. That’s my home.” I’d only been here such a short period of time. I couldn’t replace my entire existence there and turn my attention to being here for the rest of my life. They were coming for me. That’s what we did for one another. I would go home. I would leave them.
Judge shook his head. “I don’t think you should let that stop you from being with us.”
“You think they’re not coming. You think they’re years and years away trapped in that black hole. Or fifty years passed over there already or here to their now. That the time differential means everything is screwed up. I should be an old woman here. I’m not. I get it. I …”
Lewis jumped to his feet and walked over to me, placing his hand on mine. He knelt down next to me. “Don’t get upset. Okay? Who knows what’s going to happen with the black hole? I’m sure your family is doing all they can to get to you. Of course they are. Listen, and just consider this, okay?”
He was such a calming presence. I didn’t know him well yet, although I admired him immensely. Lewis looked at the ground for a second in a way I’d seen him do so many times. He collected his thoughts that way. I don’t know how I knew it so well already. I just did.
When he was ready, he met my eyes again. “The five of us are so taken with you. We’ve all been using that US machine since we were nineteen. Before that age, corporation gives you a chance to … experience things if you can. Personally, I never got that chance. I was found when I was two on the streets of Ochoa. I’m not the kind of guy the women of this world are going to spend time with, at least not unless they get paid to do so. I didn’t have any money. The US was it for me. I’m not talking about sex. At least, not only sex.”
Sterling rose. “I think what Lewis is trying to say is we could, in the time you’re with us, have something with you—if you’re willing—that like Lewis, I’ve never had either. A chance to know you. To woo you. To make you ours. And if you go, then it’ll be heartbreaking, yes. Hopefully, for you, too. It’s something we haven’t had before and never would have anyway.”
His words banged around in my head. I had to think—to remember—what it was like to have multiple men with one woman. My mother managed them like she’d been born to do so. Could I? Even though they all seemed to be agreeing with this—for the moment—that didn’t mean we were all going to be okay.
“We have to live here. In this pod. Until my ship is fixed, at least. If this falls apart, it will destroy everything.”
Cash’s voice was low, but I heard it. “You can’t let the fear of a terrible thing stop you from embracing the possibility of greatness. This could be the best thing ever. I would trust these guys with my life. I’ll trust them to do this with you.”
I wanted what he said, I craved the ability to believe it too. Yet there were things I knew that they didn’t.
I sat up straight. I didn’t inherit anything from my mother, not really. She was strong, tough, passionate. She knew how to lead and how to tell someone to fuck off. I was much more my father’s side of the family. Quiet. Behind the scenes. My father said I looked just as his mother had. I’d never seen her, not even in photos since there weren’t any. I did resemble him, strongly.
Since there was no other choice, I was going to have to do my best to fake it. I’d be her daughter. I still had to be me, but I’d somehow pull off acting her like her when I had to.
“If you’re serious about this, then there are conditions. Otherwise I get in the machine, and we’ll all put this to rest.” I steepled my fingers. This was hard. I didn’t like telling people what to do. If I didn’t, they’d all break apart. I was going to leave them. They couldn’t be destroyed when I did.
Judge blinked. “Conditions?”
“That’s right. I know how these things work. This was how I was raised. I’ve seen where it works, and I’ve seen how it doesn’t. My family worked beautifully.” At least as far as marriage went. “As far as I can tell, the way that multiple men can share one woman and not ultimately destroy each other with aggression and anger is: I’m in charge. I’ll try to do what you want. Be there for all of you. Ultimately, I say yes; I say no. Or I walk away, and I’m done with it. Might seem cruel. I know that. What would be worse for me, for all of you, would be to end the years of friendship that the five of you share. You can’t fight over me. That’s my first rule. The most important one. Do this, and you’ll survive this, whether it works or it doesn’t. Second rule. Damian, you want to know why Cooper Jackson travelled across the universe, leaving his royal family and everything he knew? Because my mom wanted to. He doesn’t take orders from anyone. Except her.”
I wanted to throw up. I waited for a response. I’d clearly stunned them into silence. “Why don’t you all think about it?” And since I still had to be me even though I was pretending ot be mother, I had to add more. I wasn’t good at pretending. “I don’t like giving rules. I’m not good at it. I hate it, in fact. I’ll go. Back to my ship. I’ll wait.”
“Hold on.” Damian rubbed his eyes. “Please.”
I let out the breath I’d sucked in. “Okay.”
“I … I understand what you’re saying and maybe even what you’re not. I am personally willing to try. Some of these other guys take time to process. That’s fine. We’re not in a rush. The medicine the US has been giving us is, according to Cash, going to take a long time to run its course. He doesn’t know exactly how long because no one quits taking it.”
Cash interrupted, “It will go away. The chemistry indicates it. It’s the timing I’m unsure of. Or exactly what the withdrawal will be like.”
Damian finished. “Right. We’ll feel the initial signals of it going away long before it’s actually gone. I think that might be a good thing. We can get to know each other, without the sex, and see how this goes. If we like it. Without the physical getting in the way of the whole thing.”
“Let me know when you all decide. I’ll be on my ship.”
Judge lifted a hand. “My turn to hold you off.”
I took a deep breath. “Sure.”
“I think right off the bat we need to, or you need to, make a sleep schedule. Sterling and Damian have both gotten to sleep with you. I want a turn. I imagine Lewis and Cash do, too. Can we do that? Even before sex?”
I actually liked the company in bed. “I’m fine with you making the schedule. I guess it could be the first test to see if you can manage not to fight.”
I was making this up as I went along. Damian stared at Judge. “Would you like to go tonight? Have your turn? Unless you need to think on this.”
Judge put his hands out in front of him. “I’m a yes.”
“I think you need to all be agreed before we sign onto this. I don’t want to presume I …”
Sterling interrupted. They were hardly letting each other get a word in edgewise. “I’m a yes. Cash?”
“Yes.” He looked at Lewis. “Well?”
“I’m a yes.”
And just like that, plans were made.
I hoped I could be the woman I had to be to make this work. Otherwise we were royally screwed.
****
>
Judge walked me back to Artemis, a bundle of nervous energy. “I guess we’re not getting a lot of work done today. Do you want to do something fun?”
“Is that allowed?”
“Oh, yeah. I mean, Damian might fuss if we did it too many days in a row. If something is going to break, I’ll fix it. Until then, want to play?”
I grinned at him. My nerves had been frayed, yet he seemed so … happy. “Sure. What did you have in mind?”
“Come on.” He pulled me toward the Zombie holding facility. I spent as little time as possible in any room with the Zombies. They creeped me out.
I shivered. How long would I have to stay here before I got over it? When would they become commonplace? I swear one of them looked at me full on and saw. He roared at the ceiling, all animal-sounding. Was there any human left in him?
Judge fiddled with something in the corner. I wasn’t sure what he was doing, but I hoped we weren’t going to be playing in this room. All day. I shuddered.
When had I become such a coward?
“Judge.” I turned to him, but he didn’t answer. I tried again. “Judge.”
Sterling stood in the doorway, one gun slung over his back. “Don’t mind him, darling. He’ll be lost till he gets this together. I know what he’s going to show you. I think you might be the only person in any universe who will love it as much as he does.”
He sauntered toward me and stuck out his hand. I let him link our fingers together. Touching them all, all the time, was going to be part of this now. I had to get used to it. Truth was, I started to like it.
“Sterling, I need you to promise me if something were to happen and I were to ever get bit or scratched or whatever by one of those things, you won’t let me become one. If I can’t be saved, don’t let me become Infected. I hate to ask it, but put me down. Okay?”
Sterling was still as he spoke, and I noticed the lack of movement in the corner, too. Judge must have tuned in. He took slow steps toward us.
Crashing Into Destiny (Wings of Artemis Book 3) Page 9
