by Brown, Derek
“Ash! We need to go now, let’s move!” I was shouting at Ash to get him to stop firing. But he kept going and then he got and started walking forward. He was aiming and killing anything that moved in his path. He was possessed, he wouldn’t stop. I was even trying to pull him away physically but he would have none of it. So I kept pace with him every step of the way watching his back as he carried out whatever mission he needed to. The gas station fire was still raging on and several cars were over turned and on fire. Everywhere you turned there was death waiting to greet you, the sneer amount of it was overwhelming. Yet Ash just kept shooting the sound of the M-240 was becoming deafening. Ash suddenly stopped in his tracks collapsing and dropping the gun. He fell to his knees and began screaming and sobbing, letting the pain escape his body.
“It’s my fault that they’re dead! It’s all my fault! Dammit Ash, you fucked up!” He leaned over bring his chest to the ground and I just wanted to comfort him. I wanted to tell him that it was not his fault that all this madness was not his doing. As started towards him I looked up and saw that the building’s wall that he was standing underneath was beginning to crumble and fall. He was on his knees beneath the wall and he would be crushed. I didn’t have time to think only react, I ran forwards and dove shoving him out of the way. The last thing I saw was his red streaked eyes turning and his gaze meeting mine. It happened so fast yet it seemed to take forever as I looked up at Ash. I slowly nodded to him as if to say it’s okay my friend, as the building came crashing down upon me, causing my world to go black.
I don’t know how long I was out but when I came to the fires were still going. I moved slowly pushing myself up unto one arm as I fought the rumble to get myself out. I looked around and Ash was nowhere to be seen and there were no living bikers in the area. I saw several infected who must have been attracted by the noise and perhaps light of the fire milling about. Some of the infected were devouring the bodies of the bikers. They were clawing the bodies and their faces were covered in bright red blood as their teeth sank into flesh. My head was hurting so bad, it was pounding like someone was throwing a ball at my head over and over again. I had to move before the infected noticed me because I was in no condition to fight them off right now. But they seemed to be going for the easier prey and were eating the bodies of the dead bikers. I slowly made my way up dusting myself off, still unsteady. I began walking towards some houses that I saw across the street. I didn’t know what I was going to do but I had to do something. Everything was a blur from that point on, I kept moving trying to escape the carnage of the fight. I could feel the infection setting in and so my search for medical supplies had led me from house to house until I finally I ended up on that floor looking up, and seeing the blue dragonfly who led me to safety. I am beat up and I feel like shit honestly, but I am alive and as I always said that is half of the battle. I do know that I cannot stay here and I am not even sure where I am right now. I know what I am going to do now though; I have already made up my mind.
April 16, 2014
Looking at the wound on my side I could tell that it was still bleeding. I knew that I had to close the wound or it was going to get worse. I managed to dig up some super glue in one of the rooms. I knew that this was going to hurt so I dug around for something to help with the pain. I managed to find a bottle of Bullet whiskey and so I took a couple swigs from the bottle. Then I dumped a bunch of peroxide on the wound and watched as it fizzed and bubbled. I grimaced in pain as I took another shot of whiskey. Then I grabbed the bottle of super glue and squeezed the bottle along the edges and then I pulled the wound together and held it there. It was so painful and all I could do was laugh it was something that I have always done when I am in unbearable pain, I always laugh. I laid my head back and took a long drink from the bottle and I felt the fiery liquid slip smoothly down my throat. My thoughts began to drift to another time, when I was always working. I was always just too busy and too on the go, why didn’t I take more time for my family? Where did it all go wrong? I just wanted to do the right thing for my family, I just wanted to provide for them. In my lust to succeed, I seem to have lost my way. A deep sadness crept in perhaps enhanced by the whiskey. I could my daughter playing in front of me, looking up at me asking me to come play with her but being too tired from working so many hours. As my thoughts floated by I could feel the whiskey taking over and the world began to fade to black…
April 18, 2014
I am finally up and moving around a little bit, I have taken a couple days’ worth of antibiotics that I had found in the master bathroom of the house I was staying in. I am still feeling beat up and I can feel a fever lingering but with the medications it’s getting better. I have been living on a diet of water. I feel like it’s time for me to find something with a bit more substance. I can’t wonder very far from the house because I am still too weak. So I plan on going out but I am scared in my condition, it is extremely dangerous. Funny scared is something I never thought I would say again after my mother’s death. When on her death bed all she spoke about was everything that she hadn’t done whether out of fear or another reason. Her death had a profound effect on me. I really embraced life and took chances, sometime too many chances, I’ll admit it. The quote “Too Young Too Die, Too Fast Too Live” became my motto, so much so I actually tattooed that on my ribs. Alright I have to go out there now, enough putting it off, I am going out first thing tomorrow morning.
April 23, 2014
I had decided that it was time that I went out and tried to get food four days ago. I moved to the back door, looking around the yard I saw a bucket that I could stand on. I managed to climb over the fence and slipped through the gate of the house next to the blue trimmed house that I was staying in. I didn’t want to leave from the house I was staying in case someone was watching. So I made my way through the yard that was overgrown with tall unruly grass looking around carefully. My gaze immediately fell upon the site across from me the entire parking lot of the grocery store was a wreck. Cars were on their sides and there were black scorch marks from fires everywhere. There were no more bodies except bloody trails outlining were the bodies must have been. The stench of death was heavy and it almost clung to my nostrils as I was overlooking the area. I definitely was not going to find anything there and I can’t explain it but it just didn’t feel right to go near that area. It made me think of my wife, I wondered where she was, which lead me back to family and my daughter Emma. I became driven and I decided to enter a dark painted two story house that was down at the end of the street it was the biggest house on the block. It had large sloping roofs ending at a point with dark red trimming making the house look dark in the overcast sky. Funny I don’t remember this many overcast days before this all began, not with California going through a drought the last twenty years. I knew it had something to do with that nuclear blast, it was effecting the weather. As I approached the house to be honest I really wasn’t paying attention to my surroundings. Especially because my head began to pound with the start of a headache, someone was having fun playing the drums on my temples. I moved towards door trying to open it only to discover it was locked. Then I heard what I thought was the sound of footsteps scraping across the pavement. Feeling the panic rise up within me I began to become frantic and I just wanted to be in the house. So I rushed around to the side of the house where spotting a window about waist high without even thinking to check if it was unlocked I just quickly I broke the glass. So that I could get into the house. The sound was deafening in my ears, I cringed realizing the situation looking around to see if the sound had been noticed by anyone or anything. Not seeing or hearing any movement I slid my hand into the broken glass and unclicked the window from the inside. Then trying to be as quiet as I could I pushed the window open. I want to say I gracefully climbed in the window but it was more like I tumbled into the house, truth be told. I found myself on my back in a baby’s room with a white crib and purple lavender colored walls. As I lay on the ground I saw a spin whe
el with horses dangling from the crib. I found myself lost in thought thinking about my daughter and how her room had looked when I brought her home from the hospital. She was so small and tiny in my arms, she used to be so cold I would have her sleep on chest just to help her little body stay warm. She was so delicate and fragile, I remember I could barely sleep because I was so worried about her. I almost fell asleep laying there lost in my thoughts. But I forced myself to get up and look around checking out my surroundings. I noticed it was a smaller room with a bookshelf and a matching dresser taking up most of the room. I saw the door was to my right and I slowly pushed myself unto my hands and knees. I didn’t know if I was alone so I figured I better be careful because if someone was here they would have heard me by now. As I went to stand up I stumbled and my legs gave out on me and I went face first into the floor. I felt beads of sweat forming on my forehead as my face got flushed and my vision began to get cloudy. I could tell the fever was coming back and I had forgotten to bring the medications with me. My head felt fogging as I struggled to get back up. My mind began to swim with images of Emma in the crib crying. It was almost as if I could hear her crying but I knew that couldn’t be possible or could it. Looking around the room it shimmered and changed and I could see Emma crying in her crib. I called out not to worry I would take care of the baby. I slowly got up pushing myself to my knees holding myself up with my arms. I pushed myself up unto my feet holding myself up by the side of the crib. Then I leaned in to pick up Emma who was lying in the crib cuddled up in her blanket but my hands went right through her as I reached out to her. At first I didn’t understand what was going on but then I felt the fever hitting me full force and I knew I was in danger of losing control. I gripped tightly to the side of crib as my heart felt like it was jumping out of my chest. I felt the fear creeping in, I just needed to sit for a moment and catch my breath. I lowered myself to the ground steading myself against the crib when I heard a sound. I turned my head towards the door to see it slowly opening. I saw light streaming past a dark figure that entered the room. As the figure approached I noticed it was a woman in flowing gown white as snow with jet black hair that was as wild as she appeared to be. It appeared an angel from the heavens above had come down to lay claim to my weary soul. She was staring at me with a peculiar look in her brown eyes, almost like excitement. Her arms were at her sides and I noticed her nails were dark and dirty. She had long blood marks showing through her gown running down the lengths of her arms. She stood there and slowly brought her right hand up to her left shoulder. She glared at me as she dug her nails into her arm drawing blood as she clawed her nails down her arm. A look of angry flashed across her features as she opened her mouth and I saw black crooked teeth.
“What have you done with her? Where’s my baby?” She screamed at me. I tried to answer but only a croak came out of my throat. “What’s wrong my dear?” She quickly moved towards me bringing her hands to my face. I could feel the warm blood still on her hands as she touched my face. I tried to pull away from her but I was too weak then she yanked her hands away. “Your burning up oh my, and you are so weak.” A smile crept across her face and the last thing I saw were her crooked teeth with her dirty black lips coming towards my face. I blacked out…
When I awoke I found myself in dark room floating. I attempted to move and free myself but I discovered I was tied to a bed with rope. I was struggling to get myself free when a door opened it was at the top of some stairs to my right. I saw someone outlined in the white of daylight standing looking down at me. I froze and tried to see past the glare of the sun but I couldn’t make out the features of who was standing over me. My memory was fuzzy at first but as the person came into view I saw a woman with black hair in a white gown. “Don’t worry deary, mommy is here and I am going to make it all better, you’ll see. Now take your meds like a good little boy.” She smiled a wicked grin at me and stuffed some foul tasting liquid into my mouth. Then it all came back to me in a flash and I gasped as the door slammed shut and it all went black again…
Floating in some sort of semi-consciousness I swear I could feel Scarlett rubbing my face like she used to do when I was sleeping and didn’t want to get up. I swear I could smell her it smelt like flowers blooming in spring and it brought an instant wave of relief and peace over me. It felt like I was on an island and I was safe. I could feel Scarlett next to hold me close to her. I was enjoying that feeling until I heard Emma’s voice calling out to me.
“Daddy, where are you? I need you? Please don’t leave me here… Daddy, where are you?” Her voice was an echo heard from a far, but it brought tears to my eyes to hear her calling for me. Every muscle in my body was aching to reach out to her and tell her it was all going to be ok.
“Hold on my little Batgirl, I am coming, I swear.” I tried to call to her but her voice was gone. I turned to find Scarlett gone and in her place was the woman in the gown glaring at me.
“Who are Scarlett and Emma? Am I not enough for you deary?” Her face turned into a look of pure hatred and she stood over and tore off her clothes. Her body was badly mutilated with scratch marks and deep oozing cuts bleeding freely. “Don’t you want me?” She screamed at me and it became a wail as she screamed at me over and over again. “I am not good enough for you!” Then she pulled a sharp object out and moved towards me poking me. I felt a sharp pain and again as my fevered mind gave out on me and I blacked out…
I woke up and found myself lying in the middle of a field of rolling hills. I could smell the mountains and feel the cool breeze of a spring wind against me. I saw something running towards me in the field. As it got closer I saw that it was a huge white horse with deep blue understanding eyes. It stopped about ten paces short of me, he stood there rooted in place sizing me up. I slowly moved towards him placing my hand upon his head. I could feel the rough coarse hair of his mange as I ran my fingers through it.
“Are you okay?” As I scratched underneath his mouth. He looked at me not responding but I felt he understood what I was saying. He reached over with his mouth nudging me to look to the left. I looked over and I saw a mountain side get struck by lightning become ablaze with fire. The fire started small but then quickly spread down the mountain and into the field I was in. Turning towards the horse I motioned for him to follow me as the flames got closer. “Hurry we have to get out of here.” I tried to move only to find myself stuck in quicksand. I struggled to free myself but my legs were stuck and I was sinking deeper. I reached out to the horse only to see him staring at me.
“Why don’t you leave?” He questioned me, it seemed so natural to hear him speak.
“I can’t, I am stuck. But you have to get out of here now.” I tried to push him away as I felt the flames licking up my thigh. The heat was unbearable and then I became engulfed in flames. The pain of my skin burning was excoriating and I turned to look at the white horse and the fire crawled up him. Then he exploded in a huge fireball, I turned away from the blast. When I turned to face him I saw in his placed stood a huge monstrous black horse on fire.
“You couldn’t safe what a failure you are. I represent all of your failures in life. Now you will pay.” He charged at me, I couldn’t move I was stuck. He hit me full force knocking me over backwards to the ground. Then he brought his teeth to my throat, I felt his sharp teeth biting into my carotid artery.
“No! No! Stop!” I woke up suddenly sitting straight up to find myself in a bathroom with cold tile floor. I was sweating profusely and I began banging on the door. “I know your there please just let me out. I don’t know where I am, please just let me out.” I pleaded with the unknown figure I sensed to be on the other side of the door. “Please!” I looked around trying to fit the pieces of the puzzle together in my head but it was all muddled together. I couldn’t get a grasp on what was real and what was not real; I didn’t know what was going on. Then I heard a lock being unlocked and the door knob began to turn. I backed up getting as much space between me and the door as possible I
felt my back against the tub with no more room to go. The door slowly slid open and I tried to brace myself against the tub but my body was weak and I felt like I was going to vomit. As some vomit found its way up to my mouth the door open to revel a man standing staring at me. His face was painted white and he had a big red smile on his face with deep ragged scars covering his face and dark green hair hanging to his shoulders. He was wearing a full US Army dress uniform with medals decorating the chest. I swore he looked familiar but I couldn’t place him at first. He was holding a knife in his right hand and staring at me not moving and not saying anything. Just staring at me and smiling at me barely blinking in his gaze. He slowly lifted his left hand up and he was holding something, at first I couldn’t tell, but then I saw it was the head of the woman in the white gown.
