by Brown, Derek
“Could I at least have your name?” I watched as she thought about what to say, before she opened her mouth.
“Clair and yours is?” She took her turn to question me.
“Colin, it is a pleasure to meet you, all three of you.” I opened my arms up in a welcoming gesture. She looked up and I noticed her big brown eyes as she stared into my eyes. Neither of us spoke for a long time and her boys started to drift off to sleep. Between the two of us we made a bed using my back pack for a pillow for them. Then Clair and I just watched each other just lost in the moment, both of us felt the dear and tension building. As I moved to the rail to look over the rail and I accidently brushed against her hand. It felt so warm compared to bone chill of the rain as it fell down. Then before I knew it she was kissing me and I was kissing her and I knew it was so wrong. In that moment I was just thankful to be alive and so I continued down this path I knew I would come to regret. I fell into her deep and our bodies moved together as one. In the background we heard the undead tearing apart the bodies of the two men. It didn’t matter as we kissed and our hands explored each other’s bodies. Then I pushed her unto her back and climbed on top of her. Moving slowly at first then faster and harder until we both forgot about the world around us and collapsed into each other. Panting I rolled over she laid her head on my chest and we drifted off to sleep. In the middle of the night I awoke startled I sat straight up hearing something moving close. As I looked around I discovered the woman was gone from my side. As my eyes darted around trying to pinpoint the noise I heard something behind me, I reached out grabbing my bow that was at my side. I turned my head only to see something coming down towards me. I felt something hard come down onto my head. Then I felt my bow slipping from my fingers as they went numb. I struggled to push myself up as thoughts of who was attacking me ran through my head. I felt something hard come down hitting me in my head again. Blood began to run freely down my neck as I felt the sticky warmness of it against my skin. Then everything spun out of control and it my world went black.
I woke to the smell of wet grass and I could feel the wet grass against my cheek as I opened my eyes. My head was pounding like a construction workers jackhammer and I could tell I had dried blood across my neck and down my chest. I slowly opened my eyes and I could see that I was in a grassy area at the bottom a slight hill. At the top of the hill about ten feet away from me was the truck with Clair next to it staring down at me.
“About time you came to, seeing how you saved us I didn’t want to leave you unconscious out here. Those things could have gotten you if I had left you alone. Alright so I’ll make you a deal, it’s the sort of offer you don’t refuse. You leave us alone and let us go and I’ll give you some of your stuff back.” She was holding a shotgun pointed at me. I slowly sat up moving slowly putting my hands up making sure I made no sudden movements.
“Alright but why did you have to hit me? Dear lord I thought I did you a favor by saving you. And after what we did, back there.” The words came out in a jumble at first, my mind was still swimming. Trying to think clearly was becoming difficult.
“It’s nothing personal I have to protect my family, and what we did was nice. It was nice to let go and I think it was a nice way of thanking you. At the end of the day though it’s just my boys and me, no one else is gonna look for us.” As she was speaking I heard the little boy’s voice.
“Momma, tell him, you gotta tell him. Please tell him, he saved us.” I saw him stick his head out the window and he shouted at his mom. He seemed excited to make sure I was told something. The woman seemed torn, I understood I was a mess and she probably thought I was just as bad as those two I shot back at the gas station. I could tell internally she was having a debate within herself it was playing out across her face. Finally she seemed ready to say something and I just waited patiently.
“Listen the whole time you were out you kept calling out for Emma, your daughter I assume. You yelled out one point about the Brothers of the Cross. Those are very bad people you are looking for. I would be careful who you let know you are searching for them, trust no one out here.” She stopped as a small smile crossed her lips. “As I am sure you have come to realize. Listen closely we dropped you off here and if you follow along the mountains to the east you are going to run into their camp or very close and at that point they will find you. I am not quite sure how far it is but I know the general direction. They have been gather recruits though and if you don’t join up with them the things they do are unspeakable. We were in a small group of survivors when one of their representatives came into our camp speaking of God and how we had all failed him which is why he set this plague upon us. He spoke grandly about how we had all failed the Lord and in order to end the madness we had to be lead back to the flock of worshippers. We all had to follow the righteous path of the Brothers of the Cross in order to find salvation. It sounded good except they demanded unquestioning loyalty to their leader he calls himself Gods Hand. No one in our camp wanted anything to do with this man calling himself Gods Hand. Their representative left politely without a fuss but the later the same night a party of the Brothers of the Cross came into the camp and…” She paused as tears welled up in her eyes. I could see the pain that she was in before she finally continued. “It was a butcher they were killing everyone no matter the age the old, the young, no one was sparred. It was chaos and I grabbed my boys and I ran as fast as I could. As I was fleeing I turned to watch my husband fighting a couple of the brothers. They beat him mercilessly, he didn’t stand a chance and they wouldn’t stop beating him as my boys and I watched all they did was laugh.” Again she took a deep breath before continuing. “The two men you killed had been tracking us. We ran as fast as we could but they found us there was no hiding. They captured us and told us they were going to bring us back to the Gods Hand for justice to be served. Look I don’t know why your daughter is with them but you won’t get her out. They run their camp like a prison I have heard rumors. They do unspeakable things there all in the Lord’s name.” She shuddered and threw me a bag with my bow before she turned away and walked back to the truck. Once she reached the door she turned towards me. “You should turn back now your daughter is probably well she, she is gone, there is no way she is still alive with those animals. Turn back now and save yourself. I can’t give you your guns back but the bow is yours and I didn’t take all of your supplies. I am sorry but this is the world that we now live in and if you go searching for the Brothers you aren’t going to need your stuff for along anyways.” With that she got the truck’s engine roaring to life. As I managed to sprint up the hill I made it time to watch the truck drive off west away from the towering mountains with most of my supplies and guns.
“You can’t do this to me, I saved you.” I tried to run after her yelling at the top of my lungs but to no avail. So I plopped on to the ground sitting staring off in the distance watching the truck disappear from my view. My mind was racing with all the information that I had discovered but I knew she was wrong about one thing. My daughter was alive and I now I had to get to her no matter what, she was in danger. I moved to grab the bag opening it to see my journal in it as long as some food items and my kukris. Reaching down to scoop my bow up, I slowly and carefully pushed myself unto my feet. I began putting one foot in front of the other and I began walking with a purpose. I walked for as long as I could until I stumbled upon a small little shed. I managed to push the door open finding myself in a barren empty room that was about five feet by seven feet long and wide. I figured that I could hole up in here for the night, try to gather my strength for the coming days. Falling to my knees, I curled up into the fetal position as silent tears began rolling down my face. A deep sadness had sunk into my heart. Not only was I failing Emma my little batgirl but I had failed my wife, my best friend in an unforgivable way. I couldn’t begin to forgive myself much less believe that she could forgive me. I don’t know how long I laid there with my own self-pity keeping me company until I finally snap
ped out of it. Okay Colin look you know where she is and what you have to do now. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do in order to make things right with Scarlett but one problem at a time. I began thinking about how I should go about finding the Brothers of the Cross. She was right about one thing though I had learned my lesson about trusting people in this forsaken world. As I pondered this I saw the rain had gotten worse this morning, it was coming down so heavily I was not almost sitting in a pool of water. Being cold and depressed is a bad mixture but I almost felt like it was hardening me for the harsh world. I knew it was going to be tough going but I figured the sooner I got out there moving the better off I was going to be…
April 27, 2014
Today is my dad’s birthday, oh how I miss him, I loved how he was so calm under any situation. Having been a SAR Chief in the Navy he was used to high pressure situations and always was calm no matter how bad things got. Even when he had a heart attack last year he took it in stride and was so calm about the whole thing. Thinking of him is helping me keep myself calm because right now I want to yell, I want to scream. I walked for most the day yesterday but it was slow going with the rain pouring. I think I barely made it five miles before the rain put me in search of respite from the downpour. I found an old horse stable that was falling apart but still had four walls and a roof. Better than nothing, I also managed to find some hay which I used to make myself a bed. I spelt through the rest of the day yesterday and halfway into today. Now I am sitting here in this horse stable contemplating my world, how it all went to shit. I don’t know what to do anymore; doubt has sunk deep into my bones. Funny six simply words that I thought I would never hear myself say. I don’t know what to do. I have always been the person quick on their feet always having an answer even if not the right answers. Now I just feel so lost, I don’t know if my wife is okay, I don’t know if my daughter is okay. I know nothing and there is no way to find out anything. I feel so helpless. God I just want someone to help me, I feel like crawling into a corner and crying. I know I have to shake this feeling but the despair is creeping into my body like a sickness infecting me slowly but surely bringing death with it. I have felt the tears of despair well up in my eyes leading me to believe that I have finally lost control. So I tried to calm myself by sitting there letting the raindrops fall upon my face staring into the dark black clouds overhead. Slowly I began to drift off lost in thought.
I drifted back into a time when I was eleven and my brother and I had just moved to live with my dad. I remember my brother Jason and I were playing at the park and some kid came over and started pushing my brother around. I ran over and pushed him but this kid had two buddies and the pushed me off of the kid. My brother and I got into a fist fight with the three boys until someone broke it up. My dad came to the park and I remember I was so upset I was tearing up. The kind of anger where you know you are just going to do something incredible stupid. Then my dad looked at me and asked “What’s wrong with you?” Wiping the tears of anger from my face I turned to him.
“Why are they picking on us don’t they know what we have been through? Why don’t they feel bad for us? Don’t they know how mom let her boyfriend beat us until we couldn’t sit? That the police were chasing us for almost two years. That we watched our mom have sex for money. Why won’t they just leave us alone, Dad? It’s not fair.” I wiped my mucus away with the sleeve of my t-shirt. My dad got a very serious look on his face and he grabbed both Jason and I by the shoulders and looked into our eyes. Making sure that he had our utmost attention he spoke in a very serious deep tone.
“Son no one is ever going to feel bad for you. The sooner you learn that the better off you are going to be. The world is never going to feel bad for you or take it easy on you. It’s a mean and nasty world. You got to learn that early on and for that I am sorry. I tried so hard to get custody of you both but the courts wouldn’t let me. You have no idea how badly I wanted my boys with me. But I couldn’t and rather than feel sorry for myself, I kept fighting for you both. And look what all my fighting finally did; it brought you both here, home to me. So now pick your chin up and keep fighting no matter what.” He smiled one of his calm smiles and squeezed our shoulders. That day has always stood in my mind vividly. As I came out of my day dream, I realized that I needed that talk now more than ever. So I took my dad’s advice getting to my feet and I took one step and the word echoed in mind.
“Keep fighting no matter what.”
April 28, 2014
The food I had has run out and now I am faced with a dilemma as to how I am going to get more. I have gone about five to six miles throughout the day yesterday before finding shelter under an old oak tree. The rain hasn’t stopped yet and I am chilled to bone in soaking wet clothes. I haven’t seen or heard movement since yesterday it is eerie to be walking through a forest and not hear the normal buzzing of bugs or any forest noises. I carefully concealed myself using dead branches to hide myself while I spelt I figure it didn’t hurt to be careful. A scraping sound woke me up throughout the night at point causing me to jump up. I carefully looked around the area. However it was so dark that I couldn’t see a thing and I was unable to find anything. It took me a couple hours to get back to sleep though. I swear I kept hearing slight movements somewhere close by. The morning brought growling sounds from my stomach. It was loud enough to wake the dead and me up. After getting over the initial discomfort I sat up observing the forest around me again the absence of noise was glaring. I found nothing to indicate what the noise had been though. I pulled a small cup I had in my bag out and I held it up collecting rain water so that I could have something to drink. Once I had a couple cup fills I went searching for something to eat perhaps some berries or something. I could find no paths but I kept moving south. I was walking when I noticed footprints that led towards a grove of trees. The trees were aligned in a circle and had bushes concealing the central area it looked like it was about ten to fifteen feet wide based on the trees spacing. I was curious when I heard a buzzing noise coming from within but I couldn’t see through the bush so slowly I moved them aside. My breath caught in my mouth as I froze in place my hand pulling aside the bushes. I began to shake with a deep fear inside me as I witnessed at least forty infected milling back and forth in place. It was strange they were just standing in place moving back and forth humming. Then I saw someone standing in the shadow of a large pine tree. Whoever he was he was he was observing the infected with great interest. I diverted my full attention towards the individual in the shadows. He had long hair but it was dirty and long I could see his clothes were in shambles but they looked like they had been a brightly colored orange. I could almost make out his features but he was too covered in shadows for me to see him clearly. I leaned forward trying to get a clear view of him something about him seemed familiar but I couldn’t quite place him. Then he turned his head and brought his finger up pointing at me and I instantly recognized Lt. Michael as he let a blood curdling scream. The eye of every single infected turned towards me and let howls of fury and anger. I turned and began to run as if my life depended on it because it very well did. I was running as fast as I could, dodging trees and jumping fallen trees. I was sliding and slipping in the mud as the rain poured down around me. I could hear the infected flooding through the forest breaking branches and trees down as they rushed after me. They were howling like a pack of wolves and I could hear them clawing against the trees in their effort to reach me. My heart was pumping so fast and my lungs were burning as they felt like they were going to burst. My arms were pumping as fast as I could pump them, my legs were a blur they were moving so quickly. I was exerting every ounce of effort possible within myself to keep moving at full speed. I had sweat mixed with rain pouring down into my eyes causing them to start stinging in pain. My whole body was on fire. I could hear the infected behind me were howling savagely. The awful sounds filled my ears giving me the ability to dig deeper to move faster than I have ever moved before in my life. The trees were becom
ing a blur as I weaved in and out of them. I was dodging a branch there and jumping over a fallen tree here. All I could see was the green flowing past me like a green river. I misjudged a tree as I went to leap over it; I felt my knee scrap against the tree’s bark. I gasped in pain as my knee buckled right out from underneath me. Lying on my back I rolled over and saw an opening in the fallen tree. Somehow I managed to wedge myself inside of the opening. Then I heard them over top of me and I held my breath afraid to move even a single muscle in my body. They were moving fast and didn’t even stop to check the log I was in but rather kept their quick pace searching for me. I didn’t move for several hours, afraid they might be lurking about waiting to spring upon me. My whole chest felt like it was going to explode as I laid there trying to bring my breathing under control. After what seem an eternity I slowly moved my shoulders and head out peeking about to survey the area. Nothing moved in the light of the dying day, it was completely silent. I picked myself up and I started moving south with the setting sun on my right.
April 29, 2014
How long I walked until I finally collapsed, honestly truthfully I couldn’t tell you. When I did finally fall down, my eyes shut of their own accord. I thought my time was up, until suddenly I awoke with a start sitting straight up. In the distance not far from where I was I heard voices not far from me. In my fogging mind condition it took me quite a while to realize what was going on and the direction the voices were coming from. Slowly I got up moving to my left as quietly as I could move. I was creeping from one tree to the next using them as cover for my body until about ten feet in front me I could see two men. One was on his knees calming looking up at the other man. He had dark short cropped hair that was wet from the rain and pale white skin. He had his hands tied behind his back just waiting. He just sat there calmly looking up not saying anything. The other man had wild crazy black hair that was shooting out from underneath a cowboy hat he was wearing. It was flowing every which way as he stood there shouting at the calm looking man. Finally I could make out the words that the crazy looking man was saying.
