“Try to start home before dark,” her dad said as he reappeared in the entry hall and handed her his cell phone.
“I’ll try.” She opened the door and cold air rushed in.
“Tell Kyle hello,” her mom called as Terri stepped onto the porch. “Call us when you get there.”
“You kids try and work things out.” A hint of flustered embarrassment tinted her father’s words.
“You two belong together,” her mother added hesitantly.
Terri paused and glanced back at her parents in the doorway, and just for an instant, she imagined that they were she and Kyle, the way they might’ve been twenty years from now, seeing Hannah off with words of advice on a snowy day, if life had taken a different turn. She hadn’t explained to her mom and dad what she wanted to talk to Kyle about. Of course they would assume it had to do with the divorce. Maybe they thought that she was going to see him to reconcile. Terri hated to mislead them, even by her silence. But she didn’t want to take the time now, nor did she have the heart, to tell them they were wrong. She still wasn’t sure if any future for her would include Kyle. They had married only because she was pregnant with Hannah. Hannah had been their purpose, the foundation of their life together. Maybe they each needed a new life now—apart from each other—before they could truly move on.
“Dad…” Terri struck a pose, placing a fist on one hip and narrowing her eyes. “Are you trying to get rid of me?” she teased.
His scowl deepened, and he sputtered, “Yes, and no.” He winked at her, and she winked back—their longtime father-daughter tradition.
Fifteen minutes later, she called her parents from the road to let them know that the highway was indeed clear. Then she called Donna. Her friend didn’t pry about why it was so urgent that she see Kyle. Donna just sounded pleased by the plan. “Why don’t you spend the night?”
“Because there’s no reason to.”
“I can think of one very good one.”
“Donna…” Terri sighed and rolled her eyes. “Kyle has to start another twenty-four-hour shift in the morning, anyway. He’ll want to go to bed early.”
“Like I said…”
The flutter that Donna’s insinuation stirred in Terri’s stomach felt as strange to her as the happiness she’d felt last night. “We’re just going to talk.”
“About something good, I hope.”
“It’s good. But it’s probably not what you think. I’ll tell you about everything when I get home.”
They hung up, then Terri considered calling Kyle to let him know she was coming. But, in the end, she decided against it. She had some things to think through, some things she wanted to be sure of before she spoke to him. And until Terri rang their doorbell, it would not be too late for her to back out.
DRESSED IN A SWEATSHIRT and old jeans, Kyle sat on the couch in front of the morning news while having a breakfast of black coffee and cereal. He tried to ignore the emptiness he sensed in the house. Now that he had a mission, he felt better, but even that didn’t fill the silence whenever he was home. Nothing drove away the chill or brightened the drab rooms.
When the doorbell rang, the sound gave him a start and dread clutched his gut. It was too early for visitors. He set his bowl on the coffee table and left the couch, telling himself not to be so paranoid. Any number of people might be outside his door: the paperboy wanting to collect, an overly eager door-to-door salesman, a neighbor needing to borrow something. Still, his heart continued to beat at a thunderous pace. Ever since Hannah’s death, he braced himself for bad news whenever the phone or doorbell rang at odd hours; he couldn’t seem to reason himself out of it.
Kyle was as surprised to find Terri on the porch as he would’ve been if an entire crew from Reader’s Digest Sweepstakes had been standing there with a million-dollar check made out in his name.
“Hi…come in. It’s freezing out there.” He stepped back to let her through, and his heart continued to bang like a drum. “Don’t you have your key?”
“Yes, but I didn’t want to barge in.” She hesitated before brushing past him.
Kyle closed the door. “It’s your house. You wouldn’t be barging.”
Terri didn’t argue. She unbuttoned her coat, removed it, hung it on the hall tree, then hesitated a second before heading for the living room. “Sorry to show up at this hour. I know I should’ve called first.” She turned to him, and they locked gazes briefly before she glanced away. “I couldn’t sleep so I thought I might as well get an early start.”
“I’ve been up awhile. No problem.” Terri sat in her old favorite chair, the chintz one that she always complained needed to be reupholstered. The one Kyle navigated to sometimes in the middle of the night when he missed her so much that he couldn’t sleep. How many times had he sat there in the dark, breathing deeply, hoping desperately to catch a hint of Terri’s scent on the threadbare fabric? Kyle tried to steady his heart and thoughts as he settled on the couch, facing her. “What’s up?” He held his breath, warned himself not to hope, but hoped, anyway. Say you want to come home. That you miss me. That we can make this work.
She sat straight and stiff as a pencil as her eyes scanned the room, touching on everything in it except him. “Have you called yet about making that overseas delivery?”
“No. I’ll call later this morning. Why? Did you look at the Web site?”
“Yes.” She brushed lint off the chair’s arm, then looked at him, her eyes clear, a little anxious, and so beautiful Kyle almost couldn’t breathe. “If they agree, I want to go with you,” she said.
It wasn’t what he had hoped to hear, but still Kyle was pleased; he wanted to share the experience with Terri. He felt sure the trip he envisioned would benefit not only the children at the other end of the line, but the two of them, as well; it was a start. “Good,” he said cautiously, afraid one wrong word might change her mind. Leaning toward the coffee table, he picked up his bowl. “How about some cereal?”
Terri relaxed her posture a little and looked smug as she glanced at the bowl, then back at him. “Sugarcoated, no doubt.”
He shrugged, trying his best not to let his expression reveal how much he wanted to cross to her chair and put his arms around her. “Is there any other kind?”
She drew her lower lip between her teeth, released it. “You have any eggs in the fridge?”
“I think so.”
Terri stood. “What do you say I make us a real breakfast?”
Kyle caught her gaze and, this time, didn’t let go. For several seconds they simply looked at each other. Then he stood, too, and said, “I’ll help you.” This was what he’d missed the most—the small daily intimacies of marriage. The two of them making a meal together, making plans for the day, teasing each other.
Kyle followed her and, when they entered the kitchen, noticed at once that the room no longer looked so bleak or felt so cold with her in it. To Kyle it seemed as if Terri had brought him an early Christmas present. She had made the house feel like home again.
CHAPTER
SIX
Three Weeks Later
Terri ordered tacos, and when the waitress left the table, sat back and took a sip of iced tea. Their plane back from Boston had landed a half hour ago, and she and Kyle were grabbing a quick bite of lunch before Terri made the return drive to Prairieview.
They had determined it might be a good idea to meet face-to-face with Aviva Presser and her husband, Erez Lieberman, the founders of Bears Without Borders, before finalizing plans for a trip to Cambodia, where they would deliver bears to an orphanage outside of Phnom Penh. Faith in each other was crucial; Aviva and Erez needed complete confidence that Terri and Kyle would represent them well as “Bear Ambassadors,” and in turn, Terri and Kyle needed to trust them to make certain arrangements with the orphanage before their arrival. While at the meeting in Boston, the four of them had discussed details—what to pack, what shots were required, Cambodia’s safety issues and the climate. Terri and Kyle saw photos t
he orphanage director, Ms. Fremont, had sent, and learned the facility was less than a year old and still testing its legs, so to speak. Toys weren’t the only need, not by a long shot; the orphanage was also in short supply of clothing and food, school and medical supplies. They talked about places to stay and eat that the director had recommended, the length of the overseas flight…and the cost of all that.
Kyle and Terri came to the conclusion they should discuss things over a couple of days before letting Aviva and Erez know one way or the other if they would go. Then they did a little sightseeing, spent the night at a quaint hotel and left Boston this morning.
“I won’t go,” Terri told Kyle now, and took another drink of her tea.
“You have to. I want you to. We’ll figure something out.” Kyle reached into the bowl at the center of the table and took out a tortilla chip. He dipped it into the salsa and said, “I guess I should’ve realized a weeklong trip for two to Cambodia on top of this jaunt we just took to Boston was going to cost more than what we have saved in Hannah’s account. I’m sorry.”
“It isn’t your fault. I didn’t think it would cost so much, either. But one of us should go, and I’m not sure I’d be comfortable traveling there alone.”
“We’re both going.” A note of finality rang in Kyle’s tone. “Like I said, we’ll figure something out.”
Across the busy restaurant, someone called Kyle’s name, and Terri followed her husband’s gaze to an attractive middle-aged couple and a small boy wearing glasses. They approached with smiles on their faces.
Kyle stood as the family paused beside the table. “Mr. and Mrs. DePaul, it’s great to see you.” He looked down at the boy. “You, too, Shawn.” Kyle introduced them to Terri.
Terri turned her attention to Rachel DePaul after the introductions. “I’ve wanted to pick up the phone and call you so many times.”
“I’ve wanted to do the same thing.” The woman’s eyes brimmed with compassion and understanding.
Terri shifted to Shawn. “I’m Hannah’s mom,” she said, and had the strongest yearning to hug him. “You met her in the hospital, remember?”
He drew closer to the DePauls and nodded.
“I’m so glad she had you for a friend.” Terri noticed he wasn’t carrying the bear anymore, and hoped that meant he was getting better emotionally as well as physically; Shawn certainly looked like a healthy child. “Did you have a good Christmas and New Year’s?” she asked.
He gave another shy nod.
“How about you two?” Rachel asked Terri and Kyle.
They glanced at each other, then Terri said, “Christmas was low-key, but good.” She had spent it with her parents, while Kyle had gone to his mom’s. Terri had missed him more than she ever imagined. He still had not signed the divorce papers. At least, she hadn’t heard from her attorney that they had arrived in the office. Kyle never brought up the subject. Neither did she. Terri wasn’t sure why and wasn’t ready to analyze the reasons she hadn’t pressured him to get it over with.
“Since I last saw you,” Kyle told the DePauls, “some good things have been in the works.” He told them about contacting Bears Without Borders, the trip to Boston, the financial snag holding up their plans to visit Cambodia and his certainty they would find a solution.
“Keep us posted,” Louis DePaul said, looking thoughtful. “I’d like to hear how the trip goes.”
“Yes,” Rachel agreed. “I think what you’re trying to do is fantastic.” She pulled her foster son closer to her. “We have some exciting news, too, don’t we, Shawn?”
Shawn blinked up at her, then said, “I’m getting adopted.” He looked from Mrs. DePaul to her husband. “I’m going to be their kid forever.”
Terri wasn’t sure how she could be happy for these people and still experience such a hard tug of envy. But both emotions battled inside of her as she and Kyle congratulated the new family.
After the DePauls said goodbye and left the restaurant, Kyle and Terri ate, then headed for the house. Terri had parked her car in the garage, and she planned to get it and drive back to Prairieview immediately. She had accepted the teacher’s aide job at the school there on a temporary basis and would start the day after tomorrow.
Halfway home, Kyle’s cell phone rang and he picked up. Terri tuned out his conversation. She was disappointed that the trip to Cambodia might not work out, at least not for her. But more than that, she was dreading leaving Kyle. The past two days she had spent with him had made her realize just how much she’d missed him in her life. They had had separate hotel rooms in Boston, but more than once during the night, she had been tempted to knock on his door and tell him she wanted him to tear up the divorce papers, that she wanted to move home. She wasn’t sure what held her back. Uncertainty, perhaps. Fear that she had been right. That, without Hannah, they would discover their marriage was incomplete and always would be. That they had no purpose together without their daughter to raise.
“Terri,” Kyle said, and she turned to see that he was no longer on the phone. He lifted his brows. “You’ll never guess who that was.”
“Who?”
“Louis DePaul. He wants to help us finance part of the trip.”
CHAPTER
SEVEN
Two Months Later
Terri made her way down the narrow aisle until she reached 16A and 16B, then turned to face Kyle. “This is it. Do you want the window seat?”
“It doesn’t matter to me.”
With Kyle’s assistance, she lifted her bag into the overhead compartment, then slid into her seat and buckled the belt.
Kyle settled in beside her and smiled. “Here we go.”
“Cambodia.” Terri sighed. “I can’t believe it. Are you nervous?”
“No, I’m excited.”
“I’m both,” she admitted. “And ready.”
“You and the fifty stuffed bears in the luggage hold.”
The past two months had been a blur of preparation, anticipation and anxiety. Though she and Kyle continued to live apart, they had pulled together in a way they never had in the past. Both had been determined to make this journey a reality. After Bears Without Borders approved everything, there had been personal airline transportation for Terri and Kyle to coordinate, schedules at work for them both to rearrange, applications to complete and photos to take for their passports, hepatitis and typhoid shots to endure, and her parents’ misgivings to soothe. Not to mention a myriad of red tape to wade through. But as the plane lifted off the runway and Terri’s heart lifted along with it, she knew without a doubt that all the chaos had been well worth it.
Kyle offered his hand to her, and Terri took it, linking fingers with him. “I feel her here with us,” he said quietly.
“So do I.” Terri rested her head on his shoulder.
“We have a long flight. You should try to get some sleep.”
“I’m not sure I’ll be able to. I’m too wound up. Think about what we’re doing, Kyle. We’re parents who have lost their child and we’ll be making a connection with children who’ve lost their parents. That seems meant to be, don’t you think?”
“Yeah, I do.”
“I can’t wait to meet them. I only wish we could do more to help.”
“I bet the bears will mean a lot to them. Every kid needs a toy. I get the impression some of these children have never even had one to call their own.” His thumb stroked the side of her hand. “I think connecting with them is going to do as much good for us as for the kids. Maybe even more.”
“It already has.” Terri lifted her head and looked into his eyes. “I’ve been thinking about a way we might continue to help each other.” Recalling what she’d read on the Bears Without Borders Web site, she added, “A way we can bring smiles to kids who need them.”
“And hugs?” Kyle’s eyes softened.
“Yes, and hugs,” she said, and thought of Hannah hugging the bear that evening in the school cafeteria. Her daughter’s sweet voice rang clear as a crys
tal bell in Terri’s mind. Make some kid happy!
“What do you have in mind?” Kyle asked.
“Rachel DePaul told me there are a lot of children in the foster system right here in the States that don’t have anyone to celebrate birthdays or holidays with them, or to visit them while they’re in the hospital. That got me to thinking about how I’d like to continue Hannah’s legacy after this trip.”
He nodded, encouraging her to continue.
“I really loved working at Donna’s bakery. And I’m good at it.”
“I’ve missed your baking.”
“I could make cookies and other goodies for the foster kids and put them in gift baskets for special occasions and hospital stays.” Hearing her idea spoken aloud built Terri’s enthusiasm. “I don’t have the details worked out in my mind, and I’d have to get in touch with the people in charge of foster services to find out if anything official would have to be done. Do you think I’d need a food license?”
“I don’t know for sure, but I doubt it. Either way, it’s a great idea. You should follow through on it.”
“I’d start out locally, but I hope it might grow into a real organization that serves other areas of the state, too. Maybe even other states.” Terri watched Kyle’s face, anxious for his reaction. “I thought I’d call it Hannah’s Hugs.”
“Hannah’s Hugs,” Kyle murmured and the warmth in his eyes wrapped around Terri. “That’s perfect,” he said.
THEY STEPPED OUTSIDE of the airport into a drizzling glaze of rain and warm, sticky air. People swarmed around them—families waiting to take loved ones home, police officers, drivers offering rides. Terri had to raise her voice in order for Kyle to hear her over the cacophony of the street. Moped horns tooted and engines revved. People chattered and called out to one another in a language as foreign to Terri as their faces.
More Than Words Volume 4 Page 29
