‘You know, you could wait in the food court while I get a couple of things,’ I suggested gently. Not wanting to cause any undue upset shopping for kids he suspected were not his.
‘I’m good. You’re here, I am invisible,’ he joked, but I thought I caught a little reluctance in his eyes as we passed a newborn baby in its stroller with the enamoured dad lavishing attention on it.
‘This is adorable,’ I proclaimed picking up a onesie with daisies embroidered on the collar and a matching bear holding the flower in its paws.
‘Yes, that is pretty cute. I never realised your full name was Alexa,’ he replied, looking at the bear with sorrowful eyes that he was clearly trying to gloss over.
‘Yes, my mom called me Lexi from the start and it stuck.’ I picked up another set to match. ‘Did Caitlan ever say whether she wanted to dress them the same?’ I asked and instantly regretted it. ‘Sorry, that was so insensitive, sticking my size nines in as always.’
‘Nines? Caitlan is an eight,’ he mused as though he had made a discovery no one had ever known before, but all I felt was a stab in the back.
‘Please don’t tell me what size underwear she wears, I may just vomit,’ my tone harsh as I left him there opened mouthed to pay for the items.
I could see him in the corner of my eye at the cash register and pretended to completely ignore the fact he was staring right at me looking dishevelled and so gorgeous.
‘I am so sorry, Lexi, please. I did not mean it in the way you are thinking. Just that you are not alike in many ways, please.’ He reached and grabbed my hand pulling me backwards and I relented as I felt his arm around my waist. ‘Please, I don’t want to fight,’ he urged sounding completely exhausted emotionally.
‘Nicholi, I want us to have a future. I want to be with you, but I worry you are very much still mixed up with my sister and you kissing, holding my hands and generally causing my blood to boil with how much I want you, is driving me crazy. Can we postpone date night? I just want to snuggle with JC and watch all the Disney movies I can think of where happy ending and love, at first sight, are real.’ I felt like I was in quicksand and the only thing I could reach for was Caitlan’s size eights or how much she met to him.
‘I keep messing everything up don’t I,’ raising his voice in annoyance with himself.
‘I think this is to be expected. You cannot disappear and return five years later and expect nothing to have changed.’ Looking at the ground and realising that was exactly how I felt.
‘I thought she was you,’ he whispered, reaching for my hand, that I willingly gave him.
‘When I found out who she really was, I knew there was no future in it deep down, but the longing to have a part of you was so intense, I was blinded by everything else. I could see how she looked at Cross, hear how natural and easy it was between them, but I buried my head in the sand and hoped for the best. I don’t want you to ever feel like I replaced you.’
He was so sincere I could not help floating along with every word he said.
’You are and will always be the most precious gift I ever received and now I want to make every fairy-tale you dreamt of come true.’ He kissed my hand and I tried to compose the words in my head for fear they would come out in a bumbling mess. My head felt as though it was full of a swarm of bees on the brink of a precipice, about to have everything they dreamed of, with one nagging invader clouding the honey and threatening to destroy it.
‘Do you still love her?’ My voice was calm and in control, finally.
‘A part of me will always care for her, but no not in that way anymore.’ Releasing my hand and respecting my desire for knowledge, he stood eager, ready for the next question.
‘If the kids turned out to be yours, what then?’ Again staying focused on the facts and blocking everything else out.
‘We would co-parent, but nothing more and I don’t want more,’ he reiterated, his eyes trying to embed themselves into my mind and fish out the next question.
‘I want to go slow, take our time and rediscover each over in a physical sense. I kept all your letters and never dreamt we would have the chance to be together and I don’t want to ruin it by going too fast, too soon, particularly as that is all I can think about when I’m near you. Wanting more, endlessly more,’ I confessed, but kept my attention focused on his reactions and responses. I was entrusting myself to him, I needed to know once and for all that we were on the same page and had the same plan for our future, particularly as JC was paramount in all of this.
‘I feel exactly the same way. It is as if you just jumped into my head and read my thoughts. Rain check for date night?’ he smiled, moving closer and bridging the unspoken gap.
‘How about, date night once JC is tucked up in bed. I make a mean hot chocolate,’ I smiled, moving closer as he pulled me into his arms.
‘Sounds perfect,’ he whispered in my ear and taking the light of a feather bag out of my hands, we walked together to the next store.
‘Can you wait here, please? I want it to be a surprise for when we do go out together,’ I requested, pouting a little to emphasise my playfulness and that it was not at all a brush off.
‘Sure, I have a few calls to make. Besides, I would only want to sneak into the changing room with you and we both know where that would lead.’ He kissed my hand as I turned and entered the store.
They had a range of designer and high street and opting for a lilac silk a-line dress with a low back and halter style, I grabbed some black heels to match and went to pay.
Finding Nicholi still on the phone, I picked us up some funnel cake, my appetite swiftly returning after our talk and we headed to the car.
After collecting JC who was animatedly talking about the new dog, we returned to the mansion house. Nicholi had asked if I wanted to meet his mother, but respecting the going slow decision I regretfully declined. We did not need any further stress piled on us and arriving back at the mansion house I presented JC with his gift.
‘Oh, wow, this is so cool,’ he gushed at the art supplies I had bought for him. I had been looking around his room this morning and noted his artistic ability, something I would tenderly nurture. I would never be my father and the overbearing parent with him.
‘I’m glad you like it.’ I watched as he checked out the canvas and watercolours, admiring each one. ‘Okay, movie and popcorn time?’ I asked gleefully. The fact they had a popcorn machine set my eyes dancing with delight and my stomach growling in unison. JC had already eaten at his grandmothers and I was not opposed to having a popcorn and candy dinner.
‘Note to self, Lexi has a huge sweet tooth,’ Nicholi announced, grinning as he handed me the toffee popcorn with chocolate M&M’s mixed inside. The only way popcorn should be served.
‘Sugar is the key to my heart for sure,’ I laughed as I stuffed a handful into my mouth.
‘Duly noted,’ he whispered seductively as we sat together on the sofa with JC in the middle, the perfect chaperone.
After watching three movies back to back, I declared it time for JC to go to bed and tucked him in reading a story to him and watching as he fell asleep within minutes. Kissing my angel boy, I wandered downstairs and heard Nicholi on the phone in his office.
Knocking and opening the door I marvelled at the high-tech security monitors and futuristic interior decoration, a sphere changing colour under my touch as water flowed into the cavern below and back up again.
‘I feel like I just walked into another house,’ I joked, checking out the monitors and feeling reassured with the amount of surveillance he had set up.
‘It is not really in keeping with the rest of the house, but it has its uses,’ he clarified taking a bracelet out of the drawer and reaching to pass it to me. ‘I was hoping you would not mind wearing this?’ he asked cautiously, his eyes displaying exactly how unsure he was of my reaction and how much that meant to him. ‘It is a GPS tracking system and security alarm. You just press the button on the side if you are in any danger
and I will come running,’ he smiled, but it did not reach his eyes. Knowing how terrifying it must have been while Caitlan had been taken, I tread carefully.
‘Thank you, this is fine with me.’ I attached it to my wrist and smiled at the crystal vintage design. It was as though he had it custom made for me.
‘Everything is so much easier with you,’ he shook his head and placed the files he had open back into the drawer.
‘How do you mean?’ Starting to panic I would not want to hear this.
‘It feels so natural, so safe and like coming home to the smell of cookies wafting through the air con with you waiting for me arms outstretched.’ He moved around to my side of the desk.
‘It that a good thing?’ My heart racing as a thousand questions permeated the haze. Would he tire of how easily he found being with me? Was there no passion for him, just comfort?
‘Do I excite you, though; make you feel passionate about things?’ Feeling embarrassed at the look he was bestowing on me, I suddenly felt like he was a mantis and me his prey.
‘You worry I do not feel passionate about you?’ he rose his eyebrow with an incredulous expression on his face.
‘You just described me as Cindy homemaker, not hot vixen who you long to tear off her clothes every moment you can get,’ I replied, flushing red, but not with embarrassment. It was the way he was looking at me.
‘I am all about learning through doing, rather than reading. You know first-hand, so…’ He grabbed my hands, pulled me into his arms and kissed me long and hard. Every inch of me was drowning in his sea of pleasure and I wrapped my arms around his neck, melting completely into his embrace. He pulled away reluctantly and I instantly felt bereft.
‘This going slow thing, we really mean that?’ he asked breathlessly, his eyes wide and dilated, his voice seductive and fuelled with longing.
‘Yes, no, who cares,’ I yelled as he launched me onto the desk and unbuttoned my jeans with one hand. His other was caressing my back, circling around each breast, my breath catching. I ran my hands down his back and slowly towards the button of his jeans, his erection pressing against my hand as I fumbled to open them. My inexperience made me feel embarrassed for a second as I pulled away and sat up.
‘What, what’s wrong,’ he asked, lifting my chin to look into my eyes.
‘Going slow, remember?’ I whispered, hoping he would understand and not be disappointed or angry. I had only slept with JC’s father once and no one since. Suddenly the thought of him with other women and particularly my sister were flowing through my mind at racetrack speed. What if I was a disappointment?
‘Hey, it is okay, I promise. Going slow, I can definitely deal. Not stopping, though?’ he asked, once again trying to reach into the boundaries of my mind and succeeding. I was an open door for him.
‘No, not stopping, never. Just slowing,’ I reassured, my hand lingering over his cheek as I stroked downwards across his full mouth. Every part of me wanted to run upstairs with him and make love all night, but I kissed him goodnight and took a shower instead.
I washed my hair and realising I had not shaved my legs, was so glad we had called it a night. Shaking my head at myself in the mirror for worrying about that, but I was in a relationship now. Mammoth legs would not cut it. Reaching for my cell phone, I called Caitlan.
‘Hey, Momma, how is it going? How are our angels?’ I asked, dying to hold them again and smell the baby smell that should be bottled and sold worldwide as a happy cure.
‘We are good, tired, but good. Are you coming back in the morning? I really want to talk more.’ Emphasising to me how much I had missed out on in her life as much as JC. I barely knew anything about those last five years for her, how she coped after. Nothing.
‘Definitely, there is so much to talk about.’ Nicholi would be one of those things, as much as it would hurt to know.
I attempted to fall asleep sometime later listening to the white noise app on my phone, tonight it was ocean sounds. After the kidnapping, I had never slept well for obvious reasons, but since coming to this house and knowing Nicholi was just down the hall and I was next to JC, I slept easier. Hoping for a repeat, I curled up in bed and dreamt of Nicholi and JC. All together at the beach having a family fun day.
Looking at myself in the mirror, I saw something that made my heart ache. In the dream, I was pregnant with Nicholi’s baby. Waking up with my heart pounding, I brushed everything I had dreamt away, the pain too much to take on right now.
Making breakfast, I watched JC and Nicholi help, although JC was by far the better chef.
‘I take it, cooking is not a forte of yours?’ I giggled as he was reading a recipe on how to make scrambled egg.
‘I can’t be good at everything,’ he joked mockingly and smiled so seductively I dropped the eggshell into the pan.
‘Apparently, neither am I,’ I giggled as he pulled me into his arms and kissed me on the forehead.
‘I highly doubt that,’ he grinned as Jacob announced he was starving.
We arrived at the hospital after dropping JC off at school and took the elevator up to Caitlan’s floor. Just as we were walking to her room, Nicholi got a phone call.
‘I will see you in there.’ He let go of my hand and I nodded cautiously, noting his intense expression listening to whoever was on the other end.
‘Good morning, how are you?’ I asked, kissing Caitlan on the cheek and marvelling at how much she was glowing.
‘I’m good, thanks. Is Nicholi here?’ Looking at the door as though it was about to attack her.
‘Er, yes, he just got a call. What’s wrong? Where is Cross?’ I asked, noting his absence and Caitlan’s nervous demeanour.
‘He went out to meet Nicholi. Oh, God, this is such a mess,’ she muttered, barely audible.
‘What happened?’ I held her hand and tried to calm her.
‘They ran tests on the babies’ blood after birth to check their group etc. I asked them to run a couple more checks and the results have just come back,’ she explained, her eyes filling with tears.
‘Are they okay? Is something wrong?’ terrified for her response I sat down, peeking at the sleeping babies in their cribs, so blissfully unaware.
‘Nicholi is not their father. I feel distraught. I am an evil person,’ she cried, the tears cascading down her face as I swallowed mine away.
‘You are not evil, Caitlan, far from it.’ I hugged her carefully and tried to push away how relieved I was to hear that. I was the evil one.
‘Everything just got so messed up in my mind, I didn’t mean to lie, I really thought he was the father,’ she continued, just as the door opened.
‘Lexi, Nicholi said he will meet you in the car, he has a few work calls to make.’ Cross returned to Caitlan’s side and took her hand.
‘Sophia and I are just so happy that you are here and able to be a part of our family. We are truly blessed.’ A tear escaped from his eye and Caitlan wiped it away affectionately.
‘Would you prefer me to call you Sophia?’ I asked, noting how each time I had said her birth name she had recoiled a little.
‘If that is okay. I just don’t like to go back, you know,’ she paused, realising how that sounded, but I knew she meant the night at the restaurant, not our childhood together.
‘I understand, hey, it is okay,’ I reassured, hugging her once more and leaving them to talk things through. I was desperate to get back to Nicholi and placing the presents on the table for her to open later, I returned to the car.
Opening the door tentatively, he was just staring out of the window.
‘Hey, you okay?’ I asked, sitting down and turning to face him, but he did not reply.
I had been thinking of a way to bring this up and now seemed a perfect time. Getting away for him would be the best thing for a while and for us as a couple. I was longing to take JC home, to my home and I weighed up the pros and cons of mentioning it right now.
‘Nic, I was thinking maybe we could go back to my
house for a little bit. I would love JC to see it. The area is fantastic with so many trails and nature walks we could go on. It is peaceful and no one else will be there. Just us. What do you think?’ I was terrified of his reaction. He turned to me slowly and the look on his face shattered my heart.
‘Yes, I think that would be a really good idea,’ he nodded, swallowing his emotions. I could only imagine how hurt he must have been feeling and wanted so badly to make things better somehow.
‘I was also thinking that we could speak with a lawyer about you adopting JC as his father.’ My voice pitched with the intensity of my nerves. His expression changed and a small smile etched slowly across his face.
‘Lexi, you sure do have the best timing. I would absolutely love that.’ He reached his arms out and I poured myself into him, hoping he would feel just how much I cared for him as I kissed him, the longing to heal his pain so desperate, I could not think of anything else.
After packing and picking JC up from school, we drove to the airport. He was ecstatic about our trip and even more so as Nicholi teased him there would be polar bears and penguins there.
Boarding the seaplane, I watched as the familiar landscape passed outside the window. Usually, I was alone, however turning to the side now I saw my son, his eyes sparkling with excitement and the man I had loved as a teenager sat next to me squeezing my hand. I was taking my family home and the possibilities for our lives together were endless. For the first time in five years, I felt true hope.
FIVE
HOME
Disembarking the seaplane, I watched in wonderment at JC’s reaction to the place I had called home for the last two years, although now it truly felt like it. We walked across the dock together, I smiled at Nicholi, and JC both animatedly talking about bears and the bear hunt they wanted to go on tomorrow.
‘How about we go on a bear picnic instead?’ I suggested and the resounding horror looks I received left me in no doubt I was outvoted.
Echo (The Butterfly Series Book 3) Page 5
