by M. Malone
He rolls to the side and pushes his face into the pillow next to me. I can hear his gasping breaths and I can definitely feel the iron-hard rod pressing against my thigh. What I don’t understand is why he’s stopped? Then as my heart rate slows down some, my reason returns. I put a hand over my mouth.
I just dry humped him like I was in heat.
“I’ll get out of here so you can get ready.” He pulls back and rolls over, presenting me with his back. I watch as he stands and then pulls on his jeans. Then he’s gone.
This is the most awkward thing I’ve ever experienced. How do you handle a morning after that isn’t really a morning after? Tank has now seen me with mascara trailing down my cheeks and hair that’s snarled into a bird’s nest of knots and we haven’t even gone on a date.
After texting Ivy, I grab the towel and washcloth that Tank gave me last night and barricade myself in the bathroom. My hair is a wild tangle and I have little smudges of mascara beneath my eyes. I’m suddenly really grateful to Sasha for offering me her makeup remover last night. Clearly I didn’t get it all but I hate to think of how bad I’d look this morning if I had gone to sleep in full war paint. I splash my face with water and then run my damp hands through my hair, trying to finger comb the tangles.
I don’t have time for a long shower so I jump in and scrub at lightning speed. Then I dry off and towel dry my hair. There’s a new toothbrush below the sink which I make use of and then do my best to slap some color into my cheeks. The makeup I wore yesterday was a lot heavier than the kind I have in my purse so I’ll have to make do.
There’s a soft knock at the door. “Emma? Let me know when you want me to take you home.”
“Uh, just a second.” God, this is embarrassing. I don’t regret what happened this morning but it’s definitely awkward since we’re not dating. Or even friends. Now I’m supposed to talk to him like nothing happened?
After one last glance in the mirror, I open the door. Tank has dressed in jeans and a long sleeved black shirt. He looks edible. And so does the bagel he’s holding out to me. I snatch it and take a huge bite. He chuckles.
“Yeah, I thought you might be hungry.”
I’m slightly appalled at the way I attacked him for his food but I’m too hungry to care. “Starving. I didn’t eat breakfast yesterday and my lunch was just a salad.”
“What happened to dinner? This is why you need to go out with me. Clearly you don’t understand the importance of the last meal.”
I can’t help but laugh. His determination is impressive. Plus, he has a point. But I can’t think about that now.
“Anyway, I don’t need a ride. My sister is coming to pick me up.”
He’s watching me carefully and it’s obvious this is just as awkward for him as it is for me. It’s strangely comforting that he doesn’t know what to say. It would be worse if he was completely blasé about waking up with a random chick in his bed.
My phone beeps. “That’s probably her now.” I check my message and see that Ivy is waiting in front of the building. Part of me rails that the first time Ivy is on time for something is the one time I wish she was at least a little late.
“I’ve got to go. My sister is out front.” I gather the few things from his room, my clothes from yesterday and fold them into my messenger bag.
Tank grabs his keys off the table near the front door. We ride down the elevator together in silence. Ivy is parked right in front of the building, illegally blocking in several cars. When she sees Tank, she rolls down the window and stares at him shamelessly. Her eyes widen when she gets a good look at him. The broad shoulders, the muscles. The sexily rumpled hair.
Crap. I need to get out of here before she says something inappropriate.
“If you ever need another rescue, or anything, let me know, okay?” Tank says, his dark eyes fixed on my face as he speaks.
I nod. Not sure what to really say to that. We aren’t dating and we’re not friends. Why would I call him? It was pure luck that he happened to be there last night and that was more for Sasha’s benefit than mine.
“Thanks again, Tank. For everything.” I give a little awkward wave and then hitch my messenger bag over my shoulder.
Ivy leans across the seat and pushes the passenger side door open. She opens her mouth to speak but Tank has already gone back into the building.
“What the hell, Emma? I heard you come in last night but then when I woke up this morning, you were gone.”
“Sorry, yesterday was crazy. A fight broke out at the club and Lattimer has been out of control lately so Sasha has a friend who intervened. Unfortunately, we still got fired.”
“I warned you that Paul was bad news. What did you expect working at that trashy club?”
“Great. Thanks Ivy. Way to blame the victim.”
“I’m sorry, Em. I shouldn’t have said that. Of course it’s not your fault.”
I let out a sigh. Ivy doesn’t understand anything I do but I don’t understand her choices any better. She seems to think dating a rich man solves all problems.
“I’ve been meaning to tell you, Jon has a friend that I think would be perfect for you. He’s cute, too. You should let me fix you up.”
“No way. I know you like Jon and he gives you nice gifts but that’s not me, Ivy. I don’t judge you but that’s just not what I want out of life. I earn my own way. Do you remember how Mom used to give us those lectures before we went out on dates?”
Ivy’s face softens. “Get your own drinks. Pay your own way. And always have a way home. Then she’d get that look and I’d know another sex talk was coming.”
“Yeah. She was so proud of you when you went to college.” Thinking about my mom always makes me a little sad but I want to be able to remember her without always seeing her the way she was at the end. Scared.
Ivy grips the steering wheel tighter. “Yeah.”
“And then how she was so excited for me when I got that scholarship. She was almost more excited than I was. I wonder what she’d think of what I’m doing now. I guess she wouldn’t be—“
“I can’t talk about this with you!” Ivy shrieks.
The sudden outburst shocks me and the tears that have built up behind my eyelids suddenly spill over. She’s the only one with these same memories but she won’t talk to me about our parents. Ever. She won’t talk about them at all.
After riding in silence for a few minutes, Ivy glances over at me. “Look, all I want is for you to be taken care of. Now you’re dating this guy? I recognize him from the law office. I wouldn’t be surprised if he was some kind of criminal. Seriously, Emma? It’s time for you to stop playing around and get serious.”
It’s tempting to tell her just how wrong she is. She recognizes Tank but obviously never paid attention to his last name. If she knew how much money I’ve been offered to cozy up to Tank, she’d be all over me about it. Or she’d be all over Tank. Just the thought of that makes me itch.
“I am being serious. I still have my day job and I’m taking care of myself. I was just trying to earn extra money to save up for tuition faster but it’s okay. I’ll get the money another way.”
“I hate to say this Emma but you need to face facts. We’re alone now. There’s no one to help us if we mess up. I’ll try to help you but the things you used to wish for just aren’t possible now.”
“What are you talking about? There’s still the money Mom and Dad left each of us. I was hoping to get more grants so I wouldn’t have to use any of that but since I didn’t, I don’t have a choice. That’s what they would have wanted anyway.”
Her hands tighten on the steering wheel. “Oh Emma.”
Something about the way she says it has me immediately on edge. “What? What’s wrong now?”
She glances over at me and then back to the road. “Things were really hard after Mom and Dad died. The economy is bad and everybody is struggling. I didn’t have any choice.”
Even though my logical mind can see where this is going, I�
��m not ready to believe it. After everything else that has happened today I just can’t handle hearing that all my college fund money is gone.
“How could it all be gone? What the hell, Ivy?”
“Don’t blame me. You wanted to eat, too didn’t you? Maybe now you won’t look down on me so much that you understand how hard it’s been. You’re an adult now and I can’t keep shielding you from the truth. Reality is that we’re broke. And broke people don’t have the luxury of always staying on the straight and narrow because that doesn’t keep food on the table. If school is what you want, you’re going to have to be more aggressive. Figure out how to take what you want.”
My conversation with Mr. Maxwell floats through my mind. It seemed like such a seedy thing at the time. But in the end, how is it any worse than working at a strip club? Or what Ivy does, targeting rich men and seducing them? At least it’s not illegal and doesn’t involve me taking my clothes off.
Even though I technically had some of my clothes off earlier.
I shake my head to dispel the image of Tank’s bare chest. Last night was an anomaly. Going forward, I won’t be waking up in Tank’s bed. There’s no harm in inviting him out for the day and spending a little time with him. I can tell him about my visits with his dad, put in a good word and then let fate take care of the rest. Because Ivy is right. The money for my tuition isn’t going to come from thin air.
And million dollar job offers don’t come around very often.
CHAPTER SIX
TANK
I don’t have a lot of boundaries. This has gotten me into trouble a time or two in the past. So the thought occurs to me as I throttle my bike and merge onto the highway that running a background check on my brothers may not be exactly the right way to establish contact with them. It’s foolish but in the end, I decide it’s worth the risk.
I’ve had enough of surprises.
After Emma left, I couldn’t seem to settle down. Her smell lingered all throughout my house, in the kitchen, on the towels in the bathroom and on my sheets. There was nowhere to go that I could escape from thoughts of her. Last night was supposed to be about protecting her but instead it just fed my fascination.
When she was here, I was calm. For the past two months, ever since my mom got her cancer diagnosis, I’ve felt out of control. Sleep is elusive and I haven’t been able to find any productive way to channel the energy. When I was younger, I got into fights all the time. It was the only way to release the pent up anger I felt. After getting suspended multiple times, I’d come home to see my mom crying. She was overwhelmed working all the time and trying to figure out how to keep us boys out of trouble. It was the first time I’d been forced to see that I wasn’t the only one struggling with feelings I couldn’t control.
I wasn’t the only one who felt like I was drowning.
From that day, I quit fighting at school and worked hard to be the best son I could be. I made a pact to never see my mother cry again. But she cried when she told me about the cancer.
That same night I took a walk and someone tried to take my wallet. Beating his ass made me feel better. Somehow that turned into nightly walks, where I’m looking for trouble. The worst part is that I don’t know if I can stop. I’ve come to crave it, the violence, the release of my anger. It’s the only thing that soothes me.
Except for Emma.
She's always so still and perfect, like a sculpture you're not supposed to touch. When she looks at me, something calms inside as if I’m at peace. I feel corny even thinking that so I focus on the road.
Two of my brothers, Gabriel and Zachary, run a bike repair shop in the neighboring city of West Haven. I park my bike out front and send an admiring glance at the Harley Night Rod directly in front of the door. I look up at the sign. G&Z Motors.
This is the place.
The bell over the door tinkles merrily as I enter the shop. The television in the reception area broadcasts some reality show about tattooing. A man straightens behind the counter. He has dark hair like mine. Dark eyes like mine.
“Can I help you?”
The name tag on his breast pocket reads Gabe but I know who he is before he even speaks. I was sure on the way here that this was the right move but now that he’s standing in front of me, I’m not sure what to say.
He stares back at me staring at him for a full minute before he speaks. “You’re one of them, aren’t you?” he says finally.
I don’t need to ask what he means. Tons of things were going through my mind on the way here but it hadn’t occurred to me that he would look like me. But he does. Even more so than Finn.
“Zack! Get out here.” He yells over his shoulder, his deep voice barely carrying over the racket coming from the back of the shop. The noise doesn’t stop.
“Give me a second.” He disappears behind the wall and a few minutes later the noise stops. I wonder what he’s saying to the other one. Zachary. This whole situation is so backwards. I wish briefly that I’d brought Finn with me. Then I realize that I can bring them with me later to meet him. Ambush him at the apartment since he seems so determined not to leave.
Gabe comes back out and another man follows. He looks slightly younger and the sides of his hair are shaved completely bald. There are tattoos running down each side of his skull. He stares back at me, taking in my height and worn T-shirt.
“That had to hurt like a bitch.” I jerk my chin toward the tattoos on his head.
He looks surprised and then shrugs. “Life hurts.”
A full grin takes over my face and I can tell he’s not sure what to make of it. But with that one statement, I know I’ve made the right decision.
“You’re definitely my brother.”
He grunts but the tension bleeds out of his shoulders so he doesn’t look like he’s primed for a wrestling match anymore.
“Is there somewhere we can talk?”
Gabe jerks his head toward the back. “Yeah, in the shop. No customers back here.”
I follow him behind the counter. He’s dressed preppy in slacks and a white collared shirt. Zack is the exact opposite in faded jeans and stained T-shirt. The back of the shop is much cleaner than I was expecting. There’s a car up on rails and a bike in some stage of being dismantled across from where Zack slumps in a metal chair.
“Are you working on this one?” I nod my head at the disassembled bike.
He nods but doesn’t volunteer any additional information. I take a seat in the metal folding chair next to him.
“I’m not here to disrupt your lives or anything. I didn’t even know you existed and I just had to know. Shit, I’m not even sure what I needed to know by coming here. But I wanted to see you.”
Gabe crosses his arms. “Interesting. You felt more for us than our own father did.”
“He didn’t raise you? I thought—“
“You thought he left your mom for ours?” Gabe guesses. “No. Our moms were best friends and he almost broke up their friendship by sleeping with both of them. Neither of them knew what he was up to. He had them both convinced they were his girlfriend and that the other was just jealous. Luckily, they figured it out and they both kicked him to the curb. Not before realizing they were both pregnant though.”
“Wow. That’s pretty fucked up.”
Zack snorts. “Tell me about it.” When he doesn’t look inclined to add anything else to the conversation, I look back to Gabe.
“So, you guys didn’t grow up knowing each other then?”
“No, we did. Once he was out of their lives, our mom’s renewed their friendship and they raised us together. They still joke that raising kids with your best girlfriend is a much better bet than raising them with a man. I honestly can’t disagree. Zack’s mom is like my second mother.”
“This is all so crazy. I don’t understand what he was doing. He ditched my mom when I was eight and Finn was five. Then he only came back briefly once. But now I realize, he must have come back after he’d already been with your moms. He was
just a regular P.I.M.P. apparently.”
They snicker and look at each other before turning back to me.
“So, what do you really think old Max is up to?”
An hour later I park my bike in a space at the boardwalk. After spending time with my brothers, I’m in a good mood. There aren’t too many people that I can talk to about my current fucked up situation. However, I’m determined to put it all out of my mind. It’s a beautiful day, cool and crisp. The weather is unseasonably warm and I realize how close to spring we are.
The boardwalk isn’t my favorite place, usually because it’s chock full of tourists, but this is where Emma wanted to meet. I’ve asked her out for weeks so if she’s willing to give me a chance, I’m willing to meet wherever she wants.
Emma stands a few spaces over peering into the trunk of an older sedan. When she straightens and sees me walking toward her, she waves. “Hey. I thought we could take a walk on the beach. I packed a small cooler for us.”
She points to the small red and white cooler in the trunk of her car. I lift it easily.
“Did you pack anything for me?” It doesn’t feel like there’s much in the cooler and definitely not enough to feed two people.
She blushes. “Probably not enough.” Her head disappears into the front seat of the car and when she emerges, she’s holding a thick multicolored beach towel.
“I’m prepared.”
She’s so cute that I don’t have the heart to tell her that half of my body will likely be hanging off that towel. We walk down and find a spot on the sand. There are only a few people out here. It will be a completely different scene once summer comes. She spreads the blanket and I set the cooler on one end to hold it down. Emma sits on the other end facing me.
“Are you hungry?”
I squint up at the seagulls diving above us. They remind me of my conversation with Finn a few days ago. At least I could tell my brother that I finally made it to the beach.
“I could eat. That’s true pretty much all of the time.”
