by Fiona Lowe
Facts. You’re a scientist, just deal with known facts.
Gabe was a father.
His duplicity burned through her like acid, eating away at her, and with every hot spot more questions burned her. The Gabe she’d loved had always been honest and she’d trusted him implicitly. Well, she had until an hour ago when everything had changed.
Honest? He didn’t tell you about the children.
He said he’d been trying.
She recalled the awkward silence just before he’d kissed her and she realised he’d spoken the truth. Like a jigsaw coming together, she suddenly recognised that the changes in him that had snagged her had actually been hints—his behaviour toward Millie, his reaction to the park, him wanting to sit under the pines to talk. He’d wanted to tell her and he’d been working up to doing it.
As her shock moved from mind-numbing fury to clinging to facts in an attempt to make sense of the situation, she grudgingly recognised how hard it would be for him to tell her. Come on, get real. He bailed on the hard truth and kissed you instead.
A jet of anger spiked up again, its white heat consuming her. She couldn’t forgive him for that. Sure, Gabe enjoyed a party and a good time but not once in their year together had she ever entertained the idea he had been cheating on her. When he’d kissed her today she’d interpreted that as him being free to kiss her. Obviously he was far from free.
You more than kissed him back and technically you’re not one hundred per cent free.
Like a pin to a balloon, her self-righteous indignation deflated. Last night she’d told Dev she wanted to try a serious relationship with him and less than twenty-four hours later she was not only kissing another man, she’d invited him into her bed, her body desperate to have him all. God, she was just as bad as Gabe.
The word ‘mess’ didn’t seem strong enough to accurately describe this shambles. She gulped down the now-cooler tea, feeling the sugar sweeping through her, slightly steadying her see-sawing emotions.
Gabe is a father.
She didn’t realise four words could hurt so much.
‘Gabe is a father.’ She spoke the words out loud, needing to hear them to help them sink in, to help her face a new reality. And?
She knew the answer to that question. As Gabe was a father, that fact alone meant there was a woman who was a mother. A woman he was connected to for ever. Did she want to know? No!
Yes!
No, it’s only going to hurt. She didn’t think she could take any more pain so could she just ignore the whole situation?
Really? You’re going to ignore it?
Of course she could. She’d lived without Gabe in her life for two years and his arrival here didn’t change anything. Not. One. Thing.
With that decision made, she ran a bath and tipped in lavender and chamomile by the bucketload. As she lay under the warm, fragrant water, breathing in the calming aromas and concentrating on long, slow breaths in and out, she willed herself to let go of the last hour’s events. Nothing about Gabe’s life had any impact on her. Nothing at all.
You are so deluding yourself.
She slipped lower in the water, so every part of her except her head was submerged; forcing her mind to float above everything, telling herself that nothing about Gabe’s life choices could touch her or hurt her.
He didn’t love you enough to want to have children with you.
She gasped as another wave of pain hit her. Was this the truth? Had he lied to her when she’d asked him to commit to her and a family? Tears burned her eyes, the pain even more fierce than when she’d found out about the children.
She pulled herself to her feet and grabbed a towel. There was no possible way could she ignore this. She had to know. Now. With jerky movements, she somehow managed to dry some of the moisture off her body before tugging on the nearest clothes, which happened to be loose, bright, Asian ‘happy’ pants. The irony wasn’t lost on her.
Stumbling into her cork-lined slides, she opened her front door and stepped into the night. She didn’t care what time it was or that she’d stormed away from Gabe, telling him she never wanted to hear the story. She still didn’t want ‘the story’. All she wanted was the facts. The only way for her to process all of this, to put it behind her so she could move forward, was with the facts.
Cold, emotionless facts.
He owed her that.
Gabe had counted crabs, washed three tired and sandy children and had a shocking time getting them to go to sleep. He knew why they’d been so hard to settle—they were reacting to his complete distraction. He tried to give them his full attention but Elly’s ashen face and her expression of abject betrayal kept running through his head, always closely followed by the fact she’d got into that car.
Did you think she hadn’t got on with her life?
She invited me to her place!
God, she’d kissed like a wicked angel, reminding him that her mouth had always been the most seductive one he’d ever kissed.
Kissing her was a mistake. Not only because she hates you, but you so don’t need or want a woman in your life adding to the chaos.
For the hundredth time he ploughed his hand through a well-worn path in his hair. Kissing her had been a moment of weakness he couldn’t afford. Even though he and Elly didn’t have a future, he couldn’t leave things like this between them. He knew she wouldn’t return calls even though he’d left two messages, and flowers were not going to work. He had to go and see her and risk the door being slammed in his face.
He stuck his head into the lounge room where his parents were watching TV. ‘The kids are finally asleep.’
His mother put her cross-stitch down on her lap and looked straight at him. ‘How well do you know Elly Ruddock?’
‘Well enough.’ His hand tightened on the architrave. He’d never shared his personal life with his parents because they’d always been halfway round the world, and mentioning a girlfriend who would probably have a different name the next time they enquired meant it had been easier not to say anything. But things had changed and because of the triplets, his parents were very involved in his life and that took some getting used to. Right now he wasn’t prepared to go into the full story. Not until he’d sorted things out with Elly.
His mother frowned. ‘And she didn’t know about the triplets?’
He shook his head. ‘But she does now. Look, I’m just ducking out for a walk. Thought I’d call into the pub and put the word out about the whooping-cough vaccination.’
His father gave him a sage look. ‘Tread carefully.’
He rolled his eyes. ‘Midden Cove is hardly King’s St, Melbourne, Dad.’
‘It has its own dangers, Gabe. William Congreve knew what he was talking about.’
Gabe caught the obscure reference to ‘Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned’ and thought that wrath was probably a lot less than what Elly was feeling.
‘I’ve got a key, don’t wait up.’ He let himself out into the night, and struck out toward Elly’s cottage.
Midden Cove didn’t run to much by way of street-lighting once off the main road, so he navigated by the bright moonlight. The gentle thump of a calm ocean washing over sand wafted through the air, the sound almost meditative. In other circumstances a night walk might be something he could do just to get some time to himself. He loved the kids more than life itself but between them and work there was nothing left just for him.
The noise of footsteps on gravel made him look up and he thought he could make out a woman’s figure walking toward him, but then he was blinded by a very bright and white LED torch. His arms shot up to shield his eyes. ‘Would you mind lowering the beam?’
‘Gabe?’ The beam wobbled.
‘Yes, it’s me, Elly.’
‘I was coming to see you.’
They spoke at the same moment, their words tumbling over each other; a deep melody singing with clear soprano tones.
Thank you. He was going to get his opportunity to explain because
she wanted to listen. ‘I’d suggest we go to my parents’ place to talk but—’
‘Here is just fine.’ She turned off the torch.
‘Um, we’re in the middle of the road, El.’
‘It’s Midden Cove.’ Her voice sounded ragged, as if she was using every ounce of strength to stay composed.
O-K … ‘Thanks for coming. We need to have this talk and—’
‘I think I hate you, Gabe.’ She started shaking uncontrollably, her hair falling forward across her face. ‘You were so adamant you didn’t want kids and now … I truly and honestly hate you.’
Her anguish rammed into him. Without thinking, he closed the gap between them, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her against him. He hated himself for having caused all this pain, pain for Elly, pain for Jenna and heartache for himself. He buried his face in her hair and breathed in deeply.
She stilled under his touch for a second, her body against his, her curves hugging his own as if they’d been designed as two parts that fitted together in a perfect match. Then every muscle turned rigid, her hands balled into fists against his chest and she pushed back, making both of them stumble.
She raised traumatised eyes to his. ‘What are their names?’
Oh, God, this was going to be awful. ‘Elly, let’s go somewhere private to do this.’
‘No. We’re doing this my way. I’m asking the questions and you’re answering them.’ Her voice came through clenched teeth. ‘What. Are. Their. Names?’
Memories of past arguments came back to him, with both of them intransigent and deaf to the other. This time it had to be different so despite feeling like he was in the dock and being cross-examined, he forced himself to go along with her for now, hoping she’d relax and then they could relocate to somewhere more suitable. ‘Lucy, Ben and Rory.’
‘Nice names.’
‘Thanks. I think so.’ The air around them swirled with strained politeness that barely rose above the simmering base emotion of raw and ragged pain.
She started to pace. ‘So, they’re twins and a spare?’
He nodded at the accurate description of the triplets as he caught her muttered ‘What are the odds? ‘
The answer was engraved on his heart and soul, having looked it up ten thousand times at least in the days after he’d first stared at the grainy ultrasound image. ‘A one in eight thousand chance, actually.’
She bit her lip and kept moving. ‘Exactly how old are they?’
The urge to protect her warred with the truth, which was insane because she’d seen the triplets and any doctor could fairly accurately diagnose a child under five’s approximate age. ‘Fifteen months.’
She stopped walking and a short sound shot from her lips, jagging through him.
‘Elly.’ He reached for her but she swung away.
‘Don’t touch me.’ Her arms crossed her chest, making a physical barrier. ‘I’ve only come here for the facts. I trusted you, Gabe. I believed you when you told me you didn’t want children but that was wrong, wasn’t it? You just didn’t want to have children with me because you had plans with the other woman you were sleeping with.’
Her words stung like a sharp slap, sparking a flare of resentment that she could believe he’d do something so low. ‘I never cheated on you, Elly.’
Her tight face said she didn’t believe him. ‘Do the maths, Gabe.’
‘Do the medicine, El.’ His jaw ached as he ground out the words. ‘They were born six weeks early, as most triplets are.’
She stiffened and resumed pacing. ‘Who’s their mother?’
He sighed and realised he always did when he talked about the mother of his children. ‘Jenna. Jenna Pardy. I doubt you’ve ever met her.’
‘But you did, what, a month after we broke up?’ For the first time her voice had a hysterical edge.
He shrugged as his enforced calm started to fracture. ‘You and I, we’d broken up. We weren’t on a break, we were over. In fact, they were your words when you left the apartment, even though I’d asked you to reconsider.’
He’d thought he had an handle on his hurt that she hadn’t loved him enough to stay but simmering anger burst up from deep inside him; a burning rage at her for leaving him and setting all of this mess in motion. ‘Let the jury note that I was very single when I met Jenna.’
She swung back to him, her face translucent in the moonlight. ‘So what happened to your condom obsession or was it Jenna who changed your mind?’
‘I thought we were using contraception.’ Resentment against Jenna’s deception spun into his anger as he revisited a question he’d asked himself a million times. He sucked in a deep breath, battling a vortex of emotions, and tried again to be the rational one. ‘Look, Elly, I know you’re hurting and I know this is hard for you, but I need to tell you the whole story my way. In a way that makes sense rather than you peppering me with random questions.’
Fear streaked across her face. ‘No! I don’t want to hear everything, I can’t hear everything. I can only deal with the facts.’
He threw his hands out wide, his patience so thin it hung by a thread. ‘This is crazy and I’m not going to discuss it with you under these conditions.’
‘Did you marry her?’ She asked the question so quietly he almost missed it.
Gabe, you’ll never guess. The memory of a wildly ecstatic Jenna shoving a positive pregnancy test into his hand flooded back, along with his appalled shock. ‘She was pregnant with my children.’
‘I’ll take that as a yes, then.’ With trembling fingers Elly tucked her hair behind her ears. ‘That’s all I need to know. Goodbye, Gabe.’ She started to walk away.
The last vestiges of his controlled restraint fell to his feet. Bitterness surged in at her intractable manner, combining with old but vivid memories of the time she’d walked out on him two years ago. He was done with being cast as the bad guy, done with trying to protect her feelings. ‘Damn it all to hell, Elly, that is nowhere near close to what you need to know. ‘
CHAPTER FIVE
ELLY felt Gabe’s acrimony barrel into her but she kept walking, her own anger and grief driving her on as she called back over her shoulder, ‘It’s all I want to know.’
‘And that’s your style, isn’t it, Elly? You want everything your own way and you walk when it doesn’t happen.’
His words hit like shrapnel, spraying through her in a barrage of pain. Ignore him, he’s wrong. ‘That’s a ridiculous accusation.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes, really. I don’t need to have everything my own way.’
His grim laugh was pure distain. ‘Who left our apartment?’
She refused to stop and look at him but she could picture him with his arms crossed and his square jaw vibrating with fury. ‘It was your apartment, Gabe, and I left because I wanted a family and you didn’t.’
His feet crunched the gravel and he caught up with her but he didn’t try and touch her. ‘And that’s how you remember it?’
She tried not to breathe deeply as his freshly showered scent spun around her. ‘Of course it’s how I remember it because it’s exactly what happened. You said, “I don’t want children, El.”‘
He grunted in disbelief. ‘No, that isn’t what I said at all.’
A questioning chill ran through her veins but she rubbed her arms and kept on walking. ‘Oh, right, so now you’re reinventing history and telling me you actually wanted children.’
‘I said I didn’t want children then.’ The words came out in a warning growl.
Her brain ached and seeds of doubt tried to sprout but she refused to let them. ‘That’s not what I heard, and if you did actually say that then what about the whole “it’s just not me”?’
His long stride had no problem keeping up with her. ‘Damn it, Elly, you hit me with the whole baby thing completely out of the blue, and I was honest enough to tell you the truth that existed for me at that point. You took it and twisted it around because it wasn’t what you want
ed to hear.’
No, he’s wrong and I’m right. I have to be right. She shook her head so hard her brain hurt. ‘There’s no point even discussing this with you because it’s in the past and we’ve both moved on with our lives.’ She almost broke into a jog.
‘That’s right, run. Go right ahead and maintain your moral high ground, Elly. It’s so much easier to hide behind that than face the truth that you might be wrong. Only this time why not add in your preconceived ideas about me and the triplets to fire your disdain.’ The fury in his voice burned the air around them. ‘And while you’re walking, you might just want to consider this—it isn’t all about you and you’re not the only person hurting here.’
His ragged voice acted like glue on her feet and she stopped walking, even though she didn’t want to. Turning slowly, she saw his face in the moonlight; haggard with deep lines and crevices that had appeared during the time they’d been separated. Her heart bled.
Keep going. He broke your heart, and tonight he’s stomped on it. But her feet refused to move.
He gripped his forehead, his thumb and forefinger pressing into his temples. ‘I know you feel ill used, Elly, and hard done by, but do you seriously think you had the most to lose when we separated?’
Yes! Her pain and anguish swirled inside her. ‘I lost … I wanted. You had …’ Her throat closed against words that struggled to be spoken as the truth spluttered like a newly lit candle, and slowly took hold until it glowed bright and tall with unassailable clarity.
Sharp, red-hot pain tore through her, stealing the breath from her lungs. She really did think she’d lost the most. But she could see clearly on his face that he’d suffered too. She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to find her equilibrium, but it evaded her and everything felt unsteady. Had his life been turned on its head as much as hers by their separation?
He met Jenna.
She tried to hold on to the bitter emotions that he’d met someone so quickly but they collided with his recently spoken words. We were over. In fact, they were your words.
