by KB Winters
“I call dibs on the extra hot sauce!” Jack slid into his seat effortlessly, grabbing food and pouring soda like it was just any other day.
“How was class?” Baz posed the question looking nothing but interested in the answer.
“So cool. CJ taught us all about how to check the car’s computer with this little machine. But it costs too much for me to get one.” He sounded so dejected I wanted to laugh.
“That’s okay, I think I can afford to have it looked at. But if CJ doesn’t mind helping you guys can do it together.”
“I can do it,” Baz offered up, an angry glare on his face.
“Really? Cool, right Mom?”
How could I look at those big green eyes and not agree? “Very cool.” I half listened to him talk cars with Baz who smiled and added his knowledge, making our son smile. The pizza sat like lead in my belly as they talked sports and books and music, like old buddies. I’d deprived them both of this connection for all these years. Would it be like this from now on, Baz and Jack talking and me on the outside wishing I could get back in?
“What do you think Mom?”
I sighed and stared from one set of green eyes to another. “I think it’s time we had that talk.”
“About my dad?” he asked expectantly, his gaze flicking with uncertainty to Baz who remained stoic.
“Yes, about your father.” I took a deep breath and looked my son right in the eyes. “Jack, before you were born, Baz and I dated for a few years and we were living together for a long time. We wanted different things in life so we broke up and I left town before I knew I was going to have a baby. Baz didn’t know because I never spoke to him again, until I saw him at the diner.” Eleven years ago, it sounded so right, so noble, but now it just sounded like bullshit excuses. I ran away from what could have been because I was scared.
Jack looked at Baz, his voice shaky when he spoke. “Do you want to be my dad, Baz?” He looked so hopeful, his heart in his eyes as he stared at the man who’d helped conceive him.
“Do I want to be your dad? Are you kidding me? I want nothing more in this world.” With his voice laced with emotion, Baz pushed his chair back and held his arms out. His shoulders drooped in relief when Jack stepped into his arms and squeezed him for all he was worth.
The moment would be seared into my heart, my mind and my soul for the rest of my life. I couldn’t change the past but I could change the future and make sure they had the relationship they should’ve had all these years.
Chapter Five
Baz
“The key to a good burger is press the center with your thumb to make sure it gets perfectly done.” Somehow, I was back at Trina’s place for dinner yet again. Tonight we grilled outside and I was manning the grill, teaching Jack the secrets every man knew. Like a real fucking father.
It was surreal.
“What about the sausages?”
The kid looked at me like I knew everything, had all the answers. It was overwhelming but it also filled something in me I didn’t even know was missing. The kid asked a lot of questions and I tried my best to answer them all. After he ripped my heart out when he asked if I wanted to be his dad, I went home and spent the rest of the night making damn sure I could be the man he needed in his life. I woke up the next day and asked Trina if he could spend the day with me. It was sweet fucking heaven ever since. “Sausages are easy. They take no time to cook so it depends on how you like ’em. When we were young your mom used to like them a little burnt.”
“She still does,” he answered with a disgusted turn of his nose.
“Good, because she did all the cooking and that’s still how I like ‘em.” That was true and sad but I had to be honest with the kid.
“Can you make two normal?”
“Sure thing, kid.” Damn that smile gutted me every single time. “Everything is all done so let’s grub.” We sat at the red picnic table in the backyard, me and Jack on one side and Trina on the other, just watching us. She hadn’t said much since I arrived but she didn’t seem sad or angry, just watchful. Contemplative. “Is this your famous potato salad?”
“Why’s it famous Mom?”
“It’s not but in case you haven’t noticed your dad has a hollow leg.” She made the same joke she’d made after every meal. At Jack’s look of confusion, she explained. “Because he can put away so much food.”
His face brightened and he turned to me with a familiar smile that was all Trina. “Like my tapeworm?”
“Your what?”
“Mom says I have a tapeworm in my belly helping me eat so much.”
I had to laugh at that. “Yep, exactly like that. Let’s show her how we do it.” With a determined look, Jack and I ate like it was our last meal. It was fun, watching Trina watch us like two aliens who’d landed in her life.
Finally she’d apparently had enough of our shenanigans, pulling away the platter of meat and two bowls filled with food. “If either one of you eat any more food I promise I will make you regret it.”
Jack giggled and Trina glared but I just laughed. They were silly and ridiculous and I was having the time of my fucking life. “I’m stuffed Jack, how about you?”
“Couldn’t eat another bite,” he patted his stomach with a conspiratorial grin.
“How about we hit up Two Scoops for dessert?”
“I love chocolate and mint chocolate chip!”
In all my life, I’d never seen someone so excited about ice cream and I loved it. “I want one of those hot caramel sundaes. What about you Sweetness, what are you having?”
She sighed, gathering every ounce of patience she could find within her and grinned. “Frozen yogurt.”
“Ew, Mom. Gross.”
“Yeah, Sweetness, totally gross.”
She stood. “I need to change while you two piglets deal with this,” she gestured to the table and sauntered off, my eyes glued to her long legs and round ass.
Even with my son right beside me, my cock twitched with the need to slide deep inside her again. “Ew, Dad. Gross.”
Dad. He called me Dad. “What? She’s beautiful.”
He glared, arms crossed over his shirt. “She’s my mom.”
“She’s not my mom,” I told him as we gathered dishes and tossed plastic forks and paper plates in the trash. I didn’t have to wonder what Jack thought about it because the kid had no filter.
“It’s okay if you want to date her. You treat her nice and I think she likes you too.”
“You do?”
He nodded, blonde hair flopping over his eyes. “Yep. She does that tiny smile thing with her eyes when she looks at you.”
“You’re making that up.” But I couldn’t help but laugh at the kid scrunching his eyes up. “What you’re doing doesn’t look like you like me, it looks like you’re having a seizure.”
He laughed as we finished putting food away and went inside where Trina waited for us, looking good enough to eat in a little summer dress. “Are we ready?”
With a quick nod, we all took off down the street, making the short journey to the ice cream shop owned by Trudy, the ol’ lady of one of my CAOS brothers. I was surprised to find Dagger there with their three kids. I took Jack to meet the oldest boy Teddy, while Trina placed our orders inside.
“So, a kid huh?” Dagger hit me with that sly grin he always wore as we watched Teddy and Jack take turns on the lone skateboard between them.
“Yep. Found out she was pregnant after she’d left my ass.”
“Why is she back now?” Fuck. I thought all about that little shit brick Jensen and told Dagger about it. “Said she thought I might be dead by now, only came back to get away from that prick.”
“That kid makes them both family. She know that?”
I shrugged because I had no fucking clue. We hadn’t bothered talking about it, probably because we were both eager to avoid that particular argument. “She knows I’ll protect them both.”
Dagger stared at me, eyes hard and determin
ed. “We’ll protect them, you mean.”
I nodded because that’s how it worked, whether Trina wanted it to or not. “Thanks Sweetness. You know Dagger?” She took the seat across from us, enjoying her frozen yogurt.
“Trudy’s husband, right? Nice to see you again.” She was stiff and uncertain, telling me she had no plans to get used to my club.
Dagger sent me a look and I knew exactly what he was thinking. A woman who wasn’t okay with the club wouldn’t last long with a man whose life was the club. “Yeah I know.”
Dagger stood and frowned. “Incoming,” he whispered and walked away. Fucking coward.
“Hey Baz, you sexy devil, where the hell ya been?”
Oh no. This pass-around was the most persistent of them all, never taking no for an answer and no issues with trying to steal someone else’s guy. Bleached blonde hair, big fake tits and long, scrawny legs tottered my way and I didn’t have to look back to know Trina had also noticed. “I’ve been around.”
“I haven’t seen you,” she pouted, devil-red lips ripe and ready for a blow job. If I was interested in what she was offering. “In ages.”
“Maybe I’m not looking to be found.” Firm and direct usually worked but Pam wasn’t interested in being shoved off. Not if there was still a chance for her to become someone’s ol’ lady. “What do you want Pam?”
“I want you Baz. How long are you gonna make me wait? You know I’ll do anything.” She pressed her tits up against me, pouting harder when I stepped away from her and that nasty ass perfume. “Anything.”
“What part of—”
“We’re heading out,” Trina began, a blank expression on her face, “and Jack wanted to say bye.” She stepped back when I reached out for her, letting Jack step in between us and telling me how she felt about me and Pam. Even though there was no fucking me and Pam.
“See ya later, Dad!” He waved nervously and then went for it, wrapping his scrawny arms around my waist and squeezing hard.
“Later, kid. Trina.” Without a word, not a single expression on her face, she turned away and I knew I’d be starting over again with her. “Goddammit Pam I told you I’m not interested in what you’re offering.”
She grinned. “I can make you interested.”
I shook my head. “And I can make you sorry if you don’t back the fuck off.” I hated being harsh with women but she’d just fucked shit up for me and I wasn’t in the mood to be kind.
“Fine. You’re not such hot shit anyway.” I saw it for the defensive gesture it was but fixed my face into an expression that told her how serious I was.
“Then move the fuck on,” I barked at her and went back inside Two Scoops where Dagger wrangled his kids like an expert. I had a shit load of questions for the club’s resident family man.
***
“What do you want Baz?” Trina stood in the doorway with her arms folded, her expression cool and distant. Still.
A week had passed and though she hadn’t made any attempts to keep me away from Jack she hadn’t gone out of her way to speak to me or let me in again. I flashed the smile she never used to be able to resist but so much had changed about Trina over the years. Dammit. “I was hoping we could talk.”
She stepped back, her gaze still cold, but she moved warily away from me and took one of two solo seats in her living room, arms and legs crossed defensively. “What is it you want to talk about?”
Shit, where did I begin? I had so much to apologize for before I figured the beginning was as good a place as any. “I wanted to apologize about before. Back then. I had no idea how much my life in the club scared you. I was a young punk and all I could see was my woman trying to control me. I didn’t see what you were trying to tell me.” I was too young and too set on joining CAOS to be able to listen anyway.
She sighed and ran a trembling hand through her hair. “We both made our choices Baz and I really don’t see a point in going over it again. You know about Jack now and he’s thrilled to have you around so we should just move forward.” I would’ve believed her if her whole expression, her whole body hadn’t been wrapped up in a posture that said get the hell away from me.
“How do you propose we do that?”
She sighed. “Simple. Spend time with Jack like you’ve been doing. Here, for a few weeks and when you both are comfortable you can keep him over night. If that’s what you want.”
Who was this cold, formal creature determined to piss me off? “If I want? What the fuck does that mean Trina? You know I want to be involved, more than anything.” I stood and closed the distance between us until I towered over her. “Fine. I’ll come back tonight for dinner.” Since there were no classes this week thanks to the upcoming Fourth of July holiday, I could come early and stay all day. “In the meantime—” I told her, stepping closer when she stood to face me, deftly dodging my touch.
“—I think you have enough women to keep you busy, to warm your bed Baz. Just focus on Jack.”
I heard what she was saying and what she wasn’t but that didn’t bother me. Grabbing her chin and tilting her head up, I made sure those pretty blue eyes looked right into mine. “Just like you haven’t been celibate all these years Trina, neither have I. But now the only woman I can think about is you, Sweetness. So get that through your pretty little head.”
Her hands went to my chest to push me away but I gripped her forearms and kept her close. “We have both lived our lives Baz and our encounter the other day probably gave you the wrong impression. I don’t sleep around and I don’t do it casually.”
But I did, at least according to her unspoken rebuke. “Well, just an FYI, I didn’t fuck Pam. Never have. Not interested.” Couldn’t she see the only woman on my mind anymore was her? “My cock only wants you Trina.”
She opened her mouth to respond but I slipped inside with my tongue, teasing and tasting her, devouring her sweet hot mouth until every inch of me throbbed with the need to slide deep inside her tight, wet cunt. But not now. “Remember that,” I told her roughly and walked out.
I needed to put some space between us, so I hopped on my bike and headed toward the clubhouse. These guys were my friends, my brothers and with them was exactly where I needed to be right now.
“What’s up?” I walked in to find Torch, Mick and Cash congregated around the bar having a conversation that looked too damn serious for this early in the day.
Mick turned with a frown dipping his red brows low. “What’s up is Wagman’s been spotted in town.”
Shit. “Wagman? I thought that motherfucker was dead.” I thought we’d seen the last of that fucker. He’d disappeared after the shit went down with Rocky and the Devils, and I, we hoped it was for good. Now though, it appeared he was just lying low.
“He’s been freelancing for all manner of criminals. Wet work, enforcement, security you name it and he’s been up to it. The fact he’s back means someone probably paid him. For something,” he added ominously.
Instantly my mind went to Trina’s ex. “Jensen something or fucking other. He’s locked up in Connecticut for some financial crimes. I don’t know the details but he and Trina dated for a few months several years ago and he’s been stalking her ever since. If that asshole hired Wagman I’ll do my best to make sure both men regret it.” I went quiet for a second, thinking about my kid. I had to make sure he and Trina were both protected from these clowns.
I was pulled from my thoughts and looked up to find three sets of eyes staring at me in various stages of shock. “Oh, and I have a kid. His name is Jack and he’s ten years old.”
Calm descended for about five seconds before the men erupted in cheers, whistles and slaps of congratulations on the back. “That’s a reason to fuckin’ celebrate!” Torch clapped my back, shaking me in excitement, smiling widely. “Congratulations man, this is fucking unreal!” The big man hugged me hard and lifted me off the ground, giving my back a solid pounding.
We cracked open a keg of beer and a few bottles of Jack and I sat through
a few toasts and plenty of ribbing about missing the hard years. I took all the jokes with a smile because these guys were my family and I knew they’d step up to help me with Jack and Trina, and with whatever the fuck Wagman was doing back in Brently. “How you holding up?” Mick took a seat beside me with a slow, easy grin.
“As good as a man in my position could be, I suppose.” I was happy to find out about Jack and getting to know him made me feel things I never thought I would. And even having Trina back in my life had changed things for me, but I couldn’t deny a certain hint of anger of what had been stolen from me all those years ago. I missed watching her belly grow round with our child. Missed seeing Jack losing his teeth, learning to ride a bike and all the other shit fathers are supposed to be around for.
“She had her reasons, same as Talon’s mother did. Doesn’t make it right but at least you found out about Jack before it’s too late. Magnus didn’t get that chance.”
“You had to go there, didn’t you man?”
Mick grinned and took a long sip from the frosty mug. “Yep. Eats up Talon every day that she never got to meet him, especially now that we have our own kids.”
“So, forgive and forget and then move forward?”
“Pretty much. It’s all you can do, or you can let your anger get the better of you and push them both away.” Mick stood and knocked his mug against mine. “Your choice.”
I stewed over his words, knocking back a few beers and a few more shots as everyone made their way over to offer me advice, congrats and more booze. Mick had a point. Being pissed off about the situation wouldn’t magically turn back time and change anything, but if I let Trina see me that way, it might change the present. The future.
“Smile man, I know you hated it when Trina left.” Torch grinned in my fucking face, refusing to let me sulk in my booze.
“Yeah I did hate it but now I fucking hate that I didn’t pay more attention to what she said back then.” That’s the part that stuck with me. “She was trying to tell me about her fear but I wouldn’t listen. And she left.”
