by Susan Lewis
‘Just that she’s marrying him,’ Rhiannon answered.
‘Mmm,’ Lizzy grunted. ‘Nothing about how he got off a murder charge, I suppose?’
Rhiannon arched an eyebrow. ‘You know, it’s funny that,’ she replied, ‘she didn’t mention it at all and you’d have thought she would, wouldn’t you? I mean, it’s the kind of thing a person would normally mention in passing, how her fiancé managed to get away with murder.’
‘What do they call it?’ Lizzy said. ‘There’s a name for wife murder, isn’t there?’
‘Uxoricide,’ Rhiannon answered.
‘Yuk!’ Lizzy grimaced. ‘Sounds like something you put down the lav.’ Then getting up from the sofa she said, ‘I’m going to get more coffee. Want some?’
‘Mmm,’ Rhiannon nodded, passing over her cup.
A couple of minutes later Lizzy was back. ‘So,’ she said, curling her legs under her as she sat down again, ‘you’re going to meet the infamous Max Romanov. Remind me what he does again.’
‘He’s into publishing.’
‘That’s right. In a pretty big way, as I recall. Aren’t they girlie magazines that he produces?’
‘I think he publishes journals and magazines on just about every subject you can think of,’ Rhiannon answered.
‘Mmm, well, it should be an experience, meeting the man himself – I mean, if you do decide to go. Would you like to go?’ she ventured. ‘Do you think it would give you any problems seeing Galina after all this time?’
‘I don’t know,’ Rhiannon answered. ‘I don’t think so. In fact, in a way, I’d quite like to see her. I can’t really explain it, but when I got the letter it felt . . . Well, it was weird. I mean, I was just thinking about her the day before and then there she was, or there the letter was, lying on the doormat. Actually, I’ve been thinking about her a lot lately, I suppose because of what happened with Oliver . . . Well, obviously because of that . . .’ Her voice trailed off and for a while she seemed lost in thought. Then staring down at her cup, she said, ‘Tell me, do you believe in destiny?’
Lizzy’s eyes flickered in surprise. ‘Yes, I suppose I do,’ she answered. ‘Why?’
Rhiannon looked at her. ‘You mean you don’t believe that we can control our lives?’ she said.
‘In certain ways, yes, but if we had full control, well, we’d none of us ever die, would we?’ Lizzy replied.
Rhiannon pulled down the corners of her mouth. ‘No, I don’t suppose we would,’ she remarked pensively. ‘And none of us would ever be ill, we’d never get hurt; we’d all be rich, beautiful, talented, happy and gloriously content.’
Lizzy looked at her in surprise. ‘Are you saying you think destiny is responsible for all the bad things that happen?’ she said.
‘No, I just don’t think destiny can be denied. Take my own case, for example. I obviously wasn’t destined to be married to Oliver and by making it happen I just ended up hurting myself. I believe that’s what happens when you try to force destiny. I wanted to be married, I wanted to prove to the world and to my father that someone loved me enough to go through with it and look where it got me.’ She paused for a moment, then seeming suddenly to lose patience, she said, ‘Oh, what the hell do I know. It’s just what I keep telling myself, that destiny has set me another course and that’s why all this is happening now, to free me up for whatever life has in store next.’
Lizzy looked impressed. ‘Now that I like the sound of,’ she said. ‘Providing it’s good, of course.’
Rhiannon laughed. ‘The one thing you can guarantee,’ she responded, ‘is that there are no guarantees.’
‘So we should never trust anyone or anything?’ Lizzy challenged.
The light suddenly died in Rhiannon’s eyes as she turned to gaze at the garden. ‘I’m hardly the person to ask that question,’ she said, feeling her heart tighten at how terribly wrong she had been in her unquestioning trust of everything that had mattered so much in her life.
‘I’m sorry,’ Lizzy said gently. ‘I wasn’t thinking.’
A minute or more ticked by silently.
‘Oliver called again,’ Rhiannon said finally. Her voice was flat and toneless, her eyes remained unfocused on the garden.
‘When?’
‘The day before yesterday.’
‘What did he want?’
‘To see me. He’s here, in London.’
Inwardly Lizzy swore. ‘And Marcia?’ she said tightly.
Rhiannon shrugged. ‘I suppose she’s in New York.’ She sighed heavily, then sucked in her lips as though to stop herself speaking. ‘He says he hates her,’ she said in the end. ‘He can’t stand to be near her, and if you saw her . . .’
‘It doesn’t matter what she looks like,’ Lizzy responded, ‘he married her.’
‘I know.’
‘So what did you say when he asked to see you?’
‘I said no, the same as I always do.’ Her eyes came back to Lizzy’s. ‘But it’s hard,’ she said. ‘So damned hard. I know that sounds crazy after all that happened, but it’s the truth. Or is it? Oh God, I don’t know. It’s like I just can’t get past it. I try to, but every time I think I’m getting somewhere something happens, like a letter arrives for him, or a film comes on the TV that we saw together, or I hear about someone buying a house, or a carpet turns up from Marrakesh. Can you believe that? The carpet actually turned up? I never saw my credit card again, but the carpet I’ve got. And the bill. Did I tell you that? I’ve got the bill for the hotel. It was sent here, to me. No mention of Oliver’s name on it anywhere. Miss Rhiannon Edwardes, it said, Miss Rhiannon Edwardes. So tell me why don’t I hate him? Why, now I know that he never existed, that the man I loved was just a figment of my imagination, can’t I stop loving him? He pretended to be everything I wanted . . . He was everything I wanted and I’m finding it almost impossible to tell him no, I don’t want to see him, because I do want to see him. I want none of this ever to have happened. I want him to be the man I thought he was, the man I’m still in love with, the man I thought I married.
‘So tell me, Lizzy, why does life dish out this shit? You try to be good to people, you try to be fair and you hope you’ll get the same back. But you don’t. All you get is smacked in the face, kicked in the teeth – your mother dying when you’re just a kid; your father rejecting you; your best friend running off with your bridegroom; your husband dumping you to marry someone else, and the programme you created being snatched out of your hands – and a silence between you and me that I just don’t understand and I don’t know if I can bear any more. So believing or not believing in destiny doesn’t matter a fuck, because whatever you believe, whatever pathetic philosophy you choose to comfort yourself with, it still hurts like fucking hell and if this was all meant to be then you can bloody well keep it.’
The tears were barely visible in the paleness of her face, but the anger and torment glittered darkly in her eyes and tightened her mouth in a way that drew the pain deep into Lizzy’s heart. ‘I’m sorry,’ Lizzy whispered. ‘I’m really sorry. It’s just that . . . Oh God, Rhiannon, I don’t want to hold back on you. God knows, it’s the last thing I want. And believe me, if I knew how to tell you . . .’
‘Just tell me!’ Rhiannon demanded. ‘Just say the words. I feel like the whole damned world is shutting me out and I’m starting to panic, Lizzy. I’m starting to panic.’
‘I’m going to South Africa,’ Lizzy blurted out. ‘I’m going to live with Andy.’
Rhiannon’s face froze as the words hit her heart like stones. ‘When?’ she whispered. Then shaking her head, ‘Why have you never mentioned this before? I thought . . . I thought he wasn’t answering your letters . . .’
‘He’s not. I haven’t spoken to him since we were there in February.’
Rhiannon’s face was white, her eyes wide with confusion. ‘Then I don’t understand,’ she said. ‘How can you be going to live with him if you haven’t even spoken to him?’
‘He asked me once
if I would, so now I’m going to spend some time with him and if it works out I’ll stay,’ Lizzy told her.
Rhiannon’s mind was spinning. ‘Does he know?’ she asked after a pause. ‘Is he expecting you?’
‘No. I’m going to surprise him.’
‘Oh my God!’ Rhiannon cried. ‘Lizzy, no! You can’t do that. It’s insane . . .’
‘I know,’ Lizzy interrupted. ‘But it’s the way I’m going to do it.’
‘But what if he’s found someone else? Surely you . . .’
‘If he has, then I’ll know we were never meant to be, won’t I?’ Lizzy responded, cutting her off.
Rhiannon put a hand to her head and eased her fingers into her hair. ‘I don’t believe this is happening,’ she said through her teeth. ‘I just don’t believe you’d do something like this.’
‘It’s why I didn’t want to tell you,’ Lizzy protested weakly. ‘I don’t want you to think I’m walking out on you now when . . .’
‘I’m not talking about me, I’m talking about you,’ Rhiannon shouted. ‘Where the hell’s your pride? You spend one night with the man and his brother – let’s not forget his brother! – they both screw the ass off you, then neither of them ever contacts you again and now you are going to surprise them by turning up on their doorstep. You do remember which twin he was, I take it? I mean you might get them confused, after all it was dark . . .’
‘Rhiannon stop it!’ Lizzy snapped.
Rhiannon’s eyes were flashing with rage. ‘He was the first man you slept with after Richard died,’ she yelled, ‘and there hasn’t been anyone since, so now you think you’re in love and you’re going to throw your life away playing Jane to his Tarzan. Well, take it from me, a couple of screws does not a marriage make!’
Lizzy glared at her. ‘Perhaps you’d like to tell me what does a marriage make,’ she shot back, ‘since you seem to be the expert around here.’
Rhiannon flushed and was on the point of biting out another bitter response when she suddenly turned away. Her heart was still thudding with temper and her hand was clenched tightly on the arm of the sofa, but for the moment she said nothing. Her thoughts were in such chaos that she didn’t know what she wanted to say anyway. She was aware, however, of a tightness in her chest, or was it in her head, that was bringing back the misgivings she had experienced the day they had left Perlatonga. She couldn’t remember exactly what they were now, except she’d had a feeling that one day they would return. And the feeling, she suddenly remembered, hadn’t been a good one, as though some inner sense was trying to warn her to stay away. She looked at Lizzy and felt the coldness of anger start to leave her.
‘I’m sorry,’ Lizzy whispered. ‘I shouldn’t have said that. It was totally uncalled for and I apologize.’
Rhiannon took a breath, started to speak and found nothing came out. ‘No, I’m sorry,’ she finally managed. ‘I shouldn’t have reacted like that, I shouldn’t have said those things . . . It was just the shock, I suppose.’ She focused her eyes intently on Lizzy’s. ‘Have you thought this through?’ she said. ‘I mean, obviously you have, but . . . Well, I thought you were adamant that the bush wasn’t for you, that you couldn’t bear to live anywhere but London . . .’
‘I thought I was too,’ Lizzy said, ‘but now I’m not so sure. I still think about him all the time, I still write to him even though I’ve stopped sending the letters. I keep imagining what my life would be like down there, how fulfilled I might be, or bored, or happy, or excited, or cut off . . . I try all the scenarios and I keep coming back to the same thing, that I have to give it a go. That destiny, or fate, call it what you will, brought us together for a reason and I have to find out what that reason is. I could be wrong, obviously I could. It might just be the cravings of a sexually deprived forty-year-old that are driving me, but my instincts are telling me that it’s more.’
Rhiannon was quiet as she thought about her own instincts and wondered whether she should voice them. ‘I have to ask this,’ she said in the end. ‘How can you be so sure he still wants you when he’s never called or written or even acknowledged the copy of the programme we sent him?’
‘I can’t,’ Lizzy answered dolefully. ‘Nor can I explain the way I feel, I just feel it. OK, I’m probably going to make a total idiot of myself by turning up on him, but I know I’m going to do it. I don’t know when, I just know I will.’
‘Won’t you even call him when you get to Johannesburg?’
‘I hadn’t planned to. Hell, I haven’t planned anything yet. I just know that I’m going to go. I’ll drop the bombshell on Sally and Morgan, on Monday, then . . .’ she shrugged, ‘we’ll wait and see. I’ll go when I feel the time is right.’
Rhiannon nodded, but it was clear that she was still finding this news hard to adjust to. ‘There’s never been anything stopping him getting in touch with you,’ she pointed out.
‘I know. And if he wanted me to be a part of his life he’d let me know. At least you’d think he would. But he isn’t letting me know, probably because he doesn’t want me, doesn’t even think about me.’
‘I’m sure he does,’ Rhiannon protested. ‘But if that’s what you think then I just don’t understand why you’re doing this.’
Neither do I. I told you, I can’t explain it. And maybe when the time comes I will call him beforehand and tell him I’m on my way. I just don’t know. All I know right now is that I’m not staying with Check It Out. Who knows, maybe it’s time to set the bird free and see whether it flies or falls without us. I know we hadn’t ever planned to do that, but it seems that life has another agenda for us now, and doing what it has to you, it’s made me see that we were in danger of becoming satisfied, even smug, with the success we’ve had and lazy about trying anything new. So perhaps it’s time we did. We’ve both spent the best part of our lives in television and maybe we’ll spend the rest of them there too, but right now we’ve got some time out and it could be that someone somewhere is trying to tell us something.’
Rhiannon smiled. ‘Obviously you think they are, or you wouldn’t be going to South Africa.’
Lizzy’s eyebrows went up as she shrugged. ‘We’ll see. I think the important thing is that we both move forward.’
Rhiannon instantly felt herself shrink from the prospect. Then with a wry smile, she said, ‘Subtle, but I’m getting the message.’
Lizzy smiled too. ‘Seeing Oliver isn’t going to change anything,’ she said softly, ‘and you know it. It’s just going to cause you more pain and confuse you to the point that you might never let go.’ Her eyes were imbued with feeling as she went on. ‘Believe me, I know what you’re going through. I know what it’s like to suddenly run out of road and go over a cliff you had no idea was there.’ She gave a mirthless laugh. ‘It’s hell on earth having your dreams ripped apart and your life suddenly change course on you and if I knew the best way of handling it, believe me, I’d have told you three months ago. But what I can tell you is that I won’t be going anywhere until you’re ready to grasp the nettle and take the new path that’s been set for you. And whatever that path is, I can tell you now it’s got sod-all to do with a music quiz.’
Despite the tears in her eyes Rhiannon laughed. ‘I need the money,’ she pointed out. ‘And the contract’s only until March.’
‘Starting when?’
‘The middle of October.’
Lizzy nodded. ‘When’s Galina’s wedding?’ she asked.
Rhiannon frowned. ‘Uh, October I think. I don’t remember the exact date.’
Lizzy sucked her lips thoughtfully between her teeth, while keeping her eyes fixed on Rhiannon’s. ‘Why don’t you go?’ she said finally. ‘Getting away from here for a while might do you good. OK, I know a wedding is going to be pretty hard to take at this point in your life, especially Galina’s, but think of it this way: at least you’re getting to see life taking its revenge for what she did to you.’
‘How?’ Rhiannon said, screwing up her nose.
&n
bsp; ‘Would you want to marry someone who’d killed his wife and got away with it?’ Lizzy responded.
Rhiannon chuckled. ‘Point taken,’ she said.
‘And considering how publicity shy the man is,’ Lizzy went on, ‘if you managed to get yourself some kind of scoop, well, just think what an interview with Max Romanov would do for your career – both sides of the Atlantic.’
Rhiannon was shaking her head and laughing. ‘You’re incorrigible,’ she said.
‘But I’m right.’
‘You’re also crazy if you think he’s going to confess to me, on camera, that, actually, by the way, his wife’s death was murder.’
‘He doesn’t have to, we all know it was and we’re all fascinated to know how he managed to turn it into a mishap half-way through the preliminary hearings. But I don’t suppose we ever will,’ she added ruefully. ‘No, all you have to do is get him to chat about himself, or Galina, or his companies, his house, his kids – does he have kids? Yes, I thought he did. Get him to talk about being a single parent. Better still, get him to talk about what he’s done to help his kids deal with their mother’s death.’
Rhiannon’s face was in her hands as she laughed. ‘You’re unstoppable,’ she said. ‘And who was it saying just now that it’s time for a change from TV?’
‘I only said it might be,’ Lizzy retorted. ‘And for an interview like that I’d make a comeback. Except you’d be better at it than me, it’s more your kind of thing.’
‘Don’t let’s get carried away,’ Rhiannon said. ‘To begin with he’d never agree to it, even if I had the nerve to ask, which I wouldn’t. And to end with I haven’t even decided if I’m going.’
Lizzy’s eyes narrowed. ‘I thought you said just now that you’d like to see Galina again,’ she said.
Rhiannon grimaced. ‘I’m curious,’ she said.
‘Well she’s pretty big-time famous now,’ Lizzy pointed out. ‘What’s the name of the make-up again? Conspiracy, isn’t it? I bet she’d give you an interview. Actually, if you could get them both together for an interview you’d have every network on the planet knocking at your door. You know, the more I think about this, the more convinced I am you have to go to that wedding. I imagine it’s a strictly private affair. Well, it has to be, because it hasn’t hit the news at all, at least not that I’ve heard.’
