He glanced over at Miriam, who had started him down this path to healing. She was smiling as she laced up the boots. "Wow. My feet are warmer already."
"That's the point," Duncan said, forcing a cheerful note into his voice.
She shot him a puzzled glance, as if she sensed something was off.
"I like those boots," Celia said, jumping off the bench to get a closer look. "Can I have a pair?"
"I believe we have matching boots for your daughter," the clerk said, a hopeful tone in her voice.
Very sneaky.
Duncan didn’t bother to correct her though. And of course, Celia looked directly at him, the one who was financing these proceedings.
She tilted her head just so, gave him exactly the right smile, blinked her eyes, and he was undone.
Two pairs of boots and many dollars later, they walked out of the store.
Miriam stopped, clutching the carrier bag holding her boots and laid her arm on Duncan's arm. "Thank you. That was so generous of you. You didn't have to."
"Merry Christmas," he said, touching her cheek with his finger.
"You have to touch her nose," Celia said, swinging her own bag back and forth. "Like you do with me."
Duncan chuckled and obliged, and then Celia caught his hand in hers, handing him her bag. "Can you carry this for me?"
It joined the other bag he was carrying, and then Celia frowned. "Dunkle, can you put Jane in the bag?"
"Do you think she'll like being in there?" Duncan asked as he obliged, surprised at this turn of events.
"I want to hold your hand and Miriam's hand, and I can't if I'm carrying Jane," Celia said matter-of-factly, as she grabbed Miriam's free hand.
As the three of them walked down the mall Duncan shot Miriam a curious glance and wasn't surprised to see her watching him. She gave him a cautious smile and then, together they looked down at Celia.
We're like a little family.
And somehow, the thought didn't bother him like it once would have had.
And somehow, he knew that Christmas, a holiday he normally dreaded, might not be so bad this year.
If Miriam was staying that long.
Chapter 15
"Have you had a chance to try out your new boots yet?" Duncan's deep voice resonated in my ear, making me smile.
"They're on my feet as we speak." I tucked my cell phone between my ear and shoulder as I knelt down and helped Celia untie her boots "Celia and I just came back from a walk." It was Saturday now and Esther had come over again. I wanted to give her some privacy, so I thought this would be an excellent opportunity to try out my new boots.
"Did Celia wear hers, too?"
"Oh yes." I pulled her boots off, then helped her with her jacket. She was humming a song, clearly in a good mood. Her cheeks were a bright red that made me smile. "We have a play date this afternoon at a park to go sliding, so she'll get to use them then as well."
"And so will you."
"With much gratitude. How is work going?" I asked, as I rose and hung her coat up and put her boots away.
"Can I have a snack?" Celia whispered and I nodded.
"It's going." I could hear equipment running in the background that slowly faded away, then the slam of a door. "Somehow the crew managed not to break anything while I was gone, so that's a plus."
Duncan had apologized for not coming by today or doing anything with us. I tried to tell him that it didn't matter. I knew he had to work.
Besides, in spite of me wanting him to be more involved, things had shifted so much between us, I needed a bit of mental space to process my own changing emotions. The new place I had found myself in. I didn’t need to hurry back to Vancouver but I knew I couldn’t stay forever.
Can’t you?
I pushed the thought aside. Too soon.
"Thanks again for the boots." I placed said boots on a rack inside the porch entrance, smiling at their cheerful color. "I feel like I should have protested more, but they kept my feet warm so I'm happy you thought of them.”
"If you're happy, I'm happy," he said as I walked into the kitchen. Celia was already sitting down at the eating bar, patiently waiting for her snack.
"I got a call from Phil early this morning,” I told him. “He says he’ll need access to Jerrod’s office in the next week before he finalizes the estate." I poured her some milk and pulled a cookie out of a container that I had taken out of the freezer this morning.
"I'd say finally, but that would be redundant."
"Someone pulled out their thesaurus this morning."
"Someone is smarter than someone else thinks," he returned. "I'm not just a dumb logger-slash-rancher."
"I never thought you were."
I felt a tiny shiver at the delightful inanity of our conversation. The kind between…well…girlfriend and boyfriend. Which was crazy, because we hadn't even gone on anything resembling a date.
"Did he say what time he wanted to come?" he asked.
I leaned my elbows on the counter, allowing myself this domestic moment. Watching my daughter eating a cookie, drinking milk, humming her pleasure while I talked to Duncan.
"First thing Tuesday morning. I’ll have to let Esther know.”
"She still cleaning up the office?”
“I guess.” Though it didn’t seem like she was making a lot of headway.
“So what are you doing tonight?"
The words, so ordinary, seemed rife with meaning.
"Putting Celia to bed early. Watching a movie."
"You want some company?"
Another shiver fingered down my spine.
"I think I'd like that a lot."
While we made plans, Celia jumped off the chair and hopped over to the living room, where Jane sat on a chair. To my surprise, she had left Jane behind when we went for our walk, stating that Jane didn't have the same boots that we did, so it was better she didn't come on the walk or the play date.
I was surprised how much I looked forward to the play date. After my morning with the women in the café, I found I missed the company of other women.
"I can bring some pizza and maybe we could all eat together," he suggested.
"And that would be nice, too."
The door of the office opened, and as Esther stepped into the kitchen I felt guilty that I was talking to her brother and that I didn't want her to know. Everything between Duncan and I was so fragile. New. I wasn't sure myself what to do, only that I felt as if I hung suspended between past and future, not sure which direction my life would take.
Esther was looking down at the envelope in her hand, then jumped when she saw me.
"I thought you and Celia…I didn't hear you…" She held the envelope close, as if it held some treasure she had discovered. "I didn't know you were back."
I held up my phone instead of replying and she nodded, walking quickly toward the porch.
"I should go," I said, turning my head and lowering my voice. "Esther is here."
"See you tonight?"
"You bet." And that's all I was going to say with Esther just around the corner.
I ended the call, then walked over to Esther.
"Sorry. I didn't know you were talking on the phone," she said, zipping up her coat.
"That's okay. How is it going cleaning up the office? You sure you don't need any help?"
Esther shook her head as she grabbed the envelope off the deacon's bench, frowning as she looked at me. "So, how are things with you?"
Her question puzzled me. "Fine, since last we spoke."
She took a step and looked around the corner, probably to see where Celia was, then stepped back, lowering her voice. "I thought you were moving back to Vancouver after Celia's birthday."
I held her narrowed gaze, wondering why this mattered to her.
"I'm not sure anymore…" I let the sentence trail off. I didn’t think I wanted to tell her that I had quit, or been pushed to quitting.
"Not sure about what?"
I a
lmost stepped back at the harsh tone in her voice.
"A week ago, you and I both agreed that Celia needed to be with Duncan," Esther continued, her frown deepening with each word she spoke. "You told me that this was your plan all along and that you were leaving. What aren't you sure of?"
How I feel about your brother. The hope creeping into my life.
But I couldn't say any of these things aloud.
"You still agree that Celia should stay here, don't you?" she pressed.
"I believe that firmly," I said, thankful I could say this with conviction. I just wasn't sure where I fit in the scenario.
"Good. You also need to know that I'm willing to help Duncan out when you leave."
When I leave.
"Because I think it best if you still do," she continued.
I didn't want her to see how much her comment bothered me, so I kept my features impassive and said nothing.
"We can't have Celia feeling confused," she added, then glanced at her watch. "I better go. I promised Mom I'd help her do some baking for tomorrow. She said Duncan is bringing Celia home tomorrow after church. So that's good that he's showing some initiative."
I just smiled, forcing myself not to feel edged out. Then I reminded myself that Duncan had invited me, as well.
"Will you be finishing up in Jerrod's office soon?" I asked.
She gave me an odd look, her eyes narrowing. “You haven’t been in there at all?”
“No. No need to.”
“Okay. I’ll finish up on Monday. Will you still be here?"
I just nodded, wondering why she thought I was leaving that quickly when I hadn’t said anything one way or the other. It was as if she was hinting to me to leave sooner.
"I see," Esther said. "I'll see you then."
She closed the door behind her and I stayed where I was a moment, gathering my tumbled emotions.
Trouble was, I wasn't sure where to put them. The more time I spent with Celia, the harder I knew it would be to go. The thought of leaving her was like cutting off my arm, yet I knew I couldn't take her with me.
And the more time I spent with Duncan, the more I felt I had a reason to stay.
I felt as if I were balancing precariously on a rope, not sure how quickly to move to get across this uncertain place.
Or what would be on the other side when I got there.
As he waited for Miriam, Duncan eased himself back on the couch staring at the Christmas tree. The twinkling lights and the music flowing from the stereo created a festive air. And now he was drinking a cup of coffee and waiting for Miriam to come downstairs. He had offered to help her put Celia to bed, but was secretly thankful when Miriam said she could do it herself. He was exhausted.
It had been a busy and tiring day. Skyline's rep had come out and given them yet another list of new quality control standards they had to follow. Plus, told them that they might be cut back on their quota next year. He was getting more tired of all the crap he had to deal with. He should get out while he could.
He took another sip and put his feet up on the leather ottoman, easing out a sigh as he rubbed his temple. The lights of the Christmas tree twinkled from one corner of the room, and he had put on the Christmas music station again. He pulled in a sigh, just taking in the ambience.
The best part of the day was coming here. Stepping into this house, seeing Miriam in the kitchen smiling at him, having Celia come running up to him with her usual enthusiasm and throwing her arms around him.
It wasn't his house, but it sure felt like home.
Eating supper together around the kitchen table eased away the hundreds of times he ate alone, in front of the television, half of the time not even aware of what he shoved into his mouth. Or the many times he ate in the café because he didn't want to sit at home alone.
As they shared the meal and listened to Celia's chatter about all the sliding she did on her play date and how much fun it was, he felt a sense of well-being rise up.
And the thought that he could really get used to this.
A creak on the stairs made him look up, and he smiled again as Miriam came down. She was looking at him as well.
"She settle down okay?" Duncan asked, sitting up.
"She was tired. That walk this morning and the play date this afternoon wore her right out."
"You wouldn’t have guessed from the way she was yakking at supper time," Duncan said getting up as Miriam walked into the living room, hesitating, as if not sure where she should sit. He thought he would help her out. "Come here. I've got something for you."
"What?"
Duncan reached beside him and pulled out the bag holding the gifts he had taken with him, and laid them out on the coffee table.
He had found some old wrapping paper in the closet in Tasha's room and had taken the time to wrap up the pad of paper, the pencils and the pencil crayons, spurred on by a comment she had made all those years ago. The first time they had been together. He remembered her saying how exciting it was the first time she got a gift that was wrapped up in pretty paper. So he had taken the time to wrap each item up individually.
"What's this all about?" she said, slowly walking closer, as if drawn on by the shiny packages reflecting the lights of the Christmas tree and the fire in the fireplace.
"It was supposed to be a Christmas present, but I couldn't wait. I know you are probably running out of things to do, so I figured you could use something to keep you occupied." He threw out the words casually, assuming that she would need to fill her days here in Holmes Crossing. Not in Vancouver.
She released a light laugh, shaking her head as if trying to figure this all out. "But I didn't—"
"Get you anything?" He finished for her. Then laughed. "It's okay. Sometimes you are allowed to just receive."
"I meant to say, I didn't expect to get anything," she said as she sat down beside him.
"Oh. So I might be getting something after all?"
"No questions at Christmas, remember?"
He laughed again, watching her as she reached out to touch the packages almost reverently, making him glad he took the time to wrap them up. "It seems a shame to open them," she said, fingering the ribbon that took him about fifteen minutes to tie just right.
"You could just look at them."
"That's what I feel like doing." She laughed again. "When I lived with Jerrod's family, I used to sneak down early Christmas morning, sit on the floor and just look at all the gifts. I never even wanted to unwrap them."
Duncan felt a twinge of sympathy for a young girl whose life was so devoid of joy and happiness that all it took was the sight of a wrapped gift to make her happy.
"How many Christmases did you have with them?"
"Enough to know how it was supposed to work," Miriam said giving him a grin. "Don't worry, I won’t sit and stare at these all night, though I can't believe you wrapped them so nicely."
"A job worth doing is worth doing well," he said, taking one of the packages of pencils and handing it to her. "Start with this."
She unwrapped it slowly, carefully peeling the paper back. She stopped and stared at the pencils then looked over at him. "You bought these at the bookstore."
"I did, and although I was told that Peevey's had better supplies, I thought you could start with these."
"They're perfect." She opened the package and took one out, testing the point with her fingertip. Then she picked up the other presents and just as methodically unwrapped them as well, saving the tin of colored pencils for last.
"Oh wow. These are amazing," she said, her voice filled with awe, holding up the tin as if to examine them better. "I had a set like this…" She stopped, then set it down, turning to him, her smile tremulous. "I can't believe you did this for me." She hooked her arm around his neck and kissed him. She drew back, her eyes still shining. "That's the nicest thing anyone has done for me in years."
He slipped his arms around her and held her closer. He wasn't sure what to say, so instead, he
kissed her again. She melted into his embrace, her fingers tangling in his hair as their lips moved over each other, arms tightening, breaths mingling.
Slowly, she drew away, her hands trailing down his neck, coming to rest on his chest. He saw her swallow again and his own breath came quicker than before.
He traced the line of her cheek, her soft lips, exploring her features, then he cupped her face in his hand, his other arm still holding her close.
"You make me feel alive," he whispered, afraid that speaking too loudly would ruin the moment.
Her eyes met his, and in their depths he read an answering emotion.
He toyed with her hair, trying not to think too far ahead. Instead, he chose to go back. To the first time they were together.
"Do you ever think about that summer?" he asked.
She said nothing for a moment, her fingers toying with the button on his shirt. "I do, actually."
"So I know I might sound like a total loser, but why didn't you ever call me? After Jerrod and Francine's wedding. Why didn't you return my calls or texts?"
Duncan's words dug up old memories. Old insecurities that returned to haunt me. I wanted to push away and give myself some distance.
"Why do you want to know?" I asked. "That's old history."
"Maybe, but I want to get it out of the way. And I want it out of the way because I feel like that will help us move forward."
Did I dare think this could happen? With this man who had always occupied a corner of my heart and life? With the past I would drag into his present?
I rested my head against his shoulder, carefully picking through my memories. "I enjoyed our dates and our time together. You need to know that. I started to think that maybe things could work between us," I said, deciding which words to pry out from my past. "But when I got back to the States and my lousy job and my crappy apartment, I really saw the differences between us. I wasn't…wasn't living a good life. I had made some wrong choices, and seeing you and your family only underlined how different my life was from yours. I didn't feel like I was worthy of you. It didn't help that I got a text from Jerrod a few days after I got back. He told me that you were a great guy and I should be careful. I knew what he was saying." I took a breath, my heart pushing hard against my chest as I debated what to tell him next.
This Place: Holmes Crossing Book 3 Page 22
