Being around him had a strange effect on me, and I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what it was specifically that did it to me. I mean yes he was a beautiful specimen, but I had been around attractive men before. It’s not like I lived in a cave. But I really couldn’t put my finger on what it was about him that was beyond appealing.
“Where were you thinking?” I asked, knowing my answer was going to be yes no matter what the destination.
“Madison Park?”
Madison Park was one of my favorite parks in Seattle. There was beach access, and plenty of places to spread out on a sunny day. It was also a highly populated beach, which was in its favor.
Taking my silence as a no, he shook his head. “You’re a hard nut to crack.”
I froze. His words hit me like a slap to the face. My brother always told me that growing up. Without thinking, I had to ask. I had to know.
“How well do you know Aaron?” I asked, bracing myself for an answer I didn’t want to hear.
He crossed his arms, the playfulness falling from his face. He took a step back and leaned against the trailer, the silence between us building.
Jason let out an unsteady breath and looked toward the brick building before connecting his gaze with mine. The crushing weight of his silence buried me with every passing second.
“No matter how much I want to spend time with you, I’m not gonna lie to you…”
I raised a brow.
“I’ve known your brother for years. He’s a really close friend of mine.”
I looked away, forcing back the unexpected tears, as I pretended to focus on the bike. His admission was innocent enough, but the realization that my brother lived an entirely full life, apart from me, wasn’t something I’d ever let my mind think about. I never once allowed myself to go there. In my mind, no matter how unreasonable, he was friendless, moneyless, and loveless.
“He’s not a bad guy,” Jason muttered. “You should give him a chance.”
The fury ignited once I realized what was really going on here. It wasn’t that Jason wanted to take me out or go on a ride. Aaron sent him on a mission, and my feelings, once again, were an unfortunate byproduct of my brother’s plan.
“I think I’ll take a rain check on that,” I told him, feeling the control slowly seep back into my grasp.
Jason nodded, shoving his hand into his pocket. “I’ll get the paperwork for you.”
“Thanks.”
He went to the Jeep and opened the passenger side door. I heard him rummaging through some papers as I stared at the bike, wondering what in the universe I did wrong. The rejection was seeping into my heart, but I wasn’t sure if it was from ten years ago or now.
“Here’s everything you’ll need. If anything comes up, my number’s on the card that’s stapled there,” he replied, handing me a custom helmet full of papers. His eyes looked distant, somber, probably because he didn’t keep up his end of the bargain for my brother.
“Perfect.” I refused to let him see how hurt I was.
Between mistakenly letting my imagination run wild with possibilities about Jason, and then my brother forcing himself into my life again, all I wanted to do was hop on this bike and never come back. Not to mention the fact that I really wasn’t all that into selling cheese for a living.
“I hope that you’ll—”
“Let’s not do this,” I told him, folding the papers and shoving them into my pocket.
“Fair enough,” he replied, his expression unreadable.
I swung my left leg over the bike. I may have promised Brandy that I wouldn’t ride tonight, but that was when we both thought tonight was going to end a lot different. I pulled the helmet over my head and strapped it in place.
“Later,” I mumbled, flipping the kickstand and starting the ignition. The rumble of the bike felt good under my fingertips as I released the clutch to accelerate. I waited for a car to pass and turned the bike in the opposite direction. Adding throttle so the bike took off quickly, I left Jason and my brother far behind as I rode down the city streets to anywhere but here.
“So how’s Lily doing?” I asked.
“No. You can’t do that. Not gonna let you get away with that,” Brandy said, placing her hand on her hip. She furrowed her brow and gave me her best attempt at a grumpy face, but it failed miserably.
“Do what?” I asked innocently.
Unfortunately, obligation and responsibility had rerouted me right back to our parking garage after I peeled out in front of Jason. I added a few extra minutes as I rode around the block a couple times to ensure he had left, but I still managed to arrive after Brandy got back home. So much for my ‘ride free with the wind’ routine.
“You know what? You’re in trouble,” she scolded me, shaking her head.
“It was just a little ride,” I said, avoiding her eyes. “Literally around the block. Believe me, I wanted it to be a longer ride, but I wouldn’t take a chance like that. I wasn’t in my gear.”
“Why didn’t you say that?” she asked in exasperation.
“You didn’t give me a chance,” I replied. “But seriously, how’s Lily?”
“I want to know how Jason is.” She winked.
“Well, let’s see. My bikini bottom floated off, which normally wouldn’t factor into a conversation about a guy, except for the tiny fact that you let him in on your way out, and you didn’t bring me a towel.”
“Oh no.” Her hands cupped her mouth, her eyes huge.
“Yup.”
“Did you see him in the family room before he saw you, at least?” she asked. “That’s where I plopped him.”
“Is that ever how my life works out?”
She started laughing. “I’m so sorry.”
“It sounds like it.” I couldn’t help but laugh as I remembered the look on Jason’s face. It was a perfect mixture of intrigue, horror, and amusement. “Well, as I was crawling out of the hot tub, that’s when he decided to come out on the balcony. You know how there’s good naked and bad naked?”
She nodded, walking toward the family room and I followed, zeroing in on the couch.
“This was definitely the bad naked. He caught me mid-air, leg up as if I was practicing martial arts. I shudder to think of all the parts he saw.”
I sat in the spot where Jason had been only a few hours earlier, and if I was one of those crazy girls, I’d almost swear I still felt him here. But I wasn’t.
I looked around the family room that was still too bare for my liking. I enjoyed stuff, and there wasn’t enough of it spread around the place. Our bookshelves were still bare, and even the fireplace mantle was empty. Brandy had grabbed a huge bouquet of flowers from Pike Place Market and had arranged them on the coffee table, but it wasn’t enough.
“I’ve gotta start hauling boxes out of our storage unit,” I told her.
“I like how it is,” Brandy objected.
She was a neat freak. Not to say I was messy, but I preferred my spaces to be cozy, not sterile.
“There’s nothing on most of the shelves,” I said.
“Easier to dust that way,” she replied. “Besides you had our place in college completely filled up, and besides, you’re trying to divert my attention away from Jason. Now fill me in.”
“That’s kind of the highlight. It went downhill from there,” I confessed. “The bike is beautiful. I’ll give him that, but I honestly think he was sent here on a mission from Aaron. At least that’s how it felt, so it deteriorated pretty quickly.”
“Ooooh. Sorry,” she replied. “I wouldn’t have guessed it.”
I shrugged. “So how’s Lily doing in the hipster capital of the world?”
“Not good. She loves her job, but you know how she gets,” she said. “I guess her boss has been hinting some stuff to her and…”
“Oh no. Not again,” I groaned. Lily had never been known for wise dating choices. “As long as she doesn’t date the boss, she should be fine.”
“That’s the pr
oblem.” Brandy’s eyes got huge. “Or his son. I’m not really sure which one she has her eye on.”
“You’d think she would’ve learned her lesson from the whole dating the professor thing.” I sighed and immediately began to feel better about my predicament.
“She still argues it was fine because she didn’t take any classes from him after it started.” Brandy rolled her eyes and shook her head.
“Wanna know what I think?”
Brandy nodded and pulled a furry, silver pillow to her chest.
“She misses her first love and wishes he never got away.”
“You mean from high school? What was that kid’s name?” she asked.
“I don’t actually remember, but whenever she brought him up she’d get all googly-eyed. I think he’s untouchable in her eyes. Sometimes I wonder if that’s the way to go…”
“Let’s hope not or we’re really in trouble,” she laughed, tossing the pillow aside. “I brought home some coconut marshmallows in case you wanted to make my favorite cookies.”
“That sounds like a perfect way to start the weekend,” I agreed, hopping off the couch. Plus, it would help me keep my mind off things.
“I can fill you in on Lily’s dating dilemma too,” she said, wiggling her brows.
“I don’t think I can handle the Lily saga tonight,” I confessed.
“That bummed about Jason?” she asked, her eyes softening.
“That bummed about the idea of Jason. There’s no way I can be sad over a guy I don’t even know.”
Or could I? I had been fantasizing about him since the bridge. His eyes, his sense of humor, and his ability to make me swoon over the slightest look sent me over the moon. And there was something so intense about him. My heart sank knowing I wasn’t going to find out more about him. “Thanks to my brother.”
“What about your brother?” Brandy asked.
Not realizing I had said the last part aloud I cringed as she stared at me. There was something she wanted to tell me but was holding back. I could see it in her eyes.
“Let me hear it. I know you want to say something about it.”
“I’m not sure I want to tell you anything until you start the cookies. You might not want to speak to me after.” She twisted her lips in contemplation. I could tell she was trying to formulate the best way to bring up my brother.
I went to the kitchen and grabbed two sticks of butter out of the fridge. One stick was for the dough, the other for the icing.
Looking in the pantry, I scanned the shelves for the bag of coconut marshmallows. Spotting it, I grabbed the bag and tore it open.
“See? I’m committed now. The bag will go stale unless I use them.” I smiled. “Now ‘fess up.”
She sat at the breakfast bar and spun back and forth on the seat, biting her lip as she watched me begin to make the dough. I had this recipe memorized. Actually, I had most of my cookie recipes memorized. Growing up, I’d always helped my mom make cookies from ‘old family recipes’ that she often tweaked along the way. That’s how I got the coconut marshmallow recipe. It was actually a sugar cookie recipe that grew as I was in college and became addicted to coconut.
“I know your dad canceled on you today. But he always does. And I don’t think you should count on him to give you the answers about your brother. I know you say you’ve moved on, and it doesn’t bother you, but I don’t believe it.”
I grabbed a marshmallow out of the bag and set it on the breakfast bar for her.
“I’m not saying you have to believe him or nominate him for a brother of the year award or anything but…”
Positioning the mixer into the butter and sugar mixture, I flipped it on to drown her out. The problem was that she was right. Since I knew he was floating around town, I was spending far too much energy trying not to think about what he’d been up to the last ten years or why he left. Not to mention flying off the handle at Jason. Okay, maybe I didn’t fly off the handle, but there had been a definite tantrum.
I turned off the mixer and looked at Brandy.
“I know you’re right. I completely went nutso on Jason, and in hindsight, all he said was that my brother was a nice guy,” I sighed, voicing my stupidity about the situation.
“You don’t have to make any rash decisions, but I think it’s bothering you far more than you’re letting on, and even if it’s only to move on, then I think that’s worth it too,” she said. She took a bite of the marshmallow and grinned at me. “Besides anyone who’s friends with Jason can’t be all that bad,” she teased.
“Best friends,” I corrected. “Maybe I’ll text Jason and go from there.”
“Nice… work him into the plan.” She grinned, grabbing my phone off the breakfast bar. “Actually…” Her eyes lit up as she turned the phone toward me, waving it in front of me. “You got a text from him.”
My head started pounding. “Him who? Him my brother or him Jason?” I questioned.
“Him Jason,” she said, sliding off the stool.
“Shit. I was thinking like next week or the week after.” I started backpedaling. “What’s the text say?”
“Would still love the cup of coffee sometime …ornery or not”
I wasn’t sure what I was expecting, but my heart did a somersault and then followed up with a nice, fat belly flop. I wanted more…
“Don’t tap on the screen. We want to make it look like it’s been unread,” I told her.
“Serious?” She arched her brow. “That’s like grade school.”
“At least I’m not threatening to get a new number,” I teased.
She plopped the phone on the counter and smiled. “True. I guess I should be happy that you’re taking baby steps instead of crawling into the fetal position.”
“Whatever. I’m not that bad, but I want a peaceful weekend full of cookies and movies. I’ll deal with the rest of the stuff next week.”
“I’ve heard that before,” she scolded me. “And it never works out for you.”
I scooped the dough onto the cookie sheet and tried to ignore the nagging feeling of disappointment her statement forced upon me. That was part of the problem with having friends for more than a year. They heard the big dreams and saw the catastrophic failures and somehow always knew when to dangle one or the other in front of a person. I knew she did it with love, but it didn’t make me feel any better. Brandy knew when my dreams were born, heard them all. She saw them change to avoid failure and watched them grow to please my father. And now here I was, not even a summer into my chosen career, already dreading Monday mornings.
I placed the first dozen in the oven and turned on the timer.
“Okay. I’ll text him.” I grabbed the phone and touched his text, bringing me to the empty screen of dread. “I was a little dramatic with my exit.” I told her, glancing at the mixing bowl.
“How dramatic?” she asked.
“I might have revved the bike as I did a U-turn in the street, and that was after I turned him down for a ride after initially agreeing.”
“And he’s still texting you?” She smiled and stuck her finger in the dough.
She had a point. What was wrong with him?
I exhaled and placed the phone back on the counter.
“Let’s wait until the cookies are done.”
She rolled her eyes, and I grabbed a spatula and began lifting the cookies off the tray. Brandy snuck one, and I began heating up marshmallows, butter, and vanilla in a small pot for the glaze.
“To die for, girl. Like usual,” she sang, licking her fingertips. She put the next tray of cookies in the oven for me as I continued stirring the icing.
“What if he wants to go out tomorrow morning?”
“Seriously? You’re considering giving up a Saturday morning sleep-in session for him? This must be serious,” she joked. “I’ve tried for years to get you up on the weekends to go jogging with me.”
“Uh. Yeah. You said it right there. Jogging. Who wants to wake up early for that?” I tur
ned the stove off and began dribbling the icing over the first batch of cookies. “Waking up for Jason, no question.”
She grabbed a potholder and grabbed the tray out of the oven as I debated if I was ready for another encounter so soon.
“It probably won’t be for tomorrow since he cancelled in the first place.”
“True,” she agreed.
A loud pounding at our front door broke me out of my spell, which scared the bejesus out of me. The knock wasn’t a soft, neighborly knock. This was filled with urgency and determination.
“Who the heck?” Brandy asked, as she smacked another round form of dough on the tray.
“Maybe it’s Jason,” I teased. I wiped my hands on the kitchen towel and walked quickly to the door, dodging a sofa table we had pushed against the foyer wall. I looked through the peephole and dread filled me as Aaron, my brother, stood staring back at me. He was dressed in a tee and jeans, his hands shoved in his pockets.
“Who’s at the door?” Brandy called from the kitchen.
Crap!
I didn’t want to holler back because he’d know I was right by the door and now that she’d yelled, he probably knew we’re here.
“It’s Aaron,” my brother’s voice rumbled through the door.
Guess it wasn’t probably anymore.
Brandy turned the corner into the hallway as the admission was uttered. Her eyes widened and a grimace appeared along her lips.
“Are you gonna open the door?” she whispered, now standing right next to me, cookie in hand.
“I hope she is,” Aaron laughed as he stood on the other side of the door, which just annoyed me. He wasn’t supposed to have fun in this world. He was supposed to be riddled with guilt.
I scowled at her and placed my hand on the knob. Taking a deep breath in, I twisted the knob and opened the door.
There he was, my long-lost brother, standing in front of me as if he’d been at my door a hundred times before, but he hadn’t. Ten years had gone by, and apparently he hadn’t had the slightest interest in me, until now. But why now?
Beyond Control Page 8
