by Amy Ruttan
A zing shot through her body and she blushed again at his suggestion. He was right. He couldn’t spend the night here. What had happened here between them tonight was a secret. No one else could know because it could ruin both of their reputations.
“You’d better go, but promise me you won’t go back to the hospital.” She knew it was futile. She knew he was going back to the hospital. He was dedicated. It was another thing she loved about him.
Loved?
No, that couldn’t be. She wasn’t ready and he was off limits, but Sam was so easy to be with and it scared her to death.
What am I doing? She didn’t know.
“What’s wrong?” Sam asked, as he finished buttoning his shirt.
“What do you mean?” Mindy asked.
“Something changed. Your demeanor.”
“Nothing,” she said.
“No, it’s something.”
“It’s nothing.” Who was she kidding? It was. It was turning into something fast and she was scared.
Sam knew it was something, even though she was denying it. Something had changed. They’d been having an easy conversation and then her walls had gone up again. Maybe it was something he’d done, but then when he’d told her he couldn’t promise her any more than what had happened between them she had still been amiable.
“Well, I think I’ll head out.”
Mindy nodded, but would barely look at him. “I’ll see you in the morning. You’re on my service again.”
“Unless I’m forced to work on my mother’s.”
Mindy’s head snapped up. “What?”
Sam sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed. “She’s demanding that I join her in the OR for her experimental surgery on one of Dr. Chang’s patients.”
“The brain surgery.”
“Yes.”
“Well, are you familiar with the patient?” Mindy asked.
“Yes. Very.”
“Then it makes sense.”
He frowned. “You’re taking her side?”
“No, but I do see why she would want you on the case if you’re familiar with the patient and she’s not.”
Sam snorted. “That’s never stopped her before and, besides, I won’t do much in her OR. She never allows her residents to get their hands dirty.”
“Are you trying to tell me to keep you busy so you don’t end up in her OR?”
Sam snorted again. “I doubt you can stop her.”
“Why? I’m an attending as well.”
“Because she’ll go to Langley.” And he would grant his mother her wish because he was wrapped around his mother’s little finger. Don’t think about it.
“Ah,” Mindy said, nodding. “Yes, he’ll likely cave to a well-known surgeon over me.”
Or cave to a woman he slept with.
Only he didn’t say that thought out loud. Mindy didn’t need to know that. It was embarrassing. Shameful. And he was doing the same here with Mindy. Though he tried to tell himself otherwise. He cared for Mindy and his mother didn’t seem to care about anyone but herself.
They were different.
Were they?
That thought made his stomach twist.
“Well, I’d better go.”
Mindy nodded. “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Right.” Sam lingered, wondering if she’d lean over and kiss him, but she didn’t and maybe that was for the best. He saw himself out of her penthouse and headed out onto the street. He had every good intention of heading back to Brooklyn, just like when he’d originally left the hospital and instead had ended up at Mindy’s place and in her arms.
Her warm, soft arms.
He fought the urge to turn back. He couldn’t go back, because he didn’t want to hurt her, because he didn’t want to promise her something that he couldn’t give her.
He never wanted to hurt her. He didn’t want to be like his mother.
Instead, he headed back to the hospital to torture himself further. He wanted to be there by Michael’s bedside if he passed on. Sam felt it was his duty to be by his patient’s side. Although it pained him to watch a child lose the battle for life, he wanted to be there. To say goodbye.
When he walked into the residents’ locker room his phone rang. It was Kimberlyn.
“You know what time it is?” Sam teased, as he answered the call from his former roommate.
“Why are you answering, then?” she teased.
“Why not?”
“Where are you?” she asked.
“I went back home to sleep and now I’m back at the hospital.”
Kimberlyn snorted. “I don’t believe that for a second.”
“Why? You’re how many miles away? You don’t know what I’m doing.”
“There’s no way you could’ve caught a subway, slept and come back in the amount of time you were gone.”
“Fine. I didn’t go home.” Sam put his phone on hands-free and pulled off his shirt, then pulled on his scrubs.
“Where are you? You’re all echoey.”
“That’s none of your business, Mother.”
Kimberlyn snorted. “Great. You’re in the locker room and probably getting naked. Nasty. I thought you were off? You should go home and sleep.”
“I’ve been busy. So you’ve called to nag me. I have to say I’ve missed it.”
Kimberlyn chuckled. “Me too. I called because I felt like I should and I’ll be up your way in a few days. We’re visiting Enzo’s parents.”
“Good.” Sam was pleased. “I have to go.”
“So do I. I’m headed home, though not to get hot and heavy with Enzo, who is on duty tonight. Where are you headed?”
“Back up to the NICU.”
“I miss nagging you,” she sighed. “I’ll talk to you later.”
“Yes.” They said a few more words and he hung up. He pulled on his lab coat, shut his locker and then made his way to the NICU. The NICU was still dark, just a few nurses and a neonatologist fellow going from room to room, but it was quiet.
He liked the NICU. He liked the quiet, except for tonight. It was too quiet. He headed into Michael’s room and over to the incubator, peering down at the little guy struggling to live.
Live.
Sam sighed and pulled up a chair, grabbing Michael’s chart. “Well, I hope you don’t mind the company tonight, buddy.”
He flipped open the chart, read the last stats and smiled. They’d improved. Michael’s stats had actually improved.
“You’re back?”
Sam looked up and saw Dr. Chang. “You’re still here?”
“It’s my night to do a twenty-four-hour shift. You haven’t answered why you’ve come back. I thought you left?”
“I did for a bit. Just walked around. His stats are better.”
Dr. Chang smiled. “They are. He’s still in danger but he’s turned a bit of a corner.”
“What did you tell the parents?”
“I gave them options, they’re still thinking about them. Of course, if Michael is getting stronger they probably won’t have to worry about them.” Dr. Chang stood on the other side of the incubator and smiled down at the little baby. “Dr. Walker is an excellent surgeon.”
Sam’s stomach flipped over. Did she know? “Yes, she is. I’ve learned a lot from her.”
Dr. Chang glanced up at him. “I’m sure you have.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
Dr. Chang cocked an eyebrow. “What are you implying? I mean you must’ve learned a lot from such a skilled surgeon. Nothing more. Should I be concerned?”
“No. I just…with my mother being here…”
Dr. Chang snorted. “Enough said.”
“How do you feel about her working on Janie?”
He could tell by Dr. Chang’s expression, her furrowed brow and the tense way she stood that she wasn’t too keen on it. “Janie’s parents approved of the surgery. They weren’t coerced. Janie is terminal. If the procedure works then Janie may get more ti
me.”
Sam nodded. He’d expected that answer from Dr. Chang. She was quite diplomatic. He admired that about her.
“Are you going to stay here?” Dr. Chang asked.
“I think so.”
“Catch up on your filing, then. I’ll send an intern in with your charts. Print neatly, your writing is atrocious.” She winked and then left the NICU.
Sam laughed and set Michael’s file back, before leaning back in the rocking chair. He hoped that his mother didn’t force him to work on her surgery. He hoped she picked another resident so rumors wouldn’t begin to fly.
He’d rather work with Mindy on her service. His blood heated as he thought of Mindy and the fact he’d left her again, naked in bed. At least this time he hadn’t had to sneak off. They had talked, laughed, until she’d closed herself off again. Of course, he’d thrown up his own walls too.
It was for the best.
CHAPTER TWELVE
MINDY FINISHED ROUNDING on her patients in the maternity ward and sent off the two interns she’d been assigned to do various labs and tests. She was surprised that Sam hadn’t shown up for his rounding. It wasn’t like him.
Maybe he’s avoiding me.
And she hated thinking that. Sam wasn’t Dean.
Perhaps his mother got hold of him?
It was clear from their conversation that Sam and his mother didn’t have the best relationship, but there was more to it than that. Then again, she hadn’t told him everything. She’d just glossed over why she didn’t want a relationship.
It was a pathetic excuse now that she thought about it.
Still, it was for the best. She knew the other attendings were all going to vote that Sam get one of the pediatric fellowships. He’d proved his worth to them long before she’d shown up, but she didn’t feel like she could cast a vote.
Not after last night.
Mindy bit her lip, nervous about how to approach it because she didn’t want rumors to start flying around about her and Sam.
That would ruin her reputation here and could really mess up Sam’s career.
I don’t want to leave and find a new place.
Dean had called her a coward the day before she’d left for New York because she’d felt too embarrassed to face her problems, and maybe he was right.
Being bullied as a young girl and pushed around on her residency, well, she didn’t really have a thick skin. Or not as thick as some others did.
She couldn’t have a vote on the fellowship. It wouldn’t be right.
Mindy put the chart of her last patient away behind the nursing station on the OB/GYN floor and headed over to Pediatrics. She had to speak to Dr. Chang and then Professor Langley. She wouldn’t tell them why she was withdrawing her vote, only that she couldn’t make a proper decision because she hadn’t been here long enough.
Hopefully they would understand, without asking her to explain too much.
She was glad about what had happened between her and Sam; she cared about him a great deal and she didn’t want to ruin his career. He was going to make a fine pediatric surgeon.
As she crossed through the NICU she paused to check on the progress of the quints, speaking briefly with the neonatologist nurses before heading to the level three NICU, where Michael was being cared for.
She swiped her identification card and entered the critical care NICU. Michael’s room was the first room in that area of the NICU. She peered through the glass and saw Sam fast asleep in the rocking chair next to the incubator.
So that’s why he hadn’t answered his page or made rounds.
Mindy smiled as she watched him, her heart melting a bit to see his dedication to children, to his patient. Why couldn’t they have met at a different time? Why couldn’t she have met him first instead of Dean? Why did she have to be his boss?
Life wasn’t fair.
Look at poor Michael struggling to live while his four other siblings did well. That wasn’t fair. She turned to leave but then went into the room to wake Sam. They may not ever have a relationship but she couldn’t let him sleep the day away. He was late for rounds.
“Rise and shine,” she called out, as she shut the door behind her.
Sam jumped up. “What time is it?”
“Nine o’clock in the morning.”
Sam cursed under his breath. “I’m sorry. I can’t believe I completely missed rounds like that.”
“Your interns were wondering what happened when they showed up and you didn’t.”
“Great, they’re going to think I’m a slacker.” Sam stood and stretched. “I’m sorry for missing rounds, Dr. Walker.”
“It’s fine, Sam.”
“No, it’s not fine. The decision is coming soon about the fellowship. I can’t be slacking off now.”
“It’s not like you were in an on-call room or at your apartment. You were with a patient,” Mindy offered.
“You’re being too easy on me, Dr. Walker.” Sam sighed. “I don’t want you to be easy on me just because…”
“Don’t finish that sentence,” Mindy said. “I’m not being easy on you just because of what happened last night. Last night was a mistake.”
Sam frowned. “Right. Well, I’m sorry nonetheless.”
Mindy nodded. “Besides, I’m withdrawing my vote.”
He cocked an eyebrow. “Why would you be doing that, then?”
“I don’t think it’s really fair of me to give an opinion now. If someone found out then it would have bad repercussions. Surgery is a very competitive career.”
“Aye, I know. Why don’t you vote for someone else, then?”
“Besides all that we’ve been through, you’re the best and you deserve it.”
Sam’s cheeks tinged red. “Thank you, but there are two positions.”
“I can’t vote for someone I don’t have confidence in. I can make one vote for the other spot, but I can’t for the spot that’s rightfully yours. So I won’t vote for either.”
“How are you going to get out of that?” He asked.
“I have my ways.”
Sam nodded. “I appreciate it.”
Mindy smiled. “I don’t regret what happened between us, but I don’t want it to ruin our careers. I really don’t want to leave another practice.”
“I don’t know why you ran from California. You weren’t in the wrong. Your ex is the one who wronged you.”
“It was just easier,” Mindy said quickly, because she didn’t want to talk about it. Yeah, maybe she had been a bit of a coward for running away. She was the surgeon who’d made the most money in the practice, she was the one who’d brought in the most clients, but she’d been unable to stay in California. She couldn’t be around Dean and Owen. Most of all, she didn’t like that people saw her differently. New York was a clean slate and that’s the way it was going to stay.
“Straighten yourself out and report to the OB/GYN floor. Your interns are currently running amok down there.”
Sam nodded. “I will and thank you, Mindy.”
She smiled and left the NICU.
Mindy eventually found Dr. Chang in her office. She gently rapped on the door.
“Can I speak to you for a moment?” she asked.
Dr. Chang looked up. “Of course, Dr. Walker. Come in.”
Mindy shut the door and sat down in a chair. “I want to talk to you about my vote.”
“Ah, yes, I was hoping you would come by and let me know. I’m hoping to announce my decision next week to the board of directors.”
“I want to withdraw.”
Dr. Chang looked confused. “Withdraw?”
Mindy nodded. “I haven’t worked here long enough to determine who would be most deserving of the fellowship spots. I know that Dr. Powers made her recommendations before she left, but I don’t think I can really give one.”
Dr. Chang tented her fingers and leaned back in her chair. “I understand that. Thank you for coming to me with your concerns. Most surgeons wouldn’t; they would be
arrogant enough to think they can vote.”
“I’m not that arrogant, I’m afraid,” Mindy said.
“I know.” Dr. Chang smiled. “It’s one of the reasons I like you. My dealings with most OB/GYNs who specialize in the field of maternal-fetal medicine think they are God’s gift to surgeons.”
Mindy chuckled. “That sounds about right.”
“Don’t get me wrong. They have every right to. I do know it’s a fairly new field of medicine and each advancement saves lives. By all rights, you have the right to swagger a bit.”
“Perhaps, but that’s not my style. I keep a fairly low profile and do my duty to my patients.”
Dr. Chang smiled. “As do I. Which is why I like you.”
“Thank you. The feeling is mutual.”
“So. How long have you and Sam been involved?”
The question caught Mindy completely off guard. She was going to deny it, but what was the point? “How did you know?”
“I read people. I can tell when people lie to me, but I also know when people are sneaking about.”
“I can tell you we’re not involved.”
Dr. Chang nodded. “But…?”
“Before I started work here I went to a bar. Picked up a man and had a one-night stand. I had no idea it was Sam and he had no idea who I was.”
“Ah, that makes sense.”
“There’s nothing more to tell. Nothing further will happen. I don’t want to risk his career, he’s a brilliant surgeon.”
“He is.” Dr. Chang smiled. “Thank you for being so honest. It won’t leave these walls. I like Sam and I want him to work with me. He has so much potential.”
“In spite of what his mother thinks?”
Dr. Chang chuckled. “Agreed. So he told you. Well, that’s good. Honestly, I don’t know how much longer he’ll be able to keep that secret from the rest of the hospital. That woman may be a brilliant neurosurgeon but she has no couth when it comes to name-dropping.”
“I noticed. I take it you don’t like that woman much either.”
Dr. Chang grinned. “Ah, yes. Well, we were residents together. I found her quite annoying and what she did to her husband and Sam… There’s no excuse for that. No excuse for cheating and breaking apart your family in such a callous way, but you didn’t hear that from me.”
