by Amy Ruttan
“So you think maybe if my father hadn’t made my mother have me, their marriage might’ve worked?”
“No, they were two different people. What I was saying wasn’t implying that you should blame yourself for their break-up. I think they would’ve eventually gone their separate ways anyway. What I was trying to say was that your mother cares in her own way. She just doesn’t know how to apologize. She doesn’t know how to love.”
Sam nodded. “I get it.”
“I’m glad you do.” Dr. Chang left his apartment, closing the door behind her.
Sam got up and stared out the window, watching Dr. Chang as she left the brownstone and headed to her car parked on the street.
He’d been so influenced by his parents’ failed marriage, only seeing the one side because he had been there the day his father’s heart had been crushed. All he’d seen had been the evil man who had stolen his mother away.
Sam had never once thought that his mother had been at fault for it all or that his dad had caused undue strain and hurt his mother as well by trying to make her something she wasn’t.
He’d never wanted to hurt Mindy, but he had by implying that she was a coward for running away, and yet he’d planned to do the same thing.
He was the coward.
Mindy had risked her reputation to make sure that he got what he deserved, and he’d thrown it all away.
Dr. Chang had a successful marriage and children. One day he could as well. He didn’t have to be alone to be successful. For his mother, yes, but him? No, he didn’t need to sentence himself to that lifestyle.
He’d make it right with Mindy and if she didn’t want his heart then he deserved it, but he was going to make sure that she knew he was staying at West Manhattan Saints and she was going to stay as well. He wasn’t going to let her run because he would make sure everyone knew that what had happened had been his fault.
There was a knock at the door and Kimberlyn poked her head in and Enzo was loitering in the hall. “Hey, I take it you’re staying?”
Sam glanced over his shoulder. “Aye.”
“Good.” She smiled. “Because if you hadn’t listened to Dr. Chang and changed your mind we were going to hog-tie you to make you stay.”
Sam chuckled. “No need for hog-tying. I’m staying and I think I’ll head over to the hospital now and rectify that.”
Rectify it all.
It took Sam over an hour to get to the hospital. He wasn’t even sure if Mindy was on duty, but right now he was going to confront his mother and he owed the professor an apology. He headed up to the floor where his mother’s office was.
He could see her shadow through the blinds.
Sam took a deep calming breath and knocked.
“Come.”
He opened the door and shut it behind him.
“Well, I didn’t expect to see you again, to be honest,” his mother said casually.
“I know.”
“I thought you were going to Scotland?”
“I changed my mind. How did you know about Scotland?”
“Your father.”
Sam cocked an eyebrow. “You talked to Dad?”
“Yes.” She tented her fingers and leaned back in her chair. “Is there something you want to say to me?”
“I’m sorry that you felt the need to pull strings for me, to watch out for me, but really I’m not a failure. I won’t bring shame to you.”
His mother was visibly stunned. “Oh.”
“I am an extraordinary surgeon. Professor Langley didn’t pick me for this program. Dr. Chang did, and it was based on my own merits. I will make a fine pediatric surgeon.”
“Are you looking for me to apologize?”
Sam shook his head. “No. I’m not. I don’t need your validation and you don’t need to apologize for my life. I may have been angry with you for a long time about Dad, but I can tell it was for the best. For all parties.”
“Are you looking for my approval, then?” she asked, confused.
“No. I’m not. I’m not looking for something you can’t give.”
She nodded and turned back to her work. “Good. Well, I’m glad that’s all sorted. Your patient Janie came through her surgery. She’s post-op day three and she’s doing remarkably well. I think my surgical technique was a complete success. Of course, we’ll have to continue to monitor her, but barring any complications I think her prognosis is certainly better than it was.”
Sam rolled his eyes as she launched into talking about the procedure and the interviews. As well as all the nitty-gritty medical information that was going to go into the paper she was going to publish in a distinguished medical journal.
He’d never get an apology from his mother because she wasn’t wired that way, and he was fine with that now. He hadn’t been before and even though he’d prided himself on his mother not influencing him in his career, she had, in a different way.
Now he could move away.
His mother would never change, but at least he understood that now.
Now he had closure.
So he let her talk and just listened.
“Did you get the fellowship you were after?” she finally asked, breaking his chain of thought.
“Yes. I did.”
His mother nodded. “Good, but I still think neurosurgery would be a better choice.”
“For you, but not for me. I like working with children.”
“I never did.”
“What?”
“Like working with children. I’m not good with children.” A blush tinged her cheek. It was her roundabout way of apologizing to him, without apologizing to him. In her own awkward way she was apologizing for what had happened years ago, for all those nights he’d sat in an OR gallery, reading or playing with his toys by himself, while she’d worked. For eating sandwiches from a vending machine instead of having a home-cooked meal.
When his dad had taken him to Scotland she could’ve walked away and forgotten about him, but she hadn’t. Every summer he’d come to New York and spent time with her, even though he hadn’t been with her, but to her, his sitting in the gallery, watching her perform surgery, had been a way for them to connect, and maybe that’s why she’d wanted him in neurosurgery as well. As a way to find some common ground, as a way to spend time with him.
And even though it had been a less-than-ideal childhood, spending his summers playing in the hallways of a hospital, at least it had been an attempt.
She hadn’t forgotten about him. His mother had just tried the best she could.
Sam grinned. “That’s nothing to be ashamed about. We can’t all be extraordinary when it comes to pediatrics.”
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
MINDY ROLLED HER shoulders. She’d been hunched over her charting for some time. She took off her glasses and set them on her desk, rubbing the bridge of her nose where they’d pinched most, and she tried not to think about Sam.
Of course, that was an exercise in futility, because she couldn’t get him out of her mind. Even though the words he’d said had stung, he’d been right.
She was a coward. Instead of facing the supposed rumors, the pitying looks and the laughter, she’d turned tail and run. She could’ve stayed in Los Angeles and really stuck it to Dean because she was what had made the practice so affluent.
Mindy was tired of running and even though now everyone knew about the dalliance between Sam and her, she wasn’t going to leave.
She was here for the long haul.
Of course, she’d heard that he was running away. He was going back to Scotland.
Maybe it’s for the best.
Really, what kind of future did they have together? She was older than him, more accomplished, and that might lead to professional jealousy and resentment. Besides Dean being gay, that’s also what had happened with their friendship. They’d no longer trusted each other or respected each other.
If he had just come out as gay, that wouldn’t have been as bad as the cruel way he�
��d thrown it in her face. But as she thought back to their relationship, he always had been a bit put out when she’d been given the better surgeries and the attention from their attending.
She’d just been so enamored with the thought of love and marriage that she’d replaced the idea of what love actually was.
But love meant being happy for each other, not trying to bring the other person down.
Love meant being friends. Love meant fighting and making up.
It meant remembering why you were together and sticking it out because, like oxygen, you couldn’t live without the other person.
And that’s not what she’d had with Dean.
The only person she could think of who fit all those criteria in her head was Sam. Tears stung her eyes, but she wiped them away quickly. She was not going to cry over Sam. He’d made it clear that he didn’t want to be with her. He’d go to Scotland and move on.
And so would she. Though it would take some time, she would heal.
There was a knock at the door. She got up, stretching, and opened the door.
“Yes, how can I…?” She trailed off as she looked up to see a six-foot burly Scotsman standing in her doorway. “Dr. Napier, I’m surprised to see you.”
“Aye, I can tell by the look on your face. Can I come in?”
Mindy moved to the side and let him into her office. She shut the door, keeping her back to it just in case she needed to make a quick retreat, and stood there, crossing her arms over her chest. “I thought you were in Scotland?”
“My plane was supposed to leave tonight.”
“Supposed? Was it delayed?”
“No. I’m not getting on that plane.”
“Well, what are you doing? Attacking me some more? After the way you treated me when I was just making sure you were okay, that was uncalled for.”
“Aye, it was.”
Mindy was stunned, but then shook her head. No, she wasn’t going to fall into his charming trap. She wasn’t going to let him off so easily, but that was a harder thing to say than to do. “You hurt me.”
“I know.”
“I don’t think I can forgive you or trust you.”
“I understand, but I have something important I need to tell you.” Sam took a step toward her. “I’m not going to Scotland. I’m staying at West Manhattan Saints.”
“You are?”
“Aye.”
“And what, you expect me to leave? I can tell you, you have another thing coming if you think that I’m leaving. I’m not going to turn tail. I’m not a coward.”
“No, I know you’re not. That was bad form on my part and I don’t want you to leave.”
“You don’t?” she asked, confused.
“No. I’ve come here to apologize. I was a fool. A pigheaded fool.”
“Yes, you were.” Mindy relaxed. “So that’s all you’ve come here for? To apologize and tell me you’re staying.”
“Sort of.” His eyes were twinkling. “There was one more thing.”
“One more thing?” Her heart began to race and her knees began to shake as he came closer to her, his blue eyes dark and sparkling with tenderness. Just like they’d been when they’d made love. When he’d taken her in his arms and they’d become one.
“Aye,” he said, his voice turning husky as he moved in closer, making her press against the door. “I love you and I aim to earn back your trust. Whatever it takes. I want you, Mindy. Only you.”
The words stunned her, to the point she wasn’t sure if she’d heard them right. “Sorry, what?”
“I love you. I know I did wrong by you and there is no excuse I can offer you to make that better. I understand if you can’t or won’t return those feelings, but I wanted you to know that I do love you. I will always love you.”
Tears stung Mindy’s eyes. She couldn’t believe what he was saying. “I thought you didn’t want any rumors about dating an attending.”
“It doesn’t matter now. I know my own worth and let the others talk. I’m not going to be miserable because of what someone else thinks. I love you, Mindy Walker. I will always love you.”
Mindy melted. She couldn’t deny what she felt and she couldn’t stay mad at him any longer. She’d always been afraid of things but she wasn’t going to run away from this. “I love you too, but if you ever push me away like that again I’m going to kick you.”
“I swear. I never want to hurt you, Mindy. Never again. I can’t promise I won’t make a bourach out of things, but if I do make a mess I promise that I will make it right.”
Mindy laughed. “Deal.”
Sam grinned. “Good. I’m glad. I think I’m going to kiss you now—that okay?”
“Aye,” she said, tears rolling down her cheeks.
Sam laughed and then pulled her into his arms and kissed her, like it was the first time all over again. Like the slate had been wiped clean and there was nothing between them now. The ghosts of their pasts were wiped clean; it was just the two of them.
Two fools in love.
His hands were wrapped around her, holding her close and making her feel safe. This was what love was and Mindy didn’t want to let it go. She was never going to let this go.
When the kiss ended she smiled up at him. “Just one condition.”
Sam cocked an eyebrow. “There are conditions now?”
“Just one. I’m not traveling to Brooklyn to stay in an apartment in a house full of residents and fellows.”
“What’re you suggesting, then?”
“That you take all those boxes you packed and move into a certain penthouse apartment down the street.”
Sam laughed. “Well, my roommates might not be happy about me vacating but, aye, I’ll agree to your term as long as you agree to mine.”
“You think you’re in a position to bargain?”
“Aye.”
“So what is your term?”
“That you shut up and kiss me again.”
“I can agree to that term.” And she fulfilled her end of the bargain promptly.
EPILOGUE
Three months later
MINDY WALKED ALONG the halls of West Manhattan Saints toward the NICU. She was grinning ear to ear. It was spring and she loved days like this. Mostly she was glad the cold, sucktacular winter was over.
As she walked down the hall Sam came up beside her, and he was grinning as well.
“You’re very happy today,” Mindy teased.
“So are you!”
“It’s spring.” She took a sip of her coffee. “I love spring.”
“Come on, you survived your first New York winter. You should be proud of that.”
“I am proud of that! Who said I wasn’t?”
“No one.” Sam chuckled. “Are you ready for the big day?”
“Of course I’m ready for this day. This day is another reason why today is my favorite day. It’s spring and the quints are going home.”
Sam chuckled. “Yeah, today is a good day.”
He reached down and grabbed her hand, squeezing it, making her blush. She was so happy with Sam. They’d been together three months, but it felt like longer than that. His roommates had grumbled about him leaving, but it had only been half-hearted. They’d been happy for him.
It had been a huge step, asking him to move in with her. She usually didn’t move so fast with relationships, but then again this was different from her relationship with Dean. It was right to move it along so fast.
There was surprisingly no animosity at the hospital, because Chief Langley made sure that everyone knew she had nothing to do with Sam getting one of the pediatric fellowship spots and Mindy was able to be open about her relationship with Sam.
They weren’t trying to hide anything.
She was positive there were still rumors floating around about them, but frankly she didn’t care anymore. There were always going to be gossips.
Even Sam had come to terms with the fact that everyone knew his mother was Dr. Monica Hanley. Some
doctors still referred to him as Dr. Hanley’s son, which vexed him no end, but you couldn’t change people and Mindy learned you can’t live your life worrying about what other people thought of you, because that was no life worth living at all.
Mindy had let go of her anger toward Dean and Owen, and in her heart she forgave them. Sam had taught her to trust again and that was worth moving on for.
Once their busy period was over and they both had some vacation time, Sam promised to take her to Scotland to meet his father and the rest of his family. Although he warned her that his gran wouldn’t be pleased that she’d ruined the sweater she’d knitted for him.
“Gran is a teetotaler. She won’t be happy you ruined the sweater by spilling Scotch all over me.”
“Are you going to tell her you were the one drinking said Scotch?”
“No. I’m not a fool.”
Sam brought her out of her reverie. “I love you.” He bent down and kissed her on the lips in the middle of the busy hall of the hospital.
“Dr. Napier, I can’t go into that press conference with you holding my hand and kissing me like that.”
“Of course you can.” He pulled her to a side hallway. “Have you reconsidered my question?”
Mindy shook her head. “I’m not answering that question right now.”
“Oh, aye?”
“Aye. I have to concentrate on this press conference. I’m not used to press conferences.”
“You’ll be fine.”
“We should call your mother in from Harvard to do this. After all, she did take care of Michael Jameson’s shunt.”
Sam groaned. “It took three months to get her to go back to Harvard. Haven’t I suffered enough?”
“No.” Mindy kissed him on the cheek.
“Thanks.”
“At least you have to go up there and talk about Michael. Since you were his primary pediatrician.”
“Dr. Chang is, I’m just a fellow.”
“Dr. Chang is on vacation and as her fellow you have to fill in for her.”
“You’re enjoying this, aren’t you?” Sam asked.
“I am.” Mindy grinned and then swiped her card to open the NICU. “Come on, then.”
