“But she didn’t,” Dell insisted. “She died because I didn’t stay away from her.”
“Did you force yourself on her?”
Dell tensed, resentment creeping through him at the very suggestion. “Of course not. I loved my wife. Things were good between us—that way.”
“Then your wife knew the risk of having another child. Correct?”
Dell nodded.
Reverend Marcus placed a firm hand on Dell’s shoulder. “She made her choice, and life dealt a harsh blow. Don’t blame God. Accept His comfort and move forward.”
With a need to be alone, Dell smiled slightly. “I’d best be bedding down for the night, Rev.”
“May I give you a bit of advice?”
“Sure.”
“I don’t know what your relationship is to Miss Sinclair and Emily, but I’ve seen you together. I strongly urge you to get your heart right with God before settling on a permanent relationship with those two.”
“I’ll think about it. Thanks.” Dell raised a hand in farewell, intending to take a walk down by the river. But as though they had a mind of their own, his feet led him toward Cassidy’s campsite.
He spied her leaning against the wagon, the gentle breeze blowing wisps of loose hair around her face and throat as she stared into the night sky. His throat constricted, and he drew a deep, unsteady breath. If everything went well, they’d be leaving the wagon train in a few days. It was time to tell her the truth. He only hoped she didn’t run away. Though it might be better for them both if she did.
Chapter 4
Cassidy stood silently, watching Dell approach. Her pulse quickened at the determination on his face. Something was wrong.
“How’s Emily?” he asked, concern edging his voice.
“Sleeping. Her fever never returned, thank God. How was the service?”
Dell shrugged. “I’ve been to worse, I suppose.”
Hiding her disappointment, she moved to the fire and poured him a cup of coffee. Settling onto the ground against the wagon wheel, she patted the earth beside her.
“Sit. Tell me what’s wrong.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re as skittish as a wild stallion. I expect you to bolt any second.”
With a heavy sigh, he dropped down beside her and took a sip of the coffee.
“I have something to tell you,” he said slowly, avoiding her gaze.
A sense of dread filled Cassidy at his solemn tone of voice.
He cleared his throat nervously, then began to speak. “I should have told you before now, but I was afraid you’d…” Raking fingers through his freshly cut hair, he emitted a groan. “Oh Cassidy, I’m just going to come right out and say it. I’m Wendell St. John. It was my ad posted at the general store.”
A knot formed in Cassidy’s stomach. “Why?”
“We didn’t exactly get off to a good start,” he said with a wry, humorless smile. “Remember my ‘insufferable manners’?”
She shot to her feet, anger coursing through her veins, and turned to face him. “I’m beginning to,” she replied, fearing her trembling legs might not hold her.
“I saw the look on your face when you thought I had posted the ad. You were so mortified, I was afraid you might not agree to come if you knew it was me.”
“I see.” She folded her arms over her chest. “So you lied.”
He nodded. “I’m sorry.”
“So why tell me now?” she challenged. “What makes you think I won’t change my mind while I can still travel on with the wagon train?”
He reached into his shirt pocket and pulled out a folded document. “Are you forgetting this?”
Cassidy snatched the contract from Dell’s hand. She read it carefully by the flickering firelight. Sure enough, there were no clauses for lying, sneaky ranchers. “What are you going to do? Have me hung for breaking this?”
He pulled his legs up, resting his forearms on his knees. With his coffee cup clasped between both hands, he sighed. “Of course not.” His gaze caught and held hers. “But I hope you’ll consider coming to the ranch with me. My children have been without a mother long enough. They need you.”
Cassidy thought back to the notice. It had read, “Must love children.” She narrowed her eyes. “How many children do you have?” Her voice was low but firm.
“Four.”
It was her turn to sigh. “With Emily that would be…”
“Five. I know. I’ve already counted.” His face held a look of hope. “Will you consider marrying me?”
Cassidy ducked her head. Her first marriage proposal. It wasn’t exactly as she’d dreamed. No bending on one knee with words of undying love and devotion. Still, who was she to quibble about technique? She wasn’t likely to get another offer of marriage anytime soon. After all, it had taken thirty-five years to get this one.
Her heart did a little dance. He wanted to marry her. Dell. Wonderful, funny, handsome Dell. She frowned. No. Not her Dell. Wendell. Lying, cheating, sneaky, say-anything-to-get-my-way Wendell.
“Cassidy?”
She glanced up, fury rising within her all over again. “You took advantage of the precarious position I was in. How do I know I can ever trust you?” She stamped her foot and stepped closer, wagging a finger in his direction. “Maybe you don’t even have a ranch or children.”
Dell shot to his feet. “I’ll be back,” he said firmly. “Don’t go anywhere.”
Cassidy paced along the length of the wagon. I should just go inside the wagon right now and ignore him when he knocks. Of course, being the kind of man he is, he’d probably just come right in.
Her cheeks burned at this last thought. “Lord, please tell me what’s right,” she beseeched.
Before the answer could arrive, Dell was back, shoving a daguerreotype into her hands.
“What’s this?”
“The proper question is, who are these lovely children?” he replied with a smile.
“Then what’s the proper answer?”
“They’re mine.”
Cassidy glanced down at the images of four lovely children.
“This is Tarah.” He indicated a young lady with soft eyes. Her regal bone structure gave her the appearance of a queen granting favors to her subjects by allowing the image to be taken. “She’s sixteen.”
“She’s beautiful.”
“Yes,” he drawled, a smirk touching his lips. “She knows it, too.”
There was pride in his voice, and Cassidy’s heart warmed.
“Then there’s Sam, next in line. He’s fourteen.”
“Very handsome.”
Dell lifted his eyebrows and flashed her a grin. “Everyone says he looks like me.”
Cassidy rolled her eyes. “Who’s this?” she asked, pointing to a cherubic, round-faced boy with blond curls covering his head.
“That’s Jack. He looks like his mother.”
“How old is he?”
“Four. His mother died when he was born.”
Dell touched a finger to the last child in the photo, a gangly boy with freckles spread across his nose. A wide mouth curved into what Cassidy could only describe as an ornery grin.
“And this is Luke. He’s nine—the prankster in the family.” His eyes sparkled with good-natured warning. “You’ll have to watch yourself around him.”
Glancing at the faces of Dell’s children, an ache filled Cassidy’s heart. Here was her chance to be a mother to four children who needed her. It could only be that God was filling her too-long-empty arms. First with Emily, and now these four precious souls. Her eyes roved over the face of the youngest boy again. He had never known maternal love. Surely God must want her to agree to the marriage. But how could she marry a man whose heart wasn’t completely surrendered to God? Immediately she rejected the troublesome thought. Dell had known God, so he wasn’t exactly an unbeliever. He was more of a wounded soul in need of love and comfort to draw him back into the fold. When she raised her head to meet Dell
’s gaze, only the smallest of doubts remained in her mind. Impatiently she pushed them aside as she became lost in a deep sea of blue eyes. “All right. I’ll marry you.”
The expression of shock on Dell’s face was soon replaced with relief, then joy. He stepped toward her, opening his arms.
Cassidy stepped back.
His jaw tightened, and the muscle by his left eye twitched as he dropped his arms. “I see. You’ll be a mother but not a wife?”
Cassidy opened her mouth to deny his words, but he continued.
“It’s probably just as well. Thank you for agreeing to this…awkward situation.” He held out his hand, and Cassidy placed her hand inside his to seal the agreement. “I promise I’ll be a good pa to Emily, too. I guess we’ll just have to make the best of things.”
Unable to speak through the lump in her throat, Cassidy simply nodded. Please leave now. She hadn’t meant she wouldn’t be a wife to him. She just didn’t want to be kissed in public. After all, it would have been her first kiss.
He had said it was just as well she didn’t want to be a wife to him. The reason? He obviously didn’t want her for a real wife. He simply needed a mother for his children. Tears pricked her eyes. She fought hard for composure.
As if sensing her desire to be rid of him, Dell withdrew his hand. “First thing in the morning I’ll speak to Reverend Marcus about performing the ceremony.”
“S–so soon?”
“You’re the one who refuses to travel alone with a man who isn’t your husband,” he drawled.
“Well.” Cassidy drew herself up primly. “It isn’t proper.”
“We’ll be splitting off from the wagon party in three days at the most. Would you like for the ceremony to take place the evening before we leave?”
“That’ll be fine. Thank you for your consideration.”
“Aunt Cass, I’m thirsty,” Emily called from the wagon. Cassidy prayed a silent word of thanks for the interruption.
“I’m coming, Em,” she called, then turned to Dell. “I’d better…”
Reaching forward, Dell placed the palm of his hand against her cheek. With his forefinger, he traced a feather-light line from cheekbone to chin and spoke so softly that Cassidy could barely hear his words. “Good night, darling Cassidy. And thank you.” Then he turned and left her.
She shivered and felt her lungs protest until she finally thought to breathe. Had he really called her “darling”?
“Aunt Cass,” Emily’s insistent voice called.
“Yes, honey. I’m coming.”
Dell stretched out on his bedroll beneath a canopy of twinkling stars. It was a beautiful night, complete with a glorious full moon. From somewhere in the camp, he heard the lazy sound of a harmonica playing “I’ll Take You Home Again, Kathleen.” The mellow music, combined with a night made for romance, brought tears of longing to his eyes.
Clearly Cassidy wanted a marriage in name only, and he understood her need to provide a home for Emily. He supposed he could live with that arrangement. It would probably be easier. Perhaps neither he nor Cassidy was ready for a romantic relationship.
Though his mind made a convincing argument, his heart couldn’t quite believe it. He’d seen longing in Cassidy’s eyes when he held her in his arms earlier that day. The same longing, he knew, had been mirrored in his own. If the Pike sisters hadn’t interrupted, he would have kissed Cassidy, and she would have allowed it. But that was before she had learned the truth. Oh, how he regretted not being honest with her sooner. Still, Cassidy was a sensible woman. Maybe after she had time to calm down, she’d forgive him, and they could pick up where they left off.
His troubled thoughts began to shift, and Anna’s image drifted to his mind. What if Cassidy did change her mind and they became man and wife in truth? Would he lose her as well? He knew he couldn’t live again through the pain he’d felt at the loss of Anna.
With a groan, he flopped over on his stomach and settled his chin into his fist, as his heart flip-flopped between his desire for Cassidy and the fear of causing another woman he loved to die.
What a mess he had made of everything. He had advertised for a wife with the provision that she could be a housekeeper if either decided marriage between them wouldn’t work. In truth, that’s what he’d intended all along. But he’d never counted on falling in love. And if he gave in to his feelings once they were married, he’d risk losing Cassidy the way he’d lost Anna.
Emitting a weary sigh, he closed his eyes and drifted into a troubled sleep.
Mrs. Marcus gently placed a bouquet of wildflowers into Cassidy’s trembling hands. The vows were supposed to have been said privately before Reverend Marcus, but somehow the Pike sisters had gotten wind of the marriage, and the service had turned into a celebration for the entire wagon train.
At first Lewis Cross had refused to halt the train for the entire day, stating firmly that they must keep going. They had already lost time with the detour to Council Grove and the three-day rain delay.
Although disappointed—particularly the women—they resigned themselves to a smaller, less festive affair.
But by the next day, everyone stood in happy surprise while Lewis announced he had changed his mind. They would remain in camp for the entire day, he’d said, and everyone should go ahead with their preparations. He even called a halt at midday the day before the wedding so the men could hunt for the celebration feast.
No one knew for sure why he’d changed his mind, but it was whispered about that Mrs. Cross had expressed her desire for a break in the rigorous routine. So Lewis gave in but grumbled that he wouldn’t be held responsible for any Indian attacks. They were in Indian country, after all, and it was better to keep moving. There was a good possibility, he’d insisted, that all their hair would be dangling from a spear before the night was over. But if they wanted to stop for a wedding—well, that was their choice.
The mention of Indians caused some unrest among the travelers. Still, a wedding didn’t happen every day, and everyone looked forward to a break in their rigorous routine. So with excitement, the women of the train had pitched in and helped Cassidy finish the new dress she’d been working on.
She’d bought the white cotton material in Council Grove with part of the money Dell had specified she use for her trousseau.
The collar trailed up the back of her neck but dipped down in front, forming a V a few inches below her throat. The bodice clung to her body, and the skirt widened as far as the petticoats forced it to. Cassidy had opted for short, puffy sleeves before she knew this was to be her wedding dress, but she decided to keep them short anyway. After all, she needed a summer gown to wear to church.
The other women made pies from the wonderful gooseberries found growing wild along the trail. Two deer had been killed, as well as several squirrels. Everyone was looking forward to a tremendous feast following the nuptials.
So there she stood, trembling from head to toe, wondering why she’d ever agreed to this crazy marriage. The laughing, teasing Dell she had grown so fond of had been replaced by a sullen, moody Wendell. Anxiety gnawed at Cassidy’s stomach, and she considered backing out of the marriage. But she had given her word and truly believed God had provided this avenue for Emily and herself. He would make a way for their happiness. She was sure of it. Still, although she prayed, the unrest persisted. Finally, she attributed the feeling to premarriage jitters and pushed it aside.
“You’re a beautiful bride,” she was told over and over. “Simply lovely.”
With no mirror to confirm or deny the comments, she listened dubiously to the assurances of the other women.
She had washed her hair in the creek that morning, and when it dried, she left it flowing in waves down her back at Mrs. Marcus’s urging. She found out why the woman had been so insistent about the issue when Emily burst into the wagon, holding a wreath of white wildflowers. “Here, Aunt Cass,” she said proudly. “I made this for you to wear on your head.”
Tears poole
d in Cassidy’s eyes. “Thank you, sweetheart. It’s beautiful,” she whispered. “Will you put it on for me?”
Emily nodded. Cassidy bent and allowed the child to place the wreath carefully on her head. “Oh Aunt Cass,” Emily breathed, her eyes glowing. “You’re just about the prettiest thing I’ve ever seen.”
Cassidy smiled and decided to let the exaggeration go. Today she had the right to listen to people tell her she was lovely. After all, she was finally a bride.
Dell stood beside Reverend Marcus in the small grove of trees next to the river. The crowd of pioneers gathered in their finest clothes, smiling and lighthearted, ready to wish the happy couple congratulations…assuming the bride ever showed up.
Dell cleared his throat and drew an irritated breath. He knew she was only marrying him to mother his children, but couldn’t she show a little enthusiasm for the sake of appearances? These folks didn’t understand the arrangement.
For the past two days, he’d waffled between excitement over the marriage and dread over the arrangement. Cassidy had been so busy with preparations for the wedding, he’d barely seen or spoken to her. The women tittered around him, inviting him to share meals with their families, obviously an attempt to keep him occupied while Cassidy worked. And worst of all were the sly grins from the married men in the wagon train. Especially since he knew, in all likelihood, he’d be spending his wedding night on the hard wood bed of Cassidy’s wagon.
That was if she hadn’t changed her mind.
“Don’t worry, son.” The preacher’s gentle gray eyes twinkled in merriment. “She’ll be here any second.”
“I wouldn’t count on—” He stopped midsentence as the crowd parted, and a murmur rose among them. Dell inhaled sharply.
Cassidy appeared like something from a dream. Standing with the sun behind her, she looked surreal. He’d never seen her hair down and flowing free like that, and he felt the urge to sink his fingers into the shimmering tresses. She walked slowly toward him. The wreath atop her head could have been a halo. As though pulled by an unseen force, she lifted her face and cast a luminous gaze upon him, taking his breath away. In spite of himself, he offered up a silent prayer of thanks. He didn’t deserve this woman, didn’t deserve a second chance, but somehow she was about to become his, for better or worse.
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