Cassidy stood. “Honey, there’s not a lot I can say. You have to make this decision for yourself, but running away is never the answer. If Anthony isn’t the man God has for you, then He’s preparing someone else. One decision has nothing to do with the other.”
She strode toward the door, then hesitated. “Just make sure it’s His will before you run off half-cocked because of your wounded pride. I’d hate to see you do something you’ll regret later on.”
Tarah said nothing as Cassidy slipped from the room, leaving her to wrestle with her words. Wounded pride, was it? She jerked her chin, then her shoulders slumped as truth rushed in like a raging tide. Was it wounded pride? She groaned aloud. Of course that’s what it was. She loved Anthony, but he loved Louisa, a woman who clearly didn’t understand or deserve him. Yet she, Tarah St. John, would have been the perfect wife for a man in his position. Thinking back, she remembered how her determination to love Johnny Cooper had almost killed her, Cassidy, and the twins.
Oh God, I thought I had learned my lesson back then. Will I ever learn to trust Your will even when the answer is no?
Stretching out fully on her bed, she rolled to her stomach and allowed the tears to flow unchecked as she let go of Anthony, the most precious dream she had ever held in her heart.
In a flash, Cassidy’s words from weeks before came back: “Often the way we react to pressure shows us more about our own hearts than we would ever learn if things always worked out smoothly for us.” Her mind replayed every encounter she’d had with Louisa Thomas over the past few months since Anthony’s arrival in Harper, and she saw how bitter and jealous she had become, growing more so with each meeting.
God, she prayed, I was so sure You’d sent Anthony back here for me. But all the time he was only a test to see how I would react to his taking up with Louisa again. And she had failed the test miserably. Her resentment toward Louisa had only hardened her heart. Sobs of repentance shook her body. Mold me, like a potter molds clay, Lord. And please teach me to accept Your will for my life instead of always trying to manipulate my own course.
Suddenly Tarah thought of the letter on her night table, and she sat up. All the weeks of indecision seemed to fade away, and she realized Cassidy was right. Her decision to leave was based on a desire to run away.
Even if she went to Starling, she would have to face Anthony and Louisa when she returned. And the thought of uprooting Laney and Ben didn’t sit too well with her. They loved the family life she had always taken for granted. The more she thought about it, the more Tarah recognized that she wasn’t ready to make such a drastic move either. Even if the town council approved the building of the teacherage, she would have months to prepare to set up housekeeping on her own. If she tried to do that now, she would be completely unprepared.
She stared at the letter for a moment longer, then knew what she had to do. She snatched it up and ripped it into pieces, feeling the pressure loosen in her chest with each tear.
Drawing a long, cleansing breath, Tarah stretched back out on her bed. She would stay in Harper and learn to get along with Louisa. Even now her bitterness toward the woman was abating, and she knew God would somehow take care of the rest. Her strong love for Anthony concerned her, but she felt confident God would take care of that as well. And if God willed her to fall in love again, He would send her a man who would return her love. But until then, she would keep her hands off God’s business and trust Him to know what was best for her.
Chapter 14
Tarah hesitated at the double-doored entrance to the crowded livery stable, which had been transformed for the dance.
“Coming, Tarah?” Pa asked, holding out his arm. Cassidy looked radiant at his other side, dressed in a slightly snug gown of cream-colored satin.
“How could I resist being escorted by the most handsome man at the dance?” Tarah said, slipping her gloved hand inside the crook of his arm.
“Then let’s make our grand entrance.” Pa grinned to include Laney and Emily, who each held on to one of the twins. “I’m the luckiest man at the dance with all these beautiful women in my company.”
Tarah had to admit they were a handsome group. Even Laney had acquiesced to wearing a dress, but she had made it clearly understood this was not to be an everyday occurrence.
Tarah grinned. Wearing a gown of blue velvet fashioned from material Cassidy had insisted was made just for Tarah, she felt confident in her appearance. But only for a moment. As she stepped inside, she spotted Louisa whirling past in Anthony’s arms. Her gown of emerald-colored silk clung to her body and perfectly offset her green eyes, pale skin, and strawberry-blond hair. Tarah had to admit, Louisa was breathtakingly beautiful, and suddenly she felt dowdy by comparison.
Anthony looked handsome in his Sunday suit and his tie, crooked as ever. Tarah couldn’t keep an indulgent smile from curving her lips, though her heart ached at the sight of him dancing with Louisa.
She had barely removed her wraps when she was asked to dance. The evening whirled by with partner after partner vying for her attention until her self-confidence returned and she felt like the belle of the ball. She would have been on a cloud if only Anthony had once asked her to dance. But she knew it was just as well.
Standing next to the refreshment table, Tarah graciously refused a would-be dance partner and sipped a glass of lemonade, wishing she had brought a fan to cool herself off.
“Good evening, Tarah. Lovely dance, isn’t it?” Louisa’s singsong voice tore Tarah’s attention away from watching Anthony waltzing with pretty Camilla Simpson.
In no mood for a confrontation, Tarah eyed Louisa cautiously, her stomach tense, awaiting the insults. But for once, the young woman smiled pleasantly. “I’ve made a decision, Tarah,” she said, graciously accepting a glass of lemonade.
“Oh?” Do you want me to be a bridesmaid? Feeling a twinge of conscience, Tarah sent up a hasty prayer of repentance.
“Yes, I’ve decided Anthony is not the man for me after all. So you can have him.”
Tarah felt her mouth drop at the sudden revelation. “What do you mean?”
With her gaze fixed on the dancers, Louisa inclined her head toward a young man Tarah had danced with earlier in the evening. “That’s Tom Kirkpatrick, a friend of my brother’s from the university.” She cut her gaze to Tarah, apparently expecting a response.
“Handsome,” Tarah obliged.
“Yes, isn’t he?” Twin spots of pink dotted Louisa’s cheeks. “We have discovered we have ever so much in common, and Mother and Father agree Tom is more suited to me than Anthony could possibly ever be.”
Poor Anthony! “But what about your betrothal?” Tarah asked indignantly. “You can’t just throw Anthony over for another man. It isn’t right.”
Louisa shrugged as she caught Tom’s eye. The two shared a smile. “Better I find out now than after we’re married. Don’t you think?”
Tarah’s temper flared. “I don’t see how you can do this to Anthony after all this time of making him believe you would welcome a proposal.”
Giving Tarah her full attention, Louisa lifted a delicate brow and regarded her reflectively. “I rather thought the news would please you. It’s no secret how you feel about Anthony.”
Heat rushed to Tarah’s cheeks, but she met Louisa’s gaze head-on. “How I feel isn’t the point,” she said, not caring that she had just made an admission. “Anthony’s feelings are all that matter right now. And he’ll be so hurt.”
An amused smile played at the corners of Louisa’s lips. “A bright girl like you should be able to find a way to help him feel better.” She let out a short, mirthless laugh. “In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if he turns to you before the evening is over.”
A retort fell short of Tarah’s lips as her pa stood on the rough-hewn platform at the front of the room and held up his arms. “Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention, please?”
The room stirred for a moment, then quiet ensued as all eyes turned with i
nterest toward Pa.
“You all know how long we’ve been praying and searching for a preacher. It seemed like God raised one up right in our midst when Reverend Greene came back to Harper.”
Tarah’s gaze darted to Anthony. His face glowed red, and a look of dread covered his features.
“Now the reverend’s the first to admit things started off a mite rough, but I think we all agree God has made quite a turnaround in our church in the past few weeks.”
Heads nodded in approval. Mr. Tucker slapped Anthony on the back. “Doin’ a fine job, Preacher.”
Tarah’s heart soared as she realized her pa was about to confirm Anthony’s position as pastor. She glanced at Louisa, whose gaze was fixed on her new beau, her face glowing with the joy of newfound love.
Tarah bristled. Anthony should be sharing this moment with the person he loved. Instead he was about to be given the boot right out of Louisa’s life. Lord, it just isn’t right. I know Anthony doesn’t love me, but please don’t let him be too hurt over Louisa.
Without thought, she nudged Louisa. “Can’t you wait until tomorrow, at least? Give Anthony this night to enjoy getting the permanent position.”
“Too late,” Louisa replied without averting her gaze from Tom Kirkpatrick. “I told Anthony during our last dance together.”
Pa again lifted his arms to quiet the commotion brought on by his last statement. “I guess you’ve pretty much figured out what I’m going to say next. Come on up here, Reverend Greene, and let everyone have a good look at Harper’s new pastor.”
A wide grin split Anthony’s achingly handsome face as he strode forward and stood before his friends, family, and congregation. Pa shook his hand vigorously. “Congratulations, Reverend. I pray you’ll shepherd this flock with the compassion of David, the wisdom of Solomon, and the love and sacrifice of the Great Shepherd, Jesus Christ.”
Tears sprang to Tarah’s eyes even as Anthony smiled, his own eyes glistening in the lamplit room. “I thank you all for the trust you’ve placed in me. I ask that you pray for me as often as you will.”
Pa stepped forward again and clapped Anthony on the shoulder. “I have one more announcement to make, then the band will play the last waltz of the night.” He grinned at Anthony. “God has blessed our town with new folks moving in all the time, and we don’t want it said we don’t take good care of our preacher. So the town council has approved the building of a new church. And not a sod building either.”
A cheer rose up from the crowd. Pa waited for quiet to resume before continuing. “Mr. Thomas, our distinguished banker, has approved a loan and donated the first fifty dollars for shipping in enough wood for the church and a small parsonage.”
Anthony’s mouth dropped at the news, and everyone turned to the banker in a mix of disbelief and astonishment. Mrs. Thomas stood beside her husband, her chin lifted with pride, shoulders straight with the dignity this effort afforded them.
“You see what a generous man my father is?” Louisa asked smugly. “Now maybe the town will vote him onto the council.”
“I hope so, Louisa.” And Tarah was surprised to discover that she really did. Mr. Thomas was in a position to help the townsfolk, and a little mutual respect might be called for now that Harper was becoming a real town.
Anthony cleared his throat and inclined his head. “Again, I thank you folks and you, Mr. Thomas, for your generosity. I will try to earn your faith in me.” With that, he shook Pa’s hand again and stepped off the little platform as the band began to play a reel to start off the last waltz of the night.
Tarah found her gaze fixed on Anthony, her heart beating time to the reel. Unable to look away, she watched as he stopped to speak to well-wishers. Then in an instant, he found her. Tarah’s breath caught in her throat at the intensity of his gaze, and she couldn’t have looked away if she had wanted to. He strode toward her and smiled. “Will you give me the honor of the last dance, Miss St. John?”
Heart pounding, Tarah nodded and placed her hand in his. He pulled her as close as propriety allowed, but Tarah was sure he could feel her heartbeat as he swept her around the dance floor.
“Congratulations, Anthony,” she said when she found her voice. “I’m so happy for you.”
He grinned. “I was a little worried when your pa started off talking about how rough the first few weeks were. You don’t know how relieved I was when he went on.”
Tarah let out a giggle. “You should have seen your face.”
“You were watching me?” His gaze searched her face.
She tried to think of a flippant answer, but nothing came, so she simply nodded. He drew a quick breath, his eyes serious. “Tarah,” he said hesitantly, “now that my future is secure in Harper and we’re building a parsonage, I’ll be in a position to marry and settle down.”
Tarah’s heart plummeted. Maybe he didn’t understand Louisa’s change in affections after all. “Oh Anthony—”
“Now wait. Before you say anything, I know you’re planning to go to Starling in another month or so, and I wouldn’t try to stop you if that’s really what you want to do.”
A frown furrowed Tarah’s brow as Louisa’s words came back to taunt her. “I wouldn’t be surprised if he turns to you before the evening is over.”
“Why are you looking at me like that?” Anthony asked. “All I’m asking for is a chance to court you like a gentleman.” He sent her a heart-stopping grin, which only fueled Tarah’s anger.
She stopped midstep, then winced as Anthony stumbled and ground his boot into her slipper-clad foot.
Suddenly the air in the room was stifling, and Tarah’s chest heaved, her palms growing moist. Without a word, she glared at Anthony and stomped as best she could with a limp toward the door. She snatched her coat from a peg on the wall, and brushing past Pa and Cassidy, she hurried out the door, desperate for a private spot where she could spill the threatening tears.
“Tarah, wait.” At Anthony’s voice, she spun around to find not only Anthony staring at her, but Pa and Cassidy and Mrs. Greene.
“What happened, Tarah?” Cassidy asked. “Is something wrong with your foot?”
“What? Oh, Anthony stepped on it. But I’m fine.”
“Then why are you so upset, honey?” Pa asked.
Heaving a frustrated sigh, Tarah glanced at Anthony to see if he would speak up and admit what he had done. The look of bewilderment on his face boiled her blood.
She knit her brows together and took a step closer to him. “Ask him!” she said, never taking her gaze from Anthony’s face.
“Anthony, what have you done?” Mrs. Greene’s voice trembled.
“Is there something we should discuss in private, son?” Pa asked, a hard edge to his voice that Tarah had rarely heard.
“I—I’m not sure, sir. All I said was—”
Tarah had had all she could take. After months of dreaming about him, she’d had to watch Louisa hook him, then throw him back. After the heartbreak of releasing him to God, now he asked her for permission to come calling!
She took another step closer to Anthony until they were close enough to touch. “All he said was that he wanted to court me! Can you believe that, Ma? After all this time? Now he wants to court me!”
A look of faint amusement covered Cassidy’s features. She opened her mouth, then closed it again and shook her head as Tarah continued to rant.
“After mooning over Louisa Thomas for as long as I’ve known him, he suddenly wants to court me. And do you know why, Mrs. Greene?”
“You’re a very pretty girl, Tarah,” she replied, the same look of amusement on her face. “Anthony has always thought very highly of you.”
“Ha!” Tarah let out an unladylike snort and turned to Pa, knowing she could count on him to understand. “The reason he suddenly wants to court me is because Louisa threw him over for that university fellow tonight.”
“That’s not exactly—”
“Oh Anthony,” Tarah said, her energy suddenly drain
ed, “you’re not going to deny it?”
“Tarah, please.” Louisa’s voice broke through the silence that had suddenly permeated the tension-filled air. “Keep your voice down before the whole town hears you make fools of all of us.”
Tarah spun around and glared at Louisa. “What are you doing out here?”
“Tom and I came out to get a breath of air.”
“And you decided to eavesdrop?” Sarcasm dripped from Tarah’s lips.
Louisa scowled. “It isn’t as though I had to struggle to hear you hollering at poor Anthony.”
“Poor Anthony? As if you care about his feelings,” Tarah snapped, her gaze darting to the young man holding protectively to Louisa’s elbow.
“Dell, perhaps we should leave these young people to work all this out between them,” Cassidy suggested quietly.
“No!” Tarah said, keeping her gaze fixed on Louisa. “I want you to stay.”
Louisa glanced nervously about the little gathering. “I’m afraid this misunderstanding is all my fault.”
Tarah’s mouth dropped open as she stared at the contrite face that only a moment before she would have loved to slap. Louisa gave a resigned sigh and continued. “It’s true I cared for Anthony a great deal—or thought I did,” she added, smiling at Tom. “But as kind as he has always been, he never felt the same way about me.”
“But I thought—”
“You thought what I led you to believe,” Louisa said, a wry grin twisting her lips. “But Anthony had nothing to do with it. I’m sure you remember the night we both had dinner at the Greenes’?”
Tarah nodded, reliving the humiliation.
“Anthony told me that night that he is not in love with me and never could be because he’s in love with someone else—you. He only brought me to the dance instead of you because I begged him not to humiliate me in front of the whole town.”
Eyes widening, Tarah’s gaze darted to Anthony, who stared at Louisa in astonishment.
Brides of Kansas Page 33
