by Bryce Oakley
She wouldn't dwell and be an asshole simply because she was in a bad mood.
She took a deep breath, tipping the glass and pouring the sweet liquid into her mouth.
Then she placed her empty glass on a tray and grabbed one more full glass, just for good measure.
She set her shoulders, walking into the crowd.
She found a pair of photographers, Julian and Michael, that she had worked with on a shoot for French Vogue, and had spent a good part of the last hour talking about their travels through Russia.
"Your band should tour Russia next year when the new album comes out!" Julian exclaimed. "It's to die for."
"My band is full of outspoken lesbians. I don't think that's going to work out," she shouted over the music, trying not to roll her eyes.
They stared at her with horrified, embarrassed expressions.
"It's okay. Maybe by the time the new album comes out, the world will be a different place," she added, trying to smooth things over.
Michael shook his head. "You mean, never?"
Julian laughed. "Surely you're not still doing the band thing, darling. I thought you were an influencer now," he said. "Didn't—“
Zoey excused herself to grab another drink.
Cool party, Madonna.
She stared into her glass, the thought replaying through her mind.
She was at Madonna's New Year's Eve party. She had to get a grip. Five years ago, she'd have killed to be where she was.
And yet...
When Zoey had joined The Shrikes, she knew that it would change her life. She just didn't know how.
Being the keyboard player for an indie rock band had opened doors that she would have never imagined — she was celebrated as a powerful woman of color, she was on magazine covers, she walked in the Balmain show in Milan... she had begun to live a life that she had never thought possible.
The Shrikes hadn't put out an album in years... mainly because their lead songwriter and bassist, Domino, had a terrible case of writer's block. But a lot of that had changed recently — especially in the past month.
Domino had hit a wall and finally opened up the songwriting process to include the other members of the group. Billie, the lead singer, had always been Domino's co-writer, but she had been busy with other projects for the past few months. Meg, the drummer, and Zoey, had finally begun adding their input to the creative process beyond their own instruments.
It had only been a week or two, but the songs were coming freely and Zoey felt more creatively alive than ever. She loved writing, especially lyrically.
The Shrikes would begin to record their album soon, and after that whirlwind, they'd begin promotions, then go on tour — possibly by late summer. If they finished recording the album by February, Micah, their agent, had even suggested that the album could drop as soon as July, depending on how quickly the tracks could be mastered.
Zoey was on top of the world, had over a million Instagram followers, she knew plenty of the right people, and yet...
She shouldn't take such an exciting time for granted, and yet...
She was lonely as hell.
She stood beside a champagne fountain, tucked in a darkened corner, staring up at the glistening light through the liquid.
"Kind of excessive," someone said from beside her.
She glanced sideways to see that it was Pia Marino, a talk show host and comedian that she had met briefly through other friends. Sabrina, a professional organizer friend, was about to do a guest segment on Pia's show the following week, and Vero De Luca, Billie's girlfriend, had come out on the show just a few months before.
"I mean, it's not even drinkable," Pia said, crossing her arms as she watched the bubbles.
"I'm not above dunking my head under it," Zoey said with a wink.
"Need a boost?" Pia said, motioning as though she could hold Zoey's foot in her hands to give her leverage.
Zoey grinned. "I'm a huge fan, by the way. I don't know if you remember me, but—"
Pia shook her head. "Zoey McCarren. You're the keyboardist for my favorite band," she said.
Zoey raised her eyebrows. "Your favorite band? High praise," she said.
"Heart's Content got me through a tough spot," Pia said, shoving her hands in her pockets.
Zoey looked her over. Pia was wearing a casual suit, with loose-fitting pants, an open vest over a button-up, and a blazer. She looked positively handsome. Zoey paused for one moment, wondering if it was weird to ask Pia what brand she was wearing.
"Well, I'm glad we could help," Zoey said, smiling. "Though, I wouldn't take someone so funny for having tough spots."
Pia raised an eyebrow. Her short hair was messy, but her features were naturally flawless. Besides the tiny hint of lines near the corners of her eyes, Zoey wouldn’t have been able to discern her age, which she knew was 40-something. Her dark eyes peeked out from dark rim glasses.
"Sorry, that was..." Zoey shook her head, embarrassment burning her cheeks.
"No, I understand. I'm funny and people think I'm all games," Pia said, shrugging. Judging by how she didn’t seem to tense up, Zoey guessed it was a common feeling.
"We're about to start recording a new album," Zoey said, quickly changing the subject.
"So I'd heard," Pia said, grinning. "Want to release the first single on my show first?"
Zoey blinked. "That's really a question for my manager, but if it were up to me, the answer is absolutely yes," she said, a bit lost for words.
"Well, until then, we'll just have to be mutual fans of each other," Pia said with a sly grin, reaching forward to give her arm a light touch.
Something inside of Zoey's chest did a flip in excitement.
Whoa, what was that? She wasn't a lesbian. She wasn't even bisexual. She was the resident straight girl in an all-lesbian band. It was kind of her schtick.
But something about Pia was completely unnerving her. In a good way.
Pia grabbed two drinks off of a tray and handed one to Zoey. "It'd be a shame to mess up your hair just for bubbles," she said.
"My stylist would kill me," Zoey laughed, then realized how absurd that sounded.
Pia didn't bat an eye at the remark though.
"So, tell me something about the album that no one knows yet," Pia said lightly. "You know, to indulge my fangirl side."
Zoey tilted her head, considering. "So far, I co-wrote four of the songs, and I completely wrote the lyrics for two of the songs," she bragged shamelessly. She held up a pair of crossed fingers. "Here's hoping they make it on the final album after we record them."
Pia looked surprised. "I thought Domino and Billie Rush wrote all of your songs."
"We're doing something different for this record," Zoey said, sipping her drink.
"Are you any good?" Pia asked, and something in her expression made Zoey wonder what exactly she meant.
"Well, I like to think so," Zoey said.
It was surreal. Pia was flirting with her? Was Pia just a flirt? She racked her brain, trying to think of other stories of Pia Marino being a seductress.
"Your turn," Zoey said, looking at her pointedly.
"For?" Pia asked.
"For some insider info. Tell me about a surprise upcoming guest," Zoey asked.
"Obama," Pia answered quickly.
Zoey rolled her eyes. "You two are good friends. That's no surprise. Tell me something else," she continued.
"It may not be a surprise, but I'm in talks to interview a guest who I'm completely terrified of," Pia said, raising one brow. "It might not happen for a while, but..." She wiped her lower lip with her thumb.
Zoey's mouth went completely dry, watching the innocent act turn so intimate and appealing in front of her. "Go on," she said, almost breathless.
"Well, why don't you guess?" Pia said.
Zoey grinned, surprised. "Okay," she said slowly, pressing her lips together as she thought. "Who could terrify the almighty Pia? “Are they in politics?" She asked.
"Is it an actor?" Zoey asked.
"Nope," Pia said, shaking her head again.
"Some kind of child YouTube star?" Zoey lifted her shoulders, running out of categories.
Pia shook her head.
"I'm kind of at a loss here," Zoey said, furrowing her brow in confusion.
Pia shrugged. "Guess you'll have to wait to see," she said.
"That's not fair," Zoey joked. "I told you my secret."
"Is that your secret?" Pia asked, her gaze flitting from Zoey's eyes to her mouth.
It felt as though all of the air had sucked out of the room.
Pia Marino was flirting with her.
And she was totally enjoying every second of it.
She smiled. "It's one of them," she said, raising her glass.
Pia sipped from her own.
The lights In the room suddenly began strobing. Madonna was on stage, yelling into a microphone. A giant clock on a screen showed ten seconds.
"Ten!" Everyone around them yelled.
"Then, let's have our own secret," Pia said.
"Nine!"
"Our own secret?" Zoey asked.
"Eight!"
They were yelling now over the crowd, leaning into one another to be heard.
Zoey glanced around at the entire room, their glasses raised.
"Seven!"
"Can you keep a secret, Zoey?" Pia said, her body so close that Zoey could feel her leg pressed against her.
In the crowded room next to a fifteen foot champagne fountain, they were virtually invisible.
"Six!"
Zoey nodded, looking down, feeling suddenly shy.
"Five!"
Pia reached, lifting Zoey's chin with two fingers.
"Four!"
Oh God, Pia was going to kiss her.
"Three!"
And Zoey wanted her to.
"Two!"
Zoey's eyes searched Pia's. She was both certain and confused at the same time.
"One!"
Pia leaned in, pressing her lips gently to Zoey's at first. Zoey's head swirled as she leaned into the kiss, her lips softening, yielding to Pia's dominance. Pia's lips parted, her hand weaving into Zoey's hair as she held her close.
Zoey wound her arms around Pia's shoulders, the champagne glass still in her hand.
The combination of bubbly and the kiss made her feel as though she was floating. Her stomach clenched in excitement and her body longed to be pressed against Pia's, closing any gap between them.
Pia took Zoey's lower lip between her teeth, nipping her ever-so-slightly.
Zoey grinned, deepening the kiss.
All around them, people cheered, Auld Lang Syne played from a speaker — was Madonna cry-singing? — and yet Zoey felt miles away from all of it.
And then, just as suddenly as it had started, Pia took a step back.
She smiled at Zoey and then lifted a finger to her lips, as though shushing her.
Zoey stood with her jaw slack, stunned into silence and paralysis, as Pia winked and then melted into the crowd around her.
A secret of their own.
Chapter Thirty-Five
February
Zoey
Zoey laid back on the sofa, throwing her arms over her face. They had been in the studio for nearly thirteen hours straight trying to nail down the multiple tracks for one song — they were going on take five thousand.
"Cut. Okay, let's start that back, Meg," Collins, the producer said quickly, hitting buttons on both the soundboard and her computer.
Domino, her bandmate, groaned from somewhere next to her and Zoey reached out blindly, ruffling Dom's short hair.
Billie, their lead singer, stood somewhere nearby, undoubtedly with crossed arms and a tapping toe, watching Meg intensely. Billie had always been a basketcase during recording sessions, and this album was proving to be no different.
The door to the sitting area opened. Zoey turned to see who was interrupting them. Long, elegantly straightened dark hair gave away the culprit: Vero De Luca, Billie's girlfriend.
Zoey glanced to see that Billie still had her back to the door, watching Meg, who was nailing take after take, but Collins was keeping none of them.
"I brought reserves," she whispered. "Billie said no to cocaine, so I brought the next best thing."
"Whiskey?" Domino asked hopefully.
Vero laughed. "Don't you wish," she said, holding up a gigantic coffee carafe in one hand and a six-pack of energy drinks in the other.
"You are a goddess," Zoey said, reaching toward her without standing up.
She had been hesitant at first when Billie started dating Vero. In fact, she had accidentally caused a breakup between them by encouraging Vero's ex-girlfriend to try to win her back. The lesbian world was much too small.
They had been a band since college, but Zoey was still navigating the perils and pitfalls of queer life. She knew much more about The L Word, Tegan and Sara, and Kristen Stewart’s love life than most lesbians she knew.
As the token straight woman in The Shrikes, she was often in a supporting role. And that was fine. She was happy to be an ally to her gay friends. As the biological daughter of a black woman and a Filipino father, she understood "otherness" unlike most.
She had been adopted and raised by two well-meaning white suburbanites in Nebraska, she truly, truly knew what it was like to be the odd one out.
She had used her looks to her advantage, though, once the fashion editorials had started rolling in. She was repped by IMG models, had been on the cover of Italian Vogue, and had walked in a handful of shows over the past few years.
And in The Shrikes, a band of misfit queer women, she was definitely the odd one out, but not because of her race. Still, her bandmates had never feel as though she was any different for it. They were her true family, and she cherished how they had all accepted her even though she wasn’t gay — the backwards irony was, of course, not lost on her.
She grabbed her empty coffee cup and refilled it from the cardboard carafe.
"Oh, baby, I didn't even see you there," Billie said, wrapping her arms around Vero.
Zoey watched, curious. She had never had a real relationship. She had dated her fair share, but no one more than six months. She had certainly never looked at someone — or been looked at — quite like Billie looked at Vero.
"Is that coffee?" Meg said through her microphone.
"Damnit Meg, we almost had it," Collins snapped.
Domino and Billie exchanged a look.
Collins was one of the most respected producers in LA and definitely the most expensive one that their label would allow, but whoa, she could be an asshole.
"Uh, sorry, but this is like the seventh time I've nailed it so I'm going to have some fucking coffee," Meg said.
Zoey frowned, trying to hide her amusement behind her coffee cup. Meg was typically very sweet, though she could be blunt, apparently everyone had hit their limit with Collins.
Collins sighed. "I get paid by the hour, take your time," she said.
Domino mouthed to Zoey, "Makes sense."
Zoey smirked, grinning. Her phone lit up beside her on the sofa with a picture of a woman with bleached hair wearing a gas station trucker hat they had found in Arkansas on their last tour — their manager, Micah.
"Is that Mike?" Domino said, pointing to Zoey's phone. She grabbed it without waiting for an answer.
"Yo Mikey, we're being held hostage by Collins, save us," Domino said into the receiver.
A grin crossed Domino's face. She handed the phone to Collins. "It's for you," she said, handing the phone toward the producer.
Vero giggled behind her cup and Billie wrapped an arm around her, presumably to quiet her.
Meg appeared beside them, taking the cup out of Zoey's hand to gulp the hot liquid down in one fell swoop.
Collins turned towards them, handing the phone back to Zoey.
"We're breaking for the night
, but tomorrow we're starting on 'Midnight,' so get ready, Zo," Collins said, clearing her throat again.
Zo? They were on nickname basis now? Or did Collins just not know her name?
Thank God for Micah. She was off in meetings for the band in New York for the next few days, but she was obviously feeling guilty about leaving the band without management.
Billie turned toward Zoey. "Oh, I'm so excited for that. Your first lead songwriting credit!"
Zoey's stomach swarmed with nerves. "Okay," she squeaked and the rest of the women laughed.
Domino clapped her on the shoulder. "It's a gorgeous song. I'm excited," she said.
'Midnight' was a song she had written at the last minute, replacing another song idea in her head. Once she got the beginning inklings of 'Midnight,' it was all over. She had written the song in about fifteen minutes and had the main chords in under an hour, as though it had always existed and she was just a vessel for getting it on paper.
"I still don't know if it’s the right tone for the album," Zoey began, feeling unsure of herself.
Collins sighed. "It fits. It’s a good song. If it wasn’t the right tone for the album, it’ll get cut from the final list. It’s not a big deal," she said with a touch of irritability in her voice.
The woman could even make compliments sound mean.
'Midnight' had come to her just a few weeks before, a few days after her surprise New Year's Eve kiss with Pia. When the band had heard it and asked her about its inspiration, she had told them the kissing bandit had been a man she didn't know.
Apparently, they had bought the lie.
Upon hearing the story, Vero had even offered to call Madonna to get the guest list so they could begin to narrow it down.
Zoey had tried her hardest to talk her out of that idea, for fear that any list with her name and Pia's name would be too obvious — even though she knew they’d never guess something so outrageous.
As it was, once they started doing the promotional tour, they'd be on Pia's show. Apparently she had worked out a deal with Micah and the record label to release their first single on the show. The idea of it made Zoey’s stomach swirl with nerves.
Pia's show had the kind of rabid fan base that could really make the album explode in popularity.
