by Bryce Oakley
Except, when she was around Collins, she just had the overwhelming urge to disagree with her.
The idea was making her feel a bit guilty about earlier.
Trying to clear her head, she made her way downstairs to the hotel bar so she wouldn’t be depressingly drinking a beer alone in her hotel room. Instead, she could be depressingly drinking a beer alone in a room full of people. Big difference.
The rest of the band members were out with their partners — not a scene that Meg wanted to be around at the moment.
She sat down and ordered a beer, trying to relax. Except, out of the corner of her eye, she noticed Collins sitting alone at a table near the window. Admittedly, her first instinct was to duck, which would have looked slightly deranged, but once she unfroze, she waved.
Collins smiled and raised her glass in an across-the-room cheers but didn’t make a move.
Meg cleared her throat and stood, making the first move. Maybe it was because she wasn’t used to seeing Collins smile, or maybe it was the guilt, but she wanted to clear the air.
She stood beside the chair until Collins gestured for her to sit, smiling again.
Smiling!
Meg realized Collins must try hard not to smile, because it completely changed her face. Her eyes brightened, her perfectly straight teeth shone, and her full lips curved in a way that did not seem menacing in the slightest. In fact, her smile almost made her appear generically beautiful and soft and feminine.
Meg couldn’t help but smile broadly herself when she realized how much Collins must hate that fact.
“Listen, I’m sorry about… you know, like all of today,” Meg started, fidgeting with the tiny cocktail napkin on the table. “Can I buy you a beer to make up for it?”
Collins glanced around the bar, seeming confused. “Where’s the rest of the band?”
“Oh, they’re all loved up so they’re off with their respective sweetie-pie-schmoopsy-poos and I just need to not be around their public displays of affection for a night,” Meg said, laughing nervously.
Surprisingly, Collins laughed, too. Meg didn’t hate her laugh. It had the same effect as her smile — it opened up her face and made her look so likable.
Why was she noticing so much about Collins? She couldn’t even stand Collins.
Definitely couldn’t stand her.
“So, uh, how do you like Colorado?” Collins asked. She looked a little uncomfortable. Nervous?
Meg tried not to wonder too much about why she might be nervous.
“I like Colorado as long as it’s not snowing,” Meg answered.
“Unfortunately, that doesn’t narrow it down. It can snow as late as May or as early as September,” Collins said, shrugging her shoulders.
Meg raised a brow. “Two days here and you’re suddenly an expert on Colorado weather?” She laughed. Classic Collins.
“I, uh, grew up here in Denver,” Collins said, reaching to scratch the back of her head.
Meg’s eyes widened in surprise. “Oh, that tracks, yeah,” she said, feeling guilty again for being a jerk.
Collins nodded, looking uncomfortable.
Meg found that Collins being nervous to be a nice change of pace. Endearing, almost.
“What was that like?” Meg asked, feeling compelled to keep the questions coming. Endearing or not, it wasn’t every day that Meg got to see Collins showing signs of discomfort and, quite frankly, she wanted to keep it up.
“I loved it,” Collins replied immediately. Her confidence appeared to be coming back. “I love the weather — the sun and the snow. The people, the mountains, the music scene, and all my family is here.”
“Wait, that’s a perk?” Meg asked, confused. She wasn’t at all used to people talking about their family in such a way.
“Ha!” Collins’ laugh came out as a sharp bark — and even she looked surprised that she had just made that noise. “For me, that’s absolutely a perk. I’m not going to lie, that was such a huge plus to coming here for your show. And it works out that I’ll be here for my brother’s birthday. He’s the coolest person in the world.”
Meg was admittedly starting to feel entranced by this side of Collins. Her excitement was palpable and a little contagious. She found herself sitting forward in her seat, genuinely enjoying the conversation.
“Funny how? Funny like he snorts when he laughs or funny like he genuinely enjoys the torture of the Sunday New York Times crossword?” Meg asked. Her new goal in life was to cause Collins to make that ridiculous noise again. And she was going to have to be a lot funnier if she was going to witness that monstrosity again.
“First of all, he’s a huge nerd. Like, super nerd. He can and will quote all things geeky, from Star Wars to Ghostbusters,” Collins said, smiling again. “Are you into Harry Potter at all?”
“I’m a very proud Hufflepuff, thank you very much,” Meg said, beaming. Harry Potter was a topic she could talk about all day — despite her qualms with the author’s personal views, it was still the very best series she had ever read. “And I can recognize a Slytherin when I see one.” She gave Collins a meaningful look.
Collins at least had the decency to look ashamed for half of a moment before laughing. “Guilty as charged. Jake’s a Hufflepuff, though, so it’s not like I believe the lies about Hufflepuffs being the worst.”
“Clearly, I need to meet this amazing brother of yours,” Meg joked, sipping her drink.
Collins paused, looking thoughtful for a moment. “Uh, well….” She paused. “No, don’t worry about it.”
“What?” Meg questioned.
“It’s fine, I don’t want to put you in an awkward position,” Collins said, finishing her drink and setting it down on the table.
Meg wondered at the situation for a moment. A few weeks ago she would have described Collins as the human embodiment of a hangnail. Even earlier today, she was actively campaigning against her.
And yet, she desperately wanted to know what Collins was about to say.
“It’s okay, I never do anything I don’t want to. I’m not too polite to say no,” Meg said.
“I’d have never known,” Collins gave her a pointed look, which made Meg laugh.
“I’m actually getting ready to go meet up with my brother and some friends to grab a drink. I know it’s a crazy idea, but do you want to come?” Collins asked.
Meg blinked in shock. Collins was inviting her to hang out?
“I promise there won’t be any schmoopsy-poos,” Collins said.
Collins was being genuinely nicer than Meg had ever seen before. She was equally confused and intrigued.
Meg had never pictured herself being friends with someone like Collins. She liked honest people and she just didn’t buy that Collins was actually honest or good. Before tonight.
As Meg looked around the hotel bar and saw there were only a few people there, she tried not to question either Collins motives or her hesitation. The whole reason she had come downstairs to the bar was because she was tired of drinking alone upstairs in her room. So why would she go back up to her room to mope alone when there was a perfectly good invite right in front of her?
“Can you 100% guarantee plenty of beer and absolutely zero ‘lovey bunny cutie pants’ nonsense?” Meg asked, trying to look very serious.
Collins laughed, nodding.
When they finished their drinks, they headed out the door and walked to the bar where they would meet Collins’ brother and friends.
It was a nice night with just enough of a breeze. Colorado was so unlike living in California. Meg loved surfing and being in the water, but for short periods of time — and never in the winter — she enjoyed visiting Colorado.
She had made a trip last winter with Billie and Vero to snowboard Telluride, but it didn’t go at all like she had pictured in her head. Since she was an avid surfer, she assumed snowboarding would come easily to her, but as soon as she clipped her booted feet onto the board, she felt stuck and claustrophobic and terrified. She
couldn’t get her balance right, she didn’t like being the third wheel, and by the end of the weekend, she felt like she would never be warm again.
She had no intention of trying snow sports again, no matter how good she looked in a beanie — if she did say so herself.
Meg was thrilled to see that they were meeting at an arcade bar. Beer paired with skee ball sounded like the most excellent of times.
Meg recognized Jake, Collins’ brother, immediately. He was a bit shorter than Collins, but they looked so similar that there was no mistaking the relation.
They had the same intense green eyes and jet black hair, but his whole demeanor was much more open and friendly. He had smile lines around his eyes and looked more at ease than Collins.
Meg watched skeptically as Jake and Collins greeted each other with obvious affection. They hugged and then held each other at arm’s length for a moment, each complimented the other, then hugged again.
Meg was positively transfixed. It had to be the first time she’d ever wished for more family. Well, a sibling. Not even Billie and Domino made her wish for a sibling — there was way too much bickering due to their intense bond.
“Jake, this is Meghan Koo from The Shrikes,” Collins introduced Meg formally.
“Meg is fine,” she said, holding out her hand to shake Jake’s.
Jake pulled her into a hug. “I’m a huge fan, Meg,” he said with a warm smile.
He introduced his friend Paul, who Collins explained they knew from growing up together.
Collins ordered a pitcher of cheap beer and the four started their game night at the pinball machines.
“Meg’s a Hufflepuff,” Collins said, wiping the beer foam off of her top lip with the back of her hand as they gathered around an Elvira-themed machine to take turns playing and chatting.
Jake high-fived Meg.
“Let me guess, you think my sister’s a Slytherin,” Jake said with a knowing grin.
Meg grinned. “How’d you guess?”
“I’m not saying she’s not a Slytherin. She’s clearly shrewd and cunning, but she’s also brave and hard working. So, she’s a Slytherdor and I won’t hear another word about it,” Jake said, holding up a hand as if stopping the conversation right there.
Collins rolled her eyes, the sounds and dings and whirs of the pinball machine giving them all a moment to pause in the conversation.
“So, Meg, tell us what it’s really like to work with Lacey?” Paul asked. He was short and blonde with a full, round face that made him look several years younger than the rest of them. He also seemed to be constantly smiling.
Once Meg was able to compute that Paul was talking about Collins, her eyes widened with sheer delight.
“Lacey?” Meg said, trying her best to sound conversational and not show the excitement she felt at learning something about Collins that had clearly been hidden. Even in the production notes of Kaleidoscope, under producer it simply listed L. Collins. Meg never thought much of what that L might stand for, but never in her wildest dreams did she imagine it would be something as feminine and sweet as Lacey.
Lacey Collins. Meg definitely understood why she dropped the Lacey part, it didn’t fit her at all.
“Oh, I forgot,” Paul said, and Jake elbowed him, grinning.
“Dammit, Paul,” Collins laughed goodnaturedly even as she glared at Paul and then Jake in turn.
“I’m so sorry,” Paul said, looking genuinely upset with himself.
“No, it’s okay. It’s not like a dead name or anything,” Collins said. “Just embarrassing, is all.”
“This is the best secret ever!” Meg held up her drink to cheers Jake and Paul.
“Oh, don’t you dare,” Collins groaned, but she was still grinning.
“Tell me what it was like to grow up with Collins, Jake,” Meg asked sweetly.
“Oh about as you would guess. She has always been obsessed with music, of course. She can sing, did you know that? She used to sing Dolly Parton songs for hours,” Jake’s eyes flashed mischievously. “Jolene, Jolene, Joleeeeeene.” Jake sang with raucous enthusiasm.
Meg glanced to Collins, who was bright red and covering her face with her palm.
“Lacey, it’s totally fine. We’re all friends here. This is a circle of trust,” Meg fluttered her eyelashes at Collins to drive the subject home.
Collins narrowed her eyes.
“So, Dolly Parton? Tell me more,” Meg rested her chin on her hands and gave Jake her full attention.
“We should exchange numbers,” Jake said with a smirk. “I’ve got some photos I could send you from about 11th grade. There’s one in particular of Lace in a flat billed hat, which she captioned ‘I’m a baller, ain’t nobody hustle harder than me.’ She also had a Justin Bieber haircut at the time.”
Meg’s jaw went slack in pure delight and excitement.
Paul laughed, nodding as if to verify that it was the truth.
“You guys. It’s a song lyric, hello?” Collins said.
Meg thought it was the first time she had ever seen Collins blush such a deep shade of red.
“Sure, babe,” Jake said, nodding with a big, exaggerated wink.
Collins sighed and walked away to grab them another pitcher.
“You sure know how to get a girl’s attention,” Meg said with a giggle as he recited his number for her to type in. “I’ll be expecting that photo by tomorrow.”
An hour later, Meg and Collins were alone having a skee ball competition.
“So,” Meg said, throwing a ball up the slope. “When did you start going by Collins?”
“In middle school. I played basketball, so people just started calling me by my last name,” Collins said with a shrug.
Meg nodded. “Yeah, that tracks.”
Collins shook her head. “No, it’s not like a gender identity thing,” she said, pointing to her short hair. “I just think Collins suits me more.”
Meg nodded in agreement. “Did your parents give you a hard time about not using the name they gave you?” She was genuinely curious about the Collins family. Her own mother had been vehemently against her shortening her name from Meghan to Meg.
“Oh, not at all. They didn’t seem surprised at all. I came out when I was in high school, and my parents said they’d had suspicions for a long time. I think that was when my parents really made the effort to only call me Collins and not call me Lacey at all anymore. Jake literally only calls me that to get under my skin,” Collins said with a laugh.
“How was that, being an out teenager in Denver?” Meg asked conversationally.
“Colorado is a pretty laid back environment, so for sure it could have been worse. But, it was a different time back then. That’s why I work with a few organizations for LGBT youth. I’m glad that the world is a more open place than it used to be, but it sure as fuck isn’t as open as it should be,” Collins said.
Meg blinked in surprise. How was this person hiding beneath Collins’ terrifying personality all this time?
Collins released her skee ball with what looked like too much force but managed to score 10,000. She excitedly high-fived Meg in celebration.
Meg couldn’t help but smile. Collins’ mood was so contagious.
“But seriously, there are still kids that are being kicked out and disowned by their idiot families, so there need to be groups to help them to live their truth and finish school and not have to worry about where they’ll stay that night,” Collins said, speaking with the type of confidence that made Meg believe LGBT homelessness was a topic she thought about often.
Meg caught herself staring at Collins and jerked her head away when they made eye contact. A night full of surprises, she couldn’t believe this was the same person at all.
And more than that, she couldn’t believe that she was agreeing so much with Collins. What if she had someone like Collins in her life when she had been coming out, herself? How different would her life be?
After being soundly beaten at skee ball, Meg wa
s ready to turn in her tickets for some amazing prize. She was not disappointed when she looked around the prize room.
There were stuffed animals everywhere, even hanging from the ceiling. Sloths, teddy bears, butterflies, and interestingly, an otter. What caught Meg’s eye was a giant purple and blue snake stuffed animal. It was probably 5 feet long, with wire inside so it could be shaped to wrap around the display.
It was fantastic.
She simply had to have it. And something made her want to give it to Collins for such a fun night out and to apologize for being so quick to judge her and write her off.
Admittedly, she didn’t completely understand why the snake was wearing a pirate hat but that didn’t matter. What mattered was that Meg had 146 tickets. And a credit card. So, she got the snake.
It felt a little like going to the fair and winning a stuffed animal for a date, but she handed Collins the prized snake with a satisfied smile.
Collins merely raised an eyebrow, but she wore the snake around her shoulders for the rest of the night.
Meg left first, knowing that she would be useless the next day if she stayed out too late.
As she sat in the rideshare back to the hotel alone, she stared out the window, trying to imagine a young Collins growing up in the area.
She squashed down the pang in her chest, a wayward wish that she could have known Collins back then.
Chapter Fifty-Five
Collins
Jake and Paul pounced like hungry lions the second Meg left.
“She’s awesome, Lace. You’ve never introduced me to a woman like that. She’s smart, and funny, and beautiful, and duh, being a rockstar doesn’t hurt. You should go for it,” Jake seemed excited for her.
Collins raised her eyebrows in surprise. “Excuse me?”
Jake rolled his eyes. “I don’t think I’ve ever been able to hold down a conversation with one of the women you’ve dated before. You’re clearly not that into airheads, or you wouldn’t still be single and you wouldn’t be hanging out with Meg.”
