by Joan Jonker
Molly pulled Nellie aside to make way for a man and woman who wanted to board the bus. They were both smiling, and when the man was on the platform he turned and winked at Nellie. ‘I’m in the wrong job. I should have gone in to be a bus driver. It seems to be more fun than driving trains.’
When Nellie stood to attention her bosom and chins also stood to attention. ‘Well, I never! The flamin’ cheek of him!’ She watched the bus draw away and when she turned to Molly the expression on her face had turned to one of mischief. ‘Eh, wait until I tell George I nearly got a click. Not that he’ll believe me, like, but just wait until I tell him.’
‘The man was with his wife, sunshine, and he was only being friendly.’
‘D’yer know, girl, you are as big a spoilsport as my feller! If it makes me happy to think the man was admiring me voluptuous body and trying to get off with me, it’s no skin off your nose, is it?’
‘No, it isn’t. You stick to yer dreams, sunshine.’ A tram shuddered to a stop in front of them and Molly stood aside to let her friend get on first. ‘D’yer think yer can negotiate the steps without making a holy show of me?’
Nellie had one foot on the step and was gripping the upright bar with both hands. But try as she might to pull herself aboard she couldn’t make it. She could see the driver grinning, and turned her head. ‘Give us a hand up, girl.’
Molly put her two hands on her friend’s backside and pushed until she was red in the face. Then taking a deep breath, she gave one final, successful push. ‘Thank God for that!’ While Nellie straightened her skirt she glared at the driver. ‘Have yer got nothing better to look at? Yer want to keep yer eye on the road or yer’ll be running someone over. Then yer’d be laughing on the other side of yer face.’
‘I’d have a job to run someone over, wouldn’t I, Missus? The ruddy tram’s not moving!’
‘Well, how come there’s a dog under yer front wheel?’
‘Pull the other one, Missus, it’s got bells on.’
‘It’s a pity the dog didn’t have a bell on or yer might have heard it and pulled up in time.’ Nellie was biting on the inside of her cheek to keep a straight face. She’d have the last laugh on this smart Alec if it killed her. ‘OK, please yerself if yer don’t want to believe me.’
The passengers heard what Nellie had said and had their noses pressed against the window to see if they could see the dog. It was their actions that caused the driver to curse as he left his seat and jumped down on to the pavement. He cursed even more when he found the road clear and looked up to see Nellie standing on the platform with her arms folded and a smile of triumph on her face. ‘Have yer ever been had, Mister?’
The man was not amused. ‘I’ve a good mind to throw yer off.’
‘Oh, I wouldn’t advise it, lad! I’m handy with me fists and pack quite a wallop. One belt from me and you’d be at the Pier Head before the tram.’
The passengers thought it was hilarious, all except Molly, that is, and there were shouts of encouragement. ‘Where’s yer bleedin’ sense of humour, mate?’ one man called. And another one answered him with, ‘He hasn’t got no sense of humour, the miserable bugger.’
But the one who enjoyed it most was the conductor. He’d just come down from collecting fares on the top deck when Nellie took off on the driver, and he was pleased as Punch. All the lads at the depot had this bloke noted for his bad temper and there was always a groan when they found they were paired with him. It was about time someone took him down a peg or two. He treated all passengers as though he was doing them a favour. And he was really nasty with elderly people who couldn’t board the tram as quickly as he would like them to. He was not a nice man to know or work with, and the conductor felt like raising his hat to the little fat lady who had just made a fool of him.
Nellie swayed down the aisle to where Molly was sitting with her face turned towards the window. ‘Are yer pretending ye’re not with me, girl? Would yer like me to sit on the back seat, all on me lonesome?’
‘Sit down, Nellie, before I strangle yer.’ Molly wasn’t as annoyed as she sounded; she had really enjoyed hearing her friend wipe that smirk off the driver’s face. But if she were to admit that, then Nellie would think it a licence to come up with even more outrageous acts and heaven knows where it would all end. ‘It’s coming to something when we can’t even get the tram into Liverpool without yer causing a scene. Now sit down and behave yerself.’
Nellie sat down quickly. At least half of her sat down quickly, the other half was suspended in mid-air. She really needed one of the long seats to herself, but nothing would part her from her mate, even though she had to hang on like grim death to the bar of the seat in front when the tram shuddered to a halt at the next stop.
There were several people getting off the tram so the conductor used the bustle to get to the little fat woman without being seen by the driver. Dinging his ticket machine he made his way down the aisle, shouting, ‘Any more fares, please?’
‘Here yer are, lad.’ Nellie opened her hand to reveal the exact coppers to cover the fare. ‘Two to Lime Street.’
‘Put yer money away, Missus, this ride is on me for pulling a fast one on Misery Guts.’ He bent down so not even finely tuned ears could hear. ‘If an inspector gets on, say yer just got on the stop before.’ He patted her on the back. ‘Nice work, love.’
If Nellie’s smile had been any wider, it would have split her face. She looked as though she’d won a thousand pounds on Vernon’s. ‘How about that, then, girl? I get a very handsome compliment and save fourpence into the bargain! Yer see, I do have me uses.’
‘Don’t look so smug, Nellie, it doesn’t become yer.’
‘Smug? What does smug mean, girl?’
‘It means showing off. Like thinking ye’re the whole cheese when ye’re only the maggot.’
‘Ay, that’s good, that is, girl! I’ll have to remember that if my feller starts throwing his weight around.’ Her feet dangling a few inches from the floor, she swung her legs back and forth under the seat in front. ‘I’ve got an idea, girl, and it’s a good ’un.’
‘Don’t even think about it, sunshine!’ Molly’s shaking head was saying she’d had enough of her friend’s ideas to be going on with. ‘One caper a day is about all me heart can stand.’
Now Nellie wasn’t as daft as she made out. She knew curiosity would get the better of Molly and before they reached the next stop she’d be asking, in a roundabout way, what the idea was. And she was proved right.
‘I suppose yer were thinking of making it a cat under the wheel next time, were yer?’ Molly tried to sound as though she didn’t care one way or the other. ‘I don’t know what’s going on in yer head half the time.’
‘I wasn’t thinking of no cat, girl. No, I’ll stick with the dog. After all, why change a winning hand?’ There was a sly look on Nellie’s face. ‘I know it’s no use asking you to lie down across the tramlines ’cos ye’re not so obliging.’
‘Before yer have me in hospital again, with you sitting on the side of me bed eating the grapes what Jack brought in, can I ask yer to move yerself ’cos we get off at the next stop.’
They were in the entrance to Lewis’s when Molly took hold of her friend’s arm. ‘Now let’s be serious for once, sunshine. A lot of posh people buy their hats from here because they have such a large selection to choose from. So can we show a little decorum, please?’
‘I’ll show anything yer like, girl, as long as it isn’t that birthmark I’ve got on the left cheek of me backside.’
Molly gave up. How could you fall out with someone who had an answer for everything? ‘Come on, I’m only wasting me breath. But if yer turn around and I’m gone, don’t say I didn’t warn yer.’
There were no customers in the millinery department on the first floor, so the two friends were able to browse in peace. That is, until an assistant came over to ask if she could help. ‘I’m looking for a middling hat to wear at a wedding,’ Nellie said, showing her best h
aughty expression.
The assistant looked confused. ‘A middling hat? I’m afraid I’ve never heard of the make or style, Madam.’
‘Oh, dear!’ Nellie’s expression became haughtier. She glanced at Molly who was standing near, not knowing whether to laugh or cry. ‘Shall we try elsewhere, my dear?’
That did it. Molly decided laughter was the only answer. ‘My friend has a warped sense of humour, sunshine. It was me that told her she needed a middling hat, meaning one that wasn’t too small or too big.’
‘It was my feller what started all this,’ Nellie informed the assistant who was beginning to think these two were going to brighten her day. ‘He said if I wear a big hat he won’t sit next to me in the church ’cos no one will be able to see it’s me. And Tilly Mint here, who’s supposed to be me best friend, she said I might end up wearing a beret! Well, they can both sod off because I’m going to wear a hat everyone can see me in. One with a ruddy big feather sticking up at the side, like Robin Hood wears.’
‘Has Madam seen anything she fancies?’
‘Yeah, I have!’ Nellie knew a sympathetic voice when she heard one. ‘But me mate said I hadn’t got to touch any of them.’ The round body began to shake with laughter. ‘She didn’t say it as nice as that, though. What she said was, “Keep yer flamin’ hands off”.’
Molly was worried that the assistant might think she’d make a sale, and thought they should be honest with her. ‘Nellie, I think yer should tell the lady that we’re only looking. We won’t be buying our hats for a few weeks.’
The assistant, a woman in her forties with sharp features and her hair marcel waved, looked around for sight of her supervisor. She’d get a ticking off for encouraging people to try hats on when she knew full well there wasn’t going to be a sale. ‘It wouldn’t hurt to try one on so you’ll know which style suits you. Which hat was it that took your fancy?’
Nellie grew six inches, upward and outward. ‘The velvet one over there, with the big ostrich feather in.’
‘We have that in two colours, Madam, a soft shade of green and the one on the stand which, as you can see, is a deep lilac. I’ll get it down for you.’
Nellie had never had a posh hat before, and she held it in her hand as if it was a precious gem. It was a close-fitting, hard-crowned hat with a short rolled brim. And the ostrich feather curled from one side of the crown to the other. The price tag told her it was three guineas which was a lot of money for a hat, but Nellie had fallen in love with it and was determined she’d be wearing it for her son’s wedding.
‘Allow me, Madam.’ The hat was taken from her hand and placed on her head at an angle the assistant thought suited her. Then she led her to a mirror. ‘I think it suits you very well.’
Nellie couldn’t believe it was her own reflection in the mirror. ‘Ay, girl, it does look good on me, doesn’t it?’
‘It looks lovely, sunshine,’ Molly said. ‘Yer’ll not get anything that suits yer better.’
That was all her friend needed to hear. But what if she came back in a couple of weeks and this particular hat had been sold? It didn’t bear thinking about. ‘If I give yer a ten-shilling deposit, could yer put it away for me until Saturday, when I come with the rest of the money?’
‘Of course, Madam. If you’ll come to the counter with me I’ll take some particulars and give you a receipt for the ten shillings.’
‘Hang on a minute.’ Nellie caught Molly gazing at a light beige, wide-brimmed hat she’s said was just what she had in mind. ‘Can me friend try that hat on? The one not quite as big as a cartwheel?’
‘Of course.’ The assistant hurried away, not caring now if the supervisor did come. She’d made one sale and there was every prospect of a second.
Molly was all hot and bothered. ‘Yer shouldn’t have said that, Nellie, ’cos I won’t have the money to pay for it on Saturday! I’ve got plenty on me mind as it is, trying to save enough for the reception.’
‘Yer don’t need to buy it, girl, no one is twisting yer arm. But I know ye’re dying to try it on, so why not when yer’ve got the chance?’
Molly should have stuck to her guns because the move was fatal. The hat was a real glamorous mother-of-the-bride hat, and once on her head she felt she never wanted to take it off. Looking at her reflection in the mirror, she told herself she wanted her daughters to be proud of her, and they would certainly be proud of her in this.
‘Give her ten bob deposit, girl,’ Nellie said. ‘Go mad for once in yer life. Throw caution to the wind, break eggs with a big stick and go stark staring bonkers.’
‘Nellie, I won’t have the money to pay for it on Saturday, no matter how many eggs I break with a big stick, or how bonkers I go! It’s four guineas – twenty-one shillings more than yours.’
‘Well, you’ve got two getting married to my one, so it’s only right yer have a better hat. And yer’ll have the money on Saturday ’cos I’ll lend it to yer.’
‘I’m not going to borrow when I know I won’t be able to pay yer back.’
‘Holy suffering ducks! Ye’re a stubborn bugger, Molly Bennett.’ Nellie handed the amused assistant a pound note. ‘Take no notice of what she says, just take a ten-bob deposit off the two hats. If push comes to shove I’ll wear both the flamin’ hats meself at the wedding.’
And the assistant didn’t think for one moment that she wouldn’t.
They sat on the back seat of the tram going home because all the other double seats were occupied. Nellie’s smile had never left her face, while Molly’s head was spinning. ‘I don’t know why I let yer get away with it! If I borrow the money off yer, Jack will go mad. He hates borrowing, and God knows when I’ll be able to pay yer back.’
‘But yer really fell for that hat, didn’t yer, girl?’
Molly’s features softened. ‘It’s the hat I’ve always dreamed of, sunshine. I fell in love with it straight away.’
‘Well, to hell with everything else! If I know your Jack, he’d be the last one to moan about yer getting something yer’d set yer heart on.’
‘I’m not going to tell him – or anyone else. No one is going to see that hat before the wedding, I want it to be a surprise. Mind you, the biggest surprise will be if I’m ever able to pay yer the money back.’
‘It won’t matter if yer can’t pay me until after it’s all over, girl, ’cos with four working in the house I’m not exactly skint. And I don’t have the worries you have. But it’s yer own blinking fault for having so many daughters.’ Nellie’s eyes squinted sideways. ‘If ye’re not going to tell anyone about the hat, where are yer going to hide it? If yer’ve got a good speck yer can put mine with it ’cos I’d like to surprise my lot.’
‘There’s only Corker’s mother we can ask. I did think about Miss Clegg, but our Doreen’s never away from there and while I don’t think she goes rooting, I’d rather not take a chance.’
‘We’ll ask Lizzie tomorrow then, girl, and take the hats straight there on Saturday.’
Corker’s name brought Molly’s mind to the horrible task ahead of her. The sooner she got it over with, the sooner she wouldn’t be nervous and on edge all the time. ‘I see plenty of your Steve, but I haven’t seen Paul for about a week. Is he still out enjoying himself every night?’
‘He’s never in! Him and Archie have palled up and they go to dances all over the place. Last night it was New Brighton Tower, tonight it could be the Grafton or Blair Hall. The pair of them are dance mad.’ Nellie was quiet for a while as she stared out of the tram window. ‘If I tell yer something, girl, yer won’t think I’m going barmy, will yer? And cross yer heart yer won’t repeat it to a soul?’
‘Have I ever done anything yer’ve asked me not to do?’
‘No, yer haven’t, but I had to make sure. Yer see, if it got to Archie’s ears, he might stop coming to our house and that’s the last thing I want.’
‘Will yer spit it out, sunshine, and don’t keep me in suspense!’
‘I don’t think Paul is
the only reason Archie comes to our house. I reckon he’s got a soft spot for our Lily.’ Nellie held up her chubby hand. ‘Don’t tell me it’s wishful thinking on my part because I thought it was that meself the first time I caught him looking at her with a soppy look on his face. But it’s not wishful thinking, girl, I’m sure of that. He gets to our house long before Paul’s ready, and I’m convinced he does it deliberately to see our Lily before she goes out.’
‘But he knows she’s courting, doesn’t he?’ Molly’s heart had briefly flared with hope, until she asked herself what good was it going to do if Archie did have a soft spot for Lily, if she didn’t return his feelings? Still, please God, sometime in the near future Archie might be in there with a chance. ‘She is still going out with Len, I suppose?’
‘Yes, worse luck! Every flippin’ night like clockwork! Archie comes at half seven and Lily leaves the house at a quarter to eight on the dot. She never says where she’s going or where she’s been. And our Lily was never like that until the queer feller came on the scene. She used to tell me everything and we’d have many a laugh together. She’s changed, and I blame him for it. I hope one day he rots in hell.’
‘Don’t give up hope, sunshine, I think she’ll come to her senses one of these days.’ Molly had made a decision, and also a vow to stick by it. No matter how sick, or how afraid she felt, she wasn’t going to put it off any longer. Nothing would prevent her from seeing Lily tonight, even if it meant standing on the street corner until midnight. The sooner the whole sorry mess was out in the open, the better for all concerned.
‘Here’s our stop coming up, sunshine, so I’ll make me way to the front to let the driver know we’re getting off. You take yer time, there’s no need to rush.’
‘What are yer doing here, Auntie Molly?’ Lily grinned at seeing one of her favourite people. ‘Are yer standing on the corner hoping to get a click?’
‘I wish I was, sunshine, I really wish I was.’ Molly’s mouth was dry with nerves and she told herself to get it over with quickly before her nerves deserted her altogether. ‘I’ve been waiting for you ’cos I’ve got something to tell yer.’
