"Thank the Lord I've got these big ole peasant feet," Patsy had said. "These things cost as much as a pair of handmade riding boots, and they've got no more leather in them than a set of reins."
I swung my black cape over my arm and walked downstairs.
"Mom, you look spectacular," Nathan said.
I blinked back tears. He hadn't called me Mom since he went away to college at seventeen and turned me from Mom into Mother.
"Lisa's the spectacular one," I said. She wore a strapless red silk satin cocktail dress and had tossed her hair casually up. I assumed the diamond studs in her ears were real. She looked like a rich young up and comer's rich young up and coming wife.
"You're not so bad yourself," Lisa said, as she straightened her husband's black tie and patted his satin lapel.
"I'll bring the car around to the front," Nathan said as he walked back through the kitchen.
"You really do look stunning," Lisa said. "I -" she took a deep breath. "I've been terrified of your visit."
"Me, too," I said. "Afraid I'd be a pain?"
Lisa's eyes grew wide. "Oh, no! What you do is so important, and Nathan looks up to you. I feel like such a schlump when you're around."
"Whatever for?"
"You're so good with people, for one thing. I mean, you had all those stuffy old fogies eating out of your hand yesterday. Even the colonel said you were a 'fine figure of a woman"' She laughed. "All I do is write up corporate contracts. What's that in the scheme of things? I'm always so uptight for fear I'll screw up, and you're so sure of yourself and so easy-going. You've intimidated me from the first moment I met you."
I threw back my head and laughed. "I'm terrible with people, Lisa. I've been scared to death I'd do something to make you and Nathan ashamed of me. Believe me, you do not know from intimidated."
"You're just saying that."
"The hell I am."The horn honked. "Come on, Lisa. Let's go knock em dead."
After the dinner and the awards, Nathan asked me to dance. "I don't dance very often, you know, son," I said. "Not at all since your father died."
He took my hand and dragged me to the dance floor. As they began to move, he whispered in my ear, "Then you need to start dancing again. You haven't called me'son' since I left for college."
"You grew up. Remember, you wanted me to call you Nathan. That's when you stopped calling me Mom. I like Lisa, Nathan. I wasn't certain until this visit, but I am now."
"Good, because she likes you. You intimidate her."
"God knows why."
"You intimidate most people."
"Not your father."
"No, he was proud of you."
"I haven't been the best wife and mother."
Nathan drew back and looked down into my eyes. "Where'd you get that idea?"
"I was always somewhere else."
"Yeah. Making a living, saving lives-that kind of unimportant stuff. Dad was there when you weren't. Your 'tag-team' parenting worked pretty darned well. Dad was almost the only father we knew who actually spent time with his children. Half the guys were either divorced and saw their kids for a couple of hours on the weekend, or spent every waking minute locked in their offices or traveling. When you'd have to go out on a call at night, we called him DOD-Daddyon-Duty."
"How come I never knew that?"
"It was our secret." He sighed deeply. "He was so proud of what you do. He bragged on you whenever your back was turned."
I laughed, although I knew both Nathan and I were on the verge of tears.
"May I cut in?" Jack Ashton slipped his arm around my waist.
I stiffened. "This is the first time I've danced in years, and then I danced with my husband. He made me look good."
"Relax. I have no intention of ravishing you right here on the dance floor."
I felt my cheeks flush. "Don't try. I know self-defense."
"I'll bet you do. When can we go sailing?"
"It's winter. An open sailboat..."
"Not exactly open. She's a forty-six foot C and C out of Kennebunkport."
"Oh. Wow. That's not a boat, it's a ship."
"Technically, she's still a boat. How about Christmas? We wouldn't even have to set sail. Just sit in the harbor and listen to the burblers keeping the ice at bay."
"I'll be in London at Christmas."
"London, England? For God's sake, why?"
"I'm taking a tour." At this point I wasn't sure I wanted to go through with the trip, but I was stuck with it.
He laughed. "London at Christmas? That is no way to travel. Listen, if you want to go somewhere, let me take you to Africa."
"You've been to Afiica? Where?" I asked eagerly. "The big preserves? Olduvai? Ngorongoro? The Serengeti? All those places I see on NOVA?"
"All of the above. Plus the Okavanga Delta and South Africa."
"I've always wanted to go to Africa," I said. "It's too expensive. We never could afford it. I'd love to hear about your trips."
"Look here, let me help you plan a trip this spring."
"I couldn't..." Then I stopped. Why couldn't I? Why not spend just a little more money than seeing that damn Mona Lisa on seeing something I truly did want to see? If I could convince Eli to go along, I'd have somebody to enjoy the trip with. It wouldn't be Morgan, but it would be a friend.
"Think about it," he said, as he whirled me away in a waltz.
I would, but not about going with Jack Ashton. My word, I wasn't ready for that. I might never be ready for that. In my mind, I was still married to Morgan.
That night I thought of what Jack Ashton had said. Was going to London at Christmas truly nuts?
The following morning, I packed, stripped my bed, dragged my suitcase to the kitchen, and made certain I hadn't left anything ofvalue, including Patsy's purse.
I was finishing the comic section of the paper when Nathan walked in. He was wearing jeans and a ski sweater.
"Hey, I was going to bring that thing downstairs for you," he said.
"I have a regular chiropractor's appointment. You probably don't."
"I'm driving you into the country for breakfast. This is the busiest shopping day of the year, so no way are we going near Manhattan."
"Is Lisa coming?" Nathan had said we were to have the morning together, but after my rapprochement with Lisa, I thought she might have changed her mind.
"This is Nathan's day," Lisa said. She looked as though she'd barely waked up, and still wore robe and slippers. Her hair was uncombed, and her face devoid of makeup. For the first time, she seemed vulnerable, a kid. One of my kids.
She came to me and hugged me. "Please come back. Next time maybe you and I can do some things in the city, see a couple of plays."
"I'd like to come back."
"Uncle Jack would like it too." Lisa laughed. "He's smitten."
"He's very nice, but let him know it's too soon for me."
"Divorced twenty years ago. No children. Semi-retired. Let me know when you're ready and I'll give him a heads-up."
After goodbyes, a drive through the crisp winter morning, and a big breakfast at a log inn, Nathan turned the BMW toward the city.
"We'll go the long way," he said. "We'll be seeing you again in a month, remember?"
I took a deep breath. "I don't know how long I'll be here between planes. You don't really have to come see me."
"On your way to London?"
"Right."
Nathan pulled off onto a lay-by, cut his engine and turned to me.
"As to that..."
"Uh-oh."
"I know this is your first Christmas since Dad died."
"And the first since I found that scrapbook."
Nathan rolled his eyes.
"Just listen," I said. "It's time your generation started your own traditions. My London trip gets me out of the house at Christmastime, and lets you off the hook."
"You're assuming we want to be off the hook."
"You can have your own tree, dinner with the Bigelows,
even go skiing or whatever people do up here in the frozen north. All without worrying about your poor old gray-haired mother pining away by herself in Tennessee." I spread my hand. "Perfect, no?"
"No." He took my shoulders. "You cannot do it. I will not allow it.
"Nathan, let go of me. Since when do you allow me to do-or not do-anything?"
"Mother, you are being a-I don't know-a twerp! The only place I want to be this Christmas is in Tennessee at my own home place with what's left of my family. I do not want to go skiing, and I sure as hell don't want to spend Christmas day with the Bigelows who have more stuffing in them than Eli's turkey." He slapped the steering wheel. "I can't believe Eli is letting you do this. She'll be stuck with the practice for the entire time you're gone."
"She's not letting me do anything, Nathan. She's being very accommodating. I've got Vickie Anderson to cover for me while I'm gone. She's probably going to take over my half of the partnership sometime next year."
"No way. It ain't happening. For God's sake, Mom. For a bright woman, sometimes you can be so dumb I want to sock some sense into you. Dad wanted the two of you to do those things."
"That would be my choice too, but it's not possible. Nathan, don't you see? I've got to break some old patterns while I still can? The life Morgan and I had was the only life I ever wanted or ever expected. Since he died I've been floundering. Maybe I'll decide to come home, settle down in the same place and do the same job, but maybe I won't. I have to find out, can't you see that?"
"Okay. Travel. Semi-retire. You and Eli go kicking off someplace fun next spring or summer, by all means. But not this Christmas." He started the car, looked out the driver's side, and melded into traffic without another word.
After ten minutes, I ventured, "You really want to come home for Christmas? You and Lisa?"
He snorted. "What have I been saying?"
We didn't speakwhile I checked in, nor until there was a single person in front of me at the security gate. Then I said, "Okay. You win."
"Thank God," he said. He hugged me and kissed me. I clung to him until the security guard said, "Lady? We got a line here."
"You may not be able to get tickets," I said as I passed through the metal detector.
"We've already got'em." He waved me out of sight.
Twenty minutes later as the plane circled La Guardia and banked to the west, I said out loud, "Oh, God, what do I tell that poor travel agent?"
Chapter 45
In which Christmas is back on
The first thing I saw when I arrived home Saturday night was the frantically blinking light on my answering machine.
"Oh, please, Lord, not now," I said. I longed to ignore the calls, but when I saw that there were a dozen of them, I decided I'd better be responsible and listen to them, even though I wasn't due back on duty until Monday.
I dragged Patsy's Louis Vuitton suitcase up the stairs and into my bedroom, then I sank onto the bed where Teesy, Bear and Bok Choy were keeping vigil for me.
After twenty minutes of cuddling they settled down. I picked up the telephone to listen to my messages.
The first message was from Lisa, saying how much she'd enjoyed my visit.
Ditto from Nathan.
The surprising one came from Jack Ashton. "I know you said Southerners don't mean their invitations, but I'm ignoring that. Does 'g'all come' extend to lonely sailors from Maine?"
Oh, good grief! No, I had already explained to him that Southerners never meant it when they said y'all come, nor was I interested in joining him in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.
The next call was from Sarah. At the same time I'd talked to Nathan, I'd put a message on her answering machine saying I wouldn't be home for Christmas. I'd hoped to intercept it before she got back from the far east and heard it. No such luck.
"Please Mom, say you're not planning on spending Christmas in London. I want to come home. I know Nathan does too. You don't have to do anything-no tree, no decorations, no Christmas Eve party. We want to be with you this year of all years."
Whoa! Had somebody replaced my daughter with Stepford Sarah?
Next call. "Mother, please call me. Where are you? I know you haven't left for London yet."
I erased Sarah's other calls without listening to them and called Sarah at home. "Sarah?"
"Mother, where have you been? "
I started to tell her about Christmas, but she interrupted. "You just can't go to London for Christmas this year."
"If you'd listen a minute, I've cancelled my trip. Christmas is on as usual."
"Thank God. I meant it about not doing anything about the house or the food. We'll do it all when we get there."
I assumed she meant Nathan and Lisa too. Then she said, "Maybe this isn't the right time, but could I-I mean, I want to bring somebody with me."
That had never happened. "Man or woman?"
"Man." Sarah's voice had taken on an uncharacteristic softness. "His name is Evan Stomberger. He's the second unit assistant director on the Thailand picture."
"You met in the jungle?"
"In the hotel bar, actually. I want to introduce him to all of you."
"Is this serious?"
She actually giggled. My Sarah.
"Then of course he must come. Small problem. I still haven't cleaned out your father's office, so you'll have to use the downstairs guestroom. I'll ask Eli if he can stay with her."
"It's not like we haven't, I mean..."
"Not here, kiddo."
I heard a baritone whisper in the background.
"All right. Eli's house."
"Is he there? May I speak to him?"
"Dr. McLain? This is Evan Stomberger. If it will be an imposition for me to come at Christmas..." He had a pleasant light baritone voice with no accent at all. That probably meant he was from the mid-west.
"We'll be delighted to have you. There's plenty of room. Plenty of chaos as well. Does chaos bother you?"
"I have four brothers and sisters. Chaos is my middle name. Here's Sarah again."
"Can you pick us up at the airport or should we rent a car?"
"Somebody will pick you up-me or Eli or Nathan. Let me know when you're arriving. We'll worry about cars when you get here, okay?"
"Thanks." I think she started to hang up. I certainly did, but with the phone halfway to the cradle, I heard her say, "Oh, Mother?"
"Yes?"
"I've missed you."
After we hung up I sat for a long time at the kitchen table just scratching Bear's ears.
Sarah bringing a man to Christmas? A Hollywood type? Was he responsible for the new kinder, gentler Sarah?
More times than I can remember, I'd wished I could kick my grown daughter out of the den the way a mother bear did and forget her. Bears didn't even recognize their offspring after they turned five, but Sarah and Nathan would be my babies so long as they lived. Every triumph would be my triumph, every hurt would be my hurt.
Maybe Sarah was finally growing up.
As soon as her office opened the next morning, I called Olivia Overton, the travel agent, sent her a check for my cancellation fee for the London trip, apologized for doing it to her again, and promised that I would indeed book some more trips with her in future.
I don't think she believed me.
Chapter 46
In which Loba has pups
"Thank God you've come to your senses," Eli said. "The very idea of flying to London, like as not through a blizzard, then freezing your buns off just to shop at Harrod's." She filled my soup bowl with another ladle of vegetable soup. "Here, have some more baguette. It'll be dry as a bone tomorrow morning. We have to finish it."
"I want to do Christmas as usual."
"You sure about that?"
"Absolutely. Christmas is the time for friends and family, even if this year there's one less family member. We can hoist a glass of champagne to Morgan."
"Ifyou say so, but don't knock yourself out. Shep can come down from Pick
wick and do some work for a change. The least the man can do is hang the lights on the Christmas tree. What about the Christmas Eve dinner? Want to move it to my house?"
"Christmas is on Friday, so Nathan and Lisa are coming Wednesday night. I haven't heard from Sarah and her new boyfriend yet, but they'll have to be in by Thursday evening, possibly even before Nathan and Lisa. I hadn't told Maggie's Militia the Christmas Eve party was off yet, so I suppose everybody s still planning to come. I'll call and make sure. You're positive it's all right for Sarah's boyfriend to use your guest room?"
"As long as he doesn't mind my flagrant cohabitation with Shep."
"This Evan and Sarah would probably prefer flagrant cohabitation in the guest room. I'm sure they're sleeping together, but with Nathan and Lisa across the hall, another happy couple making love downstairs would probably leave me suicidal."
Eli picked up my nearly empty soup bowl, took it to the comer, and set it down on the floor. Sugar Pie, who had been lying quietly on her feet, bounded over and began slurping the dregs.
"Did you even ask if I was finished?" I said.
"Were you planning to lick the bowl?"
"Sugar Pie can do that."
"Besides, you have to save room for brownies," she said and pulled a pan out of the oven. "Still warm."
They were wonderful-nearly like fudge and filled with pecans. I was reaching for my second square when Eli asked, 'What do you want to do about Christmas breakfast?"
"There's where I draw the line. They can go out to MacDonald's for all I care. I'll have the makings for breakfast, but I'm damned if I'll get up and fix a fancy meal Christmas morning. I've always hated doing it, and this year I refuse."
"Okay, okay. You do exert your independence over the oddest things, Maggie."
Except for the presents I bought in New York and shipped home, I bought all my presents on line and avoided shopping. I stayed busy nonetheless.
I vaccinated all Patsy's horses, drew new Coggins tests to make certain theywere negative for Equine Infectious Anemia, and wormed them. I did the same at Nell and Bernadette's barns, plus kept my share of office hours to handle the small animals.
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