“It was so worth it, baby,” she said, with a wink.
He laughed and grabbed her in his arms, lifting her up so her bare breasts were pressed against his white T-shirt. She brought her arms around his neck while her feet dangled above the ground and kissed him deeply, her tongue invading his mouth with purpose. The sun beat down on her back while their hearts beat rapidly against each other, each knowing where it belonged.
37 DIFFICULT CONVERSATION
Andrew drove Madison back to her grandma’s and kissed her several times before finally releasing her. He watched her until the door closed behind her and then he headed back to his aunt’s house. He hadn’t been there since everything had happened to Madison on Wednesday, four days ago. As he pulled up he saw both Aaron’s and Olivia’s cars and was thankful that they were both home. He would only have to talk about this once.
“Hey,” Andrew said as he walked inside the house.
“What a pleasant surprise. How’s Madison doing?” Olivia asked in her gentle and caring fashion.
“She’s wonderful,” Andrew said with a slight smirk, thinking that she was always wonderful.
Andrew sat down in the chair near the couch. He had a faraway look in his eyes and then looked down, wringing his fingers together. He hadn’t anticipated the difficulty he would have bringing forth the words he wanted to say. He was suddenly filled with worry.
“Is everything alright, Andrew?” Aaron asked, concerned.
Andrew looked up and nodded. “Yes, it’s just that I need to talk to you both about something and it’s a little harder than I thought it would be,” he said, blowing out a quick breath.
Andrew scrunched his eyebrows together as he looked at the floor and realized maybe Madison was right, that they should be doing this stuff together. Aaron and Olivia looked at each other, not sure if they should be concerned or not. Andrew was generally very quiet and kept to himself. He rarely volunteered information to them and when he did it was usually something difficult to discuss.
“Whatever it is, you can tell us, Andrew,” Olivia said, reassuringly.
“I talked to my P.O. today about the possibility of transferring my parole to New York,” he said, taking another quick breath.
He heard Olivia gasp and looked up at her. She had her hand over her mouth and her leg was bouncing, something that he noticed that Madison did as well. She had a pained expression on her face as if she were holding back a flood of tears.
“Madison has another six weeks or so of leave and she has a great job, she’s up for a promotion at the end of the year, she has a nice place in Manhattan. She told me she would stay here but if she does she would be giving up all of that, and, I just can’t let her do that,” Andrew said quickly, his voice escalating slightly as he tried to make his point.
Aaron touched Olivia’s leg gently as she closed her eyes. He turned to Andrew and offered him what he hoped was a comforting smile. “Of course, you have to do what you feel is right.” He squeezed Olivia's leg and she brought her hand away from her mouth and placed it on her husbands.
“Yes, we will always support you,” she said as her voice cracked slightly. “Please, excuse me,” she said, looking at the two of them before standing up.
She walked down the hall towards either the bathroom or her bedroom. Andrew wasn’t sure. His eyes followed her and then turned to Aaron who was resting his arms on his legs and slouching forward. Aaron lifted his head and glanced at Andrew before sitting up. He had a sad and distraught look on his face and Andrew immediately felt guilty.
“Just give her some time. She feels very protective of you,” Aaron said as explanation for his wife’s hasty retreat.
“I know she does. This isn’t an easy thing to do but I can’t let Madison stay and I can’t ...” He took a sharp breath. “I can’t let her go either.”
“I know that, son,” Aaron said without realizing the implications of his words. “We always want the best for you. You are very important to us.”
Aaron ran his hand through his hair and had a thoughtful expression on his face. Andrew was considering the word that Aaron had said. Over the last year they had grown closer, he had often seen Aaron as a father figure but to hear him use the term affectionately like he did just now had made Andrew feel confused. He had a pain in his heart that he had not expected as he realized that he would lose that should he leave.
“I hate to bring this up,” Aaron said, clearing his throat to get Andrew’s attention. “But I feel it’s necessary.” He took a deep breath before continuing, “Have you considered how difficult it might be to stay clean out there?”
Andrew frowned. “I’m not going to use, Aaron,” Andrew replied crisply, flustered that it seemed Jamal, and now Aaron, had little confidence that he would be able to avoid relapsing.
“That’s good to hear, Andrew, but being in Bakersfield versus a large urban city is very different. Even you said that when you went back to Los Angeles with Madison it made you remember using and caused you to think about it. Of course, I am well aware that there are drugs everywhere but you can walk around downtown Bakersfield and not see people using, not see anyone who is homeless, and not see any of the things that you were a part of long ago. That won’t be the same in New York. There will be more things that will tempt you.”
“So you don’t think I should go?” Andrew asked, exacerbated.
“No, Andrew, that’s not what I’m saying. I just want to make sure that you know what the possibilities are before you make such an important decision. It’s not that I think it’s a bad idea. I just believe that you should have some kind of plan, some concept of what to expect, so that you will know what to do should you see someone shooting up.” Aaron watched as Andrew considered his words before he added, “Perhaps you could get involved with some of the NA programs they have out there.”
Andrew furrowed his brows. “I don’t know about that.”
“I know you have never wanted to do that out here and I have always respected your decision on that but it’s important that you have some idea what you will do when temptation strikes.”
“I know. You’re probably right,” Andrew said with a sigh, glancing back towards the hall.
“Love isn’t easy, Andrew. Are you ready for this big of a commitment?”
Andrew turned back to him and nodded. “I love her. My heart hurts thinking of a life without her, and if having a life with her means that I need to move to New York, then so be it.”
Aaron nodded and turned to face the hall.
“You told me once that when you fell in love with my aunt that it was 100% from then on out. If she had to leave, wouldn’t you go with her, even if you weren’t sure it would be good for you, even if you were scared to death to do it?” Andrew asked sincerely.
Aaron turned to him. “I would, without question.” He rose and placed his hand on Andrew’s shoulder, squeezing it lightly. “I am going to miss you.” He glanced down the hallway and back at Andrew. “Don’t worry. I will go talk to her,” he finished with a smile.
Andrew nodded and watched his uncle walk to the back, presumably to check on his aunt. Andrew felt horrible that his aunt was upset because of his decision but he had thought she would understand and that she would want him to be with the woman he loved. He sighed and stood, making his way to his room.
“You gonna draw this one too, baby?”
He grinned as he remembered what Madison had said earlier and immediately went to his sketch books, grabbing the one on top of the pile. He flipped through until he found a clean page and sat down on his bed. His bottom lip entered his mouth and his eyes closed. He could see her clearly. She was laid out on his bike, her head hanging over the dash, her dark hair blowing lightly in the wind, her body writhing, waiting and wanting. He blew out a breath and brought his pencil to the paper.
“Andrew, may I come in?” Olivia asked as she knocked on the open door.
Andrew looked up from his drawing and smiled. He had been
drawing for over an hour and was pleased with what he had done so far. He motioned for her to sit down and watched as his aunt walked to the end of the bed and took a seat. Her normally jovial and composed features seemed despondent. She looked at her hands as she began to speak.
“First off, I want to say that I’m sorry for the way I acted earlier,” she began, still not looking at him but Andrew could see her distress.
“Auntie, you don’t need to apologize. I...”
Olivia shook her head and looked over at him. “I was being selfish. All I could hear was you leaving, not that you would be with the person you have fallen in love with.”
She stood up and moved closer to him, something she generally didn’t do. Andrew wasn’t sure what she was doing but she was determined. She reached her hand out and placed her palm over his heart, over his scar. He immediately flinched and started breathing hard but she did not falter. She had tears in hers eyes as she took a deep breath.
“When I found out that my sister did this, my heart ached for you. I...” She swallowed. “I failed you, Andrew. I could have taken you from her when you were little. She asked me when you were six. She had called me, begging me to take you but I was angry at her. I thought she was just trying to shirk her responsibility. I told her that being a parent meant she had to make sacrifices and that she couldn’t just dump you off on people because she wanted to go and have fun.”
Olivia took another deep breath and kept her hand on his chest, pressing firmly and looking at him intently.
“I didn't know that she and Drew had started using again. Well, I guess a tiny piece of me wondered, but Kimmy had always been difficult.” Olivia shook her head, remembering how her sister had been. “A few weeks later, she withdrew you from school and I didn’t hear from her. Your grandma and I went six years without knowing what was going on. When 20/20 aired that special on the rise of Meth in the Midwest and Kimmy’s face appeared as one of the many examples they were highlighting, I died inside.” She looked down, unable to stop her tears from falling. “We tried to find out where you all were. We didn’t know and the report never even gave the state you were in. But I knew...” Her breathing picked up as she continued. “I knew that it was my fault, that if I had just told her yes, six years before, your life would have been different.” She ran her fingers along his scar. “I could have stopped all of it but I let my anger at her stop me from doing the right thing and you suffered as a result.”
She finally dropped her hand and sobbed uncontrollably. Andrew stared at her, tears streaming down his face. Without thinking, he pulled her to him and held her as she cried. He remembered his mom telling him that his relatives didn’t care about him, that they didn’t want him. He never believed it until he was in placement and no one came for him. But now he realized that that wasn’t the case. They had moved around so much that no one had any idea where they were. After a few moments, she pulled away from him and wiped under her eyes.
“When I found you, I told myself that I would always watch out for you. I didn’t care how old you were. I would forever make up to you my lack of action so long ago. But with you going to New York...” She took a deep breath. “I can’t watch out for you there. You will be on your own again and that is very difficult for me to accept,” she said determinedly.
“I won’t be on my own. I’ll have Madison,” he said, wiping under her eyes. “And, I know that you will always be here for me.” He looked down and took a deep breath before turning to her. “I love you, Olivia,” he said for the first time. “What happened to me was not your fault. Mom was crazy and the drugs made it worse. There is no way you could have predicted that she would act that way.”
She started crying again. “I love you too, Andrew,” she said, enfolding him in a tight hug.
They held each other for several minutes. Olivia felt as if she had waited her whole life to hear her nephew say those three words. Now he would be leaving and, after talking to Aaron, she realized that, more than anything else, Andrew needed their support. He would leave whether they wanted him to or not, so Aaron had challenged her to decide how she wanted his leaving to be. Did she want it to be something where he would feel he could call them if things didn’t work out as planned or something where he felt he really was on his own without anyone to turn to? Aaron had such a way of helping her see what needed to be done. He had also encouraged her to tell him what had happened, that he had a right to know. Although she was saddened with the idea of Andrew’s eminent departure, she was filled with immense relief that she had released the burden she had been carrying for so many years. She pulled away from him and smiled.
“Are you staying for dinner?” she asked, wiping under her eyes.
“Umm, depends on what you’re making,” he said with a smile.
She laughed and stood. “How about we grill some steaks? And then, hmm, how about we pair it with loaded baked potatoes and a fresh salad?”
Andrew nodded his head vigorously as she smiled. “That sounds amazing!”
She walked out the door and headed to the kitchen to start marinating the steaks. She would make the most of the time he was here with her. And, in all reality, she trusted Madison’s love for him. She had seen them together and knew that Madison would protect his heart. That was all she could ask for.
38SHARING EVERYTHING
“Andrew, please wake up. Helios, baby, everything’s alright, sweetheart. I love you so much, please, baby, Helios, please, wake up,” Madison said in a kind and gentle voice but it was laced with a sense of urgency and panic.
He could hear Madison’s sweet voice beckoning him but it confused him as he couldn’t figure out why she was in this particular dream, she didn’t belong there. Andrew’s eyes shot open, he was drenched in sweat, and his hand was over his heart in a protective manner. He sat up abruptly, looking around. His eyes darted around the room and then rested on the woman sitting next to him.
“Madison?” he asked confused.
She nodded as he grabbed her and held her tightly. She laid them back on the bed and his entire body enveloped hers as she allowed her hands to gently caress his shoulders and back. Soon he was asleep again, whimpering. Madison had been awoken by his scream only to find him clutching at his heart, his body dripping with sweat. She didn’t know what this particular nightmare was about but at least this time she was able to settle him down. Madison kissed the top of his head.
“I love you, Andrew,” she whispered sweetly as he snuggled closer to her.
By the time Madison’s alarm went off, Andrew was sleeping soundly. He had spent over an hour whimpering in his sleep before he finally seemed to rest comfortably. Madison, on the other hand, had only gotten a few hours of rest after she had been awakened by Andrew’s nightmare. She gingerly slipped out from his embrace so that she could take care of her grandma.
“How is he?” her grandmother asked, sitting at the dining room table and watching as Madison flipped the bacon in the frying pan and then removed it to a plate.
Madison sighed and shrugged her shoulders. “I don’t know. He’s still sleeping.” She looked up at her. “I know he needs to start leaving in the mornings again, Grans. This was the last night, I promise,” Madison said sadly.
“You don’t need him here still? It’s only been a week.”
“I will always need him but I know you aren’t comfortable with it,” Madison answered as she set a plate in front of her grandma.
Grandmother Downing nodded and began eating, watching as her granddaughter picked at her food. She wasn’t sure what she would do once she left.
“So this nurse that you’ve hired for the weekend...” Grans began before taking another bite of her French toast.
Madison looked up. “Grans, please don’t give her a hard time.”
Grans smiled. “She’s not going to be poking at me and everything, is she, because if she does I will kick her out of my house.”
“Grans, honestly,” Madison chuckled. “She will d
o what I do. Are you sure it’s okay? I know it’s only been a few weeks since I left the last time.”
“Oh it’s fine. You and Andrew will have fun. Santa Barbara is very beautiful. Your grandfather took me there once.”
Madison smiled and nodded as her grandmother regaled her with tales of her grandfather and their trip through Santa Barbara. Madison laughed and smiled when she was supposed to but her mind was not completely focused. She glanced towards her bedroom.
“Maddie, why don’t you go bring Andrew something to eat. I’m sure he will be hungry. I’m okay,” she said, reaching her hand over the table and tapping Madison’s hand.
Madison smiled and got up. “Thanks, Grans. I love you,” she said, kissing her cheek.
She had made him a plate along with a cup of coffee, black with a little bit of sugar, just the way he liked it. She carefully balanced the tray to the bedroom, setting it on her dresser. She picked up her own coffee and took a sip, glancing at him. His head lulled to the side and a small smile began to form as he stretched slightly. His nostrils moved a miniscule amount and Madison giggled as he reacted to the aromas the drifted towards him. His eyes slowly opened and he smiled shyly at her.
“Good morning, sleepy head,” Madison said, walking to the bed.
He smiled and sat up while Madison placed the tray on his lap, taking her coffee. He took a sip of his own coffee and grinned as he picked up a slice of bacon.
“This is really sweet. What’s the occasion?”
“Well, I thought after the night you had you would appreciate it,” she replied, taking a sip of her coffee.
Andrew held the bacon in front of his mouth for a moment before actually biting down on it. He chewed and then glanced at her, noticing that her eyes were puffy and dark. She hadn’t sleep well. He took a deep breath.
Helios Awakened (The Helios Chronicles #1) Page 36
