by Hazel Kelly
Her face dropped. "What? You just got h-"
"I need to go buy a lottery ticket."
She furrowed her brow. "I didn't know you played the lottery?"
"I don't, but I just showed up uninvited to find you soaking wet in nothing but a towel and you invite me in and bring me a beer. Come on. This is obviously my lucky day."
She rolled her eyes and pushed her free hand against my chest. "Shut up."
"Your lip looks better already.”
She froze and stared at me, her eyes hard to read in the dim light.
I lifted her chin and looked at it.
Her breath hitched in her throat.
I dragged my thumb across her lip so lightly I barely skimmed it and stopped right before the red crack.
"I should get dressed," she whispered, breaking my trance.
"Of course," I said, dropping my hand and knowing I'd missed a chance to kiss her again. Then again, I didn't know how long she'd been drinking, and she was the last person on Earth I would ever want to take advantage of.
"Make yourself comfortable," she said, nodding towards the couch. "I'll be out in second."
One side of my mouth curled up in a smile. "Let me know if you need any help in there."
She raised her eyebrows. "Let me guess. Undergarments are your specialty?"
"Wouldn't you like to know?" I asked, my eyes flashing.
"Yeah, you got me," she said, waving me away as she started towards her room. "I lie awake wondering about it every night." She shut her bedroom door without looking back at me.
I took a seat on the couch, sinking into the ancient cushions as I let my eyes scan the items near the champagne.
There was an open copy of Aesop's fables face down on the table at the start of a story called “The Lion in Love,” which I assumed Andi had been reading since she'd loved stories with animal characters for as long as I'd known her.
Beside it, there was a pamphlet for a religious retreat clipped to a note.
Andi, if you need me for any reason, this is where I'll be this weekend (I'll have my phone). I'm back Sunday night. Have a great weekend, xx Steph
I opened the pamphlet. The subject matter was a bit heavy so I only got a few paragraphs in, but it seemed to reiterate the basic understanding I had of Steph's beliefs, which was that God chose things for her that were fated, and it was up to her to use her free will to stay on track towards her destiny.
And by the number of attendees they claimed they'd have at the gathering, she wasn't alone.
Personally, I was all for people having their own beliefs, but it did strike me as odd that she was so devoted to becoming a doctor when I personally struggled to see how science and religion were compatible.
At the same time, though, part of me wished I had the beliefs she did.
Not because I needed the security blanket of faith to sleep at night, but because being able to use God’s will as an excuse for my actions seemed like the kind of crutch that would offer tangible piece of mind when I needed it.
"You thinking of enrolling for the one next month?" Andi asked, her hip cocked at the end of the couch. She was wearing a yellow sundress that went down to the floor.
"Only if you'll go with me."
"No chance in hell," she said, plopping on the couch beside me, her hair dripping less after a good towel dry.
"Not your thing?"
She topped up her mug with champagne and leaned back on the couch. "Not at all. Don't get me wrong. I love Steph to death, and she is hands down one of the smartest, kindest, least judgmental people I've ever met."
"Okay."
"But I hate the idea that everything is fated." She crossed her legs towards me. "I don't know how I'd get up in the morning if I believed everything was already chosen for me, if I believed all I had to do was go through the motions and not ask questions."
"You don't think it would take some pressure off if you thought that?"
She shrugged. "I suppose it might, but isn't pressure what makes life interesting? I mean, what really thrills me isn't the idea of fate. It's the idea that I can change the whole course of my life in an instant if I want to.”
I cocked my head.
“I could wake up tomorrow and start over, and I wouldn’t need anyone else’s approval… especially not the approval of some virgin who’s gotten all his life experience from books."
I raised my eyebrows. "Whoa."
"Don't tell Steph I said that."
"Of course not."
"And I don't mean to sound so harsh," she said, angling her body towards me.
"That's okay. I don't disagree with you."
"I just meant that I like the unpredictability of living my life moment to moment."
I stared at her bare, glowing face. She was so naturally beautiful it seemed unfair that other girls had to go to so much trouble.
"I want to believe that I have the power to change things, that I can be whatever I want." Her eyes went wide. "I mean, who I want. Whatever. You know what I’m trying to say."
"I do," I said. "And I get it. To be honest, I think we've always wanted the same things."
She cast her eyes down at the space between us like she didn't quite agree.
But before I could say anything more, there was a knock at the door.
Chapter 13: Andi
Every hair on my body stood at attention as I tried to convince myself I hadn't heard the familiar knock.
"Andi, it's me. Open up."
Shane's jaw clenched when he heard the voice.
"I came to apologize, baby. Let me in."
I swallowed.
Shane made a move to stand up, but I rose in front of him and laid a hand on his chest.
"You've done enough," I said. "I can handle this."
His eyes pleaded with me. "I made him promise he wouldn't contact you-"
"Sit," I whispered, nodding towards the couch. "I'm not even going to let him in."
He took a deep breath, his eyes on mine as the knock came again, followed by a forceful jiggle of the doorknob.
"C'mon, baby. I'm going crazy out her," Mike said, shaking the whole door in its frame.
"I'll be right here," Shane said, squeezing my hand. "You got this."
Having them so near each other made it really obvious how inappropriate my feelings for Mike were. I mean, every cell in my body was intimidated by him and ill at ease with how unpredictable he could be.
And then there was Shane, who was more like a mountain. A shield. An impenetrable force that made me feel completely safe. Any uneasiness I felt around him was down to my own inappropriate attraction as opposed to his behavior.
"Andi, I-"
Mike stopped speaking when I slid the chain lock off.
Part of me wanted to turn and look at Shane again, to draw strength from his gaze, but I could feel him staring at me so hard it was almost like he was propping me up anyway.
I undid the deadbolt next, followed by the button on the knob. Then I planted my foot behind the door to make sure he didn't try to push his way in and cracked it open.
Mike was standing in the stark hallway with a bouquet of wildflowers… and a thick white bandage over his nose.
"Hi," I said.
His whole chest seemed to deflate when he saw me, as if he'd been holding his breath for two days. "Hi."
I raised my eyebrows. "What are you doing here?"
"I came to apologize," he said. "And I brought you these." He extended the flowers in my direction.
I shook my head. "I don't want flowers from you, Mike. I want you to leave me alone."
He furrowed his brow. "Can I come in?"
"No. You can't."
"But we need to talk."
"There's nothing to talk about. We're through."
He pushed the door and it only opened an inch before it hit the side of my foot. "It's like that, is it?"
"Yeah."
"After everything we've been through?"
I gl
anced down at the worn carpet between us and then raised my eyes towards his. "What we've been through was hell, Mike, and I'm done."
"You don't mean it," he said. "Give me one more chance to show you how-"
"What?" My eyes narrowed. "How long you can go without hurting me again? How many lies I have to tell to feel safe around you?"
"Lies?"
"How many bullshit excuses you can make up for why it's okay to treat me like you have been lately?"
"No. To show you how many-"
"Save it," I said. "Your words don't mean shit to me anymore, and neither do you."
His face dropped.
"I'm all out of last chances with your name on them so you'll have to find someone else to push around."
"Oh my god he's there isn't he?"
I furrowed my brow. "What? Who?"
He dropped his hand so the flowers hung at his side. “The prick who put you up to this."
"Nobody put me up to this-"
"The prick who broke my nose yesterday."
Lucky for me, I was as horrified as I was amused, which was the only reason I managed to keep from smiling.
He craned his neck forward. "Weren't you even going to ask what happened to my fucking nose?"
I shook my head. "No, I wasn’t. Because like I told you, I don't care about you anymore. Your nose, your anger, and your bogus GPA are no longer my concern."
His lips formed a straight line.
"Besides, whatever happened, you probably had it coming to you."
His face began to redden around the white bandage as he flexed and fisted his free hand.
"But for what it's worth, I wish you every happiness and hope you can learn to manage your jealousy so-"
"You know he just wants you for himself, right?"
I turned an ear towards him. "Excuse me?"
"Shane. Your so called friend. He's always wanted me out of the picture and-"
"Well now you are," I said. "And if you ever come to my door again, I'm going to call the police."
"You're not serious."
"I'm as serious as domestic abuse, Mike."
His eyes bounced back and forth between mine.
"Are we clear?"
"Just tell me if he's here," he said, raising up on his toes in an attempt to peek over my head. "I'm dying to know how quickly he weaseled his way into your-"
"Get lost, Mike. My life isn't your business anymore."
"That's what I thought."
I rolled my eyes.
"Watch out for him, Andi. I don't know what he's told you, but he's only after one thing, and it's not being your fucking shoulder to cry on."
"Have a nice life. I hope you get yourself some help."
As soon as I shut the door, I heard the bouquet explode against it.
Then I listened to his steps disappear down the hallway and locked all three locks again, suddenly conscious of how hard my heart was beating in my chest.
"You were great."
I turned around to find Shane standing a foot away with a kind look in his eye. "Yeah?"
He nodded and opened his arms. "Come here."
I stepped into his hug and let him wrap his arms around me while I wished he didn't smell quite so good. Couldn't he turn his sexy down or something so it wasn't so loud all the time?
I squeezed two clumps of his shirt in my fists and pressed my forehead into the crook of his neck. "You didn't tell me you broke his nose."
He shrugged, squeezing me in the process. "I didn't realize I had."
I didn't want to let go, but I knew I was dangerously close to holding on too tight and too long.
"I'm in a bit of a pickle now," he said when I stepped back.
"Why?" I asked, raising my eyebrows. "Cause he outed you for the secret crush you have on me?"
He smiled. "No. Cause I told him that if he ever came anywhere near you again, I was going to beat him to a pulp… or something like that."
I glanced down. "I see."
"And I like to keep my word."
"I know."
"But I'm also aware that you cared for that guy at some point, and I don't want to lose you cause I got violent with some asshole that's no longer relevant."
"Lose me?"
Chapter 14: Shane
"Disappoint you," I corrected. "Not that I wouldn't find pleasure in taking some of his dignity away." Or watching the pledges use him for batting practice.
"It's okay," she said. "He doesn't deserve your attention."
"Your call," I said. "But only cause I've never given him one more chance before."
She pursed her lips.
"If he contacts you again, that's his luck run out," I said. "So I need you to tell me if-"
"I will, Shane. I promise."
I exhaled.
"And thanks again for… being so great about this."
"I just wish you'd come to me the first time this happened."
She rubbed the back of her neck.
"Cause this wasn't it, was it?" I asked, cocking my head.
She raised her face to mine and shook her head. "Not even close, I’m afraid."
My heart felt sore at the thought. "Oh, Andi," I whispered, lifting one hand to her face so she couldn't look away. "Promise me you'll demand better for yourself from now on."
Her eyes started to water. "I promise."
I let my hand fall to her shoulder. "If only to keep me out of prison."
She laughed and stepped back. "Deal."
"Good. Cause I have so much going for me and-"
She rolled her eyes. "Speaking of all the things you have going for you, how about another beer?"
"It seems only right considering how much that little incident seems to have sobered us up."
"I couldn't agree more," she said.
My eyes fell to her ass as she disappeared into the kitchen, and I shook my head like a wet dog. Now was not the time to let my mind go there.
"Now," she said, setting a bottle of Bud down on the coffee table in front of me before taking a seat. "I think it's time we discuss the elephant in the room."
"Go on," I said, assuming she wasn't talking about the hard on I'd been trying to fight off since I arrived.
"Why don't you tell me about the secret passion you've been harboring for me that's just been brought to my attention?"
My whole chest felt like it was going to take flight. "Well, Mike and I had a long heart to heart at his place yesterday, and he just had this way about him that made me want to spill his guts- sorry, my guts."
She smiled.
"And he finally got me to admit the overwhelming desire I’ve been hiding all these years."
She laughed. "So how long have you been madly in love with me?"
"Easy. Remember when everyone got really into collecting stickers in second grade?"
Little creases sprang up around her eyes. "Of course."
"Well, I knew I was in deep the first time you showed me your sticker collection."
"Go on."
"Everyone else had their stickers all mixed up," I said. "But you had your foamies and your fuzzies and your oilies separated not only by sticker type, but by theme."
"And that's when you knew?"
"Pretty much," I said. "But for a long time I was confused about whether it was you I loved or if it was just your possum family fuzzies."
"And when did you make the distinction?"
"Remember the day Izzy was pulling you on my skateboard behind her bike?"
"Oh god."
"And you tipped forward and scraped half your face on the driveway?"
"And then I had to cover my face with Neosporin before school every day like a slimy sea monster."
"Yep."
"I wish you'd forget that ever happened."
