I close my eyes and in my mind, I see Kerrigan on her knees in front of me. It's weird how a sucky blowjob can turn into the most amazing one if you imagine someone else doing it. Once I'm fantasizing Kerrigan's mouth on me, it takes me no time to find my release. The woman in front of me swallows my load and when she does, I’m done with her. I help her off her knees and throw out a thanks. Hopefully, this girl will be gone before I meet up with my brothers. I open the door, still zipping my pants. When I look up, I see a very hurt Kerrigan. DAMMIT! She rushes down the hallway.
Kerrigan
Oh my God. I can't believe he did that. Yes, I can. This type of thing always happens to me. I should be used to this. I wanted to believe that he was different. I feel him grab my arm and I rip it away.
"Kerrigan, what are you doing here?" That question is almost laughable.
"You're not who I thought you were, Maddox. You're just like everyone else. Goodbye, Maddox." I look him straight in the eye and smile. He will not bring me down.
I’m glad this happened before our date. Nothing like finding out these things after you are invested in a relationship. As much as it stings now, I know I’ll be okay. I always am. I walk away and he follows me.
"Kerrigan. I'm sorry. I didn't know you'd be here."
“Jesus, really?!” Now that’s funny. I start laughing and keep walking.
"Talk to me. SHIT! Kerrigan, I’m sorry.” I say nothing and head back to the bar. I will not make him feel better or worse about this situation. That's something only he can do. He sits at the end of the bar. The blonde girl comes to sit next to him. I can tell this makes Maddox uncomfortable. Good! He deserves it. Fucking JERK!
Maddox
Fuck. I feel like a total ass. For a year, I've been trying to sleep with her. I had a chance and now I’ve blown it. It was more than sleeping with her; I actually like her. She makes me feel things. Things that I can’t explain. I just don't know what I want. Kerrigan completely ignores me so I sit down at the bar. I watch as the blonde comes over. Christ.
"Hey, I guess I should tell you my name is Hollie. You probably think I'm a slut," she jokes. What does she think is going to happen here? Does she think I'm going to slobber all over her and take her home? Fat chance of that ever happening, Hollie.
"You're right. I do. Have a nice evening," I say as I put money on the bar and walk the fuck out the door. I’ve blown it.
Chapter 2
Kerrigan
It’s been six months since the Maddox incident. Oddly enough, I’ve met another cop named Aaron. He is exactly what I’ve been looking for. He’s handsome, has a cute smile, short blonde hair and is muscular. When he approached me at the bar, I was ready to tune him out just like I do all of the other men. Except, when he opened his mouth, his first words weren’t "you’re beautiful" or another pick up line. His first words to me were, “You look like you’re having a rough day. Want to talk?”
I really was having a rough day. Maddox had come into the bar before his brothers and did what he always did after that incident. He sat at the end of the bar and simply said, “I’m sorry.”
Maddox isn’t sorry. He is still enjoying women. Multiple women. He has no shame. I wanted to forgive him and give him another chance, but I can’t. I don’t want to be in a relationship for five years and find out he is cheating, especially not when he showed me who he was in the very beginning.
“Hey, are you all right?” Aaron's voice sounded so caring.
“You know what? I am all right. Thank you for asking.”
“No problem. Kerrigan, I was wondering if you’d like to go to Navy Pier. Walk around?”
“I’m not ready for something like that right now. Thank you.”
“Okay. I’ll come back tomorrow.” I smile when he says that.
And he did. He came back for two months. Finally, I said yes.
Maddox
I’ve seen Aaron coming around for the last couple of months. Never in my life have I been this jealous. Erica, the other bartender, told me that Kerrigan and Aaron are officially dating. I fucked up so I shouldn’t complain, but now I have to sit and watch Aaron take the girl I want out on dates. Yes, after I hurt Kerrigan, I realized what I was feeling for her was more than something sexual. I was actually looking forward to talking with her at dinner. However, I will respect her. She deserves someone she knows will be faithful. It sucks that Aaron and I work together. Not only do I have to see it at the bar, but Aaron is a bragger at work too.
Tonight, as I’m here at the bar watching Kerrigan work, I realize I need to move on. I need to give Kerrigan a chance to find her happiness. I sit down in the booth waiting for my brothers. When Evan comes in, he spots a pretty, brown haired girl at the bar and he holds his finger up for me to wait. I nod. I also noticed the girl, but she just isn’t Kerrigan. Noah finally arrives and asks, “Hey, where’s Evan?”
“At the bar, trying to pick up some new pussy.”
I have to smile at Noah’s reaction. He hates that we pick up women here. He goes on and on about the rumors he has to hear at work. We continually tell him to find another place for us to meet. Evan comes back telling us the girl shot him down. I tease that I’m up next. Maybe I can move on.
“Hey beautiful, you shot down my brother. That earns you another Corona."
"No thanks, I'm good," she answers. Very pretty, I think while looking at this girl. Since Kerrigan is dating, I decide to give this girl one more try.
"You can’t say no to one of Chicago's finest," I tease. I notice Kerrigan walk away.
"Thanks for the offer, but I'm good. I had a shit day and just want to wallow."
"Shit day?" I ask.
"Yeah. Literally, a shit day."
"Well, let me buy you a drink and then I will leave you to wallow," I need to wallow now too.
"Thanks. My name is Molly." Molly looks away quickly like she regrets even giving her name. Clearly, no one is getting into her panties.
"Relax. It's a free beer. By the way, I'm Maddox,” I walk away leaving her to her shit day and wishing Kerrigan would talk to me.
After returning to my seat, I sit and watch Kerrigan and a smile crosses her face. She is talking to Molly about something. Seeing her smile both destroys and ignites me. After I ruined my chance with Kerrigan, I’ve spent endless nights inside of women. Lately though, I just can’t. I hear men start whistling and I notice Kerrigan and Molly are dancing on the bar. Watching her be so carefree reminds me that I am an easy person to forget. My mom left because of me. She forgot me. Something in me just isn’t loveable.
Kerrigan
I had so much fun dancing with Molly. She seems genuine and she turned down the Stone brothers, so that makes her a super-cool chick in my book. I can’t wait until Aaron gets home so I can tell him about my day. Seeing Maddox trying to pick up Molly shouldn’t have stung, but it did.
“Kerrigan? You here?” I hear Aaron call out.
“Yes, in the bedroom.”
“There you are beautiful,” Aaron says while coming in for a hug. The smell of whiskey hangs on his breath.
“How was your day?”
“It was good. Really good. I met a new girl, Molly. She seems pretty nice. I invited her to dinner with me, Lani and Jessica later this week.”
“Am I invited?”
“Well, it was going to be a girls' dinner.”
“I see...” Aaron says and walks out of the room. He seems upset so I follow him into the living room.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah, I’m fine. Tell me about this Molly girl.”
I start explaining everything. I realize I made a mistake when I said she turned down the Stone brothers.
“Kerrigan, have you slept with Maddox?”
“Uh. No. Why?”
“I just don’t like the thought of working with someone who has had his dick inside my girlfriend.”
“Well don’t worry about that. It never got that far between us.”
“T
here was an us? Why didn’t you tell me?” Aaron’s tone alarms me.
“Because it was nothing. Nothing worth mentioning anyway.” Aaron stands up and backs me into the corner. He places his hands on the wall like he is trapping me.
“Don’t fuck with me, Kerrigan. Don’t fuck with me. Just so you know, I will be joining you for dinner.”
“I’m not messing with you, Aaron. Maddox and I are nothing. We never were. I agreed to a date, but before we went out I caught him coming out of the bathroom with a blonde.”
“Stay away from him,” Aaron warns.
“Aaron, I haven’t spoken to him in months. Months. What’s gotten into you?”
“I’m sorry baby. I love you too much to lose you. I feel like you are too good for me.”
“Hey, no, I’m not. I'm lucky to have found you. I love you too, Aaron.”
He lays me down on the bed and starts making love to me. I try to get the image of Maddox out of my head because honestly, I don’t know why he is running through my mind. Aaron loves me and I love him. Well, I am trying to love him. He cares enough to worry about me and to want to protect me. No one has ever made me feel this important. Clearing Maddox from my mind, I’m here in this moment with Aaron. Since he is drunk, it ends quickly. He made no time to take care of my needs. When we are done, I feel used. I’ll give him this because I know he just needed this reassurance from me.
Three weeks pass and it’s been nice. Aaron and I spend a lot of time watching movies and ordering in. There hasn’t been any drama and Aaron seems to have moved on from the jealousy he felt towards Maddox.
“What are you thinking about, Kerrigan?” Aaron asks.
“Oh nothing. Thinking about work. Tonight, I’m going out with the girls.”
“You are? You didn’t tell me about these plans.”
“Oh, yeah. Molly, Jessica, Lani and I are meeting at Hanson's.”
“You don’t plan on dancing on a bar again do you?” he says as he stands up.
“Aaron, it was a good time. We went over this. It was for fun.”
“Fun? You think I like men looking at what’s mine?”
“What’s yours?” I like being wanted, but I hate feeling suffocated.
“Yes, Kerrigan. What’s mine” Aaron grabs my arm.
“Let go.”
“No, Kerrigan. I want you to say you’ll behave.”
What is he talking about? I don’t like this side of Aaron. We already had this fight. He’d been drinking though, so I let it go.
“Aaron, I love you. I moved in with you. I’m only going out to enjoy my friends' company.”
“What, you don’t enjoy me?” He starts running his finger down my face.
“Stop. You’re acting like a possessive jerk.”
He grabs my arm and forcefully throws me on the bed. I start trying to push him off. Fear is building inside of me. At first, I thought Aaron was suffocating because he was insecure. Now, I wonder if there is something more.
“I’ll show you possessive. I’ll show you what you enjoy.”
“Aaron, STOP!”
“No, Kerrigan, I want you to admit you’re mine. And to tell me you’ll behave tonight.”
“I’m just going out with friends.”
“Say it Kerrigan. Say you’re mine.”
“Aaron, I’ve given you no reason to not trust me. I don’t like this behavior. It scares me.”
“God, Kerrigan. I’m sorry. I hate feeling like you’re slipping through my fingers. You’re too good for me.”
“Aaron, please, you have to stop acting this way. I’m here with you. Every night.”
“You’re right Kerr, I’m sorry.”
We spend the next few hours talking about insecurities and how he has been changing. He promises that he’ll change. The fear of losing me makes him crazy. I’m so confused. On one hand, Aaron is what I want. On the other, he is everything I hate in men. A bully.
---
I’ve talked to Lani, my best friend. She is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. She saved me one night while at a party in high school. Guys who had been drinking got out of hand. Lani is a tiny girl, right at five feet tall. If I were guessing her weight, I would say one hundred and ten pounds. Don’t get me wrong; Lani has an incredible strength inside her. Her voice that night kept those boys from following through with their rape plans.
I’m finding it hard to talk to her about Aaron. She thinks it’s as simple as leaving him. That’s not what I want to hear. Aaron isn’t like those high school boys. Those boys were pure evil. Aaron needs AA, not jail. I’ve decided I can't talk about this with anyone because they just don’t understand.
Maddox
It’s Noah’s birthday tonight and I am meeting him and Evan at the bar. I got delayed at work, so I'm running late. A buddy from the force told me that Molly was headed to the bar, looking sexy. I let Noah know; I wasn’t surprised when he suggested that we should still go to Hanson's. Noah might not know it yet, but he is falling for that girl. He made sure I offered some fellow cops a side job protecting Molly after the shooting. He also told me everything I needed to know when he backed me into the wall because he thought I was interested in fucking her. Noah is not a violent man. He might be easy to annoy, but he is not easy to piss off. I smile because Noah has said for years he’d never marry. Like I said, he doesn’t know it, but that’s where he's headed.
As I'm walking in, I see Aaron grab Molly's ass. While Brayden has Aaron up against the wall, I rush to Molly and grab her around the waist to pull her back. She is kicking and screaming.
“Molly? What the fuck happened?”
“That stupid asshole called me a slut! When I defended myself, he got mad and said he was going to fuck me instead of killing me! He had the fucking nerve to grab my ass!”
“Did you do that to Aaron?” I ask Molly, jerking my head towards him.
“You’re damn right I broke his nose!” she states proudly. Hell, I’m proud of her.
I wrap my arms tighter around her, trying to restrain her as she continues to scream curse words. What the hell happened? I look up and see Noah and Evan rushing over. Noah demands to know what’s going on and I explain all that I know. He walks over to Aaron and starts assessing him. I want to tell Noah to stop and let that fucker bleed out. He wouldn’t have done it, though. The doctor, the fixer in him, wouldn’t let him.
“Maddox, I need you to help me get him to the ER,” Noah calls to me.
Kerrigan
After the bar incident, I talked to Aaron and let him know that he had one final chance to attend AA meetings or else I was leaving. He started a couple of weeks ago. I can see a big difference. He hasn’t had a drink and he opened up to me about his dad being an alcoholic. He says that he doesn’t want to be like him. He apologized. He said he'd understand if I wanted to leave, but he hoped I'd stay to help him get better. I stayed because I knew what it felt like to be alone and not have anyone there for me.
Tonight is the Police Officers' Ball. Aaron bought me a beautiful midnight blue gown. It took me by surprise because there is a slit that comes to mid thigh and a low plunging neckline. He's told me before to not wear things that are too revealing.
“You look sexy,” Aaron says, coming up behind me.
“I love the dress, Aaron. Thank you. It makes me feel beautiful,” I say, glancing in the mirror. It’s the first chance I’ve had to dress up in a while, so I went all out fixing my hair and applying my smoky eye makeup.
“Every officer there tonight will be jealous of me. The hottest girl on the planet will be walking in with me,” he says, running his finger down the neckline. I don’t know why his compliment stings, but it does. I should feel happy that Aaron wants me on his arm. I’d like to be more than arm candy, though. I’m starting to realize that I’m nothing more to Aaron than just that.
When we arrive at the ball, Aaron tells me to stay close. He places his arm on the small of my back and leads me into the room. It’s fille
d with other officers in their dress blues and their spouses. It’s decorated so beautifully. There are vases of multi-colored tulips as centerpieces. The lights are dimmed with a blue backlight.
Over the next couple of hours, Aaron pulls me out on the dance floor. We only dance the slow dances, which is fine, because I’m in uncomfortable heels. I don’t like the way he is dancing with me. It’s inappropriate for the event - we aren’t at a club. He keeps kissing my neck and grabbing my ass. I’ve concluded, in these few short hours, that Aaron and I will never work. After the ball, I plan to end it. I want love. Real love. Not someone who loves the way I look. He, at least, needs to love something more about me.
Maddox
I sat in the corner and watched Aaron walk in with Kerrigan. I can’t really describe the way it made me feel because I’ve never felt it. It was jealousy, heartbreak, pissed off, and dead - all rolled into one. Maybe I should be socializing more, but I can’t. I can’t shake this mood I’m in, suddenly. I’ll cut the night short and head home, sulking in misery. Well, that’s what I was planning on doing, but as I head to the door, I can’t stop staring at her. She looks beautiful, but incredibly sad. What’s bothering her? I decide to sit down again and just watch.
I try over the next few hours to make small talk with my brothers and sisters in blue. I need to stop staring at her, so I head to the bathroom to clear my head. I splash some water on my face. When I look into the mirror, I can see the sadness on my face. I try to make myself look happy, but quickly realize this will be the look I carry for the rest of my life. I love Kerrigan. Tonight, it’s clear that no one will ever compare to her. It’s also clear that Kerrigan and I will never be. Why did I go to the bathroom with that girl that day? FUCK.
Walking out of the bathroom, I notice Kerrigan walking out of the ladies room. Unable to help myself, I step in front of her to prevent her from moving forward. I need to get my apology out.
Rebuilding Stone (The Stone Brother Series Book 2) Page 2
