“I guess so,” I shrugged. Robert’s phone rang again. “You should probably take that.”
“Yeah.” He hesitated. “It was really good seeing you, Sky.” He spoke in this soft, thoughtful way that really did make my insides quiver.
Get it together, Murphy.
I lifted my hand in an awkward wave and walked to my car, even though I wanted to run.
Chapter Four
Robert
“Mmm, touch yourself. I like that,” the voice urged through the speakers. Fuck, I had forgotten to push the mute button. I quickly rectified my mistake before I returned to my dance.
I was moving to the music, running my hands down my body, edging the hem of my underwear down my hips. This was the big finale. What the people on the other side of the camera paid the big bucks for.
“This is for you, Jill,” I said, looking at the camera as I slowly, sensually, pushed my underwear down my thighs before kicking them off to the floor. “Do you like what you see, Jill?” I started moving my body again, letting the woman watching me, get an eyeful of what she had paid $500 for. I didn’t know her. She was a stranger. But they paid more for the “personal” touch. Hell, Jill could be a dude for all I knew, though, from the sound of the voice I had just heard, Jill was most likely a middle-aged woman. A very excited middle-aged woman.
This was my last appointment. I had spent the last few hours dancing and taking my clothes off for strangers on the internet. And loving every minute of it.
The music built to a crescendo and I writhed and thrust my hips. I knew my body looked good. I worked hard to keep myself in peak condition. I was starting to lose steam. I had been dancing pretty much nonstop. I had six clients lined up for the afternoon, each paying 500 dollars for a half-hour dance that involved me slowly getting naked. And that’s where it would stop. I never did anything else. I didn’t jack off, though most of them asked me to. I always declined.
The room was hot, but I didn’t dare open a window. The sweat beading my skin only turned my customers on more. I moved closer to the camera, letting Jill get a close-up of the parts she really wanted to see. When the music was finished, I typed a quick message of thanks. I confirmed the money had been paid and I closed the laptop.
I grabbed my water bottle and drank the whole thing in one gulp. I was tired as hell. I looked at my banking app on my phone and was pleased with the number I saw. I had made $3000 today. Not bad.
I grabbed my clothes from the floor and picked up my laptop before turning off the LED ring light that I used for filming. I quickly left the room, closing the door behind me. I showered and dressed before sitting down at the computer to go through my upcoming calendar and to read feedback from my sessions.
I fire up the VPN and open up the admin page on my website that I use to control my bookings. I had dances lined up for the next month. I recognized most of the names as repeat customers. Jill had already sent me a message thanking me. Telling me how amazing I was. Begging me to let her see my face next time.
Because these people may see my body, but I was very careful they would never, ever see my face.
I had to be careful. I had almost lost everything once; I was much smarter now.
Sex work wasn’t something to be ashamed of, but in my other profession, the image was everything. And a jury and judge could be swayed by the news that one of the attorneys strips in his spare time. People could be really fucking judgmental.
They wouldn’t bother to know the real reasons I continued to take my clothes off so many years after doing it the first time.
When I first started at The Landing Strip back when I was in law school, I saw it as a temporary gig. A way to make extra money to help pay for school and to take care of my family. I figured once I became a bigshot attorney, I’d be able to give it all up.
What I hadn’t anticipated was how much I got off on the thrill of it all. Or how expensive my brother’s care would become the older he got.
I wasn’t dancing in my birthday suit for my benefit. Well, not entirely. I was doing it so my brother, Sam, had the best possible care. And even though I made good money at the firm, it wasn’t enough to keep my mother and brother comfortable and living the life I felt they deserved.
I had gotten in way over my head in my pursuit of the all-mighty dollar. When Tiffany found me and introduced me to her world, I had been in awe. I was making so much money that I was able to pay for law school out of pocket, with no loans. I bought my mom a house and I was able to comfortably make the mortgage payments as well as pay for my brother’s residential care. Hell, I even rented myself a fancy apartment in the city. I was making so much money I never thought there could be a downside.
I was an absolute idiot.
And when I got out of the business, I lost all of that monetary stability. My mom almost lost her house. My brother was going to have to move to a state-run facility. I couldn’t have that. So, while Adam, Jeremy, and I were building our firm’s name, I started stripping again. Only this time I was doing it under a cloak of anonymity. I had a friend—another one of Tiffany’s boys who had decided to leave her to employ around the same time I did and was a whiz with technology—build me a secure website where I could offer my services. He taught me how to hide my IP address. How to blur my face. How to stay under the radar so that no one would ever know who I was.
I was able to start once again earning the kind of money I had become used to. Sure, it wasn’t on the level it had been when I worked for Tiffany, but it was a start. I became a cam-boy. And while performing over the internet didn’t quite provide the thrill of dancing in person, it was good enough. And I was able to take care of my family. Which was the most important thing of all.
If people knew, they’d probably wonder why I didn’t find another way to make money that didn’t involve letting strangers ogle my junk for five-hundred dollars a go. I’d say to them, you find me a job that gives me the flexibility to make that kind of money on my downtime.
But it was a secret. My secret. And one that I didn’t plan to ever share with anyone. I guess that made me a little mysterious. Slightly reclusive. Jeremy and Adam joked about how boring I was. How I never went out on the weekend. How I was always the first to go home from a party. If they only knew that all those times I bowed out of going to the bar it was so I could go home and show my cock to women for money.
I almost wanted to tell Wyatt, just to see the shock on his face. That maybe boring Robert Jenkins wasn’t so boring after all.
But they could never know. No one could ever know.
Living a double life had the unexpected consequence of not being able to really get involved with someone on an emotional level. Because how could I tell a potential girlfriend that I couldn’t see them on the weekends because I had to take my clothes off for other people? I didn’t think too many women would be okay with that.
That is what ruined whatever had been building between me and Skylar. And that was the one major part of this that really sucked because I liked Skylar Murphy. I really did.
It had been a long time since I had felt that stirring in my gut toward someone else. I had closed myself to the idea of a romantic relationship with anyone. Emotional complications had no place in my life. I had my hands full with work and with taking care of Mom and Sam. And after everything that went down with Tiffany—well, I wasn’t going to risk opening myself to anyone in that way. I wasn’t going to let my heart be someone’s plaything ever again.
But Skylar had come out of nowhere. This beautiful, ridiculously smart woman took no shit from anyone. Her dry sense of humor meshed perfectly with mine. My awkwardness worked perfectly with her standoffishness. She had been hurt; I could see that from the very start. I should have backed off. I should have kept things friendly. I should have made sure nothing happened between us.
I didn't expect to come to care for her. To want to share myself with her.
She slipped under my skin before I realized she was there, and it took everything
for me not to spill my guts to her. I couldn’t. I had conditioned myself to keep things close to the chest. I was a man with two separate lives and I couldn't let those lives intersect. Not even once.
Skylar had quickly grown tired of my evasive bullshit. There was only so deep two people could go when one of them wouldn’t share more than their favorite color or what movies they watch. I wanted to tell her about Sam. About Mom. About how hard it was to take care of everyone. But I couldn’t.
I didn’t trust that Skylar would want to stick around once she saw the man that existed below the surface. That he was a guy who barely kept things together. That he wasn’t the confident, controlled person he projected to the world.
Tiffany had destroyed my trust in all things.
Most of all myself.
My phone buzzed with a notification from my website. Someone had messaged me asking for a dance. They were willing to pay considerably more than the usual $500 fee. I checked the time. I had to be at Adam and Meg’s in a couple of hours.
I started to feel the fizzing in my veins that slipping into my alternate personality gave me. I had time for one more dance. Especially for the kind of money they were offering.
I headed back to the room I reserved for filming and set up my laptop. I turned on the ring light and positioned myself in front of the camera. I remembered to mute the client this time. I never invited conversation during my dances. This wasn’t about chit-chat and getting to know each other. This was about the money they gave me to show them my body.
I blurred my face, but also standing in a way that they couldn’t make out much above the neck. Most people didn’t care about what I looked like; they just wanted my skin. My muscles. My cock.
I turned on the music then started the live stream for my new customer. I typed a quick message to them, introducing myself as Jared—the made-up name I had given myself. I asked for theirs. I liked to make it as personal an experience as I could for them. It’s what made them come back for more.
The message came back almost instantly.
Call me Darling.
Huh. Okay, they didn’t want me to use their real name either. That was fine by me.
I started dancing, slow and steady. “Do you like this, Darling?” I rasped as I started to remove my shirt.
Then I let myself disappear for a while.
**
“Sorry I’m late,” I apologized, handing Adam a bottle of red wine.
Adam held the door open for me and I stepped inside the home he shared with his wife and son. “I was starting to get worried. If there’s anything Robert Jenkins is known for, it’s punctuality,” Adam teased.
“I was working on the Cambridge deposition. I lost all track of time,” I lied effortlessly.
Adam rolled his eyes. “Dude, you really need to learn when to have a break. All work and no play makes Robert a dull boy.”
I gave him a strained laugh. “All play and no work makes you Jeremy Wyatt.”
Adam chuckled and clasped me on the shoulder. “Well played, my friend. Come on, I’m just getting the meat on the grill. This will probably be the last decent weekend of the year, so I went all out. I have enough food to feed an army, so I hope you brought your appetite.”
“I could quite literally eat a horse,” I told him honestly. I was starving. The show had gone for much longer than they usually did. After the first thirty minutes, the customer messaged offering me more money. A lot more money. They wanted a different kind of show. One that I didn’t offer unless it was to a regular client. But the payment was due for Sam’s residential facility in two weeks. And Mom’s mortgage had yet to be paid for the month. The anonymous customer offered five thousand dollars.
So, I took them up on it. All they wanted was to watch me masturbate.
I laid on the floor and thought about Skylar. It was the easiest five grand I had ever made in my life.
“Good. What’s this?” Adam asked, indicating the bakery box in my hand.
“It’s Tiramisu cake from the Dandelion Bakery downtown,” I told him.
“Oh, you’re about to become Skylar’s favorite person. She would live off this stuff if you let her.” Adam took the box as we headed toward the back of the house to the patio.
“I know,” I said without thinking. Adam gave me a funny look but didn’t say anything. He was a good friend but was pretty much oblivious to anything that didn’t involve his work or his family. He knew that I had spent quite a bit of time with Skylar a few months ago but had never really questioned me about it. He had never known me to date in all the years we had been friends. He and Jeremy asked me several times if I were gay, that they would be perfectly fine if I was, but that they hoped I’d be open to telling them if they were.
I had assured them that if I were into guys, they’d be the first I’d tell.
We walked through the kitchen out to the back yard where I could see Adam’s massive grill smoking. Meg and Sky were playing with Tyler on the swing set. Both women looked up as we arrived.
“He finally showed up. I guess I can call off the search team,” Adam announced, setting the cake down on the patio table.
Meg came over immediately and gave me a long, strawberry-scented hug. “You look tired. You need to take better care of yourself,” she lectured. Adam’s wife was one of those people who worried about everyone else all the time. Being a single guy living on my own, she seemed to think I lived off Ramen noodles. She didn’t seem to believe me when I told her that I often cooked meals for myself and that I actually enjoyed it.
“The man doesn’t know when to stop, Meg. He works more than I do,” Adam quipped, grabbing a beer from the cooler and popped the top. He handed it to me, which I accepted gratefully. I noticed that Skylar hadn’t joined us. She continued to push Adam and Meg’s son on the swing, higher and higher as he squealed in delight.
“Well, no shop talk tonight you two. I think it’s wonderful that you all are so invested in your jobs, but it’s a little boring to those outside of the lawyer circle,” Meg said, making a face.
“Fine. But you and Skylar are forbidden from discussing that reality dating show the two of you are addicted to,” Adam warned.
Meg stuck out her tongue at her husband before turning back to me and looping her arm with mine. “Come with me and say hi to Skylar.” She pulled me along toward her friend.
“Sky and Tyler, look who's here!” Meg called out.
Her son flailed his chubby arms in greeting and Skylar gave me a halfhearted wave.
The tension radiating between us was so noticeable I was surprised Adam and Meg weren’t commenting on it.
“It’s been a while since the two of you hung out, right?” Meg asked. Skylar glared at her and I got the impression that Meg would get an earful later. Adam’s wife gave a “what?” look to her friend.
“Yeah, it’s been a few months. By the way, Sky, I got that Bruce Lee box set finally,” I said, trying to make small talk, wanting to bridge the gap between us in any way that I could.
“Oh yeah? That took a long time to get here.” Skylar went back to pushing Tyler on the swing, her back to me. She wasn’t going to make conversation between us easy, that’s for sure.
I was a bad conversationalist at the best of times, so this was looking to go down as well as a lead balloon. “Yeah,” was all I could think of to say.
Meg looked between me and Skylar, a funny look on her face. “You two are a barrel of fun,” she laughed, shaking her head.
“We could talk about gardening if you like. I know how much Rob loves his gardening,” Skylar retorted sarcastically.
“Hey, there’s nothing wrong with nicely manicured flower beds. Actually, I was thinking of putting an English-style garden in my front yard. I found this really nice fountain at Home Depot.” Skylar and Meg both looked at me with amusement. Well, it was better than Sky’s scorn.
“Is Rob talking about that fountain again?” Adam asked, coming over to join us. “Just buy the thin
g already. I’m sick of hearing about it,” he complained.
“It’s a lot of money. I have to make sure it fits into the aesthetic of the house.” My love of gardening was an ongoing joke to my partners, but I didn’t let it get to me. I liked what I liked.
“Don’t give him such a hard time, Adam. Look what he did with our rose bushes. They’re beautiful!” Meg indicated the four bushes lining the fence. They had been near death when she asked me to come and have a look at them. Over the summer, I came over periodically to tend to them and eventually they bounced back better than ever.
“I’m not giving him a hard time. I respect a man and his hobbies,” Adam defended. He clasped my shoulder. “Our Rob is a hands-on kind of guy.”
Skylar’s eyes met mine briefly. And I wondered if she was thinking of the same memory I was.
**
I stood on her doorstep nervously waiting for her to answer. I felt like a kid on his first date. But this wasn’t a date. She didn’t even know I was coming. What the hell was wrong with me?
I had been spending more and more time with Skylar. She was easy to be around. She made me laugh. We liked the same food. The same movies. Our friendship had evolved naturally into something that was starting to feel like more.
That could be a problem, but I felt unable to stop it. I didn’t want to stop it.
The door opened and she stood there, looking a little bewildered at the sight of me. She was wearing torn jeans and a faded t-shirt. She was obviously not wearing a bra and I tried not to stare at her prominent nipples. Her dark hair was held up in a sloppy bun on the top of her head, with half of it falling around her face. She looked fucking beautiful.
“Rob? What are you doing here?” She wiped her forehead with the back of her hand. Her face was flushed, and she seemed out of breath.
“I brought you this.” I held out the potted plant. “Am I interrupting something?”
She took the plant and gave me a tired smile. “I’m moving the furniture around in my living room. I can’t seem to make up my mind how I want it to look, so I’ve changed it five times now and nothing looks right. I’m exhausted.” She held up the plant. “Thank you for this. It’s very thoughtful of you.”
Say You're Mine: An Enemies to Lovers Romance (Southport Love Stories Book 4) Page 7
